r/clevercomebacks
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u/Spooky_Patrol256
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Jan 20 '23
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Who knew there were dozens of them? lol
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u/Neat_Petite Jan 20 '23
There are dozens of us! DOZENS!
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u/mrsthurminator Jan 20 '23
Damn, someone is always faster than me on Reddit with the obscure TV references. I love this place.
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u/Rastafak Jan 20 '23
Lol, this gets posted all the time, it's really not obscure reference.
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u/Redtwooo Jan 20 '23
At this point arrested development is basically required viewing for redditors, there are so many references made to the show across the whole site.
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u/Paratriad Jan 21 '23
I just started S2 recently. Surprised how good it was, I thought I watched a few episodes awhile ago and didn't like em but it is great
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u/Mordyth Jan 20 '23
Haha. One of the dozens.
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u/edlee98765 Jan 20 '23
As long as it's not 12 dozen.
Because that's gross.
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u/akulowaty Jan 20 '23
look at him! he lives in that other country
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u/Existing-Bear-7550 Jan 20 '23
He must be Great British
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u/usmagrad87 Jan 20 '23
No it is clear he is from that Europe country I heard about! /s
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u/Existing-Bear-7550 Jan 20 '23
It thinks it's call Eurasian
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Jan 20 '23
I heard all of Europe can fit inside Texas.
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u/No-Discipline9272 Jan 21 '23
But it def doesn't want to...all the few dozens who live there can attest!
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u/PencilMan Jan 20 '23
I knew they weren’t American when they said “vodka and coke.” Never met anyone who drank that here.
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u/Nooms88 Jan 21 '23
Really? Idk why that's so surprising to me, its pretty common in the UK.
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u/PencilMan Jan 21 '23
I’m sure some people drink it, but in the US you normally see vodka + clear sodas or juice, or rum/whiskey + coke. Now I’m curious what vodka and coke tastes like.
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u/Nooms88 Jan 21 '23
Vodka doesn't have a huge amount of flavour, so just tastes like coke lol.
Yea rum/whiskey coke is also common here.
I'd say vodka lemonade might be the most common thing to mix vodka with, that or orange juice
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u/microwavable_penguin Jan 20 '23
I'm not American and I know at least 5 others.. there could be as many as 30 of us!
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u/Sorry_Temporary_6277 Jan 20 '23
I'm an open minded American...working overseas...was out and about with a coworker...the locals were doing something unique to their culture...coworker says in his loud arrogant voice "damn foreigners!"...I asked him "you do realize we're the foreigners here don't you?"...in the same loud arrogant voice "NO WE'RE NOT WE'RE AMERICANS!"
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u/Spooky_Patrol256 Jan 20 '23
Good lord. That's like the logical extreme of Americans visiting other countries and expecting the locals to all be fluent in English.
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u/OldDadLeg Jan 20 '23
I'm English/Canadian and the thing is the locals usually are fluent in English.
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u/Cabrio Jan 21 '23
When my mother and her husband (Australian) visited the US they got to enjoy the unique experience of having one American translate their Australian English accent to another American because the worker at the gas station couldn't figure out they were speaking English.
They've travelled the world and the US was the only place they needed someone to translate English to English for a native English speaker in an English speaking country. SMH
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u/OldDadLeg Jan 21 '23
I've actually experienced this in Canada. I can go to countries where English isn't a native language and people can understand me just fine. But here in Canada nobody can understand my thick English accent.
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u/MissVixTrix Jan 21 '23
I had a similar thing happen to me in the US (I'm also Australian). I had to resort to mime to order food. When I was understood, I was complimented on how 'cute' my British accent was.
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u/BrickDaddyShark Jan 20 '23
Yeah its lame, and it takes away a great opportunity to try to learn the language and culture
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u/Coffeeey Jan 20 '23
You have to tell us what the locals were doing.
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u/GateauBaker Jan 20 '23
Oh you know...those silly foreigner rituals that foreign people do.
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u/lesChaps Jan 20 '23
Was it the hats? It was the hats, wasn't it, and the cheese and the wine (but not Californian)?
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u/Kyouzou Jan 21 '23
It's only wine if it's from the wine region of France, otherwise it's hard grape juice
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u/-Numaios- Jan 20 '23
in my youth I was in one of those other countries, the one called Europe, in an hostel, and a young 'merican damsel spoke thusly: "Spaniards are barely educated, judging by their level of english" . The thing is that there was a gathering of younglings from different European tribes, it's a kind of rite of passage called Erasmus, we really felt united as one while booing her.
Then we burned the witch.
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u/NeedNameGenerator Jan 20 '23
I remember my Erasmus tribe camp. The Dutch kept ripping off the bathroom door of their hotel room so we could play beer pong.
Good times.
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u/Densmiegd Jan 21 '23
Desiderius Erasmus was Dutch, and he always ripped out doors to play beer pong, it is tradition.
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u/HighlightFun8419 Jan 20 '23
man, i act like him out of satire sometimes but it legitimately pains my heart to know that they actually exist......
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u/ComesInAnOldBox Jan 20 '23
I tried pointing out that there are a lot of Americans who would legit wonder what was up with all these people speaking french while walking through downtown Paris the other day and got told to expand my view of Americans to outside of Reddit and downvoted into oblivion.
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u/jorsiem Jan 20 '23
Fake. No one lives outside of America.
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u/empire-state1776 Jan 20 '23
Fake: there’s no outside America
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u/BrandMuffin Jan 20 '23
From SEA to shining SEA... says it right there in the song. From San Diego all the way back around the globe to Long island, it's all America.
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u/VexxWrath Jan 20 '23 edited Jan 20 '23
America will soon own the solar system, then the galaxy.
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u/YukariYakum0 Jan 20 '23
America is part of the galaxy?
How long was I asleep?
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u/VexxWrath Jan 20 '23
If there's no outside America then the whole world is America, therefore America is a part of the galaxy.
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u/DolorisRex Jan 20 '23
Pfft, America's not real; it's just a boogeyman story made up to scare the rest of the British colonies.
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u/West_Engineering_80 Jan 20 '23
“The rest”? Hmmm.
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u/DolorisRex Jan 20 '23
Earth is just one big patchwork of British colonies, you didn't know?
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u/bowsmountainer Jan 20 '23
The two continents of America only consists of a single country, which has therefore claimed the name of the two continents for only itself.
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u/Mammoth-Mud-9609 Jan 20 '23
This is just one of the reasons why the world has a low opinion of Americans, the consistent ability when on a global forum that there might be people on it from another country that also speak English.
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u/sambolino44 Jan 20 '23
The first clue that they aren’t American should have been that the English isn’t full of errors.
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u/Existing-Bear-7550 Jan 20 '23
That's not fair. Plenty of our stupid people can type quite coherently.
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u/I_chose_a_nickname Jan 20 '23
Nah the first clue would be not being a 900lbs human in the PFP.
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u/MsAndrea Jan 20 '23
That and not measuring weight in lbs.
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u/sambolino44 Jan 20 '23
900 lbs is 64 stone, BTW.
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u/MsAndrea Jan 20 '23
Or 408 kg.
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Jan 20 '23
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u/MsAndrea Jan 20 '23
I believe it was exaggeration for comic effect. But technically the heaviest ever person weighed 1,400 lb (635 kilograms; 100 stone). So yes.
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Jan 20 '23
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u/MsAndrea Jan 20 '23 edited Jan 20 '23
Meh. I'm 102kg and don't really feel that fat. I am 6 foot 2 though. Maybe you just need to be taller.
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u/I_am_Erk Jan 20 '23
It's amazing how prevalent it is too. Every non American Redditor has probably had it happen a few times.
It's so prevalent that I, a non-american, have accidentally and incorrectly assumed the person I was speaking to was American before. That's pretty bad.
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u/Zman14q Jan 21 '23
We have a lot of smart, kind, genuine people who live here… but damn, our low IQ crowd is equally frustrating, if not more so, for us. They’re fucking retarded. It’s insane. Murca.
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u/AllThingsEndBadly Jan 20 '23
21 to drink is so fucking insane.
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u/DrBirdieshmirtz Jan 20 '23
am american. even crazier is the fact that, in my state at least, you also need to be 21 to buy a fucking lighter because that’s also the smoking age. you know, a tool that people (some of whom are younger than 21) need to use sometimes, often for non-smoking purposes. learned this the hard way last year when i was trying to get one to light some birthday candles for my sister, who’d just turned 18.
can’t buy a lighter till next month, and yet i could literally sign up to get my legs blown off in an oil war today. but thaaat’s ‘murica, everyone!
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u/AllThingsEndBadly Jan 20 '23
When I was a kid, like the late 80s, in Canada I could buy cigarettes at the store with a note from my mom. Lighter wouldn't have even needed that.
I do think it is stricter now, but 19 is our age of drinking/smoking (18 in some provinces).
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u/vege12 Jan 20 '23
In Australia in the seventies I was buying durries in my school uniform in year 7!
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u/polar_frog Jan 21 '23
What about matches?
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u/DrBirdieshmirtz Jan 21 '23
idk abt matches, i don’t remember if there were any there. we eventually managed to find a lighter somewhere in the house, but it was still frustrating.
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u/DaPurpleTurtle2 Jan 21 '23
We are old enough to go thousands of dollars in debt, or be sent to die in a war while our government twiddles their thumbs in their fancy mansions, but noooooooo we aren't old enough to drink!
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u/cujobob Jan 20 '23
You can drink in a bar with a parent in some states under 21. Kyle Rittenhouse was famously in a bar taking pictures with white nationalists while having drinks with his mom.
“Persons under age 21 may possess and consume alcohol beverages if they are with their parents, guardians or spouses of legal drinking age; but this is at the discretion of the licensee. The licensed premises may choose to prohibit consumption and possession of alcohol beverages by underage persons.”
(In Wisconsin)
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u/Mammoth-Mud-9609 Jan 20 '23
Similar rules in the UK where they may not be served alcohol at the bar.
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u/luixino Jan 20 '23
Reminds me of John Lennon on a talk show when the Beatles first went to the US. The host says something like "some people think your haircuts are un-American", and he responded something like "well that makes sense, because we're not American!"
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u/highrisedrifter Jan 20 '23
I had forgotten about this. The Beatles were really good at pithy and clever comebacks.
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u/naliedel Jan 20 '23
Ugh, I hate it when people assume everyone in the wold is American. Only my dumb country does that.
It's so weird. Wake up, my countrymen, it's not all about us. It never has been. We are the only ones who think everyone wants to be us. It's narcissistic and weird.
Never gonna be that person, and if I am, I'm too old to live. Put me out of my misery
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u/TheHemogoblin Jan 20 '23
What I love about this comment is you never actually explicitly say you're American and therefore are requiring readers to... assume you're American lol
But I prefer to toss out basic reading comprehension and instead believe you're from say, Morocco, and Moroccans for some reason believe everyone in the world is American and yet they also think that everyone else wants to be a fellow narcissistic Moroccan.
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u/naliedel Jan 20 '23
You 100% understood what country I'm from, based on your reply. So no need to say I'm an old lady from Michigan. You got it.
A country that thinks everyone wants to be part of it and they don't? That's America for you.
I've been to Canada, a lot. You all seem to find us as annoying as we can be.
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u/TheHemogoblin Jan 20 '23
Hahaha I mean, in my own personal experience, 'annoying' would be accurate lol
Two of my favourite examples:
I live in Victoria, on Vancouver Island, a border city (via ferry). Someone who I can only assume was a passenger in the car and who was half asleep for the journey, believe they took a tunnel to get from Washington to Vancouver Island. They were certain it couldn't have been a ferry because the car didn't stop moving. Fully serious, not a bit.
And my favourite - I once had a Texan couple on their way to Alaska ask me where they could get chains for their tires so they could safely drive north. And then they would just remove them in Alaska. In the middle of August.
These are only a a couple of experiences I've had with Americans here in Canada. When I've been elsewhere like the US, Mexico, and Europe and have run into Americans they were nowhere near the other two examples and were great examples of what a normal person is like lol
That's not to say I haven't had similar or worse experiences with fellow Canadians, or even people from other countries - people are people. But when it comes to my limited experience with Americans in Canada specifically, let's just say "they're not sending their best"
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u/naliedel Jan 20 '23
I'm in Michigan and Canada was 2 trips a year for most of my 59 years. I've never been to your province, but one of my dearest friends was from Kamloops. Not too far for you.
You're in a gorgeous place.
I grew up Ina tourist town and was a bartender. Entitled Americans was a nightly experience. Ugh
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u/TheHemogoblin Jan 20 '23
Kamloops is lovely, I've only been once but it's the nicest place not near the coast (on account of the lakes).
My city is a disgusting trash pile of garbage and filth. So don't you dare tell anyone it's gorgeous! Not until I can afford a house, anyways lol
One of my best experiences with Americans was when I worked in a bar. They kept buying rounds for random people because thanks to the exchange rate it was "like throwing pennies in a well". Assholes haha I liked them, good people.
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u/Digi-Device_File Jan 20 '23 edited Jan 20 '23
Muricans, forgeting about all the other countries when they not invading, on vacation, or stealing oil.
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u/generic_edgelord Jan 20 '23
To be fair when the original tweeter said it was a ballsy move to ask him for a refund my mind also went oh hes too young to legally drink wherever this is, which to my knowledge leaves america where the age is 21 and here in iceland where the age is 20,
statistically its less likely to be the tiny little island over the union that spans like half a continent
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u/minimum_thrust Jan 20 '23
18/19 in Canada depending on the province. The thought never crossed my mind lol
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u/LBelle0101 Jan 20 '23
18 in Australia
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u/generic_edgelord Jan 20 '23
Yeah pretty much everywhere except iceland and america has a drinking age of 16-18
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u/Additional-Pin-6529 Jan 20 '23
I'm not so sure there are dozens. I mean just look at Finland! They claim it has a tiny population of people, but statistically it's purported population is within the margin of error of global population numbers.
Can we really be sure it even exists?
Not only that, but there was a time during the pandemic in which they claimed a -1 change to the number of COVID deaths in this alleged "country".
I'm not saying I think it's just a land full of zombies.... but we can't rule it out.
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u/P4azz Jan 20 '23
What irks me the most about that is that Americans will be the first ones to tell you how "multicultured" they are.
They'll assume that everyone in the world is American and at the same time act like they travel the world every day, because there's a fucking taco truck and a sushi place in their city.
It's like they literally do not know about the "outside world" and the fact that pretty much everywhere is globalized to some degree by now.
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u/Affectionate_Salt351 Jan 20 '23
“Why does everyone on Reddit hate Americans?” 🤦♀️
Sincerely,
An American (Who knows that there is a hell of a lot more to the world and wishes she could afford to see more of it.)
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u/vege12 Jan 20 '23
Not Americans per se, just some American attitudes
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u/Affectionate_Salt351 Jan 20 '23
Absolutely. I hate it, too. I’ve just seen a lot of comments on Reddit in general that have had that exact quote written on them. 🤦♀️
It’s the brainwashing with nationalism and lies about it as children, I think. We were constantly told that this is the best country in the world and we have “the best of everything”, etc. so for some people to grow up and be told otherwise, or made aware of problems that were always obvious, they “reject” it. I mean, I “get it” because I’m sure that it’s hard to accept that you’ve been lied to, etc. but… damn. It’s hard to feel bad.
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u/vege12 Jan 20 '23
Get out! Australia isn’t as bad as everyone says either, we’re pretty chilled and with that attitude you’ll fit right in.
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u/Affectionate_Salt351 Jan 21 '23
I’ve never thought of Australia as “bad” in any way, honestly! I’ve always wanted to go there but definitely haven’t ever been able to afford it. Ugh. One day. 🤞🏻
The only Australians I’ve ever known have been through my old job and they were some of the coolest people I’ve ever met. That definitely made me want to go there even more than I already did.
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u/vege12 Jan 21 '23
I am talking about the deadly stuff here, spiders, snakes, crocs and of course the drop bears.
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u/Affectionate_Salt351 Jan 21 '23
Hahaha. Yeah, that’s definitely a factor. I’m told by several Australians so long as I stay out of the bush, I should be safe. Out of curiosity, what’s your take on that? To be honest, I think I’m most terrified of magpies. I’ve seen a few videos of people being divebombed and it totally freaked me out. I’ve heard that’s only a “seasonal risk”, though. 😂
Either way, I suppose I’d rather deadly spider venom kill me quickly in Australia than to be shot in the US. 😅🤷♀️
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u/vege12 Jan 22 '23
Never been swooped by a magpie, but I know those who have. Just respect them like the spiders and snakes and your good, and it is usually through breeding season. You have been told wrong, snakes are more prevalent in the bush but I live on the coast and the are everywhere but usually stick to long grass. Just keep your lawn respectable and you are ok. Can’t stop the spiders but they are controllable too. The funnel is the only real deadly one and there is plenty of anti venom available. The red back will make a healthy adult sick unless you’re compromised somehow. Other venomous ones are around but pretty harmless to humans. The big one is the huntsman but he just scares you with his size. But you’re right you can go out here without fear for your life.
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u/Affectionate_Salt351 Jan 22 '23
Thank you for the info! I’m respectful of insects and creatures everywhere but that’s usually by avoiding tf out of them. 😅 The things that have come into the house in places I’ve lived have typically been escorted outside, but they’ve never been anything deadly.
My snake anxiety is pretty high regardless of where I am, tbh. Is it possible to just straight up avoid snakes down there? On average, how many have come into your home per year?
The insects are equally terrifying but, even though I think they’re more likely to take me out, I’m less scared of them. The little ones would kill me pretty quickly so I’d probably never see it coming. I think Huntsmen are terrifying but beautiful. I think I’d have to have an Australian host or friend to give me the lay of the land and tell me what I have to worry about and what I don’t in each particular place. 😅
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u/vege12 Jan 22 '23
No snakes in my home ever in 36 years but we keep out yard well as do neighbours. Snakes like to ravel undetected but nevertheless hones in Queensland in the north have a higher percentage of intrusion by snakes seeking cooler spaces. Also no food no snakes, so controlling rodents is important too. I live south of Sydney so whilst their are snakes in an escapement about 1 -2 kms from my house we haven’t had any known visitors. My sister in law lived on a property nearby and had a diamond python (harmless) in her roof to keep the rats out. Almost no one dies by spider or snakes attack here anymore.
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u/Kat_337 Jan 20 '23
Hi, US citizen here. Mfs born and raised here dont know that drinking laws are a reserved power (meaning that only the states possess that power). You CAN actually drink at 19 in certain states, and can drink WAY lower with adult supervision in others. Its a common misconception that a simple google search would clarify smh
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u/BulbasaurCPA Jan 20 '23
I like many Americans assume that the laws in my state apply to all the other states unless told otherwise
TIL
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u/SatanSuxMyDick Jan 20 '23
i mean i am an american so maybe not the best person to ask but id say there’s at least 12 of my homies from a different home kicking it out there
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u/HeadMembership Jan 20 '23
Also the fact that the bartender didn't shoot the customer on sight is our second clue it's not located in america.
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u/Endorkend Jan 21 '23
It always blows my mind how most Americans have no idea they only account for less than 5% of the world population.
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u/bowsmountainer Jan 20 '23
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u/MX5MONROE Jan 20 '23
This is a treasure trove of ignorance. Of course I had to join the sub. Thank you.
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u/OTARU_41 Jan 20 '23
What do you mean worldwide? That not a thing! The world is just america floating in space
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u/IronRangeBabe Jan 20 '23
I love how a lot of Americans cannot grasp that there is a world outside their 50 states. Actually, a lot of Americans cannot grasp life outside of the lower 48 states.
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u/sultan-of-ping Jan 21 '23
They really be 3.75% of earth's population and think they're 93.75%
Cults are weird
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u/ShitMongoose Jan 20 '23
Who drinks Vodka and Coke?!
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u/Tuftymark6 Jan 20 '23
This.. isn’t a common drink in the states? Practically everyone I know will have had that to drink at some time or another.
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u/n3lswn Jan 20 '23
Vodka goes well with pretty much anything. Taste is very soft so its easy to mix with whatever. Coke is great with it. Taste like coke but with vodka.
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u/RichardHeinie Jan 20 '23
I think tasting like coke and vodka was the issue here
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u/Accomplished-Fox1949 Jan 20 '23
Not me! I drink vodka and Diet Coke if I'm having a mixed drink. Too much sugar with alcohol makes me nauseous.
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Jan 20 '23
Vodka with cherry limeade is wonderful. Or cranberry juice and pineapple juice. Or cranberry limeade. Or in a really cold glass. I'm starting to think maybe I just like vodka.
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u/MOOVA Jan 20 '23
I remember my cousin low-key pulling me aside at a party and asked what the fuck I just made and why. It was rum and coke from then on.
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u/DownsenBranches Jan 21 '23
It’s such a weird mindset that Americans have where they assume everyone else online is American as well
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u/No-Lifeguard-6183 Jan 21 '23
How come you're allowed to die for your country before you're allowed to drink :/
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u/SeaworthinessOne2114 Jan 20 '23
Most Americans know nothing about the world outside the borders of their own little towns and neighborhoods. Hell they can't find NH or Utah on a map.
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u/Just-A_Guy-_ Jan 20 '23
At least 2 dozens