r/nottheonion Jun 30 '22 Starstruck 1 Silver 2

Trump's 'girth would prevent him from actually getting to the steering wheel' of his SUV, former Secret Service agent says: 'I don't see this president ever being able to do that. Ever'

https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-girth-suv-secret-service-cassidy-hutchinson-january-6-2022-6
36.4k Upvotes

6.3k

u/mk_pnutbuttercups Jun 30 '22 Gold

Is this a case of TOO BIG TO SUCCEED?

2.8k

u/Lax_Ligaments Jun 30 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy

Too big to flail

1.8k

u/fakeprewarbook Jun 30 '22 Silver Gold Wholesome Seal of Approval

if the chub don’t fit, you must acquit

140

u/YouAreDreaming Jun 30 '22

Too Girthy to be worthy

100

u/Socksandcandy Jun 30 '22

Too fat to steer that

16

u/patsfan038 Jul 01 '22

Too big to be a small pig

12

u/iRombe Jul 01 '22

Too much pudgeness to fit his royal smudgeness.

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u/alex494 Jul 01 '22 Giggle

Too much weight to litigate

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u/Khaldara Jun 30 '22

“The subcutaneous wall of fat just got six inches thicker!”

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u/jerseyanarchist Jun 30 '22

well, he was all about big walls

154

u/Dripdry42 Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

I've got big walls,

Oh I've got big walls

I've got big walls,

DIRTY big walls,

And he's got big walls,

And SHE'S got big walls,

But trump's got the biggest walls of them all!

31

u/Ophukk Jun 30 '22

Pretty sure your walls only bounce to the right.

13

u/YogSothosburger Jul 01 '22

And the only ones cumming are the males.

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u/PaulBunyanisfromMI Jun 30 '22

The fact that this is the point of her testimony being most disputed is what makes me realize how legit her testimony was. And how screwed the donald is.

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u/E4Soletrain Jun 30 '22

Not just that.

They're obviously dodging.

Nobody said he successfully got the wheel. He "lunged for it."

He also didn't get his comically lilliputian kitten mittens around the agent's neck, he lunged for him. So when they say he "didn't choke an agent" they're technically correct.

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u/Odeeum Jun 30 '22

Bingo. This is what they seized on saying "the president did not grab the steering wheel"

Right...that's what she said...he lunged for it.

203

u/Stompedyourhousewith Jun 30 '22

"he didn't kill him! he just shot bullets at him but missed! see innocent!" -republicans

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u/pinkyepsilon Jun 30 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

See, when I heard these lines when listening online the other day, I envisioned Bilbo Baggins’ face changing and lunging for the ring around Frodos neck in Lord of the Rings.

36

u/TheChunkMaster Jul 01 '22

That scene was nightmare fuel.

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u/Huskarlar Jul 01 '22

They've been doing "...but it was a failed coup so its fine." since the 6th.

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u/sillybear25 Jul 01 '22

I had someone unironically make this argument when I pointed out all the incidents of right-wing violence. "But hardly anyone actually died. That's all you have?" Fucker seriously tried to pull the "attempted chemistry" argument. Bet he wouldn't be so unconcerned if he was the victim of attempted murder.

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u/TzedekTirdof Jul 01 '22

“We didn’t overthrow the country, either! We only tried to!”

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u/Ok-Neck4374 Jul 01 '22

“We only got stopped because the President had too many KFC buckets and got stuck over the center console trying to grab the steering wheel.”

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u/savngtheworld Jul 01 '22

Not the only thing he failed to steal control of on January 6th I see.

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u/Thoughtofajoke Jun 30 '22

"He wasn't told that a shitload of rallygoers had legitimate weapons, and then tell security to remove metal detectors, and then give a speech whipping up the crowd, and telling them to go to the capitol to stop the peaceful transfer of power."

-nobody

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u/pecklepuff Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

Do I remember correctly reading yesterday that Hutchinson received thinly veiled threats about her testimony, also? Like someone from Trump's corner told her that it would "benefit her to stay on the good side of Trumpworld"? Maybe I hallucinated that, but I swear I read an article about them trying to discredit her because threatening her didn't work.

This woman has nerves of steel, balls of magma, and the heart of a lion, I'll tell you that! I hope she stays safe!

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u/lucash7 Jun 30 '22

There are reports it wasn’t just her receiving the threats and such. Multiple people allegedly.

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u/mully_and_sculder Jun 30 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

Yeah the hearings focussed on that in the last few days iirc. Very clear mob style threats in writing, which could amount construction to obstruction of justice.

Edit:Apparently "tobstruction" autocorrects to "construction".

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u/lucash7 Jun 30 '22

I think you man obstruction of justice. Though if there's construction work, let me know, as one of my brothers is in that field and between jobs. ;~)

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u/dak4ttack Jun 30 '22

Construction of justice is what batman does, not construction workers (we'll, except when they're chasing down phone thieves).

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u/pecklepuff Jun 30 '22

Yes, I remember reading that, that others were intimidated. Also that the Senate Republicans threatened Garland with impeachment if he charged Trump. Wouldn't be surprised if they threatened Garland's life or his family, too. What an absolute shit show!

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u/lucash7 Jun 30 '22

A shit show indeed. Feels like we've been on a runaway train that has only gotten faster as the days and months go by.

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u/Delta3897 Jun 30 '22

Welcome to America! Home of the free land of the corrupt

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u/fromthewombofrevel Jun 30 '22

You might be free for now, but I’m a woman. My kind just got sent back to 1972, headed for 1958.

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u/Delta3897 Jul 01 '22

I know and that honestly pisses me off even more, a corrupt president was able to make these decisions that affected everyone else . You know rich women will still get abortions . And the hypocritical religious zealots who say a woman should only have sex for reproduction are the same ones that are committing adultery. Then forcing women to get abortions . Hell I'm black I'm just waiting for them to send us back to the Jim Crow era.

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u/Funkyokra Jun 30 '22

Seriously, it could be someone who is not high up in Trump world. There are some fuckin' scary lunatics who are dug in to defend him.

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u/TraditionalMood277 Jul 01 '22

Including the very same secret service agent his orangeness tried to assault.....

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u/Impressive-Offer-404 Jul 01 '22

Love how the threats are about being loyal vs just tell the truth.

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u/TheBossClark Jun 30 '22

It was in her Hutchinsons testimony, Liz Cheney said during regular questioning they ask if anyone has reached out regarding the testimony and she said that's what one person reached out and told her, I forget who.

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u/pecklepuff Jun 30 '22

Oh, okay. Thanks. So it's straight from her mouth, under oath to the committee. Wow, holy shit. Who knows who else actually did fall to the threats and wouldn't testify as a result. Probably never know.

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u/Midwake Jun 30 '22

Right. Let’s just forget about the fact that he said ditch the mags, they ain’t here to hurt me.

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u/Iamanimite Jun 30 '22

Donald's tiny hands couldn't find or choke his chicken.

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u/AwkwrdPrtMskrt Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

I had my doubts when the Secret Service guy disputed the lunge claim, but after more thoughts it's clear that:

  1. In Cass' testimony the guy told her the story of Trump lunging at the wheel and choking him. He could have lied to her or denied the claim.

  2. If Trump actually did lunge and choke, he didn't have to successfully choke the Secret Serviceman or lunge at the wheel. He clearly had the intent to go lead his riot, so it's understated that he would want to get there, hook or crook.

  3. Cass' other testimonies about Trump throwing food onto the walls and letting rioters bring weapons to his rally and riot are firsthand, unlike the lunge story. These are easily corroborated with a long list of Trump's violent tendencies and childish behaviour.

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u/fromthewombofrevel Jun 30 '22

Yup. Knowing the crowd was well armed and insisting they be allowed into his space without surrendering said weapons because they weren’t after HIM, ordering that mob to go to the Capitol (WITH those weapons), and throwing a hissy fit because he couldn’t be there to lead the assault tells us everything we need to know.

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u/vale_fallacia Jun 30 '22

I wonder what the situation would have been like if he had been there to "encourage" everyone.

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u/happyneandertal Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

The thing that saved democracy is his unwillingness to walk two miles. Pvt. Bonespurs indeed

Edit: a werd

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u/Saranightfire1 Jul 01 '22

Here’s the biggest thing, and I am NOT a Secret Service agent but a lot of this is common sense.

Trump by many claims wanted to lead the mob. He wanted to be the leader who overthrew the government.

The thing is: The Secret Service allow the president to control the situation until they decide the person they’re protecting life is in danger.

As soon as that happens, it doesn’t matter what happens. It doesn’t matter where they are or the situation or who is hurt or dead. They have one priority: Get the person to the White House or Camp David and keep them there unless they’re hurt or wounded. Then it goes into Code Blue and it’s to the nearest hospital specifically trained to handle this.

The person being protected has no say. They can scream, threaten, abuse and try to hurt them as much as they want. They don’t care, their focused on his/her safety.

The fact there’s an armed mob trying to overthrow the government and have clearly made it certain they’re going to maim if not kill people very close to the White House makes it a point where their priorities take over the president.

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u/gornzilla Jun 30 '22

This take from the Secret Service is being pushed by Anthony Ornato. He's a Secret Service dude who was promoted by Trump by being a Yes Man. I'm up for changing my stance if Ornato were to state his opinion under oath. He says he will, but he hasn't testified yet.

In the meantime, the GQP pushes this Trump's Too Fat opinion like a mini-Benghazi.

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u/Rosieapples Jun 30 '22

I sincerely, truly, deeply, fundamentally and with every molecule, fat and otherwise, of my overfed under active body I hope you’re right.

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u/spaceman60 Jun 30 '22

Yep, if that's the only part that he can contest, he's screwed.

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u/The_Monarch_Lives Jun 30 '22

Its because its the most tenuous part. It was a relayed story from another persons perspective told to her after the fact. Though i dont really doubt it is fundamentally true knowing all we know about Trump, if they can prove any part of it is mistaken or exagerated they think they can salvage a "See, shes just making it all up!".

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u/chevymonza Jun 30 '22

I texted my conservative father to tell him he needs to watch the hearings. "All democrats do is lie anyway!" he said. "It's a republican testifying," I told him. He asked what channel. No idea if he made it that far.

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u/ammobox Jun 30 '22

Unfortunately, just like my dad, he will call them a RINO and write them off as paid by Soros for their false testimony.

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u/chevymonza Jun 30 '22

Just emailed my dad the meme showing the Fox anchors' lies about 1/6, in their own words. He'll say "well the MSM lies too" but the difference is I can usually detect the bullshit from other "news" channels.

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u/Funkyokra Jun 30 '22

I can't tell you how many times I have heard or read some Trumper say "What you'll never hear from MSM is that X-democrat did something, they lie!" and I will have just 5 min before seen a story on CNN on NY Times saying "X-democrat did something wrong".

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u/403Verboten Jul 01 '22

The Democrats crucified Al Franken because he was accused of sexual misconduct and it was covered on all the networks including obviously MSNBC and CNN. Yet republican senators have been accused of sexual misconduct with minors and they can not only keep their seats but can run for and possibly become president. It's absolutely crazy when people say the left doesn't cover negative press about the left, that's a straight, disprovable lie.

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u/hurtsdonut_ Jun 30 '22

but fox news is the largest mainstream media channel

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u/chevymonza Jun 30 '22

Exactly, they never seem to know that.

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u/ayriuss Jun 30 '22

no TRUE Republican would oppose the Qult leader.

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u/willflameboy Jun 30 '22

All democrats do is lie anyway!

Well in that case, they're all committing crime, aren't they. You'd think he'd want to see that.

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u/jpop237 Jun 30 '22

The Twinkies Defense

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u/DrSueuss Jun 30 '22

So he is trying to use the "Fat Ass Defense"? He might as well use the "Chewbacca Defense"

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u/traker998 Jul 01 '22

If the glove doesn’t fit…..

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u/Mordikhan Jul 01 '22

But also the anecdote was that he tried and didnt succeed hence he ended up at the white house and not where he wanted to go so disproves nothing

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4.9k

u/infinit9 Jun 30 '22 Take My Energy

Anyone who wants to offer a contradictory story should do it under oath in front of the Congress.

2.4k

u/doubled2319888 Jun 30 '22

This really isnt even all that contradictory though, just because he couldnt fit through doesnt mean he wouldnt try to squeeze through like a tube of cookie dough

1.3k

u/dragonchilde Jun 30 '22

That's what I was thinking. No one said he was successful. I can see him lunging, failing to reach it because he's a fatass, and grabbing the SS agent's throat instead from behind his seat.

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u/Meihem76 Jun 30 '22

USSS*

I believe they get touchy about being called the SS. Some sort of historical thing.

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u/TheGlassCat Jun 30 '22

Trump's real SS was back at the Willard Hotel.

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u/MassiveFajiit Jun 30 '22

I don't know how I'd feel if I were him being among usss

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u/thecwestions Jun 30 '22

What? It doesn't stand for Shirley's Sandwiches???

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u/ninjabortles Jun 30 '22

Slightly related, but there is a popular t-shirt brand called Simply Southern. They all have an SS logo on them. My wife's family all love them, and don't see why it is problematic.

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u/ItsTheManFromScene24 Jun 30 '22

I just looked it up. There's no way in hell they don't know what they're doing.

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u/ninjabortles Jun 30 '22

I was just looking more into it and it is so close to the Thule Society symbol it is wild.

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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '22

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u/KiloJools Jun 30 '22

I assumed that he lunged for it but his arm got grabbed by the agent. That's how it was expressed as far as I have read of the transcripts.

Just cause he was told to keep his hands off the steering wheel doesn't mean he successfully grabbed it.

Though the dude has anger issues so who knows. I've seen people do things I would normally assume they can't, just because they're fired up enough.

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u/Notarussianbot2020 Jun 30 '22

Cassidy: Trump tried to grab the steering wheel and when confronted, lunged for Engel's throat.

Non-testifying liars on Trump's payroll: Trump never grabbed the steering wheel or choked Mr. Engel.

...OK but she didn't say any of that lol

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u/fromthewombofrevel Jun 30 '22

She said “clavicles” not throat.

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u/vale_fallacia Jun 30 '22

So he was just getting theoretical on those terries clavicles?

Next he'll have to draxx thlem sklounx.

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u/Genuinevil Jun 30 '22

Its not even about saying he was successful, in her testimony she explicitly stated that he failed, he "lunged for it and the SS agent forcefully grabbed his wrist and told him to sit down" (paraphrasing). That was the point when he grabbed for the agents neck.

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u/swill128 Jun 30 '22

Also, the whole point of that story, which has not been refuted by people who were there, is that the president knew

1) people were armed

2) going to the capitol would make him liable for all sorts of crime

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u/PinkThunder138 Jun 30 '22

Right? Clearly he WASN'T successful because he neither made it to the capitol nor crashed. What a dumb counter argument this whole thing is.

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u/prisoner_007 Jun 30 '22

It’s even less contradictory than that because the account was just that he lunged for the steering wheel, not that he got anywhere near it when he did.

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u/joshTheGoods Jun 30 '22

That's incorrect. Here's what Hutchinson said:

Tony described him as being irate. The president said something to the effect of I'm the f'ing president, take me up to the Capitol now, to which Bobby responded, sir, we have to go back to the West Wing. The president reached up towards the front of the vehicle to grab at the steering wheel. Mr. Engel grabbed his arm, said, sir, you need to take your hand off the steering wheel.

I personally think that Ornato was telling an exaggerated version of the story to Hutchinson, and that's why there's now pushback. The pushback is a distraction, though ... the key part of the story isn't in dispute: that Trump wanted to go to the capitol in person and lead the crowd he knew to be armed.

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u/sagevallant Jun 30 '22

Yeah. He couldn't reach the wheel so he went after the SS guy instead, was my understanding.

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u/Mrpooney83 Jun 30 '22

yeah this is my thought. just because he couldn't reach it doesn't mean he didn't try

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u/RogueOneWasOkay Jun 30 '22

“Ladies and gentlemen of the court there is no way this fat piece of shit could have grabbed the steering wheel”

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u/headphonescomputer Jun 30 '22

Her story is not that Trump reached for the wheel, but that somebody told her Trump reached for the wheel. There's no contradiction.

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u/blueblarg Jun 30 '22

Also there should be a big reminder warning that this is an inconsequential detail compared to everything else she said that isn't being disputed.

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u/wartortle87 Jun 30 '22

Hutchinson: "and that's when the president said it was okay if the vice president was captured and hung".

Everyone else: "so this ketchup on the wall, what brand was it?"

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u/Faultylogic83 Jul 01 '22

right wing media Actually it was catsup.

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u/ActuallyAkiba Jul 01 '22

THANK YOU

He went for the wheel. Why does this matter? Call it irrelevant and move on to the next part

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u/kalingred Jun 30 '22

Also doesn't say he was successful at reaching it.

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u/pecklepuff Jun 30 '22

They likely won't go under oath to say this. In Britain, what they're doing is known as a "whispering campaign."

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u/subject_deleted Jun 30 '22

Amen. Until such time as it is contradicted under oath, the claims of a falsehood are meaningless. We have one statement under oath, and one statement passed around on social media. These dont share the same amount of credibility...

But to hear r/conservative talk about it, the claim has been thoroughly and completely debunked by the mere suggestion that it didn't happen. Starting to think those folks aren't very intellectually honest.. A shame they shadow banned me for casually mentioning things like that. Anything to protect the echo chamber.

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u/tbird83ii Jun 30 '22

And, she didn't say he did it. She said "this is what Tony told me".

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2.6k

u/thewalrusispaul Jun 30 '22 Platinum Wholesome

Donald Plump

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u/usmcplz Jun 30 '22

No way is Plump only 250 pounds.

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u/_Reliten_ Jun 30 '22

Hey come on that Navy 2-star who was drunk all the time said that he was 239 pounds. And 6'3, and those things are both obviously true.

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u/edythbunker Jun 30 '22

Yeah that dude was a joke

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u/dusmeyedin Jul 01 '22

The whole medical report read like a forged report card from a 6 year old.

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u/Rugged_as_fuck Jun 30 '22

If he was missing a leg he'd still be over 250.

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u/Airway Jun 30 '22

Wait is that what he claims to weigh?

Lmfao. Reminds me of Kim Jong Il claiming he doesn't poop.

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u/FancyFeller Jun 30 '22

I'm 5'10 and 237. I'm way less round than that man. At 250 and above 6 ft tall like he pretends to be, he would be less of a meatball. I'm still pretty fat and hope to drop to 180 as a decent weight.

It's insane tho that he's not just lying to us and hoping we believe it, but he's lying to himself and he probably fully believes it.

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u/Comfortable-Face-244 Jul 01 '22

Donald is the same height I am, at least he claims to be, and he looked like I did when I was at 360.

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u/theqofcourse Jun 30 '22

Donald Klump

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u/Giblet_ Jun 30 '22 Gold All-Seeing Upvote

The testimony was that he tried to get to the steering wheel. It wasn't that he succeeded and managed to wreck the vehicle.

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u/cowinkurro Jun 30 '22

Not even that - the testimony is that she was told a story that he tried to. Whether he did or not is irrelevant to whether she told the truth that she was told he did.

And it's not really important. What matters, and what no one has disputed, is that he wanted to get to the Capitol that day and he knew they were armed. He wanted to lead the coup.

Focusing on this tiny, irrelevant detail is just a sad attempt to distract from those statements that no one is willing to dispute even off the record.

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u/mntgoat Jun 30 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

And it's not really important. What matters, and what no one has disputed, is that he wanted to get to the Capitol that day and he knew they were armed. He wanted to lead the coup

Thank you for pointing that out. Is like everyone latched on to the least important part of the entire hearings.

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u/MonstrousVoices Jun 30 '22

I've noticed when arguing conservatives will ignore the big picture over small insignificant details in order to poke holes

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u/Iztac_xocoatl Jun 30 '22

It’s about giving the impression that they’re right, or in this case that the other side is wrong. It’s never about debate or finding truth to them. It’s a performance. Search Alt Right Playbook on YouTube for a decent summary of their tactics, though it’s not exclusive to the right.

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u/haysanatar Jun 30 '22

The testimony was that she HEARD that he tried to get the steering wheel. She wasn't there, she heard it from someone else.

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u/Gingevere Jun 30 '22

And there's this footage.

It seems to line up with the story.

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u/sc_140 Jun 30 '22

Which pixel should I be looking at?

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u/wafflesareforever Jun 30 '22

Either I'm blind or everyone else is way better at seeing shit in grainy videos

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u/crunchypuddle Jul 01 '22

FR though this is like looking at bigfoot footage.

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u/belpatca2 Jun 30 '22

The “he is too fat to be evil” defense!

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u/littlestghoust Jun 30 '22

Sounds like someone hasn't seen the new Dune movie!

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u/Tastewell Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

I've always thought Trump gave off major Baron Harkonnen vibes.

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u/brotherenigma Jun 30 '22

At least the Baron was smart.

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u/Anonymouslyyours2 Jun 30 '22

Yeah much more the Beast Rabban.

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u/Mikeavelli Jun 30 '22

If you told me Trump installed heartplugs into his servants so he could yank them out and watch them bleed to death, I might actually believe you.

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u/EvidenceOfInnocence Jun 30 '22

If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit.

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u/BizzyM Jun 30 '22

"He is too fat to be successful"

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u/BoyEatsDrumMachine Jun 30 '22

“The steering wheel is covered in thick Corinthian leather — the president’s tiny hands couldn’t possibly fit around that, much less an agent’s neck. We rest our case! This proves there was no quid pro quo, no sharpie-gate, & most of all no election tampering.”

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u/RichCorinthian Jun 30 '22

I feel suddenly relevant.

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u/tjsase Jun 30 '22

Now don't touch, THIS is Corinthian Leather

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u/Velorium_Camper Jun 30 '22

Grab them by the upussolstery

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u/_Reliten_ Jun 30 '22

Sharpie-gate is peak TFG absurdity for me. I still CANNOT believe they literally sharpie-d an official NOAA publication on the Resolute Desk right before the President went on-air to issue a hurricane warning.

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u/DrDemonSemen Jun 30 '22

For me, Sharpie-gate is a close second to the Four Seasons Landscaping event.

Somebody realized what had happened at some point before the event and convinced everyone to just go with it.

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u/LittleKitty235 Jul 01 '22

Before they event happened the local news reported it was going to be held at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping and I assumed the news station screwed it up. How this mistake wasn't caught goes beyond incompetence, I have to believe they were actually just trolling us for their own Lolz.

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u/RuneanPrincess Jun 30 '22

Have people never seen a vehicle before? The steering wheel is not so far from the back seat that you can't reach through. No one ever claimed he squeezed his whole body through and was in the front.

This is a classic bad faith Motte and Bailey argument.

The original argument is that he reached through to attempt to make the driver go to a different place. His supporters deny it, but the testimony is overwhelming so they back up to a much more defendable position that his whole body cannot fit. Don't fall for that.

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u/Brru Jun 30 '22

the point is you're now talking about this and not that.

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u/oldcoldbellybadness Jun 30 '22

They literally just talked about that and this

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u/donorcycle Jun 30 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

The thing is, he wasn’t in The Beast (Cadillac Limo version). You can see it in the Jan6th vids - they were in the Suburban.

I’d have trouble seeing how he could lunge for the wheel in the Caddy limo but in the Suburban? It’s possible.

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u/Grim_Rebel Jun 30 '22

Both versions are actually called The Beast. Kinda like Air Force One is a moniker for 2 different planes.

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u/icematt12 Jun 30 '22

Isn't AF1 any plane the serving POTUS is on? Not just the flying fortress(es).

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u/Analbox Jun 30 '22

Yes. If he’s on an Air Forces puddle jumper or blimp that’s Air Force one. If he’s on AF dragon that’s Air Force one.

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u/godspareme Jun 30 '22

If I give him a piggyback, am I Air Force One?

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u/Grim_Rebel Jun 30 '22 Wholesome Wearing is Caring

No, that just makes you a Russian prostitute.

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u/godspareme Jun 30 '22

LOL ouch

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u/SomeRandomPyro Jun 30 '22

God may have spared you, but u/Grim_Rebel had other plans.

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u/se7en41 Jun 30 '22

Lmao last coins I had, sorry the award isn't relevant.

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u/ChronicallyCoping Jun 30 '22

Sir/Ma'am, I am on a zoom call and popped blood vessels trying to keep my composure while reading this. Good work.

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u/BowwwwBallll Jun 30 '22

Just how strong ARE you?

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u/godspareme Jun 30 '22

Going for Atlas status

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u/The84thWolf Jun 30 '22

No, makes you the strongest and greasiest man in the world. Grease from your rider to clarify

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u/xraygun2014 Jun 30 '22

If you gave him a piggyback, you'd be Spinal Discord

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u/Analbox Jun 30 '22

Only if you’re an official air force pig that can fly.

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u/FMRL_1 Jun 30 '22

Yup, Free hernia too!

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u/lordridan Jun 30 '22

Air Force puddle jumper

I thought we were calling it a Gateship?

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u/_Reliten_ Jun 30 '22

I mean, it's a ship that goes through the gate!

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u/cantfindmykeys Jun 30 '22

Found Rodney McKay's reddit account

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u/grambell789 Jun 30 '22

If he's on a marine helicopter its Marine 1.

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u/Grim_Rebel Jun 30 '22

Technically yes, any plane with the president on it will be called Air Force 1. But the current standard uses the name to refer to one of 2 specific highly specialized 747s. Source: The white house website.

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u/Navydevildoc Jun 30 '22

Any Air Force plane. When he is on an aircraft flown by other services, they use their names.

When GW Bush flew out to USS Lincoln for the “mission accomplished” speech, his F-18 was called “Navy One”.

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u/L-methionine Jun 30 '22

Southwest One

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u/sgerbicforsyth Jun 30 '22

Any Air Force plane the President is on gains the callsign Air Force One.

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u/manbearcolt Jun 30 '22

All you guys care about is the vehicle he was in, and yet no concern for the 10% of that poor Secret Service agent's neck he could get his tiny little hands around. This is what's wrong with the world today, nobody cares!

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u/curious_dead Jun 30 '22 Take My Energy Narwhal Salute 'MURICA
  1. As long as it's not under oath, it's not as credible as Hutchinson's testimony.
  2. She mentioned he tried. He didn't need to be able to, just able to try.
  3. She didn't say she was a direct witness, she was told this story, so proving the story false would only prove that whoever told her the story was wrong or lying; it doesn't necessarily means she lied.
  4. These people are incredibly loyal to Trump, they were replaced when Biden became president, so of course take everything they say with a grain of salt. These people needed to be willing to take a bullet for Trumpty Dumpty.
  5. ETA: Most importantly, DON'T LET THIS STORY DISTRACT YOU FROM THE MORE IMPORTANT POINTS, which are that he knew traitors were armed, he wanted to let them through, said they didn't need to be searched because they weren't gonna hurt HIM, and he wanted to join them. Those are the important points. That he tried to choke a Secret Service agent or threw a plate on the walls are just details.

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u/pecklepuff Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

Right? I don't fucking care about the stupid "lunging" story. They've successfully made it a distraction story. But when she testified that he wanted to let armed intruders into a building full of government officials, oh my fucking Christ! What the fuck did want them to do, then??

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u/GoTeamScotch Jun 30 '22

Well put.

It is indeed somewhat irrelevant that he lunged for the wheel or tried to choke someone. Obviously, it's bizarre on its own, but it's a detail, like you said.

The events that happened in the SUV to focus on is that he was furious that secret service were preventing him from joining his supporters. He was literally planning on hopping into the SUV and being taken to the capitol so that he could lead his mob of followers to do god-knows-what at the capitol. It wasn't a metaphor. It was a plan that was ultimately stopped. And he had a strong reaction to his plan being thwarted.

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u/tevert Jul 01 '22

The most incredible part to me was the idea that Trump had the guts to actually, for once in his presidency, lead anything

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u/nagonjin Jun 30 '22

Plus you know.. removal of metal detectors, removal of panic buttons, suspicious tours of the grounds, waiting so long to actually intervene, "we love you and you're very special", the plot to drive Pence away, weapon stashes, requests for pardons, the fake elector lists, Ginni Thomas' lobbying, reduced Capitol Police presence on 1/6... The list goes on.

Fascists and morons can debate one or two of these points if they wish, but taken all together these paint a pretty clear picture of the GOP's intent.

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u/goalie_fight Jun 30 '22

He's already tried saying today that he didn't want armed people around him while he's speaking... meanwhile there's video of him at the rally asking security to let "those people" who were outside the perimeter into the secure area. The truth just doesn't matter to him.

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u/usesbitterbutter Jun 30 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

Huh? According to his doctor, Trump was 6'3" and 244lbs at the time. Are you suggesting that Trump's ego is so large that he compelled his doctor to commit malpractice and lie about him not being shorter and morbidly obese?

EDIT: Um... yeah... I'm suggesting that.

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u/Kevinmc479 Jun 30 '22

Big Fat weighs more than 250.

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u/Accidental_Ouroboros Jun 30 '22

Interestingly, as more of the body is taken up by fat rather than muscle, the actual weight of a person will go down for people of a similar size.

For instance, in medicine, I have met people who were around 220, but looked morbidly obese (even larger than trump) based on pure visuals, though they were also a tad shorter.

Now, you only see it to that extreme in people who have experienced significant reduction in mobility and exercise, or have had a long stay immobile in the hospital.

Normally, to move the extra mass around, there has to be some muscle under there to do it. As the muscle is replaced by fat as an individual becomes more and more deconditioned, their weight might actually decrease, but their ability to function also goes down: it becomes more and more difficult for them to get out of chairs, or walk more than a short distance. They are not losing fat when losing weight this way. Muscle is simply being replaced by fat, which weighs less.

So, given the fact that the former Lardass in Chief didn't even consider the option that he could have god damned walked there like his armed rabble did, and his general appearance, it is definitely possible that he only weighs 250 lbs despite looking like an upright manatee in a blond wig.

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u/aneeta96 Jun 30 '22

I don't think that they said he succeeded just that he tried.

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u/icnoevil Jun 30 '22

So, your defense of this act of insurrection, is that he is such a fat ass, he couldn't have done it?

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u/morenewsat11 Jun 30 '22

"It's not impossible, one former Secret Service agent said, but it's not likely for the 6-foot-3, nearly 250-pound Trump, who the agent noted is also "not the most agile human being.""

So chubby and clumsy, not to mention the bone spurs. That said, Trump's history of being unable to judge size might be a reason he tried. 'it was the biggest gap ever'

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u/junkie-xl Jun 30 '22

LMAO..more like 6'0 and 325 pound.

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u/VonRansak Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

Trudeau is 6'2", and taller by a margin than Trump. Melania isn't much if any shorter and she's listed at 5'11" ....

But there's no way he's lying, so it must just be due to the angle that the photographs were taken and the position of the sun in the sky, playing optical illusions on us.

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u/junkie-xl Jun 30 '22

And that's 6'0 with those silly heels he wears.

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u/Flaxatron Jun 30 '22

As a 6'3 250lbs man, let me be the millionth person to call bullshit on Trump weighing "nearly" 250 lbs.

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u/Thatguy468 Jun 30 '22

At 6’4” 248lb I concur with this statement. Trump has to be pushing 280 on a good day.

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u/SupremePooper Jun 30 '22

He couldn't push 280 at gunpoint. Even if it were on wheels.

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u/krennvonsalzburg Jun 30 '22

Yup. I’m 6’3” and 296, and I look thinner than him. By a long shot, and no - I’m not muscular so it isn’t a density thing.

He’s probably 6’ and 325.

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u/doubled2319888 Jun 30 '22

As a 6’1 300lb man i believe he may still have a few pounds on me

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u/MisterPublic Jun 30 '22

300 is also nearly 250

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u/eyekill11 Jun 30 '22

It all depends on the scope. I weigh nearly the same weight as a house cat... when compared to a blue whale.

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u/KnucklesMcGee Jun 30 '22

"250" lb. Riiiiiiight.

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u/Ohrwurm89 Jun 30 '22

Just because he isn’t physically able to do it, doesn’t mean he didn’t try to.

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u/Xyrus2000 Jun 30 '22

Trump is supposedly 6'3". Even though the Count of Rotten Crisco is a tub, he could easily lean forward and make a grab at the steering wheel. He wouldn't need to squeeze his fat *ss through the gap to do it.

I'm 6'4" and have little problem reaching into the front of your typical SUV from the back seat when I need to.

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u/tamadrum32 Jun 30 '22

Still doesn't mean his fat ass didn't try

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u/YoMommaHere Jun 30 '22

So now, Trump either has to admit he did it OR say he is fat (which ain’t a big deal but would be to him). I see what you did there secret service.

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u/AdkRaine11 Jun 30 '22

She didn’t say he succeeded. She said he tried.

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u/just_some_guy65 Jun 30 '22

I don't recall Stormy Daniels being that impressed with his girth.

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u/Brian_Lefebvre Jul 01 '22

Tremendous girth. Nobody has ever seen girth like it. People, all the best people, they come to him and say, “sir,” and they call him sir. “Sir, I’ve never seen such girth.” And they say it very strongly, people.

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u/Griff82 Jun 30 '22

If the gut don’t fit you must acquit!

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u/wriestheart Jun 30 '22

I dunno, I could easily see him flailing one of his little hands at the steering wheel trying to wrestle it from the agent driving, then when the other guy interferes that's when the other hand comes in going for the throat