r/aww 12d ago Gold 2 Take My Energy 1 Shock and Awwww! 1 Silver 6 Wholesome 13 Hugz 2 All-Seeing Upvote 2 Wholesome Seal of Approval 1 Explodey Heart 1 Helpful 13

This is the fattest polar bear in Alaska. His name is Fat Albert and he lives in a village named Katovik. He weights over 1,000lbs!

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100.9k Upvotes

8.0k

u/Gaviel 12d ago Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome

Look at Ursa Major over here.

4.7k

u/waiting_for_rain 12d ago Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome

Ursa Major? More like Ursa Brigadier General

797

u/Afireonthesnow 12d ago

I just want you to know this joke made me laugh a lot

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u/waiting_for_rain 12d ago Silver

Good, you deserve a good healthy laugh every now and then.

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u/apendicitis 12d ago

Clearly this bear is healthy so I second this.

He can afford to give up a laugh or two.

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u/kintokae 12d ago

I bet if we put a Santa hat and coat on him, when he laughs it will all just jiggle.

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u/YeshuaMedaber 12d ago

You too. I hope it rains.

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u/ludi_mobi 12d ago edited 12d ago Wholesome

More like Ursa ate the brigadier General along with the entire division.

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u/chronoboy1985 12d ago

And all the medals he was awarded for his voracious heroism.

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u/Muse9901 12d ago

Ursus maritimus

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u/just-a-pair-of-eyes 12d ago

Chonky boi gonna SURVIVE the winter

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u/WolfOctober 12d ago

The better question is — can winter survive HIM?

648

u/Bullet-Tech 12d ago

He IS winter.

299

u/markitzero15 12d ago

oh lawd winter is coming

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u/writeronthemoon 12d ago

King of the North!

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u/JarlaxleForPresident 12d ago

*in

Yeah, here’s my nerd badge

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u/thereisnospoon7491 12d ago

*KINGINDANORF

Also bro, that username is a far bigger indicator of your nerd status.

It is also excellent.

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u/falcoretheflyingdog 12d ago

Sooo you calling everyone else who recognizes it a big nerd tooo?

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u/mechwarrior719 12d ago

Not. Yet.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Dexaan 12d ago

It's treason season then.

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u/MelodyMyst 12d ago

Oh Lawd, winter is coming.

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u/CurryKruncher 12d ago

This is what Ned Stark warned us about when he said Winter is coming.

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u/Great-Bratton 12d ago

This is the quality content that keeps me coming back. Love you.

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u/utkua 12d ago

He looks like he can survive nuclear winter and go through 2nd ice age without effort.

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u/SilentSamurai 12d ago

Chimps may inherit the Earth but Fat Albert still is going to own post apocalyptic Alaska.

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u/beepbeepboop- 12d ago

i think that was fallout DLC.

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u/merigirl 12d ago

We've had one ice age, yes, but what about second ice age?

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u/PapayaPokPok 12d ago Silver

Annoying fact person: Polar bears gain fat over the winter in order to survive the summer. They rely on the winter sea ice to hunt for seals and have to endure the lean-times of summer waiting for the ice to return.

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u/baddadjokesminusdad 12d ago

When does that fat bear week happen again? That annual event of the fattest bears of the land?

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u/RequiemStorm 12d ago

Unfortunately that's only for the bears in a specific national park, so this mighty chonk would not be able to compete. Also it just happened lol

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u/awesomesauce615 12d ago

I really thought that we've come far enough to not discriminate based where you're from.

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u/irrelevant_novelty 11d ago

It's not discrimination. He's allowed to compete -- it's paying for the extra plane ticket that stops him from going.

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u/Erra0 12d ago

Super interesting and not annoying!

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u/VeryDefinitionOfFail 12d ago

You mean thrive the winter.

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u/kirby056 12d ago

He's not gonna survive, he's gonna THRIVE this Winter.

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u/Zhuul 12d ago

Honestly this is why I love cold weather animals so much, being built like a beach ball is a good thing!

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u/gingermonkey1 12d ago

Cause he ate the other ones!

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u/EnycmaPie 12d ago

Did he get that size from eating the villagers? Or he's like a pet of the village and gets fed?

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u/Educational_Grab2756 12d ago Silver

Definitely not a pet, but the village folk put their scraps away from their homes so the polar bears get a free meal and they don't come in to town. We do it in all the villages to keep people safe and the bears happy and fed.

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u/TXGuns79 12d ago Silver Wholesome I am disappoint

Sounds like you have a dragon with low standards.

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u/Tooblicker 12d ago

At least they're not putting out virgins.

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u/Rosieapples 12d ago

I’ve a few politicians I could suggest

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u/I_stole_this_phone 12d ago

Politicians aren't virgins they fuck everything

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u/BoringCrow3742 12d ago

he said virgins, not disgusting attention whores.

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u/FaustsAccountant 12d ago

Why do you hate bears? Poor things deserve better

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u/Rosieapples 12d ago

Damn I suppose you’re right

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u/chickenstalker 12d ago

Bears are more feared than dragons. Heck, the word "bear" is not even the original name for this creature. People long ago were so fearful of bears that even saying its name was taboo to avoid summoning them, so they came up with "bear" as an alias for it.

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u/PatrickUrick 12d ago

I'm curious as to what the original name is.

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u/Ralath0n 12d ago

The original name was arkto. It was only proto germanic tribes that changed it to ǵʰwḗr (indo european for 'wild animal') which eventually turned into bear.

Ancient greeks weren't such cowards, so they kept using arkto for both the animal and the constellation. Its actually where our name for the arctic comes from. Its called the arctic because the constellation of arktikos (Ursa major) is high in the sky there.

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u/mahtaliel 12d ago

This made me realise that the Antarctic is so called because they have no bears :o

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u/Ralath0n 12d ago

Actually its called that because you can't see ursa major and ursa minor. When they named the arctic they didn't know about polar bears, they just knew that ursa major was high in the sky there.

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u/anotherone121 12d ago

Dollar store insulin needing dragon

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

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u/zakuphantom 12d ago

I say let the bears pay the bear tax...

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u/milkradio 12d ago

I pay the Homer tax!

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u/WAMIV 12d ago

Random question, who weighed him and how?

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u/Trythenewpage 12d ago

I would like the answer to this as well. I had figured it was an estimate. But who knows. Maybe they put his dinner on a truck scale.

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u/Isord 12d ago

I don't know about this guy in particular but you could tranquilize them and just weigh them on a larger scale.

You could also get an estimate if you have photographic data from a number of angles.

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u/Trythenewpage 12d ago

But it's funnier to imagine him being led to a scale looney tunes style. So that's what I'll do.

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u/Awolartist 12d ago

It's actually pretty interesting, complex sciencey stuff. Done from a safe distance.

https://www.popsci.com/story/technology/fat-bear-week-laser-scanning-weight-estimates/

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u/m1kelowry 12d ago

Don’t forget to do it one day.

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u/MrDiggleBoots 12d ago

Yeah this guy would go from aww to aww shit real quick

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u/informativebitching 12d ago

Or worse, be late and show up when he’s hungry and waiting.

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u/hoffenone 12d ago

Or worse, expelled!

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u/numanist 12d ago

You need to sort out your priorities.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

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u/Shironeko_ 12d ago

Polar Bears can track smells from like 20 miles away. He already knows where the villagers are.

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u/yrulaughing 12d ago

but the village folk put their scraps away from their homes so the polar bears get a free meal and they don't come in to town.

Sounds like they're holding yall hostage. Is the implication that if the food stops, then the polar bear is going to come into town and fuck shit up? This is the modern day equivalent of a dragon terrorizing a village and the village offering up tribute to keep the dragon from fucking their shit up again.

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u/Ocean_Soapian 12d ago

Lol. "Modern day equivalent" ...as if dragons did so historically. 😂

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u/yrulaughing 12d ago Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

YOU CANT PROVE THEY DIDNT

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u/Redneckalligator 12d ago

Well they aint doing it currently

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u/Wankeritis 12d ago edited 11d ago

Polar pear food sources are running out because of climate change. It's either starve or break into the wooden houses and steal fresh food from the chilly boxes.

Putting food somewhere away from the houses means the bears stay away.

I would assume.

Edit: I wonder what Polar Pears would eat...

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u/mahtaliel 12d ago

If i remember correctly, Polar bears is also one of the few (or the only) animals that sees humans as prey. So it might not be only to stop them from breaking in to shit and stealing the towns food.

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u/khaeen 12d ago

That's the big thing that makes putting out food acceptable. They already aren't afraid of humans or our stuff, and are pretty much the only predator that will actively hunt not only an adult human for food, but isn't afraid to go after a group of humans if it thinks it can pull one away....

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u/jimmy1374 12d ago

I live part time in a tent in the Appalachian mountains of VA. I don't carry food into my camp there either. I know a sow and two cubs pass above my camp every afternoon. Even if they are "just" black bears, no need to tempt them.

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u/Amazing-Cicada5536 12d ago

Well, if they are polar bears you do carry food into your camp, and everywhere you go. They actively hunt people.

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u/ernestout87 12d ago

Sounds like a good deal! look at that good boi's face. He's happy

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u/WelcomeScary4270 12d ago

Looks to me like he's contemplating eating the cameraman but sure.

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u/scion101 12d ago

I'm sure he is, but also thinking it's too much effort

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u/ludi_mobi 12d ago

Eating is the fun part. But catching? Nah... What do you got that doesn't run away? İmma not in the mood today...

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u/HarpStarz 12d ago

Definitely would, polar bears are one of the few animals that actively hunt humans when given the opportunity

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u/Telemere125 12d ago

If you were that fat, then thinking about eating the cameraman would probably make you happy too

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u/WelcomeScary4270 12d ago

Thinking about food always makes me happy, how do I think I recognized the expression? That's what my fridge sees at 2am most nights.

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u/DogsPlan 12d ago

It’s like a scary movie where the village leaves a sacrifice for the bears so they don’t come prey eat the townsfolk

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u/EnycmaPie 12d ago

Now that is a good way to coexist with apex predators. "I'll give you constant supply of food, and you don't eat me."

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u/GadisRKO 12d ago

It’s a fucking win win. Bears are fed and the people remain safe.

Now you gotta go full Russian and let them come inside and join you for dinner once in a while.

Don’t do that, something something, white bear , good night.

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u/BigBallerBrad 12d ago

Wouldn’t it be dangerous to go to the snack spot tho?

Genuinely curious

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u/Tricky_Invite8680 12d ago

leave some cheese and pepperoni on crust next week, and some diet coke. be a shame of something happened to a villager walking out late at night

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u/BlahjeBlah 12d ago

Is he still fast at that weight?

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u/Mrrobotto555 12d ago

Sounds like the beginning of a horror movie

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u/itwas1971 12d ago

Trash panda of north

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u/vonvoltage 12d ago

I'd say he lives at the dump.

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u/Godkun007 12d ago

You don't keep polar bears as pets. They are one of the most dangerous animals in the world and one of the few that actively see humans as prey.

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u/schaartmaster 12d ago

He’s shaped like the dad bear from those charmin commercials.

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u/allergic-toeveryting 12d ago

he looks like the bear from the big blue house

https://youtu.be/gHdBsTYCQbI

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u/buffalocoinz 11d ago

Cha cha cha

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u/johndoe040912 12d ago

Bet he gives warm hugs. Well maybe only 1 hug.

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u/Educational_Grab2756 12d ago

Oh they'll be warm, with your blood.

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u/aykevin 12d ago Silver

Which mofo has the balls to tell him to step on a scale then call him fat?

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u/phoenixrose2 12d ago

This is my genuine question. How did they come to the conclusion of this weight. I can barely get my dog to stand still on a scale to be weighed!

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u/Jumanji-Joestar 12d ago

They eyeballed it

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u/phoenixrose2 12d ago

Hope their eyeballs are safe!!

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u/benicetogroupies 12d ago

I can barely get my dog to stand still on a scale to be weighed!

Weigh yourself. Pick up dog. Step on scale again. Do math.

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u/DropC 12d ago

Break scale. Blame dog.

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u/couchasianktina 12d ago

When I worked on a bear project in AK we tranquilized them, put them on a tarp-like net, and then used a helicopter to lift them. Imagine a giant luggage scale

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u/DanteTrd 12d ago edited 11d ago Wholesome

He's so cute, I want to run away from him

Edit: This is my most upvoted comment. You're all amazing, every single one of you. Thank you and have a kick-ass day!

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u/kid-karma 12d ago

the first thing i would do if i ever got super powers would be to go wrassle this guy

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u/SobrietyDinosaur 12d ago

That would be a cool super power to befriend all animals

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u/wetlegband 12d ago

Nah he has the power to bully animals

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u/No-Investigator-1754 12d ago

You probably want to be more specific about which superpowers though

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u/2Hours2Late 12d ago

I now have the ability to talk to fish! Imma go wrastle me a bear.

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u/YouStupidDick 12d ago

This big boy ain’t running. He’s lumbering with authority.

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u/SmallpoxTurtleFred 12d ago

I just want to lay on him like a big mattress. He’s probably not hungry enough to eat me.

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u/6432987012 12d ago

Counterpoint: He only gets that chonky by being a good predator.

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u/SeedStones 12d ago

Counterpoint: No, he is getting fed by the villages nearby as stated by OP.

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u/6432987012 12d ago

Ah, shows me for not reading.

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u/2Mobile 12d ago

far far far away

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u/justabill71 12d ago Gold

Oh lawd he comin

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u/WeinMe 12d ago Helpful

Our theory for now is that the moon causes the tides, but it's actually Albert that goes fishing every 12 hours

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u/2Mobile 12d ago

slowly

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u/MightyCaseyStruckOut 12d ago

I bet he can still outrun every single one of us, at least for a decent distance.

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u/UnseenTardigrade 12d ago

In an icy habitat yeah probably. On more easily runnable land the max human sprint speed roughly matches the max polar bear speed so assuming a decent initial gap between a human and the bear, the human can probably maintain the gap until the polar bear overheats at which point the gap will widen. That’s assuming the human is in good shape though.

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u/KinoKulture 12d ago

Yeah but you're talking bout elite human athletes who reach speeds up to 40km/h. For us peasants, there's no chance of survival. You know what they say about bears, If it's white - good night ;)

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u/fbjesjs 12d ago

But also the bear is Fat Albert

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u/Omgaspider 12d ago edited 12d ago

Does a polar bear ever get too fat that it hurts its chances at catching prey?

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u/Educational_Grab2756 12d ago

Not when he's given food

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u/MoonSugarAddictt 12d ago

Do you run the risk of them getting too comfortable around humans? Not saying what you’re doing is wrong, just curious

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u/sergeant-grumbles 12d ago

This is how we got dogs basically.

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u/Walking72 12d ago

This is how we got fat dogs basically

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u/PleasantAdvertising 12d ago

No need to catch prey when you're this fat. It's a problem that solves itself before becoming a problem.

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u/theroadlesstraveledd 12d ago

This is an important question

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u/Esposabella 12d ago

You mean Sir Fat Albert

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u/Educational_Grab2756 12d ago

*Esquire

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u/kunwon1 12d ago Gold

Submitted for your approval:

https://i.imgur.com/pPJiZMG.jpeg

I had to learn how to use layers in GIMP to make this :D

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u/jwhaler17 12d ago

Quite.

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u/kunwon1 12d ago

Mmm. Indubitably.

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u/Taldius175 12d ago

You sir, have earned my esteem gratitude for this glorious imagery

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u/mikeyd69 12d ago

Shallow and pedantic.

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u/Vidiot27 12d ago

That is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, transcending even my wife on her wedding day ❤️

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u/uncannyvalley 12d ago

Have an upvote good sir or madam, for your fine efforts! 👌tip of the hat

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u/TheT3rrorDome 12d ago

is he fat or big boned?

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u/Educational_Grab2756 12d ago

Oh no he's a true chonkster, all filled up on whale blubber!

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u/castlite 12d ago

Must be one hell of a hunter!

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u/9ofdiamonds 12d ago

Surely he's more than 1000lbs? In old money that's 500kg. He's definitely heavier than 500kg.

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u/Trans_Seraphim 12d ago

If dangerous why friend shaped

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u/Iwantmahandback 12d ago

Parents: look who came out of their cave!

Me on my way to get some shredded cheese:

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u/PatMenotaur 12d ago

THE KING OF THE NORTH!

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u/Blobbie01 12d ago

THE KING IN THE NORTH!

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u/Waffleman75 12d ago

DA KING IN DA NORF!!!

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u/Kazori 12d ago

Yes ty

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u/DeathlyKitten 12d ago

DAKINGINDANORF

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u/GraceSpace18 12d ago

But is he a match for Hank the Tank?🤔

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u/amortizedeeznuts 12d ago

if those two got together who do you think would orbit the other

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u/Caeden113 12d ago

HEY HEY HEY!

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u/Darkindiana 12d ago

Imagine going out for food one day and some random person takes your picture, blast it on on the internet and tells everybody your the fattest one around before doxing you Lmao!

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u/hidelyhoneighbourino 12d ago

I wanna pet it. Idc if it eats me after

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u/Dentino1 12d ago

Damn boi, he thicc

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u/No_End_7351 12d ago

That's MR. Albert to you pal....

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u/boc333 12d ago

This badass could start a movie franchise.

I mean, look at the fuckin thing.

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u/test_tubes 12d ago

My guy's been on that Coca-Cola diet since 1922

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u/SunTzu_AoW 12d ago

Took a trip to Kaktovik 4 years ago and had an amazing experience. Flew in on a small plane to basically the most northern point in Alaska. Very small town but really cozy. Bruce was our guide and he and his daughter would take us out all day to see polar bears. We followed a mom and three cubs around. Super cute babies and would get curious but they always made sure we kept a big distance between us. Would highly recommend!

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u/mysticmerlotman 12d ago

Does he know people call him fat? I don’t think we should body shame Polar Bears

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u/oneweirdclickbait 12d ago

I have a strict no-bodyshaming-policy for everything that can catch and eat me. Fantastic Albert is off limits!

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u/Educational_Grab2756 12d ago

He gets free food from the villagers I don't think he cares lol

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u/DirkDieGurke 12d ago

Depends on his height. His BMI could be in the healthy zone.

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u/MarshallStack666 12d ago

Assuming 10 feet, that's still a BMI of around 49. He's a fat-ass for sure.

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u/DirkDieGurke 12d ago

Are you using Body Mass Index or Bear Mass Index?

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u/zachariah120 12d ago

Most polar bears weigh over 1000 pounds…

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u/25Bam_vixx 12d ago

Why is it not white?

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u/g_core18 12d ago

It's dirty

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u/starkeffect 12d ago

This bear is dry-clean-only.

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u/SolomonBlack 12d ago

If there was ever a bear that was totally the opposite for…

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u/MigraineWhiskey 12d ago

Polar opposite?

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u/Educational_Grab2756 12d ago Wholesome (Pro)

Omg you can't just ask polar bears why they aren't white! Haha have you never seen a polar bear in real life? Their skin is actually black and their fur is clear. They're also predators and are usually covered in dried blood.

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u/cgludko 12d ago

My local zoo has a polar bear with some serious allergy/autoimmune disease that makes it itch and loose its fur. I’m glad the bear has mostly recovered because… that was not pretty

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u/GorbachevsGonchies 12d ago

When I was a kid the public park in my hometown had a zoo, before public opinion turned against stuff like that. I remember finding it confusing that the polar bear was green. I guess nobody realized sticking polar bears in an outdoor pen in a rain forest would make forest gunk grow on them.

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u/CenterOTMultiverse 12d ago

I was wondering if perhaps he was a polar/grizzly hybrid. I've read somewhere that they're becoming more common due to the loss of polar ice and such.

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u/RearEchelon 12d ago

Pizzly/grolar bear

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u/CenterOTMultiverse 12d ago

I've heard of grolars, is pizzly also used? What's the difference? Species of maternal bear?

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u/DCXXll 12d ago

Yup...I'm going to have to pull a Leonardo Dicaprio if l saw that in the wild.

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u/_WhataNick2_ 12d ago

And draw him like one of his French girls?

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u/nitram013 12d ago

Fat Albert: There isn't even another Albert in this town. Why do y'all have to call me "Fat" Albert

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