r/WhitePeopleTwitter Jul 01 '22 Silver 4 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Wholesome 5 Helpful 2

The only moral person in L.A.

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91.1k Upvotes

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u/marzagg Jul 01 '22

The reality is patients with body dysmorphia will almost never be happy w the result

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u/mealteamsixty Jul 01 '22

Yep, and those are the people you see with the painful looking botox faces and the impossible (and unattractive) body mods

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u/mak484 Jul 01 '22

They're also the most likely to sue their surgeon if they don't like the outcome. This guy did a good job turning her away, but that decision was pragmatic as much as it was ethical.

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u/szypty Jul 01 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy

Pragmaticism+ethics+enlightened self interest = the best damn recipe for a person to behave.

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u/BigBadgerBro Jul 01 '22

Can you expand a bit on what you mean by enlightened self interest? Cos I’m an idiot and can’t understand how that is different from your standard off the shelf self interest

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u/szypty Jul 01 '22

I'm not really good with definitions so here's an example: "i will not discriminate against minorities because one day i might be a member of some minority that is being discriminated against. And furthermore by helping the discriminated i make contacts that will likely prove useful if I'm ever being discriminated against".

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u/theog_thatsme Jul 01 '22

People need to realize fascists always need an out group to punish. They only let groups like the Irish and Slavs into the whole white supremacy thing within the last hundred or so years and they will drop you like a bad habit as soon as it’s convenient.

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u/sysdmdotcpl Jul 01 '22

People need to realize fascists always need an out group to punish

Despite the pasty white tan my computer monitor provides, I'm pretty fucking Italian. In the 1940's (the supposed golden age of America for these idiots) I'd be considered a minority.

Globalization was supposed to kill this shit off not have us dig deeper.

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u/Luke_Needsawalker Jul 01 '22

Globalization was supposed to kill this shit off not have us dig deeper.

Oh its killing it alright, its just taking a whole while because the roots run extremely deep.

The fact that; as you point out, the "in" group has expanded over the years means that they're needing to form bigger and bigger tents to support their bullshit. Eventually, it'll crumble on its own, but it's gonna take at least a couple more generations born post-globalization for us to truly see the change happen.

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u/fkbjsdjvbsdjfbsdf Jul 01 '22

Acting in your own interest without harming other people and with a long-term view. Standard self-interest is not restrained other than by personal mores.

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u/TheLucidDream Jul 01 '22

“There should be a safety net for people, because even if I never use it, I don’t want to get robbed by a desperate someone trying to feed their family.”

“Service workers should make a living wage and have their general needs met so that when I require their services they are able to focus on that with as few existential distractions as possible.”

“I should be kind to this person because making them more stressed out is not going to get me anywhere.”

These are examples of enlightened self-interest which imo is the barest minimum a person should have in order to be allowed to participate in society.

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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '22

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u/procrast1natrix Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

Off the shelf self interest can often be very short sighted and narrowly defined. See: many libertarian policies. There isn't interest in any action that doesn't immediately benefit yourself. Enlightenment in this context has to do with understanding deeply that by helping others we are often in fact helping ourselves.

Edit/ I think another component is denying the lie of the lure of immediate self gratification. I don't know though about Buddhism to know exactly which principle I'm trying to describe or whether it's part of enlightenment, but there's a thing where you mistrust the shortcut.

That surgeon could have looked at that patient and thought "that mentally ill person is never going to be happy and will sue me" and found some bullshit way to put them off or refer to a different practice and avoid the difficult conversation. It is enlightened behavior to value the truth that other person needs to hear and to have the respect and decency to be able to say it with genuineness shining from your eyes, which is the only way it will be heard.

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u/Rabid_Gopher Jul 01 '22

Thank you for summarizing that so succinctly! I maybe should have just liked your post, but you broke my brain for a minute and I don't have the coins for an award.

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u/Robin0660 Jul 01 '22

I gochu fam

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u/Der_genealogist Jul 01 '22

I gave an award instead of you

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u/Ok_Improvement_5897 Jul 01 '22

For sure - I've never had plastic surgery but much like other young insecure women I've thought about it on occasion, but someone told me that if I reeeaaaally wanted to go for it, that I should find a surgeon that knows how to say 'no'. It protects them but it protects the patient as well, and I don't think you can be ethical as a plastic surgeon without being willing to tell people 'hell fucking no'.

I wish more estheticians and professionals offering fillers would learn to do this, because goddamn people go crazy with those - and it's usually young insecure women who are barely 20, if that, and don't realize that the filler doesn't totally dissolve like they think.

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u/Eldendune Jul 01 '22

Problem is in American healthcare it’s alllll about that 5 star rating so we are pressed to cave to patient demands like it’s McDonald’s. I’ve had an immense amount of patient encounters where they dictate to me what they want. Of course patient input ultimately matters, but I will not do things against evidence based practice/if I think it’s not in the patients best interest. People forget that.

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u/HittingSmoke Jul 01 '22

Somehow lip fillers have just flown under the radar as completely mainstream somehow. I can think of two shows off the top of my head that I'm currently watching with an actress whose lips inflate to clown-like proportions over the course of the show and it's extremely jarring.

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u/shroomsandgloom Jul 01 '22

I hate the lip fillers. It's all I see when I go on Instagram and it's gross.

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u/Journier Jul 01 '22

Half the girls i work with now have botox and lip fillers. Its so insanely common now in the 18-40 demographic im disturbed, None of it looks like a real lip, it looks like someone gave them a punch to the face and swelled their lip up.

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u/ClamPuddingCake Jul 01 '22

Not just those people. I spent a lot of time on realself before my procedure (it's a website for people to share their before and after experiences with cosmetic surgery and rate stuff ) and there's plenty of people who looked beautiful and natural both before and after, but they freak out that the doctor "ruined them" because they see all these grotesque flaws in themselves that don't actually exist. Their self image is so far from reality. They instantly have everything reversed.

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u/Ruski_FL Jul 01 '22

It’s kinda crazy. Sometimes I look at myself in mirror and I think my face is really ugly.

Other times I’m like damn look at you.

I don’t think my face can change so much within a span of few days

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u/RandomRedditReader Jul 01 '22

It can happen in real time too. Sometimes I look at myself and see a chonker but with a slight change in lighting and angles I can look pretty buff. Brains weird.

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u/ZoomJet Jul 01 '22

Yep, they need to address the dysmorphia rather than the fixations it'll cause.

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u/howsThisNotTakenYet Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

sounds like a lifelong customer /s

e: to all the armchair lawyers with the same exact comment, thanks for your expertise, but /s means sarcasm. Also, the suits probably won’t be successful just because they don’t like it. That’s not malpractice or negligence

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u/ChipsHanden Jul 01 '22

Unfortunately the world is full of crooks who will absolutely take advantage of your mental illness for financial gain. :/

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u/wggn Jul 01 '22

Doesn't that basically describe the whole gambling industry

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u/loverevolutionary Jul 01 '22

Any industry with the addiction business model, where your "whales" make up 10% of your customers but 90% of your income.

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u/Dobber16 Jul 01 '22

Ah, video game industry

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u/ThirdFloorGreg Jul 01 '22

Maybe, but if they sue you every third surgery then the juice probably isn't worth the squeeze.

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u/Commercial_Film_7402 Jul 01 '22

No sounds like someone that will be a headache and keep coming back and maybe even sue you.

Plastic surgeons make enough money that they can easily turn away patients they think would be problematic

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u/kellygrrrl328 Jul 01 '22

I really wish celebs like the Kardashian-Jenners would at the very least just be honest about all the procedures and photoshopping.

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u/SecretAsianMan42069 Jul 01 '22

If someone thinks the kardashians aren’t 20% plastic at this point, that’s on them at this point. Look at Kylie when she was 12 and now. Not even the same person.

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u/whippletriple Jul 01 '22

If someone thinks the kardashians aren’t 20% plastic at this point, that’s on them at this point.

I never understood this reasoning. Yes, obviously "it's on them", but that doesn't mean they don't need help.
Society: "It's your fault you gambled so much that you destroyed your life".
Them: "Yes, it is my fault, now will someone please help save me from myself because I can't do it."

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u/kellygrrrl328 Jul 01 '22

Kylie is way too damn young to be as far down the plastic path as she is. Sadly, there actually still are people out there who idolize these grifting talentless🤖

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u/liontender Jul 01 '22

This article suggests that there's a spectrum among plastic surgeons about how willing they are to take on clients who request many repeated treatments:

https://www.thecut.com/2019/05/incel-plastic-surgery.html

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u/Temporary_Art_9213 Jul 01 '22

Whew. My surgeon did about the same. I am thankful for him. I still had surgery due to losing over 100 pounds but did not go for the look I thought I wanted.

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u/Nathy97 Jul 01 '22

Congrats on losing 100 pounds!

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u/ThreeFishInAManSuit Jul 01 '22 Burning Cash

Unless you're British of course!

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u/sillybear25 Jul 01 '22

"Congrats on losing 7 stone!" doesn't really have the same ring to it.

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u/zkki Jul 01 '22

mfers been in my rock collection again :(

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u/gpassi Jul 01 '22

THEY ARE MINERALS MARIE

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u/UntouchedWagons Jul 01 '22

Dammit Abigail stop eating my Quartz!

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u/NotYourNormRedditor Jul 01 '22

Not the place I expected to find a Stardew Valley reference, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

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u/Orellin_Vvardengra Jul 01 '22

She ate the flowers I gave her. Woman is a black hole.

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u/Pandipoop Jul 01 '22

Bugger, I've lost a hundred quid mate!

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u/bitch-ass_ho Jul 01 '22

I’m very curious as to what you thought you wanted?

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u/Temporary_Art_9213 Jul 01 '22

Double D’S like I had prior to the weight loss. Ignoring the back pain I dealt with previously and my chest to shoulder ratio ; which is thing surgeons check lol.

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u/gastrognom Jul 01 '22

A bag of skin to put stuff into, like a fanny pack but natural. I still think it's a good idea.

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u/GhostOfFallen Jul 01 '22

So like a kangaroo pouch?

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u/Ms_Thanos Jul 01 '22

Yeah but with partitions and zippers

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u/Mugilicious Jul 01 '22

I can't find a flaw in this plan... more functional body modifications please

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u/bitch-ass_ho Jul 01 '22

Lol stop it

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u/ToyStoryIsReal Jul 01 '22

Is this what women have to resort to in order to get the fashion industry to make dresses with pockets!??

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u/go-upstairs Jul 01 '22

I can see this doctor didn't skip the chapter of his medical school textbook called "Boobs: What they're supposed to look like"

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u/tetrahydrocannabiol Jul 01 '22

Took titties 101 very seriously in medschool

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u/LouSputhole94 Jul 01 '22

I mean who wouldn’t?

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u/mtarascio Jul 01 '22

I feel it would lose it's mystery and ruin it.

Don't make your hobby your job afterall.

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u/HealthPacc Jul 01 '22

Funny related story:

The guest speaker at my High School graduation made a big chunk of his speech about if you find something you love, you should go as deep into the field as you can.

A normal enough statement on its own, but the fact that he was a gynecologist made it a bit odd

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u/brineOfTheCat Jul 01 '22

Nah, using “go as deep into the field as you can” while being a gynecologist is amusing

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u/Telefone_529 Jul 01 '22

Sometimes it's more like you enjoy your hobby so much you almost have to make it your job. Like if like to collect honey but then you get so good at it you have more honey than you or anyone you know could possibly use so you start selling it but then demand creeps up, you need to meet those orders, time to hire help" then it's a business.

Maybes it the same for looking at titties.

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u/Mythoclast Jul 01 '22

Yeah but I don't want money I want HONEY. It keeps forever

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u/Buttstuffs69 Jul 01 '22

I was too busy studying Ass 101

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u/howardslowcum Jul 01 '22

I have spend my thousand hours of field work to be concidered and expert in titties but it wasn't until I took titties 101 that I finally understood what tittys we're supposed to look pike

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u/atthevanishing Jul 01 '22

That was the chapter they added after The Great Boob Debacle of '98

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u/ethan-bubblegum-tate Jul 01 '22

Now they know to keep abreast of new developments

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u/grapefruitmixup Jul 01 '22

Once I was babysitting this kid and he pointed at this pink piece of construction paper with a circle on it.

"You see that? It's the Boob Club flag."

Uh, what? So he goes on to describe this network of kids in his class who would search "boobs" on Google Images while one of them kept an eye on the teacher. They had a rotating shift schedule and everything. Oh, and the flag was supposed to be a close-up of a nipple - they'd hold it up when it was time to meet for Boob Club.

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u/GoddessOfRoadAndSky Jul 01 '22

I love this story for several reasons. The club is hilarious, the kids are clever as hell, but my favorite part is that they told you about it at all. You must've been a damn good babysitter to be trusted with such a secret. I imagine being scared to tell any authority figure about that, but you must have been viewed more as a friend. That is awesome.

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u/ritual_artifact Jul 01 '22

this is amazing

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u/abraham1inco1n Jul 01 '22

Future CEO, I bet. Or felon, same same

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u/P-Rickles Jul 01 '22

No longer pledging allegiance to the US flag (which is weird to do anyway). I pledge allegiance to the Boob Club flag. One nation, loving boobs, indivisible. With liberty and nipples for all.

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u/Jwhitx Jul 01 '22

( . )v( . )

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u/yaforgot-my-password Jul 01 '22

( ° )( , )

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u/da_funcooker Jul 01 '22

“Goodbye Michael. And say goodbye to these!”

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u/yourmansconnect Jul 01 '22

try hair up no glasses

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u/TheCarpe Jul 01 '22

I just feel like there's still some light getting in under the door...

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u/squidgemobile Jul 01 '22

No joke, we had a slideshow in medical school. (Genitals too)

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u/HIMP_Dahak_172291 Jul 01 '22

I would hope so! If you are going to be diagnosing I would want you know the range of 'normal' and not just go off of porn hub or whatever!

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u/merdub Jul 01 '22

I’ll never forget the time I hooked up with a guy who was genuinely baffled that I had pubes, like he was entirely convinced that they were not supposed to be there.

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u/HIMP_Dahak_172291 Jul 01 '22

Wow. That is just sad. There are women with pubes in porn too so how in hell did he not know? Sure most are trimmed down to a landing strip or whatever, but they are still there.

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u/merdub Jul 01 '22

It was the 90s, Internet porn wasn’t really a thing we were familiar with, and we all passed around a VHS labelled Care Bears that was a recording of some like DirectTV pay-per-view porn their dad ordered.

It was the age of ultra-low-rise jeans.

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u/Zauberer-IMDB Jul 01 '22

My recollection of the 90s is the landing strip was considered the height of fashion.

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u/mikepolehonki Jul 01 '22

Republicans keep trying to ban CBT

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u/Majestic_Ornament Jul 01 '22

Just had this happen to me in regards to my teeth! I just wanted them to be filled in with bonding to make them all the same size and look squared for that “Colgate smile” and my ortho told me that’s not what teeth are supposed to look like & that I don’t need it, he said it would age me. He said I just needed to finish my invisialign treatment and they would look like real, normal teeth as they were intended to be! I gained a lot more respect for him at that moment

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u/decadecency Jul 01 '22

That guy absolutely saved you from that Robogadget look.

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u/Corcupine Jul 01 '22

That’s an interesting piece of feedback, and it does ring true when I think about it. Whenever I see young people with obvious face lifts or things like that, they do look much older. I think it’s because, generally, older people tend to get those procedures to fix their aging features, so I associate them with each other in my head? I guess with teeth the association would be older people commonly having too-perfect dentures or veneers. Huh.

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u/Dorkinfo Jul 01 '22

This was in an episode of Veronica Mars. Though the surgeon was a cokehead who owed money to a gang.

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u/Hammar_81 Jul 01 '22

But also - Kristen Bell guest starred in an episode of Everwood where she played a teen who was being made very ill by her breast implants.

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u/colourmecanadian Jul 01 '22

I know someone who got cancer when one of her breast implants burst... she's totally okay now, had to get a reduction in size, though. Now she has smaller implants.

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u/kelpklepto Jul 01 '22

WAIT THAT WAS KRISTEN BELL?? Bruh I remember watching that show all the time, it's always weird when you realize a random guest star in a show went on to do way more stuff. Like how Amy Adams was in an episode of Smallville where she was a morbidly obese girl who ate something radioactive/kryptonite-laced and started losing all her fat, but became a monstrous cannibal like creature that sucked the life out of dudes.

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u/PreviousDinner2067 Jul 01 '22

I saw that episode a couple days ago! Got into it after watching The Good Place. The first season was way better then it had any right to be. What a rollercoaster

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u/llama4ever Jul 01 '22

The only negative about the first season is hearing “he used to be my boyfriend” every episode in the recap.

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u/Dorkinfo Jul 01 '22

Incorrect, there are two versions of the pilot and the one that cuts out the intro monologue is bad. So two negatives.

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u/Sonicowen Jul 01 '22

Fucking Neptune, what a shit town

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u/AlbaGaant Jul 01 '22

I went in for a consult on a nose job and the dr said "I'm not going to be the one that does it. I put your nose on people. You'll be able to find someone to take your money but I think you should consider that you don't see yourself accurately." That was almost 20 years ago and I never got the nose job. He saved me a lot of money and started me on the journey of learning about body dysmorphia.

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u/cheesehuahuas Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

My friend was one of the most beautiful people I'd ever met and she did not like her nose for some reason. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about it but she had a lot of body image issues. She spent like 8k on a nose job and I couldn't tell the difference afterwards.

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u/anastasiafranzblau Jul 01 '22

I got a nose job (well septorhinoplasty). It cost around 20k and I look pretty much exactly the same. No one notices I got a nose job. It's odd, because the nose is actually, objectively, quite different--but I agree with them, it just didn't really change the way I look. I take solace in the fact that I can breathe now but cosmetically, it was a waste of money. Plastic surgery is not for me.

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u/AridFrost3625 Jul 01 '22

This reason is why I'm wanting this at some point. I think my septum is deviated, or something because it is always hard to breathe and not have my nose feel like it's clogged. Tooken allergy meds and all but refuse to see a doctor because of my past trauma with medical environments.

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u/shmargus Jul 01 '22

Tooken

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u/suckmyglock762 Jul 01 '22

I felt that in my bones.

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u/Careful_Ad7385 Jul 01 '22

Fool of a tooken!

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u/getsendywithme Jul 01 '22

There's another possibility: The tissue lining your nasal cavity can be very inflamed, limiting airflow noticeably. Go to a doctor to see if your septum is deviated, or go to a therapist (try out many easily online) to do some trauma work. Not easy, but it's worth it.

If the nasal turbinates are inflamed, the surgery to reduce them is much, much less invasive than a nose job / septum reconstruction. There is no external swelling or scarring: it all stays inside your nose. I breathe a lot easier, even in allergy season, now that I got turbinate reduction a couple years ago.

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u/utried_ Jul 01 '22

My brother had this done earlier this year and it was a rough first week, but now he can breathe and his nose is much more straight now! It looks great.

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u/CameronDiazMadeMeGay Jul 01 '22

My brother is just 16 and currently struggling with this. He's very handsome and good-looking overall (even did some modeling gigs) but talks often about how he needs a nose job, bigger lips, etc...

I think he has serious issues with body dysmorphia.

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u/standrightwalkleft Jul 01 '22

has anyone talked to him about his online activity lately? a lot of incel forums are echo chambers of body dysmorphia for young men, might be something to watch out for. just a thought.

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u/CameronDiazMadeMeGay Jul 01 '22

I have, just yesterday I mentioned "incels" and he didn't even know what that word meant. He does well dating-wise.

I think he's having problems mostly because he keeps comparing himself with famous k-pop artists and the like who appear to be perfect. Unrealistic expectations, I guess. Being a teenager surely plays a big role too.

It's difficult to convince him that he's perfectly normal and good-looking, though. He is fixated on the most minor thing.

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u/curationaccount Jul 01 '22

The surgeon did her a favor. $8k placebo.

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u/speedycat2014 Jul 01 '22

I never considered I had body dysmorphia because it's so obvious how bad I look. (Which is kind of the point about body dysmorphia, it's so obvious why don't others see it?)

I started working out with a friend who is a trainer. I've been working out over zoom with her group and when I met up with her in person for the first time in six months she was agog over how much weight I'd lost. I waved her compliment off dismissively and said the scale hadn't moved that much and then without realizing it proceeded to dismiss her assertion that muscle weighs more than fat.

She stopped me and very seriously said, "You seem to have some kind of body dysmorphia thing going on. Really, you look great, you're in great shape."

I still doubt her sometimes. That's how insidious body dysmorphia is. I typed all this out and I'm still not 100% convinced I have it.

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u/pzombie88 Jul 01 '22

Mental illnesses are like this. "I am not paranoid, people are obviously going after me" (fortunately not my case). "I don't have depression, clearly there is no reason for me to continue living (unfortunately this is my case). You cannot think about it clearly because the thing that does said thinking is not in good condition, but even knowing this does not solve it. It sucks when you can't trust your own reasoning.

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u/OrkBjork Jul 01 '22

Thank you for putting it that way. I have been feeling a bit ashamed of myself after having some kind of epiphany the other day when I realized I'm actually extremely insecure but because I have had such a specific definition of what insecurity is(which is almost comically careful in how it excludes my own patterns of behavior and thought) that it never occurred to me I might be insecure. I have been in therapy for upwards of half a decade cumulatively now, and I'm just realizing I am insecure, like I wanna laugh because it's just so absurd, but I also can't believe how easily it escaped my notice.

It hurts and it scares me, because it makes me feel like my progress in therapy is completely random. And that due to that, I may never be "better" though I honestly have no idea what that even means at this point.

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u/Tiny_Dinky_Daffy_69 Jul 01 '22

Selfies created an epidemic on nose jobs, because of the wide angle of the camera its makes noses look bigger that they are. A lot of people critique camera filters and the shits of r/instagramreality but I think is healthier for people to see themselves as they want with filters that actually destroy their body with unnecessary plastic surgery.

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u/Corcupine Jul 01 '22

So true. I rarely see photos of my own face taken by actual professionals with quality cameras, but few times I have seen a facial portrait that way I’ve been stunned at how good I look! Pictures of my face with a phone camera make me look horrible, but that’s 99% of the pictures I see so it becomes ingrained in my mind. I have to remind myself that it’s not accurate.

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u/kevik72 Jul 01 '22

I put your nose on people.

Damn. That’s actually an amazing compliment.

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u/KDY_ISD Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

This question comes from a place of well meaning ignorance, so I hope it doesn't upset you, but: what's body dysmorphia outside the context of gender reassignment?

Edit: Thanks for the explanations, everybody! I appreciate it

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u/KiwiJay8 Jul 01 '22

When your perception of what you look like, doesn’t match reality, and you get hyper focused on fixing something about yourself. You’ll see it in huge body builder who are convinced they’re puny weaklings, or skinny people who think they’re huge, or people who try to hide a particular body part to the extreme

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u/wafflesareforever Jul 01 '22

My gf works out nonstop and doesn't eat nearly enough. She keeps her body in "could do a photoshoot for the cover of a fitness magazine right now" shape at all times. It's taking a toll on her health. Her knee is so screwed up that she walks sideways going down a flight of stairs to ease the strain on it; her doctor is urging her to stop running for a while or else she'll need a knee replacement by the time she's 40. Taking a break isn't an option in her mind. All because she was chubby growing up and can't get that image of herself out of her head.

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u/MaxBlazed Jul 01 '22

Had a friend in a similar situation. Her doc convinced her to switch from running to swimming which did wonders for her jacked-up knees. She missed running on the trails, though, so she took up cycling, too, which is also lower impact than running.

Not a sermon, just a thought.

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u/sryii Jul 01 '22

That is a really great set of alternatives!

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u/Kiefer2018 Jul 01 '22

Incline walks on a treadmill are much better than running for your joints. Absolute killer too.

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u/sniper1rfa Jul 01 '22

This is really common for people dealing with anorexia, which is the most deadly mental illness that's officially recognized.

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u/InfiniteRadness Jul 01 '22

Wow, I actually had no idea about this, even though my ex had an eating disorder in her teens and I was somewhat educated about them. Looked it up out of curiosity, and you’re absolutely right. The article I read said eating disorders in general, but confirmed that AN is the most deadly among them. Unbelievably sad.

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u/Intergalactic96 Jul 01 '22

:( that’s rather sad, have you talked to her about her unhealthy habits?

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u/wafflesareforever Jul 01 '22

Oh of course. She's not shy about it; she knows it's messed up and is open with me about it. We went out to an expensive dinner with her parents recently and she immediately went to the bathroom after eating and made herself throw up. She told me about it on the way home and I nearly drove the car off the road.

All I can really do is listen and be the one person she's comfortable sharing this with. If I lectured her about it she'd just stop talking to me about it. I do gently encourage her to see a therapist and I think I'm making some progress there.

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u/ensanguine Jul 01 '22

Man that's so rough, I'm sorry to both you and your GF. Eating disorders are so fucked up.

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u/wafflesareforever Jul 01 '22

We started dating about 18 months ago. She opened up to me about it after learning that my little sister had gone through years of severe anorexia. In a way I feel like I'm the right person for her when it comes to this. I've already gone through it before with someone I love; I take it seriously and don't make her feel embarrassed or shameful about it.

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u/Intergalactic96 Jul 01 '22

God, it’s the worst when you know that your actions are harming you. but sometimes the mental illness is far too overpowering. My partner has been dealing with an eating disorder since she was a child, so i know y’all’s pain. :( I’m so so sorry. Stay tough and stay supportive

On the bright side, my partner started to see a therapist round 5 months ago and she’s improved drastically! She went from not eating for 18 hours after having fries to ordering a pizza by herself!

I guess I’m just saying nothing is impossible when it comes to healing, and I wish you both the best of luck!!

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u/wafflesareforever Jul 01 '22

I'm glad to hear it. My sister overcame years of anorexia and is now at a healthy-ish weight - still too skinny but she at least looks healthy again. She had gotten to the point where her doctor was going to commit her to inpatient care. Passing out regularly, arms like toothpicks, etc.

She does eat reasonably normally; her fiancé makes sure of that. I will say that the upcoming wedding hasn't helped matters, but that will pass and I think she'll be back to relatively normal after that.

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u/SkyFoo Jul 01 '22

Yeah most we can do is listen, support and encourage seeing a professional, hopefully she opens to it soon dude

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u/_itsjustmaria Jul 01 '22

Yes. And height can be one too. I’m a 5’8 woman which is not incredibly tall, but growing up, I was always the tallest girl, and then in high school/college was surrounded by women who were usually 5’4 to 5’5. So I had this idea in my head that I am this giant freak of nature and no one will ever find me attractive because of my height which I can’t change, and that I’ll never be happy. Meanwhile the rest of the world just saw me as a regular human and didn’t think twice about it and I’ve brought all this suffering onto myself.

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u/rbkc12345 Jul 01 '22

Yeah I'm sure height was sort of a trigger for my ED but it's funny, at the same time I wanted to be taller. Just one inch more legs, 5'10" to be legit tall. Also was so flat chested and hung up about it but really didn't want big boobs either, they just looked fat to me. Basically wanted to be low in mass, very light, not "big" so if tall (big in one dimension) needed to be very skinny, but taller felt good because it looked less squatty, easier to look skinny.

Brains are weird. I eat well and take good care of my body now, but some hangups persist.

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u/jojobaswitnes Jul 01 '22 Narwhal Salute

Usually you see flaws where there are none or something really minor becomes a point of obsession.

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u/SwadianZunist Jul 01 '22

Like how I have a mole that I hate even though most people would never know that I have it and the ones that do know about it don’t give a shit.

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u/hairballcouture Jul 01 '22

I have a bump on my nose that everyone swears they can’t see until I point it out but to me it shines like a beacon in the night.

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u/speedycat2014 Jul 01 '22

My nose is angled incorrectly, like someone glued it to my face wrong. One guy pointed it out 30 years ago, and now it's all I see. I have to point it out to people if I mention it because they don't see it.

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u/AssistivePeacock Jul 01 '22

My mom pointed out to me when I was a kid that my nose was off center... then my Dad was like "what the heck there's nothing wrong with him". Like you, I have to point it out to people as it's very imperceptible except to me lol. I still get laid on occasion so it doesn't hurt me much.

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u/LarsFaboulousJars Jul 01 '22

One of my front 4 teeth is tucked slightly behind the rest. People regularly say they don't notice it when I naturally/uncontrollably smile. But guess who actively suppresses anything more than a lip curl smile and tried to pull his tooth "into place" himself as a teen. The brain can be seriously terrible to itself

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u/atomic223 Jul 01 '22

An ex years ago pointed out that my eyes are uneven. It turns out they’re not—my eyeballs themselves are at almost exactly the same height, but my right eyelid droops a little lower than my left and it has the effect of making one eye look either permanently swollen, slightly smaller, or lower than the other. I went decades without noticing, she pointed it out once, and now I see it every time I look in the mirror. It drives me CRAZY.

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u/theYonderExile Jul 01 '22

A lot of these other responses have been great at defining Body Dysmorphia, but I think it’s important to note Body Dysmorphia and Gender Dysphoria are also different and are therefore treated much differently.

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u/Slight-Subject5771 Jul 01 '22

As an aside on the English language...

Dysmorphia = bad shape = mental illness Dysphoria = bad feeling = not mental illness (generally speaking, depends on who you ask)

So strange.

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u/HarpersGhost Jul 01 '22 Heartwarming

It's strange because our medical knowledge about the brain is primitive, and so there's a very large dichotomy between "mental" illness and "physical" illness.

Very basic explanation.

Body dysmorphia is a mental illness because it can be treated with the ways we treat other mental illnesses. So it fits into our taxonomy of mental illnesses.

Gender dysphoria is your brain and your body not matching up for some reason. We've tried treating it as a mental illness for years, and it didn't really work. What people discovered is if you treat it like a physical illness and put those people on hormone replacement therapy, then they become much happier and healthier.

Our understandings of gender are very, very basic and so we don't understand what makes a brain male, female, neither, or both. But taking hormones? Oh that's a really easy fix. Thus dysphoria is not classified as a mental illness but a physical illness.

Research into gender is already showing that a lot more men than previously known have XXY chromosomes, which may mean that All Men are XY and All Women are XX could just be an assumption because we haven't been testing All Men and All Women. Thus if we start testing against trans people and start making women "prove" they are Real Women, it's going to start shaking some spiders out of the closet and showing we've been making some assumptions we shouldn't have.

In a couple hundred years, (hopefully) scientists will understand more and have much better treatments.... unless fascists keep destroying all the research on trans people again like they did in the beginnings of Nazi Germany.

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u/herbiesmom Jul 01 '22

Gender dysphoria is manifested as mental distress. However, transitioning typically relieves that distress. So being transgender isn't a mental illness, but not being allowed to live as your identified gender can cause mental distress.

Body dysmorphia is not fixed by plastic surgery. Sometimes it can be intensified. Many textbooks use Michael Jackson as an example, as he continued to have plastic surgery to try to improve his looks while most people don't see the end result as an improvement.

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u/theinsanityoffence Jul 01 '22

It's seeing normally developed areas of the body as being grotesque, deformed, or inadequate. One could say their own eyes are too far apart, nose too crooked, legs oddly bowlegged, chin not sharp enough, etc. To the outsider the person looks normal, maybe even beautiful. But to the person themselves they are a hideous monster. Where one sees Esmeralda, the self sees Quasimodo.

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u/atthevanishing Jul 01 '22

Where one sees Esmeralda, the self sees Quasimodo.

This was a great way to put it. And kind of inspiring a bit of a drawing for me

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u/shawnmd Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

Body Dysmorphia is a mental health condition involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. It can range from thinking you’re too fat so you excessively exercise, to thinking your nose looks too big, and many other manifestations. I previously struggled with it in college where I thought I was heavy (I wouldn’t say fat) when in reality I saw myself completely different from reality and was actually quite thin. It can be very difficult to overcome but it’s so freeing to be released from the anxiety.

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u/Seventh_Eve Jul 01 '22

Dysmorphia and dysphoria are different words, it’s a common mistake to think they’re the same thing so it’s no big deal.

Dysmorphia can be described as a person having a warped sense of self perception, with this self image causing them distress (for instance OP not perceiving their nose as how it looks in reality, and therefore disliking it, or an anorexic person thinking they’re too fat/overweight).

Dysphoria is when you have a mostly accurate self perception, but what you view doesn’t align to how you feel it ought to be, causing distress. Trans people often feel a subset of dysphoria called gender dysphoria (for instance I as a trans person feel this way about my genitals, I have accurate knowledge of what they are and it is this which causes me quite a bit of distress).

It’s probably also worth noting that a lot of trans people are often dysmorphic too, as unlike gender dysphoria (which seems to be innate), dysmorphia is often a learned feature, for instance the rates of disorders such as anorexia are raised within the trans community. The reasons for this are complicated and not well understood, and while I could conjecture I’d rather not.

But yeah, I hope that answered your question well!

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u/QuietPerson88 Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

It is the deep seated belief that either the whole body or parts of it are hideous despite being completely ordinary or beautiful. The doctor straight up told this person that other people pay money to have a nose that looks just like theirs does, so the doctor didn't feel right trying to change its appearance.

Part of a plastic surgeon's training involves being aware of this condition and its effects on their patients, and I'm grateful as hell that they bother.

Another place you tend to see it is in people with eating disorders. Looking in the mirror when you weigh 100lbs soaking wet and seeing nothing but fat. As the doctor pointed out, it involves not seeing your body features accurately. Hope that helps.

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u/ihatefrosting Jul 01 '22

Basically feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, or feeling you should look a certain way but you don't.

For me personally, I was skinny for my entire childhood, my metabolism was pretty high and I never put on weight. At my graduation I was dress size 6 with big boobs being my only body fat. Im now a dress size 22. After high school my weight spiraled out of control due to many factors.

When I picture myself in my mind im not as fat as I am, so when I look in the mirror it can be disturbing because it doesn't look like ME. Its taken me a while to accept and now I can finally work towards a healthier body but it won't look the same as before and that might make it worse. Because even if im skinny again my tummy will never be flat like it was, I will have stretch marks and saggy skin. When I look in the mirror I may still not see ME.

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u/Dreadpiratewill Jul 01 '22

I'm a big huge dude. I see it in photos or videos of me next to family and friends. I get it when I'm doing strongman or when I'm sparring or rolling with other people.

Otherwise I look at my hands and I feel like they're small.

Then I go to a hardware store to buy new gloves & the XXL ones don't fit me & I go to three different stores trying on seventeen different brands until some fit.

I look at myself in the mirror & I feel tiny. I step on the scale and I'm 267. I don't have abs but I don't have a gut of any sort either.

I feel small out shopping but I don't fit into the shirts I'm trying on because the chest/neck/arms are too small.

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u/strumndrum Jul 01 '22

I had a nose surgery that was functional and not cosmetic. Before the procedure, the surgeon asked if I wanted my nose to look any different. I had never even considered it, and I said I just want it to work better. I've never once looked in the mirror and regretted that decision

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u/nonsequitureditor Jul 01 '22

honestly this is what a good plastic surgeon does, nothing but respect for this guy

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u/shtushkutusha Jul 01 '22

Plastic and cosmetic surgery patients have a low satisfaction rate because of unrealistic expectations. This dude saved his ass from a potentially unhappy patient. Source: 25 years in surgery

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u/cultured_banana_slug Jul 01 '22

Doc: "I'm sorry, but we just can't make this possible for you."

Patient: (Sighs) "But I really wanted wings."

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u/nandeEbisu Jul 01 '22

Plot twist, he gets a kick back from the psychiatrist for sending them body dysmorphia patients.

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u/JackHGUK Jul 01 '22

The guys never held a scalpel in his life, his actual job title is psychiatry recruiter.

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u/sadwer Jul 01 '22

That's kind of genius: it's almost passive income with no worries about malpractice suits or even staff.

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u/MetsFan113 Jul 01 '22

I wanna know what she thinks boobs loook like?

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u/schietzs Jul 01 '22

She learned about boobs from the original Tomb Raider.

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u/NewFaded Jul 01 '22

Ahh yes... Hello, I'd like my tits to look like this please: > >

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u/Ourobius Jul 01 '22

NSFW tag

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u/MadCaptain Jul 01 '22

It’s like a Dennis Reynolds drawing.

“Do you like it? It’s very generous.”

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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '22

Why Maureen, you've... you've enhanced yourself.

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u/notagoodboye Jul 01 '22

I mean, just hit instagram for the ridiculous round gravity-defying tits, and it's easy to imagine someone whose boobs look normal, or even good, thinking there is something wrong about them. The internet has really done a number on people thinking that really abnormal shit is normal.

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u/GoodOldSlippinJimmy Jul 01 '22

"ok doctor so I'm thinking my boobs look a little off. If you could just make them look more like a couple of latex gloves stuffed with corn cobs and half eaten chicken fingers I'd look much more normal."

"I'm not gonna do that.“

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u/MeekosRevenge Jul 01 '22

I went in for a filler consultation and the injector literally told me she wouldn’t be touching my face with needles, pointed out all of the beautiful things she saw, and sent me home with a pamphlet on face creams. I told her that I loved her. She could have made over $1K from my insecurities, but chose to do the right thing.

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u/ddrt Jul 01 '22

My SO once said “my boobs are weird, they don’t go up like they should. Am I weird?”

I just looked at her, at her boobs, and said “they look normal to me, perfect actually” and went back to what I was doing.

Always support your local boobs.

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u/ohnoguts Jul 01 '22

Thank you for supporting local

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u/Telefone_529 Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

I feel like if it was mandatory to get at least 3 sessions of therapy for body dysmorphia before being allowed to go through with cosmetic surgery (that isn't reconstructive) everyone involved would be happier.

I'd gurantee a huge amount of people that would have otherwise gotten the surgeries would realize they're body isn't the problem and not go through with it.

I've met very few people who are genuinely happy after getting cosmetic surgery. Not none, just very few.

If you make it through those 3 weeks and think "nope! I still want to make my boobs look like I want" then go for it. But if it helps someone realize that it won't bring them what they hope. Maybe they'll save themselves a lot of hassle, money, and heartache.

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u/BearsAtFairs Jul 01 '22

mandatory to get at least 3 sessions of therapy

I'm not a mental health practitioner, but several people who are very close to me are. More often than not, it's very difficult for a person to make progress in mandatory therapy, and it's almost impossible with just a handful of sessions.

From what I've been told, 3-4 sessions is usually how long it takes a patient/client to start to trust the mental health practitioner enough to get to a point where they open up in ways that lead to long term progress and possible resolution of problems (as opposed to short term relief of emotional distress). And this is when the patient/client is coming in voluntarily. Apparently in cases where therapy is mandated, establishing trust and getting the patient/client to be open to the idea of therapy takes far, far longer... Which can be a problem, as mandatory therapy is usually only a handful of sessions.

But, overall, I totally agree with your sentiment.

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u/motorboat_mcgee Jul 01 '22

A lot of this thread is “plastic surgery bad”, there is a lot of nuance in this arena. Some people genuinely have body dysmorphia, others are simply unhappy with a part of themselves, get it “fixed” and live on to be happy.

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u/PoorCorrelation Jul 01 '22

My sister wasn’t smiling because she hated her gaping teeth. So she got braces. Sometimes cosmetic changes are just a one-off thing and not a symptom of BDD

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u/SkredBoi420 Jul 01 '22

Plastic surgeons also help people recover from disfigurement. They’re not just vanity surgeons despite what popular culture represents them as.

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u/ActualCarpenter Jul 01 '22

I've worked at a plastic surgery clinic for a couple months and the clientele is a really wide range. Someone getting implants will be followed 2 minutes later by a kid that have suffered burns and is getting his face reconstructed.

I should add I was renovating the building.

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u/madladgladlad Jul 01 '22

I have this really fun body dysmorphia where I look into the mirror some days and see an obese whale. Other days I see a skinny twig. I work out 6 days a week and watch what I eat, I know I'm in pretty decent shape and I feel great otherwise. But I look in the mirror and just see shit

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u/provisionings Jul 01 '22

“my plastic surgeon said my tits are perfect”

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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 13 '22

[deleted]

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u/Tarzan___ Jul 01 '22 Silver

They told you your tits were perfect?

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u/Asisreo1 Jul 01 '22

Its all part of the procedure

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u/ClicksAndASmell Jul 01 '22

Mine too.

Of course, I was there to have a mole on my face removed, but still.

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u/CareerAdviceThrowMe Jul 01 '22

I have generally decent teeth but I am very insecure over them. I’ve talked about getting braces as an adult and whitening them. My dentist was a bit surprised and pushed that I have good and white teeth but alas, I ended up getting custom whitening strips which I’ve only used a few times.

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u/LudwigVanBaehoeven Jul 01 '22

me too, my teeth are all where they should be and pretty white and properly shaped. however I had braces as a kid and didn’t wear my retainer (SO dumb everyone wear it or get a semi permanent one if you’re like me) and my overbite somewhat came back.. it wasn’t nearly as bad as before obviously but I was embarrassed.

the other day i went to a party and met another girl who kinda had an overbite like mine and I noticed I couldn’t stop looking at her because I thought she was so pretty! i legitimately thought her overbite looked good on her and made her smile better. it made me feel a lot better about myself knowing that hopefully some people see my flaws in a good light

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u/-HappyLady- Jul 01 '22

I once found a new dermatologist for the bi-annual head-to-toe check that is required of people who have had skin cancer.

I found out from the sign on his door that he is also a plastic surgeon.

He entered the exam room, introduced himself and made small talk while he examined every inch of my body.

When he was done, he put down his pen, looked up at my face and said, “want me to fix your nose?”

I said “is there something wrong with my nose?”

“It’s a bit wide,” he replied.

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u/TheSheWhoSaidThats Jul 01 '22

Yikes - reminds me of when i went to a spa and they offered to wax my face. I asked if there was something wrong with my face and they said i had a mustache. Been periodically insecure about it ever since

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u/utterlyforgetful55 Jul 01 '22

It is an awful thing to be betrayed by your body. We need more plastic surgeons like this.

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u/CodeOfKonami Jul 01 '22

That would be being betrayed by your brain.

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u/Alwayskitties Jul 01 '22

Does body dysmorphia make people think other people look ugly too?

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u/skellyclique Jul 01 '22

No, it’s a running joke in recovery communities that you’ll see someone who has the same body type and be like ‘wow hashtag goals’ while hating your own body

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u/Kadexe Jul 01 '22

Check r/normalnudes (nsfw obviously) to remember what normal boobs look like.

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u/thrownaway000090 Jul 01 '22

I’ve noticed a lot of young, stereotypically attractive women post on there, in very flattering poses. It’s kind of annoying. Like stop flexing and post a picture bent over with your stomach relaxed ffs.

There are some great people to follow on Instagram that show posed vs unposed pics that are super normalizing of bodies in their natural state. I can’t recall names off the top of my head, but it’s crazy what just not sucking in your stomach can change.

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u/Kadexe Jul 01 '22

Yeaaahhh it's still reddit at the end of the day, pretty girls are upvoted the most and you have to scroll for a while to see any of the men. But people of all kinds are posting, it's best sorted by /new.

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u/ManEEEFaces Jul 01 '22

I have a gap in my two front teeth. I’m also a fairly gregarious fellow. I mentioned it to my dentist once and he said “This is part of your brand and it works. I wouldn’t change a thing.” I always viewed it as a weird feature and he forever changed my perception. He’s been my dentist for 15 years. Great guy.

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u/Flag-it Jul 01 '22

So, was she asking for like tetrahedron shaped tits? I wanna know what her request was lol

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u/PM_CACTUS_PICS Jul 01 '22

She probably didn’t realise that boobs naturally sit much lower when not wearing a bra, and that it’s not a flaw with her body but something that most women experience

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u/Corcupine Jul 01 '22

Yeah, and nipple height. So many “perfect” depictions of breasts have these nipples located high up on the orb of the breast, when it’s perfectly normal for the nipples to be lower as well.

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