r/interestingasfuck Aug 13 '22 Wholesome 3 Silver 1 Helpful 1

Fastest way to empty a bottle

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5.6k Upvotes

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290

u/Jeffery_G Aug 13 '22

Straw method is cool and new to me.

As a chef’s apprentice making sauces I would have to drain many bottles of wine into the stockpot at the crucial time and the vortex method was the way to go.

117

u/24204me Aug 13 '22

Vortex method is best method imo. I wash out wine bottles when they're empty at home because fruit flies. Vortex time is best time wheeeee

30

u/ItchyThrowaway135 Aug 13 '22

How does fruits fly and what's the relation with wine bottles?

48

u/DanTheMan7901 Aug 13 '22

if this is unironic, fruit flies are a type of fly that eats fruit, hence they’re attracted to the sweetness of the leftover wine in the bottle.

9

u/ItchyThrowaway135 Aug 13 '22

Ahh I see! I was genuinely confused.

Thank you!

5

u/furryscrotum Aug 14 '22

They actually like rotting fruit, and are attracted to various volatile decomposition products, such as acetic acid and ethanol.

A nice trap for fruit flies is a few mL of water, a few drops of wine or fruit/wine vinegar and a single drop of liquid dish soap.

2

u/JesusForTheWin Aug 17 '22

I did this and had no customers, I had to get rid of them the old fashioned way Wears terminator glasses

21

u/tylerthehun Aug 13 '22

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like wine.

3

u/wahlenderten Aug 13 '22

Unless you’ve already got fruit flies. In which case leaving out a wine bottle with a few drops left works great as a trap.

2

u/HobbyistAccount Aug 13 '22

Personally I'm a fan of the apple cider vinegar and a drop of dishwashing soap method.

3

u/Koda_20 Aug 13 '22

vortex time WHEEEEE

3

u/ttgx1000 Aug 13 '22

Straw method is best for shotgunning beers out of beer bottles.

2

u/rokstedy83 Aug 13 '22

Remember doing this with wkds when I was younger

1

u/GullibleDetective Aug 14 '22

And you don't have to dirty a straw

56

u/MasterFubar Aug 13 '22

The vortex method is faster if you take into account the time spent getting a straw from somewhere.

It's like those infomercials showing a gadget that chops an onion in a single blow. Now see how long it takes to clean all those blades and you'll find that a knife is faster in the end.

22

u/Lord_Moa Aug 13 '22

I know you're not defaming the SlapChop™

12

u/blearghhh_two Aug 13 '22

Fucking slap chop is the absolute worst to clean. Getting the scrubby into the blade is downright dangerous.

2

u/gr1mm5d0tt1 Aug 13 '22

We got a whizzer from Kmart. It’s got the chamber with blades and then a cord similar to a pull start on a lawn mower that you yank. Easier clean, solid results

22

u/efefia Aug 13 '22

As a hardened drinker this has been known to me for years, strawpedo baby!

5

u/SatanicSpambot Aug 13 '22

We called it the "valve" in my country. We tried it once when we were like 17... Never again.

3

u/Ransak_shiz Aug 13 '22

Even faster if you get someone to blow in it

6

u/gonzo5622 Aug 13 '22

Why does this work though? This is new to me too. Is it due to the fact that air can get into the bottle easier?

7

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

2

u/gonzo5622 Aug 13 '22

Thanks! Very nifty and useful.

2

u/HanzoXHanzo Aug 13 '22

Ya that's what I do for stews and stuff at work. Or sometimes I'll empty it into a large receptacle first while the onions or whatever is cooking and then I don't need to worry about it later.

2

u/eggard_stark Aug 14 '22

We used to use the straw method when I was 15, to down bottles of booze. Strawpedo

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/ChartreuseBison Aug 13 '22

In terms of max volume of liquid coming out the mouth of the bottle yes.

However putting a hole in a glass bottle without breaking it would be a massive pain in the ass

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272

u/monksboi Aug 13 '22

Hammer method 2.3 seconds

27

u/TXOgre09 Aug 13 '22

How long if you tip the bottle ~30 deg to let air in and water out smoothly?

How long if you cut a hole in the top once you invert it?

16

u/always_an_explinatio Aug 13 '22

You should test, but my guess is the 30deg method would be slightly slower than a perfectly executed spin technique. I think cutting a hole in the top would be fastest or even with the straw method. However cutting hole in your bottle has obvious situational disadvantages

3

u/ProStrats Aug 13 '22

Ultimately, you have a pathway for air in and a pathway for water out.

The larger the these pathways are, the faster it can move when assisted by gravity. Gravity is "pulling" the water out, and a vacuum is suctioning the air in to replace.

Method 1: Slowest because the airway in and waterway out are consistently overlapping each other.

Method 2: vortex is a bit faster because there is a smaller, but still sometimes obstructed airway in the middle and water outlet on the sides.

Method 3: Straw provides an unobstructed airway in, with an unobstructed waterway out.

Method 4 (cut a whole on other side of bottole): this would be the fastest because it would give the largest airway in and water way out.

Method 5 (30 degree pour): Would probably fall somewhere plus or minus of Method 2 depending on the level of interruption/interaction when pouring, most likely towards method 1 (though probably a bit faster).

12

u/bk15dcx Aug 13 '22

Guzzle method 2.6 seconds

34

u/Wetestblanket Aug 13 '22

Violent crushing method 0.7 seconds

15

u/IsuckAtFortnite434 Aug 13 '22

TNT method 0.1 seconds

33

u/Yng_Juug Aug 13 '22

Just don’t fill it method. 0.00 seconds

10

u/p4r24k Aug 13 '22

just prevent big-bang: no time. Literally no TIME

6

u/Salanmander Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

Tachyonic entangling method: -8.45 seconds.

5

u/Mahoney840 Aug 13 '22

Quantum gamma alpha decliining : - æ¾ seconds

3

u/colefly Aug 13 '22

TMNT method 2 hours, and you will have to be dressed in a yellow jumpsuit and will likely get impregnated with a green hybrid baby

1

u/Pain_Monster Aug 14 '22

*chainsaw method: 0.5 seconds

1

u/Simple_Seaweed_1386 Aug 14 '22

Stop.

Hammer time

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150

u/counticoaky Aug 13 '22

Wouldn't you need to account for the time used to set up the straw?

134

u/Pro_Banana Aug 13 '22

This isn’t a practicality test. So technically, smashing the bottle is the fastest.

27

u/davewave3283 Aug 13 '22

But then your drink is crunchy and bleedy

12

u/DynamicSploosh Aug 13 '22

Just how I like it

5

u/vanguard117 Aug 13 '22

Did everything just taste purple?

3

u/pay-ray Aug 13 '22

No one is drinking out of that container though.

2

u/Archaris Aug 13 '22

bloody mary, bloody mary, bloody mary!

10

u/Emfoor Aug 13 '22

No just use a bendy straw. Plop in and pour.

I remember them being called molotov cocktails when I was in highchool. you put a bendy straw in a beer bottle and let the straw be a snorkel sticking out the side. You could chug that beer quick just like you see here.

Made the mistake of putting back 5 or 6 smirnoff ices in about 15 min. Thought I was going to explode

11

u/Arge101 Aug 13 '22

We used to call them ‘strawpedoes.’

On account it sounds like torpedo, not that the straw liked photos of little kids…

3

u/PhillyDeeez Aug 13 '22

Heh, takes me back.... I was the undisputed king of strawpedos. Usually alcopops such as WKD were the ideal thing. Always struggled with the third due to the amount of fizz....

2

u/SatanicSpambot Aug 13 '22

We drank beers out of it. Great way to fucking ruin your night.

2

u/DogCumSandwhich Aug 13 '22

If you want to split hairs all methods are technically cheating.

What bottle do you buy that doesn't have a cap on?

46

u/lurklurklurkPOST Aug 13 '22

I was absolutely sure he would smash the bottle for the third method

8

u/The_JokerGirl42 Aug 13 '22

i too have been scarred from the internet

4

u/HeyJayFray Aug 13 '22

"The third method is crushing the bottle in your hands with the force of a silverback gorilla. As you can see it took less than 2 seconds to do this and is by far the most effective method."

27

u/terriblebugger Aug 13 '22

Strawpedo

8

u/4L15T3R Aug 13 '22

This guy knows

17

u/jmbsol1234 Aug 13 '22

He saves 20 seconds a day with this ONE WEIRD TRICK!!

2

u/MapleSyrupFacts Aug 13 '22

Old jerry cans vs new jerry cans. Since 2009 it's hard to get a gas can that pours well, cause of the environment.

14

u/Cranky_Windlass Aug 13 '22

Det. cord or a 12 guage could empty a bottle far quicker than a few seconds, but that requires preparation beforehand. Just like having a straw on hand, that reaches the bottom of your vessel. The only time I've needed this trick I had to empty 600 bottles of heat-corked wine, and did not have a straw long enough to reach the bottom of a 750ml bottle. The vortex method works plenty well without requiring any extra resources

10

u/WinesOfWrath Aug 13 '22

shotgun would be quicker

2

u/sjuas690 Aug 13 '22

.500 S&W Magnum?

8

u/DonovanMcLoughlin Aug 13 '22

How do you get the straw to stay like that.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

2

u/GullibleDetective Aug 14 '22

Like j-strawing your beer

7

u/Happy-Personality-23 Aug 13 '22

When we used to do drinking competitions we would put the straw in the bottle so we could drink a bottle as fast as possible.

5

u/SofisticatdIgnorance Aug 13 '22

We used to call using a straw like that “snorkeling”

7

u/DanaThamen Aug 13 '22

I’ve won bets snorkeling. “I can drink this beer faster with a straw than you can without.”

Once taught this trick to two different bachelorette parties on the same night at a bar. Bartender comped my drinks and food that night because both parties stayed longer than they had planned.

1

u/GullibleDetective Aug 14 '22

Yep, j-strawing

3

u/mrSquarepenny Aug 13 '22

Yes I have tried that!!!!!!

3

u/DR34ML4ND_MAVU Aug 13 '22

I do this when I have diarrhea.

4

u/starobacon Aug 13 '22

Me too, I'm in and out in 13 seconds, 19 if I wipe.

3

u/CWB2208 Aug 13 '22

Man, the bar for "interesting as fuck" has really gone down, hasn't it?

3

u/henrysmith78362 Aug 13 '22

That is BS. The fastest way is to just break the bottle. One second and it is empty.

3

u/TheGeofoam Aug 14 '22

This is going to help me pee faster…

5

u/smuxy Aug 13 '22

Method 3 is how I drink beer

3

u/TheProfessorBE Aug 13 '22

It's how you win a beer bottle drinking contest

2

u/p1um5mu991er Aug 13 '22

Be right back...off to go make a big mess probably

2

u/NikoStrelkov Aug 13 '22

Put vodka in it and i will empty it in a second!

2

u/Apprehensive_Cry7663 Aug 13 '22

Break IT IS even faster !!!!

2

u/kieron7890 Aug 13 '22

It's even quicker if you blow into the straw aswell. It will literally empty in a second.

2

u/Captain-Comment Aug 13 '22

When the hell do you ever need to empty a bottle?

5

u/jakarta_guy Aug 13 '22

Over here there are street vendors selling gasoline by the bottles for motorcycle that don't want to queue at stations. They use the whirlpool technique

3

u/Captain-Comment Aug 13 '22

So they’re speed pouring it into their tanks? Don’t you gotta do that slow and carefully, least you spill it?

3

u/jakarta_guy Aug 13 '22

Bottle's opening is smaller than the tank's, so they just shove and twirl

2

u/Sad_Present_2745 Aug 13 '22

Just break the bottle in the container smh

2

u/MKBRD Aug 13 '22

We used to drink bottles of beer in one go like that.

Bendy straw in, bend it round the neck of the bottle, hold it in place, drink.

Had a mate who could open his throat and literally just pour beer into his stomach. Could get through a bottle in about 3 seconds.

2

u/Imgoingtowingit Aug 13 '22

You forgot about breaking the bottle…

2

u/NoFeeling9562 17d ago

And this kids is how you beat the local at the bar into owing you money or a drink.

1

u/Nicirito Aug 13 '22

This power, I call it Spin

1

u/24204me Aug 13 '22
  1. If you rub the bottle with a lil lube it'll shoot out

1

u/MCK40 Aug 13 '22

This is what I like to see in bed on a Saturday morning.

1

u/Cal-Sorrows Aug 13 '22

Smash it with a hammer. 0.0001 seconds.

1

u/Successful-Engine623 Aug 13 '22

What about just smashing it

1

u/Rupert_Acuesta Aug 13 '22

One of the tiny cool things you learn after working at a bar

1

u/DEGEN182 Aug 13 '22

Been using the "strawpedo" method on beers for years

1

u/mjace87 Aug 13 '22

Any way that lets the air go to the bottom of the bottle.

1

u/NotShadyBoi69 Aug 13 '22

That's a tipsy tornado homeboy

1

u/campionmusic51 Aug 13 '22

that’s actually pretty fascinating.

1

u/Severe_Airport1426 Aug 13 '22

I learnt this on the curiosity show in the 80s. I loved that show

1

u/InMy92Retros Aug 13 '22

Learned all this shit this week In HVAC school

1

u/Lobster_porn Aug 13 '22

At this poin I believe every person that har an internet connection has seen this

1

u/Antix1331 Aug 13 '22

Strawpedo players already know this

1

u/Plasticious Aug 13 '22

It's how we drink beer in Germany, Tornado!!

1

u/ChanadianEH Aug 13 '22

A lot of kids didn’t wash dishes lol

1

u/TikDakittu Aug 13 '22

the straw one can be more faster if you blow air in it. AS FAST AS YOU CAN

1

u/hfgfdd Aug 13 '22

Spin it and you get water cortex

1

u/Anarchophobia Aug 13 '22

Why does this guy sound so similar to the ‘You Suck At Cooking’ YouTube channel guy?

1

u/milksteakofcourse Aug 13 '22

Why marshmallow?

1

u/Tkanne1312 Aug 13 '22

I do this all the time. Maybe the reason why I use too much oil while cooking

1

u/Nahla1978 Aug 13 '22

Urmm fastest would be to smash bottle.

1

u/No_Barracuda_7367 Aug 13 '22

And that kids, is called a beer bong.

1

u/beankov Aug 13 '22

Ah the old strawpedo trick.

1

u/Original-Angle-9598 Aug 13 '22

How fast is pouring?

1

u/TickletheEther Aug 13 '22

Professional water bottle drainer?

1

u/PondyIsTheCoolest69 Aug 13 '22

Wish I had known this in college…

1

u/Marshmlol Aug 13 '22

This is good information for college students... who want to party 😂

1

u/KagakuNinja Aug 13 '22

Swedish CEO explained the bottle rotation trick to me back in the late '90s. Apparently competitive beer drinkers would rotate the bottle as they raised it above their heads to chug, creating a vortex.

1

u/jolivas626 Aug 13 '22

Time to get a beer

1

u/Mindfreek454 Aug 13 '22

How the fuck is the straw staying in the bottle when its turned upside down?

1

u/Dependent-Touch5084 Aug 13 '22

Thanks time to use water on my friends

1

u/tamerthefirst Aug 13 '22

TOOOOORRRRRRNNNNNAAAAAADDDOOOOOOOO

1

u/micmea668 Aug 13 '22

Actually the middle method is still the quickest because I don't have to go and find a fucking straw and a marshmallow.

1

u/65160 Aug 13 '22

Can you do method 2 and 3 together?

1

u/surfdad67 Aug 13 '22

Now I gotta swing my hips when I pee in the morning?

1

u/ttgx1000 Aug 13 '22

This is how you shotgun a beer that is in a beer bottle.

1

u/Equivalent_Twist_977 Aug 13 '22

Throwing the bottle on the ground results in the fastest way of emptying a bottle

1

u/AsensibleAhole Aug 13 '22

Good to know if I ever need to do this.

1

u/-centi-pede- Aug 13 '22

This is really cool and interesting. I'll use method 2 though because it's gonna take me more than 4 seconds to find a bendy straw.

1

u/FearlessWay4086 Aug 13 '22

But why would you empty a bottle so fast

1

u/castlebronx Aug 13 '22

I was really hoping there was an off chance the fastest method would be to break the bottle… but the straw method’s cool too!

1

u/Itchy_Pillows Aug 13 '22

I was expecting a hammer....disappointed

1

u/3DsGetDaTables Aug 13 '22

SCIENCE BITCH!!!

Water/air displacement will never get old.

1

u/EGN95 Aug 13 '22

Blow into the straw and it comes out in half a second.

1

u/designerwookie Aug 13 '22

Hit it with a hammer.

1

u/itscakeofficial Aug 13 '22

I'm not the only one who learned this from bill nye right?

1

u/Away_Caregiver_2829 Aug 13 '22

That’s how I used to drink 40’s of OE

1

u/FloydBarstools Aug 13 '22

Me over here with a knife. Slicing the bottle in half

1

u/tankpuss Aug 13 '22

What if you just pour it so there's a gap for air at the top?

1

u/msr214 Aug 13 '22

Last one is my favorite way to chug a beer.

1

u/lshawnp Aug 13 '22

With all that being said, in daily use, The Vortex is the fastest and more reliable method being that not everyone carries around a straw on their person.

1

u/Steve375759 Aug 13 '22

Wow, now i can drink vodka as fast as fuck. Thx man

1

u/ElectronicShredder Aug 13 '22

You learn that in college parties

1

u/itswhutitis Aug 13 '22

why did I thought that one method would be to break the bottle ??? am sure that would be the fastest

1

u/DiscoSprinkles Aug 13 '22

I've seen this so many times now and never needed this information.

1

u/Visual_Conference421 Aug 13 '22

They left out THE fastest. Smash bottle on bar, careful of shards.

1

u/merpeoplederp Aug 13 '22

I'm waiting for someone to do one of these where they shatter the bottle with a hammer.

1

u/KIitComander Aug 13 '22

Works with beer bottles to. Juss sayin’.

1

u/Murraks0 Aug 14 '22

Straw method. This is how you shotgun beer in a bottle.

1

u/whoopsdang Aug 14 '22

What about the method people actually use? Tip the bottle at an ever increasing angle, leaving enough room for air to vacuum in over the liquid pouring out.

1

u/Kak6969 Aug 14 '22

Break the bottle fastest

1

u/GullibleDetective Aug 14 '22

Option 3 is called j strawing and can be used to drink a bottle of beer almost as fast as a shotgun and arguably faster than a beer bong

1

u/Deep-Classroom-879 Aug 14 '22

Breaking the bottle would be faster.

1

u/Revolutionary_Tax546 Aug 14 '22

But if you consider than getting a straw ready, takes more time. Then the best method is just swirling the bottle.

1

u/Coulm2137 Aug 14 '22

Yeah I learnt that second method on my trip to a pub in dublin

1

u/vizthex Aug 14 '22

How does the straw one work though?

1

u/chillgingee Aug 14 '22

I used to drink beer like that all the time. We called it straw bonging.

1

u/Adventurous_Pay_5827 Aug 14 '22

I don’t get the point of blocking the straw till he flips it.

1

u/jjeeeeppeerrsss Aug 14 '22

I just squeeze the fuck out of it

1

u/Simple_Seaweed_1386 Aug 14 '22

You can jab a hole where the vacuum would form for the same effect as the straw

1

u/Vyper5150 Aug 14 '22

I thought poking a hole in the opposite end of the opening would be in one of the methods.

1

u/LankyUK Aug 14 '22

Used to use the straw method to bomb Smirnoff ice bottles super fast

1

u/el_beefy Sep 02 '22

Straw method for shot gunning glass beers.