r/BestofRedditorUpdates 9d ago Platinum hehehehe Helpful Silver

ONGOING AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back? PLUS UPDATE

18.2k Upvotes

Original poster is /u/SarahJake2022572. Original post

My fiance (31 male) and I (25 female) are getting married soon. There wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. Me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. My fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously.

However, When deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. My fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. They also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). I said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two I want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". I refused to argue about it and said it was final.

The other day, I found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. I was seething. I called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. I went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. He was stunned to see me. He at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were PLENTY of meat options why why can't I get 4-5 vegan options? when I'm paying for it?. He yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. My family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but I refused.

AITA for putting my foot down on this?

Verdict: NTA

UPDATE: So his mom messaged me earlier to try to get me to listen to what she had to say after I kept ignoring her phonecalls. She spent long walls of text just to "address" what I did at her son's workplace, calling it all kinds of stuff from immature to unhinged. She then went to explain how she's noticed that me and my family kept "acting dismissive" of her son's input and "contributations" to the wedding. She said that she noticed my behavior towards him and her entire family and wanted to speak up earlier but didn't and tried to keep the peace. She then went on to address the food menu issue and denied her involvement in the cancellation of the vegan option but that didn't mean she doesn't support her son's decision. moreover, she thought it was soooo responsible of him to make that move because of my continual refusal to see how this stuff is waste of money. she also pointed out how I kept saying "I paid for it" and said that technically this isn't just my money, it's mine and his because we're getting married she suggested I wisen up and get rid of "my money, I paid for it" mentality. She finally mentioned how "bad" this whole situation is making me look, and said that she and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I chose to brush off and decided to make it my "weird" hill to die on. She said that not only her son is upset but she and "the family" are as well after hearing about it and suggested I just agrre on their compromise and be done with it. This pissed me off beyond belief I responded by letting her know that I'm still standing my ground on this even if I'll have to call the whole wedding off because of it because honestly? this is just ridiculous, it is!!! my mom and dad....they don't even know what to say anymore. Apparently, my fiance saw my response to her (he's with her) and is now trying to call me but right now I'm waiting on him to get home and see if he's still insisting on the stance he took.

I'll update if there's anything worth adding after we talk.

Reminder: I am not the OP. This is a repost.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago Take My Power All-Seeing Upvote Helpful (Pro) Gold Silver Wholesome Take My Energy Helpful

ONGOING Matt Gaetz, who is under Federal investigation for statutory rape and sex trafficking of a minor, will be speaking at a high school near OOP next week, OOP is doing their best to stop this from happening, and reddit is helping.

51.5k Upvotes

I am NOT OP. Original post from r/TwoXChromosomes by u/TipsyRussell

Trigger Warnings: past and potential child sexual abuse, statutory rape, sex trafficking of a minor

Matt Gaetz will be speaking at a high school near me next week. Below is the email that I sent the superintendent. All I have are my vote and my voice, it's past time I start utilizing both.

OOP (Aug 10), update 1 (Aug 11), update 2 (Aug 13)

Good evening,

I would like to voice my concern about the upcoming "Academy Night" at Niceville High School. As I understand it, this is an informational meeting where students interested in the service academies can meet with Matt Gaetz. I understand that in order to apply for service academies, students need a nomination from their representative, senator, or the vice president. The students NEED his endorsement, and there is nothing that your office can do about that, which again, I fully understand.

Matt Gaetz is under federal investigation for having sex with a 17 year old girl (the news keeps calling this sex with a minor. In Florida, the age of consent is 18, so this isn't just "sex with a minor". That's rape.) and paying for her to travel across state lines, violating sex-trafficking laws.

It is absolutely vile that the school system would invite someone currently under investigation for rape and sex-trafficking into the school to speak to 17 year old girls and put them in a position where they have to ask him for a favor. This investigation has been ongoing for a long time, so the county has had plenty of time to come up with an alternative to allowing him to speak at the school. Any information he needs to give out can easily be done via email, or even a Zoom call with interested students and their parents.

It seems to me that the school system should not allow someone under investigation for sex with minors anywhere near a school, if for no other reason than out of an abundance of caution. Instead, however, you are quite literally giving him access to potential new victims, and directing them to ask him for something. I would think that the safety of students would be a top priority for Okaloosa County, but this decision leads me to believe otherwise. If a teacher is under federal investigation for sex with a student, does that teacher stay in the classroom teaching while the investigation is ongoing? I’m fairly certain I know the answer.

Thank you for taking these concerns into consideration.

Update 1:

Update - I sent the email to the superintendent and the school board. The only response I’ve gotten is from one school board member. All she said was that she’d follow up. Several people have been sending emails, and other people have been getting responses. This is what one woman posted about it on Facebook: The superintendent called me after he received my email. He said that Gaetz does this event every year. It looks like it will continue to be held at Niceville High, with Gaetz as the presenter. Chambers told me that he spoke with Gaetz and was reassured that no agenda would be pushed, and there would be no speech, he would simply be handing out the assignments to students.”

Again, this is not a response that I personally got, just one that I heard about.

This is not an acceptable response. Gaetz speaking to the students individually is worse than him giving a speech. At least with a speech, everyone can hear what is being said. Instead, he'll be interacting with the students one on one. Also, just because Gaetz has always done the event doesn’t mean that it can’t and shouldn’t be changed. I’ll be sending a follow-up email tonight. I'm going to suggest that if the superintendent refuses to cancel, at the least, he can require parents' attendance.

I encourage anyone that feels compelled to send an email as well to do so. I’m not going to post contact info, but it’s easily accessible on the Okaloosa County School District site.

Finally, I'd like to thank everybody for the amazing comments and messages and awards. I was so nervous to post that, and everybody was just so encouraging, so thank you again, so so so much. It has done a lot to encourage me to keep going.

Update 2:

I wrote a follow-up email this morning and sent it to the superintendent and copied the school board. I included a link the first post, and let them know that it had gotten almost 3 million views, and the overwhelming majority of the comments agreed with me. I suggested that they take a look at some of your comments and realize that this is a serious issue. Then I asked what the county’s protocol is if a teacher is under investigation for having sex with a student – is that teacher allowed to remain in the classroom? I also asked at what point does the school/county become liable if Gaetz meets his next “girlfriend” at an event like this, and the county did nothing to prevent it? I mentioned that I had not heard from anyone, but that I was aware that Mr. Chambers (the superintendent) had been responding to others, and that the gist of his response seems to be shrugging the whole thing off. I ended with “I don't have a child in the school system, but I am a taxpayer and a voter. I've been in contact with a reporter from Newsweek, and I have no intention of dropping this.”

A few hours later, I got a call from the superintendent. I’m not gonna lie, this is so far out of my wheelhouse. I was so nervous. I knew I would be posting an update, so I wanted to record the conversation just to make sure I accurately quoted him. I asked if I could record the call, and he said he’d rather not, that he just wanted to have a conversation. I assume it was for the same reason that he’s responding to emails with phone calls in the first place – to not have a record of what he has said. He gave me the same spiel he’s giving everybody else. It’s not his event, he’ll be there, most of the parents will be in attendance, blah blah blah. I let him know that it’s at a school, so ultimately it IS his event. He did agree with that. He started by saying that it’s an investigation and there were no charges or arrests. I asked if they would wait for charges to be filed and an arrest to be made if it were a teacher. Would that teacher still be in the classroom? He said no, they would be put on administrative leave. I asked what the difference was and he paused and said “you would win that argument” but didn’t go any further. I wish I would have pushed him more on that.

He did try to tell me that that he wasn't going to be pushing a political agenda. I shut that down and said that that was not the issue. The issue is putting teenagers in front of a known predator.

I asked about what the school’s liability would be if it turned out Gaetz was guilty and he had been using these events to meet high school girls. He said he didn’t think that would happen, which leads me to believe he doesn’t believe the allegations. When we had discussed the process for what happens when a teacher is suspected of having sex with a student, he had said the sheriff’s office would conduct an investigation. I reminded him that it’s not the school or the county or the sheriff’s office that’s investigating Matt Gaetz, that it’s the federal government, and that it's real and it’s serious. I also pointed out that Gaetz’s cohort has already pled guilty and is awaiting sentencing, which has been delayed because he’s fully cooperating in the investigation into Gaetz

He said that the event was an important opportunity for the students. I agreed, and said that getting the chance to get facetime with their congressman is a huge opportunity for students, but that their safety was more important. I suggested that if he wouldn’t cancel, then the least he could do would be to require parents’ attendance. He said that wasn’t something he considered. I’m sure he’s still not considering it, but at least it is hopefully planting ideas in his head that this is ultimately his responsibility, and there ARE options. I also suggested permission slips or waivers. At least make them acknowledge that he’s a creep (allegedly).

The superintendent said that he IS getting a bunch of calls and emails, including a call from the New York Times, so that’s exciting. Hopefully if we just keep it up, they school district will come to their senses. As one commenter said “god, the bar is just so low”. We’re not asking for much, just that you don’t serve up teenage girls to an accused pedophile on a platter.

Anyway, I will say I’m proud of myself for standing my ground and not letting the superintendent shirk responsibility. He kept saying it wasn’t the school’s event, so I kept pointing out that it didn’t matter whose event it was, it’s happening at the school, and he is in charge of the schools. I was relatively articulate and stood my ground, so that felt good.

At this point, I’m in too deep to just drop it. I think I actually told him that too, now that I think about it. So I’m trying to get this all out there as much as I can. All but one of the board members are up for re-election on August 23rd. I haven’t heard from any of them except for one email from one of them that she would follow up, and then nothing. So I sent my post to all their opponents in the election and told them that it might be a good opportunity to blast the incumbent for inaction. I feel like there’s definitely traction, and a tiny possibility that MAYBE we can get something changed.

This has been a really weird couple of days. It’s been incredibly nerve-wracking, but also, it feels incredible! I highly recommend everybody tries getting involved. Everybody’s comments and messages have really been so encouraging so thank you all for that.

The superintendent is getting your calls and emails, so please keep it up, ESPECIALLY if there is anybody in here that lives in Okaloosa County! Academy Night is scheduled for Tuesday, so we have until then to get it canceled. Thanks Reddit!

---------------------------------------------

Edit to add Top comment from OOP to help clear something up:

This is fantastic and very well written. Also, as a grad of a federal service academy, I never actually met with any of the Congress people to whom I applied for my service academy nomination. It is not at all necessary for them to meet him in person. Just validating your premise here.

--------------------------------------------

Reminder - I am not the original poster

E: I appreciate the awards, but please, if you're going to spend some money today, consider looking up an organisation and/or shelter that supports survivors of sex trafficking near you, or if you want to keep it more local to the post, I looked up a couple in Florida: Kristi house and Naples shelter (I did check both on Charity Navigator and they scored high, but I've had a comment saying the second has mistreated both staff and clients, so maybe not them).

Edit again: just to point out there is a comment near/at the top here that contains the relevant contact information for those involved if anyone is interested, and also this comment from OOP with link to a tweet by Matt Gaetz saying he and Marcus Chambers are friends.

Edit once more to add this link to a post the superintendent made on FB, if you're on FB and can go comment asking about this whole Gaetz situation, please do!

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 15h ago

ONGOING OOP's husband confesses to being in love with his sister after 6 years together

12.6k Upvotes

*EDIT - In love with HER SISTER, in love with OOP's sister I'm so sorry for the weirdly wrong title :')

I am not OP. Original post and updates by u/ThrowRavin- on her profile and r/trueoffmychest.

(Timelines untracked as OOP supposedly made a new account and reposted all her posts, 6 hours ago)


Original, 1st update and 2nd update (posted on OOP's profile):

https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRavin-/comments/wo5f9d/my_husband_m33_told_me_f28_that_hes_in_love_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

My husband (m33) told me (f28) that he’s in love with my sister (f32). I’m pregnant and I don’t know why this is happening to me

https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/w3jb5z/my_husband_m33_told_me_f28_that_hes_in_love_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

My sister and I had a shitty life growing up with a passive mother and abusive stepfather. My sister was my protector and role model since no one of the adults were. She tried to shift my stepdad’s abuse on her when he got drunk so he wouldn’t hurt me. When she left for college she let me stay in her bed while she slept on the floor in her student room, the days I managed to run away from home. When I turned 16 she let me move in with her permanently. We never saw our parents again.

My husband is very similar to my sister. They’re both very calm and kind. Both very intelligent.They have the same sense of humor, love the same music, books movies and games. It’s like a weird perverted thing that I found the male version of my sister to fall in love with. They get along very well and that was so important to me because they’re my only family. We got married a year ago after 6 years together and I’m 27w pregnant now with our first baby.

My sister met her BF(m30) a years ago. He got along very well with me and my husband although I always felt that my husband never really liked the guy. When I asked him once why he didn’t like him, he got flustered and told me that he didn’t know it was noticeable and apologized. He told me he just didn’t think he was good enough for her.

HER BF proposed to my sister last night. We were just having pizzas and they were having beers in my sisters balcony and the BF just suddenly went down on his knees and took out a ring. She was very surprised but happy all the same and said yes. When we went back home my husband was a little tipsy. He told me he wasn’t tired and that he’s going to take one more beer and watch TV and that I should go to bed. I went back to the living area and he was sitting there crying. I asked him what’s going on and he told me that he was in love with my sister. Has been for years but that he knew how wrong this was. He told me that loved me very much and promised to be a good husband and father to our daughter. He slept on the couch. He’s still sleeping now.

I’m shocked and full of anxiety. I don’t know what to do or how to feel about this. My sister, should I tell her? Nothing can be the same again but she’s my only family and my best friend. And my husband. Is this over? I have been so blind now I see everything, of course he’s in love with her how could I be shocked now? Can I save this marriage? And my baby? I promised her a better life than the one I had. I promised her kind and loving parents. I can’t let her come to this world with estranged parents and new people in their lives. What can I do?

Edit for an update

He is awake now and I have spoken to him.

He apologized for hurting me last night. He said that he just felt despair like he had something very beloved and important in his life that he lost and he was mourning it. He told me he loved me very much and he wanted for this to work for us and the baby. I asked him if he loved her more than me and he said it’s just a different type of love.. I asked him if he could choose between me or her he said he’d choose me. I asked him if he thought she was more beautiful and he said that I’m conventionally more attractive. I asked him if has stayed with me all these years to be near her. He said I was being unfair to him because he did love me. I asked him if he is okay never seeing her again. He teared up but then said he would do anything to save this marriage. He then added that he never really had a mother or a female figure in his life. That’s probably why he’s attached to her because she is very warm and loving. I asked him do you love her as a mother figure or do you want to sleep with her. He didn’t want to answer. I asked him if he fantasized about her while sleeping with me. He refused to answer at first and then said why are you doing this to yourself. I asked him will lose interest in me if she’s out of our lives and it’s just us. He looked like he was thinking about this for the first time and then he said that he chose me and my baby. He wants to start therapy and counseling because he thinks this marriage is salvageable.

update 2

We had a dinner with my sister and her fiancé. My husband was unusually silent and didn’t initiate any talk with my sister. And he barely looked at her. It was a nice dinner. My sister is too happy to notice anything with her engagement and trip tomorrow. Before she went however my husband hugged her, longer than usual. He told her he was happy for her and wished her a great trip. All while hugging her then he held her hand and told her I didn’t congratulate you properly yesterday because I was drunk and he congratulated her again. He was tearing up again. Then he hugged my sister’s fiancé. And congratulated him. He was silent on our way home. He told me he loved me when we got back and that he will do anything to make this work but that I shouldn’t take any decisions while hurt. We are starting couples therapy. I want him to be 100% honest. He asked me not tell anyone about his confession because it meant nothing. I told him that I didn’t want him around my sister anymore if I would give him a chance. He asked me how this would work when we’re always together. She will suspect something and he doesn’t want me to tell her because he’s embarrassed. I told him he could just minimize his interactions with her. I told him to sleep on the couch again tonight because I haven’t made up my mind about my next move yet and that until then it’s the couch for him.

Good night and thanks for everything including teaching me how to make bold text

What an exhausting day


Update 3 (posted on her profile):

https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRavin-/comments/wo5fi6/update_3/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Update 3

Update 3

I’m thankful for everyone who’s reaching out asking for any new updates. I just don’t think I have information enough to make a new post. But I have gone through all the comments and thank you. I asked my husband for separation because I need to be in my own to make my decision. We are also starting MC. Wether we stay together or not. I want to know everything that he has been withholding from me. He thinks I’m torturing myself but he’s wrong. I’m tortured with half truths. With MC I’m hoping I could get to the bottom of his feelings in a safe environment. He cried when I told him that I wanted to separate. He told me he has lost everything in one day because of a drunk confession that meant nothing. He loves me and he wants to be with me. He suggested that we move away. He has had job offers in other cities on several occasions. He said this could be our new start.

We were renovating the basement this summer to make it a guest room because our current guests room is being turned into a baby room. He will live in the basement. It has separate entrances and the mini kitchen is almost finished.

I have decided not to tell my sister about any of this. This is my battle and my marriage. I love my sister so much but I’ll be very honest here. I resent her. I’m jealous of her and I think I have always been jealous of her. She’s a way better person than I’m. I hate that I never had the chance to return the favor as she always been perfect and never needed help. I resent that she isn’t as angry as I’m about the injustice we had to endure. I HATE that she’s so good to me and my husband. I hate that he sees how much better of a person she is and I hate that I don’t blame for loving her instead of me.


Update 4 (posted in r/trueoffmychest):

https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wo5fu0/my_husband_confessed_to_being_in_love_with_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

My husband confessed to being in love with my sister; the aftermath

Hi! I was here about a month ago with my woe about my husband breaking down and confessing that he was in love with my sister and has been for years. The short version is that we’re getting a divorce. And that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with our daughter. I will include the original post

After my sister’s engagement, and his confession. He made me a promise that he will love me and that he’s going to do all in his power to be a good and loving husband and father. He didn’t want me to tell my sister anything because he was embarrassed and we slowly started to plan a future together in another city. He was already getting a better job offer in the other city and now he thought it was time to move on. I agreed. We started MC. I told my sister that we were moving and she was very distraught but she as always didn’t object and supported me. I don’t know if she felt it was weird that my husband wasn’t hanging with us anymore but she never asked. She was probably just busy with her own happiness and the changes in her life. After her vacation she came home and told me everything. She was pregnant and she was glowing, and that was the reason for this sudden engagement. Her fiancé wants to get married before the baby was born. She asked me to keep it a secret (she probably didn’t mean even from my husband but I kept it a secret anyway) because she was waiting for the second trimester to make the announcement. She finally broke down crying however about me moving away when she needed me the most but then later apologized for being selfish. She understood that we needed to provide the best life for my daughter including finding better jobs elsewhere. I cried for a whole week.

A week ago my husband was in a job interview in the other city and he was going to stay there for the week to sign a lease to a new apartment (we thought we could try out the new life before selling our house to buy a new one there). My sisters and her boyfriend made the announcement that they were expecting last Tuesday , the day after my husband’s interview. Not 30 minutes later my husband called me. He was drunk and he was crying and asking if it was true and if I knew. He called me a cruel liar for not telling him. He said it was so unfair. My sister’s fiancé was a loser and he didn’t deserve her (her fiancé is a carpenter and my sister is a pediatrician) and he told me he needed to be alone for a while so switched off his phone.

Friday he texted me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore and that he didn’t want to be in my daughter’s life. He was sorry but couldn’t do it anymore. If I agreed to free him from his responsibilities as a father he will leave me the house. I tried calling him but he had switched off his phone again. I cried all night. Yesterday morning my sister called me to ask what’s up. My husband has asked her to meet up with him because he wanted to tell her something that he couldn’t say over the phone. That he was coming on Monday to see her. She asked me what’s going on but I was too tired to tell her anything. She and her fiancé are coming over today and I will probably need to tell her everything now.


FINAL UPDATE (Added to OOP's last post):

Edit for final update

Hi again! I knew I could count on you for support. My sister was here and I told her everything. I got help from showing her parts of what I have written here because honestly I’m too tired to go into details about what I’ve been going through all these weeks. I told her that Lucas was going to call asking to meet her probably to tell her he loved her. or maybe something more sinister so she need to stay away from him. her fiancé was on the edge of his seat with anger. My sister was just crying and apologizing and trying to hug and stroke my hair. I hated her touch I don’t know why, I know nothing is her fault. I told my sister that now I warned her I want to be in my own for a while and that I didn’t want any contact with any of them.

I have been thinking about moving to another city. There’s a small town that one of my best high school friends live in after getting married. Its up north and everything is bigger and better and cheaper. I can easily find a small rental until the divorce is final and I can easily get a job there. If I can manage a pace there I can give birth up there with zero stress.

I texted my husband that I’ve told my sister everything and that both her and her fiancé aren’t happy. He called me an hour later. He apologized and told me he didn’t mean to freak her out. He just wanted to see her and say goodbye but that he won’t bother her if she feels scared. He’s still the same man and wouldn’t let anything happen to her. He didn’t ask about me or my baby. He’s staying in the new place and he’s starting his new job in September. He thought he would come back to say goodbye before moving to his new city permanently.

My sister texted me later that she loved me and that she would stay out of my way if that’s what I wanted but to please not go through with my plans to move. Because she needs me and she would do anything to make it up to me. I didn’t answer. I hate it when she’s so perfect and kind. Fuck off


Reminder that I'm not OP. This is a repost sub.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 22d ago Wholesome Silver Helpful

ONGOING OP starts drama at work over a guy, doubles down on her behavior and gets fired, then moves in directly across from original coworker

15.9k Upvotes

REMINDER I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR. PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME MEAN COMMENTS AND DM’S. I simply found the deleted posts and compiled them with the updates. I have no idea about the authenticity of the posts!

**I am NOT OP. Also first time poster so apologize for any formatting issues. Original post by u/Affectionate_Car1969 in r/AmItheAsshole**

trigger warnings: stalking

[**AITA for checking I feel a girl really spoke languages she claimed she did and calling her out**](First post) - 2022 June 12

I(F, 20) am a uni student in the UK and semester just ended. Instead of going back home for summer, I looked for summer job. I’ve been working at a café for 2 weeks now. It mostly hires uni students so we’re all around the same age. Apparently, all the workers are fairly close and they go on nights out often.

One of the girls, let’s call her Ivy, also works there. I didn’t know this but she was Polish, her accent was very good and I only realised when she spoke it. Apparently, she moved to the UK for uni. I don’t know why but I felt cheated. I mean, I have nothing against her but it would’ve been nice to know, I guess.

Anyway, people I work with had a night out last night and they invited me. We were going for pre-drinks (for those unfamiliar with our culture, it’s when we have drinks at Ivy’s house before going out to pubs and clubs and we typically play some drinking games.

Ivy was there as well. She seemed well liked. Another co-worker there was Mark, Mark is Spanish and I overheard Ivy and Marks’ conversation and she seemed to throw in some random Spanish words into the conversation when it was just the two of them talking and he didn’t seem to mind and did the same.

Anyway, I admit, I kind of fancy Mark and found it a bit annoying, I took Spanish in school but I am not fluent and I wouldn’t just throw in random words into conversation with him.

We were playing games and I asked about languages everyone spoke. Turns out, Ivy spoke Polish, English, Spanish and some Dutch. I pretended to be impressed and used google translate to ask her things in those languages and she played along, answering them. And then, I got to Spanish and thought that it would be a good time to get her to stop showing off as I assumed Mark was too polite to tell her to stop. I asked her a question and she started replying in a very fast Spanish. I stopped her mid sentence and told her I was surprised at her bad pronunciation. Both, her and Mark looked surprised. I explained that hearing her English, I thought her Spanish would be better.

She told me that her pronunciation is not wrong but that she learned Spanish as a child watching Argentinian telenovelas and she speaks with that accent. I told her to stop lying and just admit that it wasn’t good but Mark chimed in and told me that Ivy did in fact speak with said accent and it’s not wrong and her Spanish was excellent. I told him that he didn’t have to pretend to not hurt her feelings that she has to accept that she’s not good at everything.

Ivy had the audacity to laugh in my face and told me to stop talking about things I know nothing about. I said that it’s true and she should just accept it. She called me an AH and told me that this conversation was over. Everyone was very weird after that.

This morning I tried to explain myself in our group convo but found myself blocked from everything. My sister told me Ivy was right and I was the AH. But I don’t know, I think I was in the right so I am asking here, was I the AH?

Relevant fact-Check: Poland is consistently ranked as a top 10 country for quality of public education by the OECD and Polish students typically learn at least 2 foreign languages (with English, German, French and Spanish being the most common).

[**Am I the asshole for apologizing and asking my coworkers to talk to others so they stop excluding me?**](2nd Post) - 1 month ago

I posted today about questioning a girl’s language skills and got my ass handed to me and it made me rethink a few things. Because of that, I need to ask for judgment again because it was helpful the first time. I went to Ivy’s house and managed to speak with her. I apologised for my behaviour and said that I shouldn’t have tested her but it’s not my fault that she spoke so fast and with such unusual pronounciation (she instead of y/ll sound, some of her s sounded like’h’ apparently it’s called aspiration and it’s common in some dialects, I did some research) that she couldn’t have blamed me for thinking she didn’t speak the language well. She just stood there looking at me and didn’t say a word. It annoyed me but I kept quiet this time and continued. I apologised again and asked if she could tell others how sorry I was. She said that she’d see what she could do. It encouraged me and I went a step further hoping to smooth things over with everyone. I asked Ivy if she could tell Mark that I was very embarrassed and sorry. She looked at me and laughed, she laughed at me again. I tried my best but that was just rude. She laughed and told me that I was still an asshole and that my apology mean that nothing. She kicked me out of her house. And when she closed the door, I could hear Mark was there. I tried to listen to their conversation but they spoke in fast Spanish and i couldn’t understand it. AITA for trying to apologise to her and asking her to speak on my behalf to others?

[**WIBTA if I reported my boss for discrimination due to me not speaking their language?**](3rd Post) - 1 month ago

Long story short, I have a beef with a coworker. Let’s call her Ivy. We’re both in out early 20s in uni. On Friday night, our group of friends had drinks at her house. We played games and I decided to quiz her on languages she claims to speak. I criticed her accent because I thought it was wrong. Well, both, her and another guy Mark (whom I fancy) got mad at me and told me that Ivy spoke excellent Spanish but with different dialect. I told him that he didn’t have to protect her but they all called me an asshole.

I tried to apologise to her yesterday but when I asked her to put in a good word for me to Mark and our other coworkers, she called me an asshole and kicked me out of her house.

I tried to be the better person and apologise. I went out of my way to go to her house and make amends but she laughed in my face. Not only that but I think, she’s doing it with the guy I fancy.

I was so angry yesterday, she disrespected me by laughing in my face, ignored my apology and is overall just a shtty person. And because of her, I am now being ostracised and bullied by coworkers (removed from groups, etc.)

I was working this morning (had an opening shift at our café) and the owner came around. The owner, Becky, is not there everyday. Manager handles everything day to day and the owner comes in once or twice a week, sometimes on Sunday. She was chatting with me and asked how everything was going. I thought it was my chance to stop the bullying. I told her everything that happened, how Ivy was mean to me, how she laughed in my face, how she made everyone stop talking to me and how she would ignore my apologise for the innocent mistake I made.

Well, it seems Ivy got to her first. Becky knew about everything that happened, she told me that she had multiple people tell her about Friday night, including our team leader and manager. She told me that she’s not going to fire me but to be warned because I am on probation and to make sure I behave at work and think before I speak to people. She went on and on with her tirade, basically accusing me of starting issues with Ivy and me being mean to me when it’s others who are excluding me. I tried to defend myself but she was having none of it.

She was cut short by a phone call and she excused herself to answer it and I could hear her speak in Spanish. Everything clicked, I remember her saying that she’s originally from one of the S. american countries.

I think that I am being discriminated against. They are ganging up on me because I don't speak the language and they're bullying me for that. . I think that I may take it up further and report the owner for discrimination. WIBTA if I did that?

[**AITA for moving into a house in front of my ex-coworker's house?**](4th post) - Today

I (f20) used to work with this girl, Ivy. Ivy hated my guts and complained to everyone about me. She made sure o it coworkers excluded me, complained to our boss and I eventually got fired. She was overall a very nasty person.

Recently, I had falling out with my flat mates and had to find a new house to live in. I found a lovely little, one bedroom flat in a 3-floor terraced house converted into flats on a quiet street. I was moving in this morning and was taking my stuff out of the moving van and I saw her and she saw me. She was walking with one of the guys (let’s call him M) she turned against me. She saw me and I thought that I would be the bigger person and I waved at her but she whispered something to the guy and they went inside the house. It turns out her window is directly in front of my, we are only separated by a narrow road. I finished carrying on my stuff and started unpacking when I heard doorbell. It was her and she told me she couldn’t believe that I moved in directly in front of her when I knew exactly where she lived. She started screaming at me. I told her she was crazy and I didn’t care for her enough to move in next to her. She started crying and left, I later sat watching telly and saw her in her window with M and some other people from my previous job and they were looking at my window pointing and talking. It was absolutely awful. She opened her window and shouted “stop spying asshole” and closed her curtains.

My sister told me I shouldn’t have moved in but i told her that I needed a place and it was cheap. But I’m wondering, based on The reaction I got, was I the asshole if or moving in in front of her house?

Relevant comment on why OP suddenly needed to move:

"As for the flatmate situation, I might have slept with my flat mate's boyfriend but I didn't know he was her boyfriend"

Commentators have informed me of this post AITA for reporting coworker to our boss after she kept calling spoiled and privileged white girl? that is suspected to be from 'Ivy' 1 month ago

Throwaway. I (20f) work at a café to support myself. A new person (Anna) started working here recently and she seems to have a huge issue with me. She gets annoyed when I speak other languages than English with other people and appears to perceive it as personal offense.

A little backstory (which I think is important for context). Currently, I am living in the UK, moved her for my degree. Originally, I come from one of the Central European countries. In my home country, language education is mandatory, kids start learning one language as soon as we enter school and 2nd foreign language is added 2 years later and both continue until we leave school at 18. I seem to pick languages easily. Obviously, I kind of speak English and when I was a child I picked up Spanish and then learned it at school.

I also learned basic German and some Dutch (latter one as a hobby, in my free time)

Our university has a lot of international students, and I am in a few societies and sports meaning that I tend to know quite a lot of people casually. Our town is also very touristy and some tourists don’t speak English. Since I work at a coffee, I often speak to different people, e.g. when I am serving a Spanish friend, I will switch to Spanish, etc. When a tourist is having hard time ordering and I know their language, I switch as well. It’s never been a problem, ever. Until Anna started working with us.

The other day, she accused me of being spoiled and privileged little white girl. She told me average people don’t speak nor get to learn so many languages and that my daddy’s money paid for it. I explained to her that I don’t even know my father and my family is poor AF and I have to work to get through uni (which she doesn’t have to, she’s working for extra spending money). She told me it’s disgusting how I am refusing to see my privilege and how I shouldn’t be learning how to speak with local accents because it’s verging on appropriation.

At that point, I have had enough. She’s been weird with me since the day she started (there’s more to that but word limit). I tried to change the topic but she kept on going (it was after closing and we were tidying up). She just wouldn’t shut up and kept accusing me of more and more ridiculous things simply because I had access to education that everyone in my home country has regardless of their income.

She ignored everything I said and showed me tiktok she made in which she explained how it’s borderline racist to learn languages with native accent.

She just kept going and wouldn’t stop. I was done with her and told her to fuck off and I reported her to our boss the next morning. When she found out, she spammed me with texts calling me all sorts of names. Anna is having disciplinary meeting on Monday and I am sitting her feeling guilty that she may lose her job because of me. Everyone is telling me that I was right to report her but I am not sure and keep feeling guilty. AITA for telling her to fuck of and reporting her to our boss?

**Reminder - I am not the original poster.*

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 6d ago Silver

ONGOING OOP’s husband ditches her at a theme park for the entire day after she had surgery

7.6k Upvotes

OOP is u/No-Taro-7338 and posted in r/AmItheAsshole

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wem2q5/aita_for_doing_things_by_myself_at_an_amusement/

Backstory (Provided by Vivid-Masterpiece-29)

I was the one who asked why she was still with her husband because I recognized her reddit username. To better understand OOP's state of mind, you need to read her post history. In short, a couple months ago she overheard her husband on the phone basically revealing he never loved her and was only with her for her money. OOP knows she's not beautiful (her words), and really thought her husband was the only one who loved her, so you can see how this snowballed. In later posts, it's revealed that her husband basically has a few personality disorders (?) and some issues from his childhood and is only with OOP for stability. He refuses to leave her, and now she can't leave him, because if she does, she is financially screwed, although she's begged him for a divorce. As you can see, the shit show continues.

And that's just me paraphrasing, the actual details are so much more painful. When his friend he was speaking to on the phone asked how he could bear to look at her, OOP's husband responded something along the lines of 'anything's possible with the right mindset.' When OOP finally confronted him, he factually tried to manipulate her into thinking she was hallucinating because of work-induced stress and accused her of an affair. OOP's health is also failing, and she worked over 100 hours a week in a stressful job that pays her 300k annually, that's why she's screwed. She intentionally chose this job so she could save money to retire early because her health will eventually prevent her from working in 10 years, so if she initiates the divorce, the alimony payments will destroy her.

Backstory continued OOP’s parents are abusive. OOP’s husband hit her in the face on accident, thrown things that hit her in the face on accident, thrown things like glass jars near her, and has lied to her repeatedly. OOP is on the autism spectrum.

Original post:

AITA for doing things by myself at an amusement park

Last weekend, my (32F) husband Sam (32M) and a few of his friends and spouses arranged to go to an amusement park. I am not a huge fan of loud, hot, crowded places. I find it overwhelming. Moreover, I could not go on the thrill rides as I recently had surgery and have very high blood pressure. Sam convinced me to go to connect with his friends.

When we came, their itinerary was a tight schedule of all thrill rides. The first ride was a rollercoaster. I was in line as a placeholder for a person. One friend, Jake, collected everyone’s phones and put it in his bag. I tried to tell him that I couldn’t go on the ride, but it seems I was unclear. I didn’t want to make a fuss for this one ride so I gave him my phone. When the person returned, I got out of line and waited at one of the two exits as they would meet me there.

After waiting for 40min, I realized they must have gone to the other exit and left without me. I checked the other nearby rides but I couldn’t find them. I went to a first aid station, and I called my phone and then my husband but he didn’t pick up.

At first I tried to stay in the area, but it was high traffic, loud, and very hot. I still had my pass and cash with me. I found a quieter, shaded area, bought lunch, met a very nice elderly couple who showed me a few spots, won a plushie and a blanket from a vending machine, and had dinner. I had fun.

There was an announcement that the park would close in half an hour. I decided I would go to our parked car to wait for the group. 30min later, one of Sam’s friends, Nancy, found me next to the car and dragged me to the others. They were furious because they had been frantically looking for me for the last half an hour.

OOP comments:

You shouldn’t have given up your phone

Giving up my phone was my fault, I agree. Jake told me to put my phone in his bag, I told him I wasn’t going on this ride, but I don’t think I made it clear to him. He told me to put my phone in again and there were others with their phones out waiting to put theirs in, so I put mine in to not create a fuss. I thought that since we agreed to meet up at the exit, it would be fine if I didn’t have my phone. Unfortunately, my phone was on mute as well. I should have not done so

When did you arrive?

We arrived there in the morning. There are a long lines for the most anticipated thrill rides.

I only had an abdominal hysterectomy so while I can’t lift heavy things or walk a lot, I’m mostly fine.

Edit: the surgery was almost two weeks ago

My question is...why are you still with the man who never loved you?

Because I trapped myself. My lawyers and IA told me that. I was an idiot and set up everything after we were married, entangled us in absolutely everything, and if I divorce him now, not only will he get half of everything I’ve ever made, but he will get lifelong alimony to make up for his loss of lifestyle. My medical trust will be split in half because I was an idiot. Everything.

I always thought I would live to my 60s. I planned for an early retirement and high medical costs. I poured all the years of my life into that. I found out that I am in absolutely terrible health and will likely die in 15 years. I had to take time off work and it doesn’t look like I can return because I simply cannot maintain a 70-80 hour workweek anymore. I’ll be working to my death.

If I divorce him now, the courts see that despite my chronic illnesses I was able to maintain a high paying, incredibly intensive job. My lawyer said I should wait it out for at least six months, preferably a year to show the physical toll of working and my chronic illnesses, in order to argue against lifelong alimony and an even split of at least some accounts.

My therapist tells me to take one challenge at a time. She is absolutely wonderful. She told me that because of my abusive upbringing, I am unable to set boundaries for myself which allows others to take advantage of me. Right now, my goal is to heal from surgery and at least try to rest for the next few months of leave I have.

I try to maintain my sanity for this year by just thinking that my relationship is healing, and that my husband does care in part for me, to make it livable. It’s true that he has been trying in some ways. He cooked and cleaned and did the chores around the house. It makes me feel guilty. But then he does something like this and it makes me feel small and very stupid. Because until the comments pointed out the truth, I never realized he didn’t actually forget about me, he deliberately ignored me.

Update on same post:

Update: There is not much of an update. Sam and I talked it out at home and in marriage counseling and came to a sort of understanding. I feel I was less than charitable to him, likely because I felt hurt that he left me.

This is how the day went.

Jake gathered everyone’s loose items including phones, wallets, hats, etc. in his bag and put it in a locker. I made a mistake and put my phone in his bag since I didn’t want to hold them up. A bit later, I crossed over to the exit line, walked down, and waited at the exit. They were supposed to meet me there.

My husband’s group got split. Sam rode in the second half and heard from his friend that the first group didn’t want to do another thrill ride. They slipped back to the entrance with the lockers instead of going to the exit. When I wasn’t at the lockers he thought I left with the first group without waiting for him.

He was hurt and decided not to contact me until I contacted him. He thought if I loved him, I would contact him.

Meanwhile, I was waiting at the exit. I realized that Sam had already left when I saw the same people exit twice, meaning they rode the coaster, waited in line again, and rode the again. This was approx 40 minutes after the 25 wait time the line stated.

I went to the first aid station and called him. I made a mistake. I forgot he doesn’t respond/call back unknown numbers because of scams.

Sam’s friends got back together and split throughout the day. He was upset when I wasn’t with any group because he thought I left them too and I hadn’t tried to contact him.

When the park announced the closing, he was worried. He and his friends called my phone. They dug through Jake’s backpack and saw that my phone was there and it was dead. Sam found out no one had seen me since the first ride. He called back the unknown number and it was the first aid station who confirmed I was there.

Our marriage counselor said I was passive and lacked boundaries. I should have said no to the entire idea. I agree with her. I’m working on me with my therapist.

She said that Sam was so willing to believe I left him and his desire to test if I still loved him that he left me in a dangerous situation. His therapist said he defines himself by the love I give him, which is unhealthy.

Sam apologized the entire time. He feels guilty. He mopes around the house. I gave him the plushie I won and it only made him happy for a few minutes. I think I made it worse. He constantly checks my hand to see if I’m still wearing my rings.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago Wholesome Helpful Silver

ONGOING OP tells his wife he'd pick the kids over her

4.7k Upvotes

Friendly Reminder, I am not the Original Poster

Posted by u/denrowa in r/TrueOffMyChest

Original - posted 3 days ago

I told my wife i would pick the kids over her any day

I've always been excited to be a father and i wanted to make sure my child has a memorable childhood so i started reading books and asking older men how they raised their kids and the mistakes they made. One of the things they told me was that they regret not spending more time with their kids. I can relate to that because my father was never really there for me before he left. So everyday since my the baby could crawl, i would play with him after work till he goes to sleep.on weekends, i would take him on a walk in his stroller and i would play the piano for him when he gets back. I was really doing my best to make him happy and i thought my wife would be happy but she wasn't. Yesterday, we had an argument and she complained about how i'm not spending time with her anymore, i told her the reason we don't go on dates and we don't travel like we used to is because the baby is our priority now and when he grows up, we'll have all the time in the world to ourselves. She then asked me to choose between her and the baby and that's when i walked out. I came back a few hours later to get some sleep after playing with the baby and that's when i replied her and said " i would pick the kids over you any time, any day". I love my wife, we were friends for almost 14 years before we got married but we are also adults now and we have responsibilities.

Wow, I'm really getting a lot of hate and insults in my DM. I'll talk to my wife later and we'll make a deal. Thanks for some of the really good advice here.

I'm 26 and not only is this my first relationship, it's also my first taste of fatherhood so i won't act like i know it all. My dad isn't here anymore so i'm working this out on my own and so far the majority of the comments are people saying they hope my wife divorces me but God is my strength and i know he won't put me to shame like he said in his word

The consensus of the responses was OP won't get to spend all his time with the baby when his wife leaves him and he gets 50/50 custody at best. Many also tell OP that he all but guaranteed that his wife will not have any more kids with him. Some gems from OP include:

I don't trust babysitters at all. I know myself and i know i won't be able to concentrate with a random person taking care of my kid

Not really, i understand why she would feel like that but it's just something she'll have to live with for the mean time

I will talk to her, if we can come up with a deal that will make her happy and my child gets what he needs then i'll take it

We won't be getting a divorce so it's unlikely

What?? It's my baby we're talking about here. She needs to wait. There's times and seasons for everything. If she decides to leave then so be it but not with the baby

We haven't had sex in months. Marriages aren't all about sex. I feel most of you here are kids

OP's post is crossposted to r/antinatalism2 titled "It's almost like all the wife was from the very beginning was a child bearing vessel." OP comments 9 times defending himself.

She can't leave me and she wont

It's not. The very essence of your being is to bear kids. That's why the lord said be fruitful and multiply

I already had the discussion with her today, it's been settled

OP goes to r/relationship_advice for help posted - 21 hours ago

My wife told me she won't have kids with me again because i'm not putting her first, how do i convince her to reconsider?

I made a post on another sub which was a bad idea so someone referred me to this one. The other post has the backstory but the summary is my wife feels like i'm spending way more time with our son than i do with her. I explained my reasons but she still insisted that i was being selfish with my time. She then gave me an ultimatum. She asked me to choose her or the kid, which was a stupid question to begin with. She stopped speaking to me for a few days then yesterday she told me she won't be having kids with me ever again and she meant it. I had an anxiety attack and i went on my knees and begged her to reconsider but it seems she's hell bent on getting tubal litigation. I cried my eyes out on the way to work and back. How on earth do i convince an angry wife not to do this? I already told her that i'll change and spend more time with her but she's ignoring me.

Reminder that I am not the original poster

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago

ONGOING My(m25) girlfriend(f24) told off a manager who praised her in a huddle and might've put her job in jeopardy

3.4k Upvotes

I am not the OP; that would happen to be u/throwramaterial2

My(m25) girlfriend(f24) told off a manager who praised her in a huddle and might've put her job in jeopardy

She (Amy) works an office job and spends most of her day on the phone. We've also known each other going back to college and have been together for a few years. I'll(m25) be the first to admit I don't know how she is at work. It's not customer facing, but she started as an intern. However, after what happened, she's been really down and regretful of what she said, and she called out for the second straight day which is why I'm writing this. She vents about work often, and I often do the same. She doesn't like huddles and says she finds excuses to miss them such as hiding in the bathroom or timing her breaks around them. She doesn't like the huddles because she says it's "fake enthusiasm" and that she "doesn't go to work to make friends"

She was recently acknowledged for her performance during a huddle, and it caused her to have a meltdown. She said she threw her ID tag (didn't hit anyone) and yelled at the manager acknowledging her in front of everyone and called him an "attention wh___" who "rewarded people because he liked to be heard". She also left the huddle and went to her car, and she didn't go back inside. She said she figured the day was almost over, but she was really emotional when she came home and said she "messed up everything". She was being considered for a promotion to supervisor, and she was afraid of potentially being written up too

I've lurked on this subreddit enough to know that people ask if there was any prior hints to the behavior, and there was one a few years back. She was with her girlfriends (from college) who took her out a few days before her birthday and surprised her with a cake where the waiters/waitresses sung, but she ran off and left abruptly. I wasn't there, but she told me after it happened. So I knew that she preferred to celebrate her birthday alone, and by alone I mean the two of us with a cake in our apartment. We've done that for years, and her parents know it too. She apologized to her friends and they forgave her, said they felt bad and didn't know. But with the huddle/callout situation, I suggested looking deeper into why she avoided huddles and that a professional might be able to help (along with telling her that it was really wrong to call him an "attention wh___"). I also suggested calling her boss and apologizing on the phone before heading in. She said she wants to try therapy, but keeps saying that she "ruined her career" and is scared about calling her boss tomorrow morning. I want to ask if there's anything else I can do/suggest to help her before tomorrow morning because she's anxious and wants to fix things but has been bedridden for most of the past two days

(Update) Girlfriend(f24) told off a manager who praised her in a huddle and might've put her job in jeopardy

When I wrote my first post, my girlfriend had already called out of work for two days and was bedridden for most of the first. She kept berating herself for how she "ruined things" and barely ate, and I wrote my first post on the second day she called out. We talked and she said she'd be open to therapy, and as of writing this, she still is. She kept saying how she ruined her career job due to her anxiety over those two days, and I believe that therapy could help uncover where it came from (perhaps even from an earlier point in her life). I asked for advice on how to handle her predicament. She wanted to fix things but was anxious about going in. Someone suggested writing an email to her boss apologizing on that same night before she'd go in the next morning, and someone also recommended calling on the morning she went in too. We opted for an email and sent it on the same night (the second day she called out), and we wrote an apology along with detailing how she was seeking professional help as someone suggested too. However, she told me something she hid as we were doing this, and that was how she ignored two calls on the first day she called out

We sent the email anyway, but I told her that I didn't appreciate her hiding that and that she'd be lucky to still have a job. According to her, they didn't call her on the second day. We called on the morning she wanted to go in in hopes of arranging a meeting with her boss, but he informed her that she no-call-no-showed on the second day and that they wanted her to come in to clear out her things. I didn't see her call out because I had work in the morning myself, and that is on me for not being on top of it. But it doesn't change the fact that she lied, and she said it was because her "anxiety was still really bad". She wanted me to drive with her to get her things, and I took an off day ahead of time because I knew that she'd potentially be going in either way. I couldn't come inside to gather her things because that wasn't allowed, but I stayed in the car which was the most I could do

When we talked again, I told her that we needed to look into therapy immediately and that we needed to discuss next month's rent. She said she had enough but probably not for the following month. I also told her that I would be meeting with my parents to discuss what happened along with probably my own therapist because this changed a few things. We were talking about proposing; she was on the verge of a promotion too potentially... but from the lying and loss of this job that affects our home search, I told her I need time. I will be seeing my parents tomorrow who have also reached out to our financial advisor/family friend, and I'll probably look into therapy from there. I told her that we'll talk when I get back, but so far she's paid for an individual session from Betterhelp with their unemployed financial aid because she lost her benefits, and it's about $60 a week (one call per week). Her first session is scheduled for a few days from now. But for money for future weeks, we're going to talk about that too

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 23d ago Take My Energy Silver

ONGOING Woman's Husband Leaves Her For "Predetermining" The Sex Of Their Baby (TwoHotTakes July 21, '22)

12.0k Upvotes

Originally posted by u/brilliantproud in r/TwoHotTakes on June 15, 2022, updated July 21, '22

Original

Am I the asshole for ‘predetermining’ my baby’s sex?

Sorry if the title isn’t great, I had a hard time coming up with something that would make sense, hopefully it does and it’s not misleading.

Okay to start me (27F) and my husband (28M) have been married for 4 years. His parents (his mother specifically) and I have never had any problems, but we’ve never quite meshed or seen eye to eye. We’ve always got along and been civil.

Our future family has been the talk for years. My husband will be the last of his siblings to have children, all of his siblings have at least one. It’s been a running joke in the family that if our first happens to be a girl she won’t be accepted because everyone else had a boy for a firstborn. The joke has never sat quite right with me but I’ve laughed it off because I don’t want to start anything and maybe I’m just being sensitive.

Fast forward to a few months ago when we started trying. It took about 3 months for me to get pregnant, we tracked my cycle and had scheduled sex for the best chance. Infertility runs in my family and my hubby and I agreed on a big family so I’ve been worried about starting a family so late in the game. When I did get pregnant, we were overjoyed. We had all the typical couple conversations that come with having a baby, the excitement, names, nursery themes, gender predictions, etc. He talked about wanting a son first so he could be the big strong leader for all his younger siblings and carry on the family name (a very big deal to him instilled by his parents). I expressed my desire to have a little girl I could dress up and match with. It became a playful banter. He’d refer to the baby as son, and I would call the baby our daughter.

About a week before our gender scan, I searched up all the old wives tales and made us a chart we could fill out together to see who would hypothetically win our little bet. It included the ring test, Chinese horoscope, heartbeat, cravings, etc. The results ended up being about 50/50 in the end which made us even more excited to find out for certain at our scan.

The following week we went to our appointment and discovered that our baby was a girl!! We were both extremely excited. Hubby was disappointed to lose but told me he was overjoyed to be raising a daughter by my side. That night we called our families to share the news. After calling his family, his mother asked to speak to him privately. I went to bed alone as their conversation carried on for well over an hour.

The following morning, I woke up alone. There was a note on my husbands nightstand explaining that someone would be by the house to pick up his belongings later this evening. I immediately tried to call him only to realize he had blocked my number. I then tried his mom.

His mother picked up on the first ring. Before I had the chance to get a word in she started chewing me out calling me a manipulative bitch. I asked her what I had done and she told me I’d ruined her sons reputation with my inexcusable behaviors and tendencies. I let her finish her rant before kindly asking her what the fuck she was taking about. She told me the divorce papers were already written up and I wouldn’t have the chance to tear apart the family like I had been intending to do all this time. I again, slightly less kindly this time, asked her what the fuck she was talking about. To which she told me my husband would be leaving me because our child is a girl.

I. Was. Gobsmacked. I explained to her that it takes two to tango and there’s no way to truly decide the gender of the baby and if her or her son had a problem with the gender it was his fault as it’s his chromosome that determines the gender, but she had proof that I’d “handpicked” to have a girl. Like I said before we used a calendar to determine which days would be best for sex. Well, MIL accused me of forcing him to ‘do it’ with me on the specific day which the Chinese horoscope would point to girl. She also interrogated me on the sex position we used to conceive the baby which I gave her a piece of my mind told her that was none of her business but she smugly informed me my husband had already told her and the position we used makes it 60% more likely to have a girl that way. (If anyones currently trying for a girl specifically doing cowgirl sometime in the middle of February should do the trick every time apparently).

She finished off by telling me that my clear preference for my family name was disgusting and she was glad to finally be rid of me and my manipulative ways before hanging up.

I’ve had no contact with my husband since and it’s been over a month. He’s blocked me on everything. I can’t help but feel that this hasn’t all been his choice, but then again he’s a grown ass adult so I can’t imagine his mother controlling him like that. I’ve been staying with my sister since it all went down, she says I can stay as long as I need but I’m thinking I want to get my own place, maybe even a few states away. What do I do? Should I pack up and move on? Should I continue trying to contact my husband? Any advice would be appreciated.

1st Update 2 days later

Thank you all for all the love, it means so much to me right now. I’d also like to add that I’ve seen a few comments about my story being copied, it breaks my heart to think of anyone else having to go something similar my heart goes out to them. Also, I should have mentioned originally that I had a gut feeling to record the call with my mother in law, so I have all of that on hand if it’s needed in the future. I’m planning to try catching my husband on his way out of work sometime next week. I’d like to hear his side of the story.

I’ve decided, however, that if there is any saving our relationship, I’ll be changing my last name back to my maiden name and our daughter will be taking my last name or at the very least have a hyphenated name. Call me feminist or whatnot but it will be non negotiable. I’ll also be requiring MANY boundaries between me and his mother and she will not be in my child’s life until she can find it in her to apologize to me sincerely and change her attitude towards us.

2nd Update July 21, '22

Wow! I honestly haven’t been on Reddit at all since my last update because well, growing a human is hard as it is, and then add my crazy life on top of it. But, after getting hundreds of emails from Reddit today, I realized it must have been shared somewhere else to be blowing up like this and now that there’s so many of you I figure I owe you all an update. So here it is.

Hopefully I can get this all typed out in a way that makes sense. Even though it’s been a few weeks since this all went down, I’m still in shock and I haven’t been able to collect my thoughts (let’s just blame it on the pregnancy brain and pretend that my life isn’t falling apart before my own eyes).

I was able to catch my husband as he was leaving work one night and got his side of the story out of him like I had hoped.As suspected, he admitted that he was excited for a baby girl, and after speaking to his mom, she forced him to leave and block me. His MOTHER already had the divorce papers ready to go.

I tried to tell him that we could fix this. We could raise our daughter together away from his mother. (I know I sound fucked in the head and naïve for this, but I grew up in a household without a father figure and I was hopeful my daughter could have a different home life experience than what I had) not to discredit my mother. She’s a badass women and I hope I can be half of the woman she is for my daughter one day. Anyways, my husband had none of it. He said that he realized how conniving and manipulative and ab*sive i had been throughout our entire relationship and he did want to actually go through with the divorce. He said he’d have no problem giving me full custody of the ‘thing that’s growing inside of me’. That’s when I lost all hope. Fuck him. I have no problem leaving a man who’s so easily brainwashed by his mother like that. I’ll raise this baby alone.

That’s bad enough, but here’s the real icing on the cake - I received a phone call from my soon to be ex-husbands brothers wife (we’ve always been quite close and she’s been my saving grace throughout my pregnancy giving me all the tips for nausea etc. she has 3 of her own, 2 boys and a girl) anyways, she informed me over the phone that she overheard a conversation at weekly Sunday dinner that mother in law and husband are trying to blindside me in court and take full custody.

I was livid, full on seeing red. I called mother in law straight away and demanded to speak to my husband. All he had to say for himself was that he realized he didn’t want any of his offspring to be raised by such a manipulative freak and even though he doesn’t actually want her, he’s sure he can grow to love her again.

I’m not sure what to do at this point. I know I have a good case for myself but I’m fucking terrified they’ll win the battle and take everything from me. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about my daughter growing up somewhere where she isn’t loved. Even if custody is split 50/50 I’ll have no control over the lies they’re guaranteed to feed her. My emotions are going haywire trying to write all this out so I think I’m going to leave it at that. Thank you for all of the love and support you all have shown me and my baby girl. The internet can truly be an amazing place.

EDIT: adding that my brother in law and his wife are planning on leaving the family dynamic after seeing the way I’ve been treated. They have a daughter of their own and while she’s been accepted as she wasn’t the first born. They’re very uncomfortable with the misogyny within the family. BIL is the first born and I think the what ifs are fucking with his head.

ALSO: had no idea I submitted this to a podcast subreddit 🤷‍♀️ my original post kept getting taken down on AITA and my sister recommended I post it where I did. If somebody wants to send me a link to listen I would be interested to hear it. Although - please spare me the details of its negative. I don’t know if my heart can take it.

This just took a turn... I had a couple people reach out with this. The husband allegedly left a comment on the original post. I'm including the link to the screenshot but also a transcription of the comment as it seems to be deleted

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/w5425f/i_went_searching_for_the_comment_aita_for/

what the fuck is wrong with you aspen? I LOVED you and I LOVED our daughter!!! You paint me out to be such a fucking villain and none of these pea brained people on the internet can see through them lies. MANIPULATION AT ITS FINEST. You were such a fucking bitch our whole goddamned lie of a relationship and when we were trying to get pregnant everything was about you!!! I can't believe it took me so long to see all the every single sign. You were so fucking obsessive over your stupid calendar and we hardly ever used it!!! You always say you aren't in the mood or we did it yesterday I'm too tired we can skip a day. It was never about me or my feelings and then when you actually got pregnant it become even more about you. I'm not eating eggs anymore they make me sick I don't want to go to Sunday dinner I'm not up to it tonight let's not get sushi for dinner because it's bad for the baby. I was so ducking nice to you aspen I literally DOTED on you like a fucking Prince Charming and you never even recognized me. I can't believe you string me along all those years. Fuck you and fuck the fetus. Im sick of your games. I can't fucking believe I find out about this post on a podcast my girlfriend listens to. You betray me One fucking month until you lose it all like I did. See you in court bitch.

people are obviously now wondering what is real and if this is all fake

OP posted one last update on July 22.:

Thank you so much for all of your support! I’ve been in contact with my lawyer about how best to proceed and for legal reasons I’m not allowed to give any more information at this point in time but I’ve seen all of your messages and I’m truly so grateful for all of the advice and care being sent our way. I have a very good lawyer working with me and both me and baby are and will be safe through the coming months. Once again, thank you all so much for your kindness, it’s helped me feel somewhat sane through all of this and made me realize that I am entitled to feel the ways I’m feeling. You’ve truly given me a community where people have my back and truly want what’s best for me.

I’ll be logging off until things have settled and baby is born. Maybe I’ll return for a final update at some point, but for now I’m focusing on my own health and the health of my baby as I prepare for the courtroom.

❤️- OP

ETA from your reposter: I'm seeing some comments asking why the husband flip flopped on wanting the baby. I think they just want the baby to spite her. That and MIL used this as an isolation tactic to get the husband away from OP but she still wants her granddaughter.

This story will continue as OP may need to fight for custody and figure out how to co-parent with this person so I'm flairing it ongoing

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 7d ago

ONGOING OOP proposes to his girlfriend and she says yes on the condition that he gets her a different ring first

4.2k Upvotes

I am not OP. Original post by u/Ring_off_my_chest in r/trueoffmychest


Original (posted 21 days ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/w0wqor/i_proposed_and_my_girlfriend_said_yes_on_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

I proposed and my girlfriend said yes on the condition I get her a different ring first

Before I [28f] proposed I spent lots of time looking online and in stores for the nicest ring I could afford and I ended up with a 1 carat asscher solitaire. My girlfriend [29f] doesn't like the ring and wants a different one. All of the ones she has shown me are bigger and more expensive than I can afford. She said she'll accept my proposal if I give her a different ring and it can be a do-over because she said she was also a little disappointed I proposed at home and didn't do anything 'special'.

Truthfully I'm kind of hurt she cares so much about having a bigger and expensive ring. I want her to be happy and have a ring she likes but she is so fixated on how 'small' my original one was and I really don't feel great about it. Honestly my heart broke when she said no.

Edit: As I said in my post her complaint about the ring is that the diamond is too small. For the proposal I recreated the exact meal she cooked for me on our second date and proposed on our balcony with candles around us in her favourite scent. I hope this answers the questions.


Update (posted 3 days ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wf9p92/update_i_proposed_and_my_girlfriend_said_yes_on/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

UPDATE: I proposed and my girlfriend said yes on the condition I get her a different ring first

My original post

I told my girlfriend if she pefers a different style of ring than the one I got her, I could get her a different ring because I obviously want her to love a ring she would wear every day. I would either keep the original ring as my engagement ring because she made it clear she isn't getting me one herself, or I could return it and put the money towards her new ring.

The ring I had bought (a one carat asscher solitaire) was the biggest one I could afford. Her complaint was that it was "so small" and the other rings she showed me as examples of what she wanted were more expensive than I can afford. I admit it led to a few arguments because everything was above the amount I told her I can afford. She suggested I get a temporary side job to save more money. I've said it would take me a couple of years to save for what she wants but she says if I love her I'll find a way. I'm not opposed to another ring, but we are on opposite sides regarding the budget.

The proposal (me recreating the meal she cooked for me not long after we started dating and having candles she likes on the balcony) was also not what she wanted. She wants a public proposal and I misunderstood when she said she wanted something special. She didn't say public and I didn't infer it. Now we are both aware of what she wants at least.

I just want to thank everybody for the support and nice thoughts. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep the original ring and wear it as my engagement ring yet, or return it because it will barely make a dent in the amount my girlfriend wants for her ring. I don't even know how, or if, I am going to save for another ring. Truthfully this whole thing has put a damper on the idea of being engaged for the time being.

Thanks again everyone.


Reminder that I'm not OP. This is a repost sub.

Edit - I'm sorry about the title. OOP and her girlfriend are both women so it should be 'OOP proposes to her girlfriend and she says yes on the condition that she gets her a new ring first.'

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Jul 01 '22 Shocked Gold Helpful Wait What? Silver Wholesome Hugz

ONGOING My (29F) husband (31M) got a paternity test on our daughter (5F) and it came back negative, but I never cheated. Now he thinks our relationship is a lie and wants to divorce. What do I do? + UPDATE

41.1k Upvotes

ORIGINAL by u/fullyfaithfulwife

I don't know how it happened and I haven't been able to stop crying all day. I never cheated. I love my husband, we've been together since college and he's the love of my life, he's handsome and kind and while I've slept with two other people, both were before we got together. There is no other potential father for our daughter. We were married already and actively trying for a baby. I never cheated, I never would cheat, and I don't know why he took that stupid test because I would never, ever cheat, but it came back negative and now he thinks he's not her dad. I don't know how to convince him it was a faulty test and I'm so scared.

These past few months it's like he's become someone completely different from the man I married. He's cold, and suspicious. He kept demanding to see my phone, and wouldn't tell me why, and I showed him at first but eventually told him I wouldn't anymore unless he explained why. He's been distant with our daughter too. He stays in his office for hours on end, and I don't know what he's doing. I did not cheat. He accused me this morning, saying he'd done the test after realizing that our daughter's eyes (brown) wouldn't naturally come from ours (both blue) and that he wanted me to get out of the house. I didn't leave and he locked me out of our bedroom and now I'm in my daughter's room. This is terrifying.

What should I do?

Edit: The specific advice I want is how I can prove I'm innocent and how to make sure this relationship works. I want to keep my family together at all costs.

Also, I just had a conversation with my husband. He's out of his room now, and we discussed some things. I told him again that I would never cheat and started talking about a list I made of tests I want done, but he told me that he didn't want to hear it right now. We're going to have a longer conversation tomorrow and he said that he still loves our daughter, and he won't try to keep me out of the house or our room for now. I asked him to hug me and he did. I'm scared that I won't be able to convince him. I just want our family to go back to normal. How can I be a good wife and support his needs while proving my innocence?

TL;DR: My husband confronted me this morning saying our daughter isn't biologically his after a failed paternity test, but I never cheated.

UPDATE

Hi everyone. First off, I wanted to thank everyone who reached out, my original post got so much attention, it was hard to get to everything, but I ended up making a list of plans, and tests I wanted to get done. My husband was (understandably) distrustful of me for a while, but he apologized for the way he acted (which I didn't need) and said that he wouldn't try to kick me out of our home. He did say, though, that if every test came back and I'd cheated, then he was going to "go scorched earth."

We did a few tests. Blood paternity tests for him and me, and our daughter, and we had an appointment with a chimerism specialist coming up, but that got canceled because, well, some of you guessed it, but my daughter is not biologically mine either. I don't know how this happened, but a police officer came to our house and took our statements, and we're suing the hospital where I gave birth. I don't know what happened to my baby, and that is terrifying. I have my husband back, but my whole world was still upended, and I just wish he'd never taken that stupid test. I've been sleeping in my daughter's room, and I'm so afraid that she's going to be taken away from me, but at the same time I want to know where my biological daughter is, and if she's okay. I pray to god she's okay.

My daughter still doesn't know the details, and we've been trying to keep this quiet. The last thing we need is a big scandal. I don't want people who know us to look at her differently. She deserves better than that, she's such a good kid, and she's not some spectacle to be gawked at. If we can find her birth family, I have no idea what we'll do. I guess the best case scenario would be to get a bigger house and all live together, but I don't know if we can afford that, or if they'd go for that, or even if we'll be able to locate them, or if I'm just crazy. This whole situation is crazy. I don't know anyone else who's been in a situation like this. I mean, are there support groups for parents of kids who got mixed up? I googled and nothing came up. Literally all I'm getting are tabloid articles from trashy magazines that slap the faces of innocent kids on the same pages as celebrity sex scandals, and fiction. How do we tell our daughter? I mean we can't tell her now, she'll tell the kids at school and then it'll be everywhere, but we have to say something.

I don't know what I ever did to deserve this.

TL;DR: My daughter is not biologically mine, or my husband's.

OOP is also asking LegalAdvice for help.

OOP's Husband's Perspective on Everything:

Hello, everyone. So, apparently a youtuber my husband watches called Mark Narrations decided that it would be a fun idea to read my post on his channel. My husband recognized the story, because, well of course he recognized the story, how could he not? This doesn't happen every day. Then he went on my account page. Then he found quite a few comments about him that were not exactly... nice. And now, he has asked me for a chance to post his side of the story on this account, so that people stop trashing him. Please be nice.

So, I don't know how many of you have been down a self doubt rabbithole before, but it's not the most logical place to be. It's even less logical when you have the whole damn internet telling you that your wife is cheating, and that she's planning to take the house, and take you for all you're worth, and never really loved you, and you always sorta thought she was too good for you anyway, so you end up seeing everything as a sign of infidelity, and then you get not one, but two failed paternity tests on your daughter. When Covid happened, I got fat. I got depressed. I stopped feeling like a person. My wife stayed beautiful. She stayed herself. I was sure that she'd made a mistake. That she'd regret being with me. I started getting into some online groups, especially on reddit, that were full of guys who'd been cheated on, lost custody, lost everything, and when someone said that his tipoff was that he and his wife both had blue eyes and their son had brown, I felt fucking stupid. I did not want to jump to conclusions, but when I made a post about my fears, everyone said that she was cheating. People said not to say anything, because she'd use it to hide her cheating and get ahead of me on the divorce. I got the test and I didn't really think it'd come back negative. Then it did. I didn't want to believe it, but yeah, I pulled back. I felt betrayed. I wanted to be a good husband but I couldn't shake this. I tried to find evidence of an affair, and failed. I got another test. When that one was also negative, I snapped. If you've ever been cheated on, you know what it feels like. When my wife denied it, I got angrier. I just wanted her to leave. I didn't want to go through what everyone seemed to think was going to happen. I didn't want to lose custody of my kid. I didn't want to lose my house. I was scared, and angry, and I wanted the truth. I felt like if she couldn't even be honest there was no getting past this. I took a few hours to calm down. When she came back with a list of tests to take, I tried to keep my cool. I tried to keep my cool for so long. I know I was wrong about the affair, but so was everyone else in my ear. My kid is genuinely not biologically mine. I didn't immediately consider that switched at birth was an option. I've been through a messed up time, and I don't think getting angry one time because I thought my wife cheated and was lying about it makes me a monster.

Hi, it's Fullyfaithfulwife here again! I just want to say that 1. I agree that he's not a monster, an abuser, or anything of the sort. 2. I do not agree that he's fat. I love this man very much and have for ages, and we are not going to let this situation break our marriage. Thank you to everyone for all your help.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 5d ago

ONGOING OOP's boyfriend ghosts her for days so they decide to lie to others about him - and he finds out.

3.2k Upvotes

I am not OP. Original post and Second Update by u/Lousy_potato in r/relationship_advice.

First update in r/BreakUps


Original (posted 14 days ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/w880yt/i_hurt_my_boyfriend_by_telling_a_lie/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

I hurt my boyfriend by telling a lie.

We’ve dated for almost three years and recently I made a mistake that caused us to take a break for a while.

He has a habit of disappearing. This happens multiple times during our relationship but I couldn’t stand it happening so often. I wasn’t asking him to give all his attention to me, but to give me a heads up when he needs space or to just have time to himself. He continued to disappear without saying anything.

Last time he was gone for 3 days no text no calls no nothing. I decided to make it clear that day that I just want him to let me know when he does this. I asked him why he keeps leaving suddenly. He just said that how he deals with things. Then he said he just doesn’t want to talk. He doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me anymore. Or even letting me know.

Honestly I was hurt. He didn’t show that I made him uncomfortable. I didn’t know anything. I’d even sometimes ask if he’s comfortable around me he says yes of course. I was confused.

I thought maybe since he feels that way there’s not much I can do to fix it. If he feels that way I thought it was over between us. He was gone for another 4 days. I assumed it was over since he never answered me back. Most of my messages never went through never said it was delivered. I was told that I may have been blocked.

I decided to talk to a friend about it. I told them I may have been broken up with. I started blabbering none sense to them. I told lies to their face that my bf was terrible partner and that he called me names. They spent the next few days by my side until the guilt of lying was too much and I confessed that it wasn’t true. It was just the disappearing that bothered me. Other than that he treated me so well. They said of course they knew I was lying. They haven’t said a word to anyone else.

I decided to try and send another message to my bf and ask if they’re ok or if we r still together. I was about to tell him about the lie I told my friend. As soon as I sent it I got a ton of messages from him. Saying how could I lie to everyone about how awful he is. I didn’t tell anyone else so I was confused. He asked why do I always need to know what happens when he disappears. Why must I always need a reason. He then told me about how his mother left him. I didn’t know what to say. But I also didn’t know he was going through a hard time. He said he’s been trying not to kill his self and to go ahead and tell everyone how awful he is. I just didn’t know what to say.

I wanted to comfort him but I felt like I had no right since I betrayed him. I have no idea who told him what I talked to my friend about. My friend even said they didn’t say anything to anyone.

I apologized. Said I’d tell everyone who knew about the lie and that it wasn’t true and made by me. He said he was hurt that he got tons of messages asking if he really treated me to badly and called me names. He said he needs time to think about us. And whether or not he wants to be with me.

He hasn’t talked to me since that day 3 days ago. His birthday is tomorrow. I spent the last few weeks saving up for a new console to gift him. Would he want it? How do I clear it up to at least make it a clean breakup? Advise on how to make it up to him? Or should i respect his space and whatever decision he’ll make?


First Update (posted 8 days ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/wd595o/its_been_over_a_week/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

It’s been over a week.

Honestly I don’t even know if we’re r broken up but it feels like I’m taking it that way. I also feel that i may be soon anyway. I haven’t felt like myself since the last time we talked.

He would ghost me for days at a time on many occasions and I accepted it and kept my mouth shut about it most of the time. But when I bring it up to him if he’d let me know when he needs to be alone he’d always say “ I’m sorry I don’t text fast” “or I’m sorry I can’t give you attention all the time”. I’ve never asked for that. Just to have a bit more communication.

The last time I asked why he doesn’t let me know he just says “well that’s how I deal with it. I just don’t feel comfortable talking with you about stuff like this anymore”. And the rest went downhill from there.

He’s been gone for over a week. He said he wants to be left alone. To think about us. But this is the longest he’s been gone. I respect his space but I want nothing more than to talk to him.

He had a birthday party recently. Im hurt that I wasn’t there with him to celebrate. I was excited for him to see his gift I got him. I see him online in games and it takes so much to not invite him to play.

I just want to talk to him but I’ll keep up respecting his space no matter what. Until he decides what he wants to do.

Im sorry if this isn’t the right sub to post in idk where else to vent my frustrations. Things might be over soon anyway. Just waiting for it to happen anyway now.

I posted what the argument was about in my last post. Idk how to link it sorry.


Second Update (posted 2 hours ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wjslkx/update_i_hurt_my_boyfriend_by_telling_a_lie/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Update: I hurt my boyfriend by telling a lie.

Ok not much had really happened. After two weeks I decided to send him a message that it’s ok if he decides he doesn’t want to continue the relationship. That I’d also respect it as well. I also apologized for not respecting his space he asked for but he said it’s ok and asked me to give him more space and he’d talk to me once he figured out what he wants.

I really do love this person with my whole heart. Everything seemed so well. I do plan on talking to him once he returns about how he also contributed to this whole thing. Even though I plan on telling him this, the guilt just builds up more and more each day and it kills me. I haven’t enjoyed myself. I went to a party yesterday at an amusement park and just didn’t feel like myself. I couldn’t enjoy anything and it felt suffocating. Rides that scared me before didn’t scare or thrill me this time. I felt off.

I did plan on getting counseling but I can’t see that happening until the end of September. I currently go to school and work and babysit my younger siblings. So fitting it in somehow seems impossible. I plan on quitting my job to help fit it in.

I hurt the most amazing person in my life. So me feeling this way kind of makes me feel like it deserve it even though I’m told I don’t.

Honestly im scared about his decision. If he decides to break up of course I’d be sad. But if he decides to stay and we try and build up our relationship again, then i think id feel more guilty. Like I somehow made him stay.

I think I may update again once he’s back. He says he’s still pretty upset and I understand. But some advice really opened my eyes. Was he really ok with hurting me this whole time by disappearing? Why did he constantly ignore me wanting him to tell me when he needed space? I want to ask him that but it seems selfish as he is dealing with some difficult issues at home at the moment.

Thank you for reading and any advice or comments of what I’m doing wrong Is appreciated.


Reminder that I'm not OP. This is a repost sub.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 27d ago Silver Wholesome

ONGOING OOP's feminist academic husband asks "what's for dinner?" too often

8.5k Upvotes

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/mexicoisforlovers in r/askwomenover30 **

Original Post - 11 July 2022

It’s just me and my husband. No children. Every day he asks me “what are you thinking for dinner tonight?” Right around dinner time. He did used to just ask “what’s for dinner?” But I told him how that annoyed me so he has a new variation of the same question. I’ve tried to address this with him, but he says he doesn’t care if I say “nothing,” he can fend for himself (also, most of the time, he does fend for himself, and doesn’t ask me if he can make me anything). If I ask him to make dinner, he will do it with no complaining. (Same with dishes, I have to ask, but no complaining and he doesn’t put it off at least). We sometimes have set days of the week he makes dinner, and he does it, but somehow we always fall out of rhythm and are back to this question.

Why does this question bug me so much? Why am I the only one thinking about feeding us on a regular basis?

Please share any insights and suggestions for new ways of framing this for him. (And please don’t just suggest I leave him, I’d like ways to educate him and myself more on this topic.) THANK YOU!!

Top Comment:

With that question, he is making you (or reaffirming your position as) the household manager. It's about mental load and assumed gender roles. I'm guessing what you would prefer would be for him to say something like "I'm thinking tacos for dinner, does that sound good to you?" and then make the tacos. Tell him about mental load. Make him read this maybe: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/

Commenter recommends being more communicative to combat "strategic incompetence"

I do feel like a mother/manager! When I’ve tried to address this with him, he says he asks because he doesn’t want to “step on my toes” or basically, he doesn’t want to just make dinner because what if I had something planned already in my head? Sometimes I do have something planned already in my head, because I cook 98% of the time so of course I have an idea in my head! But I’ve told him “no please, step on my toes! If you went in the kitchen and just started making dinner I would LOVE it. I’d eat gruel! Make me anything!” And then I think that is when his argument starts to fall apart and become transparent.

Commenter suggests a clearer division of labor, OP replies:

So we actually have a clear division of labor for some things around the house. And that works fine. The reoccurring issue is dinner and dishes. It used to be I make dinner and he does dishes but then the dishes only got done 1x a week and I never had clean dishes to make dinner so Surprise, I started doing the dishes again. I guess that is kind of “my fault”. I should have “made” him do the dishes every day. But my god, why am I making him do anything?!! Am I his mother? He really really struggles with kitchen chores. He grew up with essentially a ‘50s housewife mom who did everything in the kitchen and I’ve been trying to get him to snap out of the woman rules the kitchen mentality for years.

Update - 17 July 2022

Update: Why does “what’s for dinner tonight?” Vex me so? [and looking for more advice]

Hi all,

I originally posted this last week. I had a serious talk with my husband and have an update. I was hoping you all could continue to give me insight into this matter.

Last night, I told my husband "I am assigning you to the pleasure of making dinner." I had been making dinner all week (again), and he replied to this with a load groan. I said "okay, let's talk about this." He said he wishes I would just ask him to make dinner, instead of phrasing it weird or being passive about it. That is fair. However, I countered saying I do just ask him, and if I ask, sometimes he says no, or grumbles and gives excuses why he can't. So now I come up with stupid ways of asking like that, because I don't know how else to ask. He explained he likes it when I ask him directly or remind him (if it's his day to cook), because he isn't naturally thinking about it. He said it is easy enough to make dinner when I remind him to and ask nicely. I explained why asking is such a burden that he puts on me (explained using many of the things you all advised me to say). I'm honestly not sure how much of this sunk in.

He buckled down and said he just "doesn't think about food" as much as I think about it. I said it's because it has been made my thing to think about. I told him, if that's the case, it sounds like I'm making us food when he isn't even thinking about it or interested. I'll make my own food from now on. He said that would be okay for breakfast and lunch, but he likes having a home cooked dinner. I told him, "okay, that will be your responsibility now. I've asked you for ten years to share this responsibility with me, and that never lasts. So I'm done. I'll take over paying the credit card and taking out the trash and recycling, I'll water the plants, and do any other things you need me to take on, so we can still be "'evenly split' domestically." (for background, I have asked him several times in the past if we could share this responsibility more. As mentioned in my previous post, we would make a schedule and then somehow fall out of it. He also has always maintained we share domestic responsibilities evenly. I cook and do dishes and we have a housekeeper to tidy and clean. His responsibilities are the credit card, trash, watering the plants, and random house projects).

It was the most interesting thing. I felt his panic when we entered this part of the conversation. I don't know how to describe it, but I could feel this power dynamic shifted. His immediate reaction was to passionately argue that I would never be okay with him doing these responsibilities cause I like to eat dinner earlier than him and I'm particular with how I make meals (I don't think I am at all?). Because he doesn't "think about food much," he'd simply forget to make meals, or the house would be bare of groceries and he might not notice. I just remained super calm and I told him that I'll eat whenever and whatever he wants, and I'm surprised he'd forget to make meals because he is so obsessively good with paying the credit card on time (he loves having basically a perfect credit score), and taking the trash and recycling out to the curb.

He said back that remembering those things are different because he doesn't need to remember them every day. He said he does projects around the house, but those get done when he notices something needs done, it's not something he has to remember on a daily basis. It was like the most incredible layup ever. I said "yes but cooking is like that. So you can see why it's hard on me. I literally have to plan 3 meals a day for two people every fucking day of our existence, and I've been doing that for 10 years." I told him I am starting to resent him over this and I have a bad relationship with cooking at this point.

I could tell he was just reeling in his own mind with this becoming his new responsibility. He got quiet and just looked so bummed. And he pleaded with me if there is any way he could get out of this new arrangement. I think this is a point in the conversation when I emotionally flipped from feeling victorious to sad. He could see how this was an unfair burden on me, and he still asked me if he could get out of it.

I know everyone on reddit says this about their trash husbands, but my husband literally is so great. I don't think he is trash at all. He volunteers at Planned Parenthood, is a feminist, and literally teaches about intersectional themes at our university. I've been unemployed, in the hospital, in therapy, and he is always constant. He is "woke," but he is a white man with privilege at the same time. I do think he is a good person, but he is blind and sexist when it comes to this. This has always been a horrible tension between us, and for years I just made dinner and did dishes so I could avoid a conflict.

(N.B. from Melba: OOP clarified in a comment that they both work. When she said above that she had been unemployed, she meant in the past.)

I told him I needed him to take this from me. Even if for only a year. I said, "You can do a year, right? I've done 10." He said he could, but then immediately said he will need my help figuring out how to do a shopping list. I said that was totally understandable he'd have a learning curve, I could teach him how to do that. Then he started asking me if I could just make the lists for him. I stopped him immediately and said "no, that's your responsibility now."

The conversation petered out from there. I felt an amazing weight lifted off my shoulders, however, I feel like I already see him just making excuses to get out of certain things. And I felt so disappointed in him that on some level, he knew I took on a bigger share of household chores than him, and he just decided to be fine about it and not say anything, and gaslighted me into believing we truly shared domestic responsibilities evenly. That being said, he made dinner last night and says he is making it tonight. And I'm taking the trash out, which feels SO MUCH EASIER, I'm so happy.

How do I hold him accountable? Do I need to hold him to the same standard as how I was doing things myself? Or if he asks for help or advice, do I just say "I dunno that's your problem now?" How much help (if any) do I give him without enabling and how can we have success in this new scenario?

**Editing to add, as some comments are fixating on the point when OOP said she had previously been unemployed, that is not the case now. They both work from home full time.

Reminder - I am not the original poster. (Also my first time posting here so apologies for any mistakes!)

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 25d ago Are You Serious? Silver

ONGOING AITA for ACCIDENTALLY telling my fiancé I hate his sister and she won’t be a part of my wedding?

8.4k Upvotes

I AM NOT OOP. This is a repost group! originally shared on r/amitheasshole by u/no_possession1846

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w3d99a/aita_for_accidentally_telling_my_fiance_i_hate/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

AITA for ACCIDENTALLY telling my Fiance I hate his sister and she won't be a part of my wedding?

This situation is literally RIDICULOUS but this whole thing has caused almost nuclear warfare across the family so I'm here to get a consensus. Throwaway for privacy even though there's a good chance my fiance will see it.

I (26 F) have been with my fiance Chris (26 M) for four years now. He and his sister (21 F) Lilac are VERY close. They had a pretty traumatic childhood and always promised each other to be there no matter what. Lilac is a good sister to him but as a person, truthfully, I can't stand her. She is literally the textbook definition of a bubbly blonde. She is overly charismatic, always giggling, and in general, just acts too immature for my taste. She likes to pull pranks every once in a while on my fiance and he gets her back but the whole ordeal just seems childish and obnoxious to me. Ever since we got engaged, I knew I didn't want her in my wedding party because that means I'd have to spend time with her at my bachelorette and other parties.

Fast forward to last night and my fiance asks me when I plan on asking Lilac to be a bridesmaid. I got quiet and truthfully said I didn't plan on doing so. This upset him because he said wants his sister to be a part of the most important day of his life and that if I didn't do it he was going to make her a “groomswoman” to make sure she is included. I can't lie, this set me off. I went off about how I want to feel respected by him and be able to enjoy my wedding day. He said he also wants to enjoy his day, which to be fair, I understand. This is where I may be TA, I told him that I have always disliked his sister and wished he would just not include her for once on a day that isn't even about her. He got quiet and went into our guest room to be alone. A couple of minutes later I got a text from Lilac that she completely respects my decision to not want her in the wedding party but she's hurt to know what I actually feel about her. I didn't want her to find out at all and now he's told his whole family about our argument. Half of them are attacking me and half of them are saying it's my day so I should be able to enjoy it. Honestly, this whole ordeal is stressful for no reason because Lilac isn't even upset I don't want her in my wedding party yet the whole family is upset and my fiance has been very short with me all day. AITA?

Edit: Just because I hate her personality doesn't mean I'm mean to her. Being around her drains my social battery but I have never been mean to her nor did I want her to find out ever, especially in this way. I am just super introverted and our personalities collide. I don't want her at my bachelorette party because I want to enjoy it fully and not feel anxious the whole time because the personification of a human firecracker is attending.

Update: I am probably going to make this my only update for a while if not ever. We talked this morning, sorry for not posting it earlier, my wifi company has been having some issues. We still are not resolved. He doesn't just want her as a groomswoman but wants to ask her to be the "bestwoman" (best man but as a woman). This is still not resolved because I am not comfortable with that and it's more stressful because the whole family has turned into flying monkeys because his sister is the apple of their eye so they took what I said as a serious attack against her.

OOP also posted on r/relationship_advice about this

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/w3wats/i_26_f_told_my_fiance_26_m_i_cant_stand_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

I (26 F) told my fiance (26 M) I can't stand his sister and refused to put her in my bridal party.

I need advice on what to do next because I feel completely lost on what to do. I (26 F) made a post about this on another forum but now I need advice because of the fallout. I got engaged to my partner of four years Chris (26 M) a couple of months ago. To be honest, I can't stand his sister (21 F) for the life of me. She's just too much and the Ditzy blonde personality doesn't mesh well with my introvertedness. I told him I did not want her in my bridal party because I'd have to spend time with her at my bachelorette party and I want to enjoy myself. He got upset and said that he would make her a groomsman and recently said he wants her to be the bestwoman, which I am not comfortable with. This has caused a massive argument between not only me and him but his family as well. He also told his sister what I said, so now her feelings are hurt as well. Any sort of advice is appreciated.

More info from OOP’s comments:

Comment asked for an example of fiancé and sisters relationship/ is it inappropriate

Response: About a month ago she went drinking with her friends in the state over. He was so paranoid all night, he wouldnt drink alcohol or even relax because "what if something happens and I need to go get her she is an inexperienced drinker!" we couldn't even have intimate time that night because he was so anxious.

Comment (paraphrased): Why are you not comfortable with her being best woman?

Response: I just want my wedding to be about me and my husband. Not her, me, and my husband. It'd be nice to see him prioritizing my feelings instead of hers for once, especially on our big day.

Edit: OOP just posted a second update on the AITA post (thanks for pointing it out u/gdex86)

Second Update: He called me about two hours ago (he is currently staying at Lilacs) and asked if we could talk, I obliged and it was a very difficult talk, to say the least. I asked him to come home and he rejected. Firstly, he apologized for telling his family and said it was a rash mistake he made in the heat of the moment. Then he said that if I wasn't willing to have her as a bridesmaid that it is unfair of me to ask him to not have her as his bestwoman and that he is not willing to compromise his sister's role in our wedding. This made me cry and tell him that I am tired of feeling second place next to another woman and that I was going to be his wife so I wanted to feel like he had my back when I needed him. This really upset him and he said that as Lilacs big brother he is also supposed to have her back when she needs him and she needs him now when the supposed love of his life is blindsiding him with hurtful information about her. He told me that it was true, he does put Lilac first and he won't stop because he raised her. He said that he is willing to go to couples counseling, but first I need to apologize to Lilac for what I said and stop griping over the fact he wants her as his bestwoman. The call was filled with lots of tears and we finally decided to give it a rest and talk tomorrow so that we could both process what was going on.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 7d ago

ONGOING My husband wrote his ex a very sweet email the day before our wedding. I’m not sure how to feel about it

9.4k Upvotes

Long time lurker, first time poster so i hope i am doing this right

I am not the OP, here is the original post from u/--chi---

We (f32, m39) have been married for a bit over a year but we have been dating for 7. Before me he had her(f39). They broke up because she wanted to get married and he didn’t. We share an IPad and usually he logs out from his gmail when he’s finished but yesterday he must’ve fallen asleep with the iPad because I found it under his nightstand. The iPad was on the email, dated back to the day before our wedding. He wrote how this was really happening now. It’s finally daunting on him that it was really over between them. He’s finally getting married and moving on. He apologized for being ready now and not the same time as she was. He wondered how their life together would have been and that whenever he saw her with her children he couldn’t help but feel they could’ve been his if he wasn’t stupid. and made him terribly sad. He’s scared of the unknown with me even if I made him happy and Again that he regretted that they weren’t on the same stage in life. And then some goodbye talk. She didn’t respond to him.

I don’t know what to feel now. I know the woman. She is a friend of his sister and we meet her a lot. She’s married and seems happy. I’m so jealous and I don’t know what to do or say.

Edit:

I was curious about his proposal to me that was out of the blue since he told me he wasn’t ready yet and suddenly he popped the question. He was very down that period and I thought it wasn’t good between us but then when he proposed I thought to myself that “I was overthinking”. I love him so I said yes and was so happy. It happened a day after his ex got married (2 years ago).

I also remember that he was disappointed that she didn’t invite him and he told his sister “I thought we were better friends”

I’m drowning in my tears now

Edit 2: I made a decision

Thank you very much everyone. I went to bed and woke up to so many comments and I appreciate you all. I’m sorry I was being a bitch in some comments I just felt triggered when a loser writes how they feel sorry for women like me when they admit to attracting loser men. I guess I’m wrong (so so sorry) but I don’t know, it left a bad taste in my mouth having someone to brag about having multiple exes “not over them” anyway pettiness aside:

Anyway I have been crying all night but when I tried to collect myself and really think about why I was crying, he wasn’t even in top ten. I thought I loved him but I guess I didn’t. I cried for the years I spent on him. I cried because I the settled for him because I’ve invested so many years on him. I cried so much because I should have gotten out of this relationship long time ago but every time I thought about leaving, I thought about “I’ve spent too many of my best years with him not to see it through”. I called my friend and asked if she wanted to take a morning walk and a coffee with me. I told her I was leaving my husband and her answer was “it’s about time”. We talked about settling and spending years on something we knew deep down wasn’t right. I told her I thought I loved him more than this and she said it’s normal to try to convince ourselves we love someone we’re “stuck” with.

She told me I was too young to stay in an “ehh marriage” but not young enough to waste more years on him. So I’m telling him today that I want a divorce. This email may have been a blessing in disguise. For the both of us.

Thanks for listening and have a great day.

Note : i used an ongoing flair because i feel like she will update again once she confront her husband

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 14d ago

ONGOING OOP finds her husband in the background of a local celebrity's Instagram post with another woman at a local restaurant when he is supposed to be out of town

11.2k Upvotes

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/apostcard in r/TrueOffMyChest

mood spoilers: infidelity


 

I saw my husband caught with a woman in a picture while scrolling a local influencer’s IG. He was supposed to be out of town - 7/27/2022

I don’t know what to do. We just had our baby 6 weeks ago and when he told me about his business trip. I got a little upset because I’m all alone here and this is our first child so I don’t know what the h we’re doing most of the time. I couldn’t just refuse to let him go however because I knew when I met him that traveling is part of his job so he left. He’s very supportive otherwise. Very happy about being a father and he called us maybe 5-6 times a day to see if we’re doing alright.

Last night I was scrolling down IG and there he was in the background of a local celebrity I followed. Sitting in a restaurant with his “friend” from Uni. The woman who always disliked me and who he told me not to worry about. He’s been on this “trip” since Monday and is supposed to come back on Monday.

I’m so heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. I will obviously talk to him when he gets home but what are my options afterwards? I’m a stay at home wife right now and I haven’t worked since I graduated 5 years ago. My husband makes a good living and he didn’t think me working was a necessity. I don’t have a family except him. If I leave him, how am I going to fend for my son? Who is going to take care of him if I start working? I feel so trapped.

-Edit-

Im so overwhelmed with the amount of messages and support. I’m going to make it clear here that I’m not going to jump into any conclusions yet. I just had my suspicions about the “friend” and I was always wary of her. I’m going to give my husband the benefit of the doubt of course but unfortunately my gut feeling is telling me this is what I’m dreading the most

Thank you

 

I saw my husband with a woman in a picture while scrolling a local influencer’s IG. He was supposed to be out of town - 2 days later 7/29/2022

Hello again, I’m so happy I found you guys here. My husband is home now. It was what what I feared. I don’t know if I made a terrible job of explaining the situation in my last post. But the influencer lives in our city and she was in a restaurant in our city. My husband was supposed to be out of town in business. I took the advice you gave me about influencers not usually posting same day pictures but it still struck me as an oddity because he has never mentioned having dinner with this friend. I tried to contact the influencer but she has over 1.5 million followers.

As I said my husband’s work include a lot of traveling and he usually do a video tour in his hotel room for me or send me some pictures. This time he didn’t so yesterday when he called I asked him to FaceTime me to see our son. He told me to wait because the room was messy and he called after 5 minutes. We talked and he saw our son and then I asked him for a mini tour. He showed me som parts and I took some screenshots. My husband laughed about me taking screenshots and was a bit confused. It isn’t that unusual for me to do anyway so he didn’t make a fuss.

I went later to hotels dot com and started comparing pictures. I found the hotel within 15 minutes. It’s less than 10 minutes from our place. It was a bit late but I took my son and went anyway. The front desk didn’t want to tell me what room he was in. I asked her to tell him to come down but she refused to do that too since it was midnight. I texted him to come down to the reception. When he came down he was like he was seeing a ghost. I told him to take me to his hotel room now. Re refused and asked me to go home and that he would explain everything later. I told him if he didn’t take me to his room now and without warning his friend I will scream. I don’t know why I wanted to see her. It’s like even after finding out he’s been in town all this time and even after seeing the look on his face I still wanted to catch them to drive the message home, so my heart doesn’t cave to his excuses and explanations that he was already starting on. He refused however to take me up. So I just left with my baby.

He came home maybe an hour after me and he wanted to talk and explain when I’m ready. I’m not ready yet. I asked him to move out and leave me be for the time being. He agreed. I don’t know why he did this. Why he married me. I’m 29 and he’s 39. His mistress is 39. She’s a single mom and they’re more compatible and they get along very well. And they obviously love each other so why didn’t he just be with her instead and save us all the heartbreak? Honestly, what’s wrong with people?

-More update-

I’m sorry I don’t want to make any more updates. My husband has agreed to moving out of our apartment. Since we have a prenup, I’m essentially not entitled to anything but he has offered the apartment since I have no where to go. I told him I needed more assurance that the apartment is for me and my son. He’s going to transfer the deeds in my name whatever that means. I’m also going to get alimony or allowance or whatever it’s called until my son is old enough to start looking for jobs. All of this conversation was recorded. On Monday I’m going to talk to a lawyer to make sure what my husband promised me is going to happen. In return, he asked me for separation and not divorce for two years. I agreed.

About the other woman. I don’t know if it’s worth my energy to find out more. They have been FWB when they’re single but never had a relationship. They’ve known each other for 20 years. I didn’t want to hear anything about them. I always had my suspicions. He made the usual excuses about her meaning nothing. It was a mistake and this was their first time because he felt neglected because I wasn’t as interested in him as before the baby. He swore he never slept with her during our marriage until this week. I don’t believe him. If they end up together I wouldn’t be surprised even though he assured me it will never happen because he doesn’t love her.

 

OOP mentions in the comments that she is seeking a divorce lawyer soon so hopefully another update based on her being active in the comments. So I've left the flare to Ongoing.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 21d ago

ONGOING Don’t know when parents are coming home.

12.0k Upvotes

I am not the OP, this is my first time of posting. Op is MiniCzech

Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/w6kxth/dont_know_when_parents_are_coming_home/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

15F here. So a little over 3 weeks ago, my parents told my brother (9M) and I that they were going out for a while to see some friends and May end up spending the night somewhere. Didn’t really think much of it at the time and but they haven’t been home since, and I’m not sure what to do.

They’re not missing. I’ve texted both of them multiple times now, and they always respond, and I’ve even FaceTimed my mom several times and it’s definitely her and she seems totally okay. But when I ask them where they are or when they think they’ll be coming home, they just sort of avoid the question.

I’m starting to get really worried, especially since they're now saying I should use their credit card they left here to like, buy groceries if I need to, which I’m taking to mean they’re not coming back for at least another week.

I have no idea what to do. Do I call the police? Again, they’re not missing, they just won’t come back home for some reason. But my brother is starting to get worried now too. If anyone has any advice, please do share it because I’ve never been this confused in my life.

Update:

Update posted here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/w6w347/update_dont_know_when_parents_are_coming_home/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Hey everyone. I just wanted to make this post so that you all know what’s going on now and that we’re okay.

My grandparents are here at the house with us now. They called back as soon as they got the voicemails I left and immediately started heading this way. I feel a lot better now that they are here. They called the police once they got here. They talked to them, I talked to them. All that we really did is tell them everything I said in the original post I made and showed them my texts with them. We don’t have much more information then that.

My grandpa called our dad and I think he actually spoke to one of the police officers. I don’t know what he said though, other than he still won’t tell anybody where they are. So we still have no idea what they’re doing or why they left. I promise I’ll make another update when I know more. Please have patience though. I’m trying to cooperate with an investigation now. They’re bringing the police dogs over to sniff around the house and I’m so nervous and I don’t even know why.

This post is really just to let everyone know that our grandparents are here now and we are fine and alright. And I just want to thank everybody for helping out and being so supportive. And was really freaking out last night and I appreciate all the kind words. I’ll update when I can.

EDIT: New update, https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/w7oiun/new_update_dont_know_when_parents_are_coming_home/

I am not the OP.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 25d ago Helpful

ONGOING My husband is the worst sexual partner I've ever had...

9.3k Upvotes

I am NOT OP. Original post from r/TrueOffMyChest by u/Rare-Refuse-725

Original Post: My husband is the worst sexual partner I've ever had...

Been together a few years, we had sex before marriage so this wasn't a surprise. I'm not really upset by it because I really love him, just felt like getting it out in the open. He has gotten me to climax before, but I'd say its a 1:15 ratio on when he climaxes to when I do. He tries to give oral but it's just... bad, it feels awkward and it actually gets me out of the mood more than into it. The only dirty talk he uses are reused lines from porn like "have you been naughty?" Foreplay is over in less than 5 minutes. I've brought these things up numerous times, I've spent the money on toys, lingerie, things to make us both feel sexy and explore kinks. I've tried to gently guide him during sex to what I might like. But even with it all I could predict with 95% accuracy the exact steps he will take when having sex, every time.

Still love him, we have equal sex drives so it's not an issue of compatibility, I just help myself when it inevitably happens.

Update - 19 days later

It's been a few weeks and I took everyone's advice. I kept trying more positive reinforcement during sex like some suggested, I tried being even more vocal in guiding, I didn't cave anymore when he started getting pissy that "it now feels like a chore." He seemed to be getting more frustrated, so I kept asking questions. He said the vibrator made him feel emasculated, and I asked him to clarify. He kept saying "I wish we could go back to how sex was when we were first dating, it wasn't all this work."

My heart kind of broke because I felt that he had no interest in my pleasure, I felt like a flesh light to mark off his check list. So I told him we need to have "the talk." I've made my mistakes in the past, I faked orgasms, I haven't done it in awhile because I realized it did nothing to help, but I realized it gave him rose colored glasses about our early sex life. I told him that I wanted to see a sex therapist. Then came a lot of excuses. "Well that's just wasted money" "there's probably a book that will tell us everything we need to know" "they're just going to lecture me that I need to be a better lover" "I just need to get into shape and that will help my stamina." I told him it has nothing to do with his stamina, the issue is that Im not able to give any honest feedback without him getting frustrated. Anything different from the norm resulted in him being frustrated. So if i can't give feedback then the discussion will have to go through a therapist.

The next part surprised me. He kind of had a come to Jesus moment. I think he realized the sex was never great for me. We talked and cried for awhile. I told him that I felt like he had no interest in my pleasure and how isolating it felt when he would climax and he would get up to leave. I asked how he would feel if I climaxed first and just left him to deal with himself and I think he realized what a bummer that is. I told him that the disregard for intimacy has made me feel like we haven't been able to be as close as a couple as we should be. He took it in, I think it really shook him when I told him sometimes I would beg him to put it in because I was so uncomfortable with the way he went about sex. I wasn't trying to hurt him. But I felt like he kept referring to when times were better and I had to be honest and let him know that the sex was never great.

We talked about how we can do better, he became very open to the idea of talking to a sex therapist. So, I'm really hopeful. I was misguided to let myself be unhappy for so long. I think it was unfair to him, me, and our relationship. I'm going to try and do better about being gentle, yet vocal, and try not to back down if he gets pissy. It's probably best to discuss why he is getting pissy, and that my feedback isn't a diss but that sex is a process and the process should be fun, so we both need to be open to receiving feedback.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 4d ago

ONGOING OP wonders if she's TA after her husband gets her a bra that's too big for her

6.4k Upvotes

I am not OP. This is a repost sub.

Mood spoiler: Infidelity

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wk4y9i/aita_for_getting_angry_at_my_husband_for_getting/

English is not my first language and I am writing this rather angry so sorry for any mistakes.

A little background. I, F29, have always been a rather skinny person, size 00 with barely (read none) existent curves so to say, I don't wear a bra for the lack of need, but when I do need it would be some AA bralette and call it a day. Recently I got to know I have somewhat serious medical issues and I needed to start hormonal therapy. Most likely I will gain weight, which doesn't bother me that much, I just want to be healthy again, but I did start feeling a little insecure not only with potential weight gain but with already starting to see some side effects on my skin, hair and generally I am just moodier.

My husband Jeremy, M34, has been nothing but really supportive, he is very understanding with my current moods and goes out of his way to compliment me and get me to feel better, like saying that there will be just more of me to love, or that I will look beautiful no matter what.

And now onto the story that got me feeling really mad and upset at Jeremy. Sometimes he needs to travel for work for a few days, this time as he came back usual stuff proceeded, I went to wash his clothes from the weekender bag and found an obvious pink bag, inside which I found a really pretty set of lingerie, with the bra cup size C. I was really confused and asked him about it. Jeremy then tells me that he knows I been feeling insecure about potential weight gain and wanted to surprise me that there are good things in every size. I don't know it just made me very upset, like most likely my breast wouldn't even grow to that size, like why on earth would he buy a bra for me 4 sizes larger, like he has some kind of expectations of how my body should look like, I just don't know. He says I am being emotional and overreacting and if I don't like it, he will just take it back, that he wanted to make me feel better, and instead, I am just throwing a strop at him.

So AITA for not appreciating a wrong bra size even if it was with good intentions?

Top comment:

NTA

And hon, that bra wasn’t for you that’s just his cover story.

Additional edit to include a relevant comment from OP after a commenter asks if the lingerie still had tags attached:

Yep, there were tags, brand new and extremely nice. The money have been a little tight lately and this set is really out of our budget, it’s like really nice, too nice. And it was hidden in his bag, his clothes were wrapped around it. He said he wanted to gift it over the dinner if I didn’t go through his bag immediately, which tbh I usually don’t do but leave it till the next day.

UPDATE, posted as an edit on the original post.

Edit: this post been up for about an hour but the majority of comments are saying he could been cheating on me and it wasn’t meant for me. I been so wrapped up with my body image and insecurity I haven’t thought about it. To make me feel better, I went on his computer to see iMessages and yep. He has a C cup on the side. Gonna wait for him to come home and talk about it, I don’t know what people do. Feel empty. This discussion is over, thank you all

OP says she won't be updating further, so I'm marking this as concluded.

Edit: posted via mobile so the formatting got wonky. Fixed. Please let me know if you have any additional feedback, this is my first post here.

UPDATE #2

This update was quoted frequently in the comments here but I figure I'd include the further update here to avoid an additional post when so many commenters had already seen/shared it already. For cohesion and completeness, I'm putting it below.

Edit2: So I left it yesterday as an open ending as needed to collect my thoughts and understand the next steps, but as I logged in now I received many nice messages and comments, and honestly I am very grateful to you all.

To all wondering what happened after yesterday, we have decided that divorce is the only option. Sadly my "thoughtful and understanding" husband fell out of love with me a few years ago and didn't want to hurt me by telling me that. It sucks but things happen and life goes on. I will travel to stay with my family in another country for a few months to get myself together and proceed with a divorce. Jeremy and I have decided to split semi-amicably and I am looking forward to all that is to come with my AA cups and 3 beautiful dogs that I am keeping.

As I wrote my AITA about the bra, that's the last thing I thought would happen - that strangers on the Internet would know something I didn't even have a single thought about. So I guess thanks for that.

Final thoughts: my heart goes out to OP. Finding out your partner is cheating is bad enough, but to find out from reddit seems, to me, to add to the pain. At least she found out now rather than later. I am glad she is making space in her life for new love, be it toward herself and/or another (better) partner, and wish her the best. She deserves so much more than that guy.

Again, I'm sorry for the delay in updating this post. In the future, feel free to make a new BORU post with a new update; no need to wait for me. Thanks to everyone who commented and PMd about the new update.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 6d ago Wholesome

ONGOING Was I drugged by him + Update in comments

5.4k Upvotes

I am not the OP. Original by: Radiant-Demand8 in r/TooAfraidToAsk

TW: Possibly Drugged

Original

So I’m going to try to keep this very short and (not so) sweet, me (31) and the guy I’m dating (35) have been going steady for about three months now. He hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet, but it was definitely headed that way, and I was excited about the prospect of it…until today. Now I’m not so sure.

I wanted to go out and hang out with friends and drink, it was a weekend and I usually don’t feel like it but I really was in the mood to let loose and have fun with my girlfriends. So the plan was to go out with friends at the bars and head home later that night and have the guy I’m dating come over and spend the night at my place. That was the plan the whole day, and he knew it. He doesn’t really like to go out, he’s more of an introvert and it was a girls night so I didn’t invite him. As I’m getting ready though, he tells me he’s outside. He surprises me with flowers and a bottle of wine. I was stunned that he was here, because he knew I was about to go out. Obviously I was super appreciative and thought it was so romantic he brought me flowers and my favorite wine, but I was also really confused. Like… I was supposed to be leaving and out the door in 20 minutes.

I invite him in and ask him why he’s here and he basically just said he wanted to convince me to stay in with him and not go out. I laughed and politely said no, I haven’t gone out and seen my girlfriends in months, and they were all literally waiting for me. We started making out for a little bit on the couch and I was close to having sex with him (he was very persuasive) but I decided to just wait and told him to come back over tonight after I got home. He seemed ok with it, a little disappointed but he wasn’t angry or anything. He was complaining about how I was giving him “blue balls” like I had planned the whole thing. Anyways after a short conversation he agrees he’ll come back over tonight and he goes, “just have a glass of wine with me before you go out.” I didn’t really feel like it but to make him somewhat happy I agreed and ran and got two glasses.

After I gave him the two glasses he poured the wine and I left to my bathroom to go fix my hair and makeup because he ruined it, and I was back within two minutes. We sat and drank wine and chatted for about 15 minutes. I was annoyed because my friends were texting me and I felt all flustered and he kept telling me to “calm down” but i told him I couldn’t because I hated making people wait. Anyways, that was the last thing I said before things got a little blurry. I started feeling really tired all of a sudden and my eyes were getting really heavy. I honestly just thought it might have been the wine. Red wine always makes me sleepy. He tells me I look really tired. And I go “yeah i feel so exhausted.”

He goes “aw poor baby” and picks me up. I tell him to put me down. At this point I’m laughing and delirious. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time. He carries me to my bedroom and we cuddle for what felt like forever. He was whispering things in my ear (I don’t remember what exactly) and then he goes “do you want me to text your friends you can’t make it?” And I go no I’ll do it. At that point I had given up on going out. I was so tired and my limbs felt really heavy. He strokes my hair and I’m guessing I fell asleep after that.

I wake up the next morning and he’s still there and we’re cuddling and it never occurred to me until he left how weird that all was. I had to ask him if we had sex last night because I literally remembered nothing up to the point I texted my friends I can’t make it. Wine makes me sleepy, but I only had one glass and it didn’t really seem like the affects of wine.

I have no clue if he did drug me or not. I’ve been up all night wondering, and I’m scared to even ask him or accuse him because what if he didn’t. It’s a huge accusation. I just can’t think of another reason why I felt so strange or why a chunk of time was missing from my night. I genuinely don’t know what to do.

Update in the comments of the original post

I have an update for everyone, please upvote this so people can see.

I told one of my friends what happened and why I couldn’t come out and she immediately came over and we went to the doctor together. They did a tox report and said they found nothing in my system. I explained to him how I was feeling and the blackout and the heavy limbs and he said that it is very possible I was drugged with GHB. He said that the drug leaves your system after only 6 to 8 hours in the blood, and 12 in the urine. by the time I went to the hospital it had already been well over 14 hours. He gave me some numbers to call if I wanted to press charges and gave me a lot of good advice. I texted the guy and told him I went to the doctor today. He seemed very confused and not concerned at all. He kept asking why did I go see a doctor. I kept telling him I didn’t feel normal last night. He just kept asking me why, and he’s called me at least ten times since and I haven’t answered. I texted him and told him not to contact me anymore. Obviously there’s no proof he drugged me but all signs are pointing to yes. For everyone saying test the bottle, he drank the wine too. So if he did drug me he drugged my glass, not the whole bottle. I washed the glasses the next morning without even thinking about it. I’m staying at a girlfriends house tonight, because I’m afraid he’s going to drop by my house unexpectedly. He’s called and texted me dozens of times today. We are trying to figure out the next steps of what I’m going to do. Today has been a long, emotional day.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 10d ago Wholesome

ONGOING [New Update] OP was a vice principal forced to resign. They maliciously complied with the new admin’s demands, leaving chaos behind them.

6.8k Upvotes

Reminder that I am not OP, this is a repost. Originally posted by u/Disgruntled_Veteran on r/Teachers starting a few months ago. Two of the original posts were posted here on this sub by u/BarriBlue. I have used OP’s r/ProRevenge post (as well as the newest update) since it combines all of OP’s previous posts & adds details, but refer to the other BORU post for a more concise reading of the first part of this story as it’s a bit long (but worth the read in my opinion!)

Mood Spoilers: The first parts are an absolute masterclass in malicious compliance & the newest update is a very sad & sadly expected outcome of the terrible new administration.


Parts 1-4: I’m Not The Vice Principal Anymore? Ok!

[As I said above, I’ve used OP’s r/ProRevenge post as it includes additional details.]

Ok, So this happened at the end of this school year. I posted what was going on in the r/Teacher group and several of the people there told me to post what happened in here. This story is in four parts and I apologize for the length. I also apologize for any teacher slang I use as it is like second nature to use it just like military cargo was when I was in the military. Basically, I was told that all the Assistant/Vice Principals in the district (other han at the high school) were being let go and a “teacher-on-assignment (TOA)” was going to take our jobs. I was not heart broken over this, but was treated badly by the new admin team taking my job and my principals job. Also, I tried to help my staff on my way out and it seems my bosses cared more about their images than my staff’s happiness. So here is the story.

Part 1:

So none of the other admin in my district had received our contracts for the coming school year yet. I was wondering what was going on, but I heard rumors about a pay scale shift and that was the reason for it. I found out Wednesday what is actually happening. Every assistant principal and vice principal in the district (why we have two different titles, I have no idea) is not getting renewed contracts (except the ones at the HS), their positions is being eliminated, and their jobs are being replaced with a new position that pays a teachers salary + a $2000 stipend. They are replacing the APs with “Learning Coordinators”. Apparently, the budget is the given reason, but I also heard rumors from someone at the district office.

Each of us APs/VPs were scheduled to meet with one of the Asst. Supers Wednesday. We though it was about our contracts and we were correct. When I arrived, the “Acting” Superintendent was there with the head of HR. I was told about the elimination of my position, but not the reasons why. I was then given an option for the coming school year. I could go back into the classroom, I could work in the district office, or I could apply and interview for the new positions that is replacing my job.

WTF!

I wouldn’t care one lick if I was told that my position had been cut completely and I needed to go back into the classroom. I love the classroom. I miss teaching full time. However, to tell me to apply and interview for a job I already have is bullshit. We were told to give the district our answers by Friday and they would draw up contracts or schedule interviews.

Wednesday afternoon, I went to see Tony who is an Asst. Superintendent and one of the few decent leaders in the school district. I heard from Tony that there was an internal shake up, but he wasn’t allowed to talk about it or even give me a hint about what happened. However, one of the Asst. Supers was being “reassigned”, aka demoted, to being the principal of my current school, my principal was not coming back due to health reasons, the Superintendent was “released from his contract”, and my school’s new Learning Coordinator position had already been filled. Who filled it? A school counselor from one of the high schools who just happens to be a friend and lackey of the Asst. Sup. that is now the new principal.

So, early this morning I gave them my answer. I decided that I didn’t need until Friday to decide. I tried to make sure I sounded professional, but I made sure that my message was getting across by speaking with authority. I went in to the Acting Superintendent’s office and told him that I thought that laying off a bunch of people so they could hire others to do the same job but at less pay was bullshit. I told him that the way the school district handled certain situations was idiotic. I then gave several examples. I next told him that he was going to ruin a perfectly good school with an amazing team of educators by putting a lazy, mean, parent pleasing person in as its new principal and letting her put a lackey in as her second in command. I said that she was as useless as a screen door on a submarine and as mean as Dolores Umbridge. I finished the 3 minute speech by stating that I will work my ass off and finish the school year strong. I will prep things for the next school year so that the TEACHERS have an easier time. I also let him know I would never work at or recommend the district to anyone ever again. Then I left letting him know that I expect an amazing Letter of Recommendation by the end of the school day Friday afternoon since I earned it for my service the past few years.

So what am I going to do now? Well, I called up an old friend Wednesday who is currently a principal at a STEAM charter school thats part of a chain of Charter STEAM schools and asked if he had a teaching position available? He’s been asking me every year for the past 5 years to come work for him. He told me he had three openings and I could have my pick of them. So next year, I will be a…. drumroll please:

6th Grade Teacher! And I am very happy about it! I even get to design my curriculum as long as it meets state standards!

I could apply elsewhere for admin positions, but I think I need a break from school leadership. I need to love my work again like I used to as a teacher. Yes, there were/are many challenges and sometimes I hated going to work, but i do love being a teacher.

I feel bad for my current staff because the regime change will hit them hard, but there is nothing I can do about it. I wish I could help them. The most I could do would be to take a teaching position at my current school, but then I would be miserable with them and be helpless to do anything to aid them.

So, for myself and my daughter, who I love more than anything, I am making the move to a new school and going back to what I enjoy doing. Teaching. I am even bring my daughter to my new school to start next year as a 5th grader. I asked her if she wanted to stay at her current school or go to the STEAM school with me and she wants to go with me. She was excited since she has visited there several ties and loves the technology room, the robotics class, and the science labs. Plus she is friends with some of the kids there already.

As a goodbye to myself staff, I am going out this weekend and I am going to buy some nice letter paper and scratcher tickets. I am going to write short, individualized goodbye to each of my staff members and at the end I will include the following words:

“I’m giving you some scratcher tickets. My hope is that you are as lucky scratching them as I have been lucky to have worked with you.”

So thats it. I have to finish my contract, but at the end of June, I am free. I am looking forward to teaching full time again and having a boss who will let me just do my job and not interfere. I don’t think I want to work in administration again, but maybe after a few years I will decide to work as an AP again.

Note: Sorry for any spelling/grammar/punctuation errors. I am writing this while making my morning rounds.

PART 2

So I put together goodbye gifts for all my staff and I'll be handing them out Friday (their last day with kids). They have a bunch of goodies that I posted about weeks ago. I was think this weekend about how to give the finger one more time to the district office and help my teachers out. Even in a small way. So I came up with it Sunday night.

My district requires each teacher to attend additional training throughout the year. These are outside of the regular staff development trainings. They are run by district staff, SPED teachers, and admin. The training normally last 1-3 hours and the teacher gets a certificate for the time spent in the training. Each teacher is required to attend 24 hours of these before the end of the school year. Most teachers take them over the summer(if they are offered) so they don't have to take them during the school year.

So I yesterday morning, before work, I was making copies of the certificates for all the courses I have run here the past few years. Classroom Management Strategies, Lockdown Procedures, Social Studies Strategies, Math Strategies, Reading Comprehension, and Environmental Print. I am going to fill them out with each of the teacher's names and number of hours. I am adding all the times I EVER spoke to the staff about these topics and putting down hours to correspond (rounding up to the nearest hour...ish).

Wouldn't you know, each of those topics was 3 to 5 hours in length. Each staff member will have exactly 24 hours worth of training. I filled out the dates of the training for the 2022/2023 school year. Oh and I have an attendance sheets with ALL of their names and have them marked as being present.

*Note: I checked with district and since I am still an administrator into the summer, I am allowed to run these training over the summer before I leave.

Now, they can have their summer to themselves and not worry about taking classes during the school year. They can if they wish, but 99% of teachers here hate the mandatory training hours. I hope the staff likes the present.

PART 3

Since Friday, I am no longer a school administrator. I technically have another week to work, but I took vacation during that time because…. well, screw them.

Now, I spent the last week packing up, giving aide and comfort to my (now former) staff, and causing problems for the new administrators who are assholes. Now, besides giving the entire staff a year free from additional PDs, I wasn’t planning on causing any more problems. Just quietly leave and drive off into the sunset. Shane style.

But no. Apparently I don’t deserve a quiet week. The new principal (demoted from Asst. Super.) and her new Teacher On Assignment (TOA) decided, for some reason, to be rude to me. There was only one response to that… I aimed to misbehave!

How were they rude to me you ask?

First off, they ordered me to hurry and clean out my office. Apparently, the TOA wanted to start redecorating my office. I was literally told “Get all your personal stuff out of here ASAP. She wants her office now!”. I still had a week to work there and actual work to do.

Second, the new principal tried to steal my personal chair and my personal office supplies and decorations. That chair was a gift to me from a friend. I found her just wheeling it out of my office and into her’s. My desk supplies and a banner from my wall were stack on its seat. I told her that it was my personal chair. Not the districts. She said “ok”. The very next morning, I found it missing. She had moved it into her office after I left for the day.

Third, I was given a list of tasks to complete by Friday by the TOA (who is in no way, shape, or form my boss). These were not my job to do and are in fact the incoming admins duty to complete. Stuff the new admin are supposed to do. Things like: put together a new staff packets, schedule next years PDs, fill out and submit request forms, ect..

Finally, I was talked down to every single day by the new admin team. I was spoken to as though I were the hired help and they were the Royal Bitches. Seriously, I speak to a waitress that messes up my order with 20x the amount of respect that they showed me. They actually tried to get my attention by snapping their fingers at me. Like that would work.

*Note: The new principal also has made some pretty anti-LGTBQ+ comments. I don't like narrow-minded people.

So, I decided to to as I was told. I was a soldier, so I know how to follow orders.

  1. I removed EVERYTHING that was my personal property. That included my chairs, decorations, the stress relievers (punching bag, ect.), the fridge from the office, and the file cabinets in my office. Yes, I bought government surplus cabinets because I didn’t have any. All my files and all of my former principal’s files were in there. I had even bought the manila folder I used in it.
  • So, I took ever piece of paper out of my cabinets, removed them from my labeled folders, and stacked them on the floor into one large pile. There is no order to how they are stacked.

  • I took my chair from the principals office while she was in a meeting with parents. I just walked in and rolled it out. She stopped talking to the parents to ask what I was doing, and I responded that I was taking my personal property out ASAP as I was ordered to do.

  • I had an old medium sized fridge I had placed in the office work room for office staff to store their food in. But it is mine, so I took the fridge. I brought in right out the front door and loaded it into my truck. I even took the new admins food out of it and left them on the table. Its my fridge. I warned the rest of the office staff I was taking it, but forgot to tell admin. Darn.

  1. I copied all my digital files over to a flash drive and then deleted everything off my work Google drive. Any thing I personally created or designed.

  2. Copied all my emails too.

  3. I informed the staff that if they need time off next year and need it approved, to submit the forms to me this week. I got several and they are all now approved. I got this idea from someone who messaged me here on Reddit and suggested I do this. Thanks for the advise.

  4. I approved every supply list item the staff submitted and even drove to the district warehouse to pick up some items personally. I even approved funds for a second-hand kiln for the art teacher. She found a good one on Craiglist.

  5. I had repaired my desk with bolts and tool from home. I took the bolts back. The desk is now lopsided again. The closet door was broken when I got there. So I repaired it. I have now put it back as it was when I was hired.

  6. The two way mirror to the detention room was mine. I had gotten it from a friend at another school (different district). It allowed me to watch ISS and detention students from my office without them seeing me. It popped that right out and took it home. Now the TOA has a hole in the wall the detention kids can look through.

  7. I had put together all the lockdown buckets and fire drill bags myself with my own money. I took all of them back. This I felt bad about, but i will give them out to the staff at my new school.

  8. I put a rush order on all classroom and building repairs and have an approved order to have every classroom repainted.

  9. I assembled new staff packets and the new school year binders. Besides the basics of what is required, I have included throughout the binders in random places:

  • Dilbert cartoons,

  • Famous Harry Potter quotes,

  • The lyrics to Nickelback’s “How You Remind Me”, “I Kissed A Girl” by Katie Perry, “All Star” by Smashmouth, and “We Built This City” by Starship.

  • A map of the area where I marked all the good places to eat lunch off campus,

  • Funny Farside teacher comics,

  • Cheesy “Teacher Jokes”,

  • The union contact info.,

  • Crosswords, sudoku, and word searches

  • A list of educational lawyers.... just in case.

  • I also included in the binder the admin Wifi password for them since that signal is stronger for some reason.

  1. I went ahead and wrote out the PD schedule for next year. Oddly, Every Wednesday is listed as ”free time” or “work in your classroom”. I’m sure they will change it, but I don’t know when they will find out what it says.

  2. I had a master list of donators and partners in the community. It was posted on a whiteboard in my office. I got over four dozen businesses and people in the community to help with various things or donate over the years. I spent a lot of my time building relationships with them and making deals. I took a photo of it and then I erased the list. And took the whiteboard since it was mine.

  3. Friday, I flew the LGBTQ+ flag instead of the state flag. I also placed LGBTQ+ flags in each classroom in case the staff want to display them.

Then I got yelled at...... three times. The first time was when I took back my chair. I was told it was unprofessional to just take it without asking. Especially with guests present. I responded with “Yes, it was unprofessional to take MY chair without asking.”. The second time was when the TOA found the refrigerator gone. She said that it was community property. I told her “No, its my property and I was told to take all my property from the campus.”. The third time was when I was in the parking lot leaving and they found the piles of papers. The principal flagged me down and told me to clean it up. I told her I was off the clock and that the district never reimbursed me for the cabinets so I had to take them with me.

I am expecting a call from HR today asking for my assistance setting everything back up since with all my stuff removed and erased, the admin team has to actually put in some hard work. I’d come in. For my consultant rate. $75.00 an hour with a minimum contract for 12 hours.

PART 4

So, as some of you know, I left the world of being an administrator a few weeks ago. I tried to leave behind some nice .... gifts when I left. I wasn't looking to cause problems my last few weeks, but the new admin team treated me in a way that was unacceptable. So I decided that Malcolm Reynolds had it right when he said "I aim to misbehave.".

Well, the Tuesday after I left, I received a call from HR. I ignored it. I then left for a road trip with my daughter where we went to San Francisco for a few days and went to two Giants games. Unfortunately, they lost both games. While we were on our trip, they called and emailed me at my personal email account (my work one was deleted by them). I ignored the calls and never opened the emails. My daughter and I then went to Disneyland for a few days of fun and then returned this past Friday. I then checked the voicemails and emails.

I was asked, begged, and then ordered to come to the HR for important meetings. "It is very important that we speak to you as soon as possible." is what they said repeatedly. So Yesterday I went in to the district office wearing cargo shorts, a shirt I got at Disneyland, and flip flops. I don't work there so I don't need to dress up.

When I arrived, I was originally treated like a visiting VIP. The HR manager and her assistant tried to butter me up like a Pillsbury biscuit. After a few minutes of them trying to make small talk and me then letting them know I had plans to go to lunch in 30 minutes, they got to the point. They wanted me to turn over a few things took with me that, though they belonged to me, they said were sorely needed at the school.

They gave me a list from the new principal which included, but limited to:

My chair (Seriously!)

My refrigerator and appliances

My community contacts board (People/businesses that I build relationships and partnerships with)

My personally designed forms and worksheets

Two way mirror

My Lockdown Buckets and FireDrill Bags

They also wanted copies of every record I kept and notes I took on the staff and students. The notes I took on the staff were so I could personalize gifts for them and have conversations with them on their interests.

I said "No" to all those requests. I told the ladies that the furniture and appliances were mine that I brought in. I stated that the chair was a gift to me from a friend and that the new principal can afford to buy her own chair. I also stated that I left any official school/district documents there and any I took with me and/or deleted were of my own making and my intellectual property. I also stated that my contacts were developed over the years on my personal time and at personal cost to me. I also stated that everything I took, that I had submitted reimbursement, was never reimbursed. I kept my records and pay stubs. I never saw a red cent from those submissions.

They offered to pay me for some of the items and gave me a rough figure of what the district would pay me to return the fridge, the forms, buckets, bags, mirror, and contact board. I told them that I did not want to hand them over to the new admin team since they had treated me so poorly.

The asked me again and tried to reason that some of those things could be interpreted as school property. I told them that The were welcome to try and force me to return anything that was legally mine to them, but I would be willing to fight it in court. I also told them that those two new administrators made me uncomfortable and that their treatment of me could be considered making a hostile work environment. Especially when they tried to make me do their jobs for them. I then gave the HR team my lawyers info.

* Note: I dated a lawyer after my divorce for a few years and we are still good friend and she has offered herself as my "forever retained lawyer" that I can use her name and she'd help me if she could. I rarely use her name, but when I have needed her legal advice, she always comes through. I also help her with physical chores when she or her family needs help.

I then wished the lady a good school year in the term to come and left. I doubt I will ever hear from them again.

Update: Karens With Power Are As Dangerous As They Are Annoying

[Posted a week ago on r/Teachers.]

Ever notice that there are always people out there that just have to break beautiful things? The people who see a sand castle and stomp on it or the idiots who visit Stonehenge and carve their names into it. Why?

Note: The new principal is the kind of person who smiles when things go wrong because she has already thought of someone to blame it on.

So as some of you may know, I am starting my new job in a week in a half. I haven't heard back from my old district since I met with their HR department after my road trip with my daughter. But Monday I heard from the senior secretary (aka Office Goddess) of my old school. She's been at the school for something like 20 years and knows everything that is going on there. Its her turf. She cares about the kids and the staff and she is great wonderful AMAZING!

Well, I got a call from her and she asked if I would do a welfare phone call to one of my former staff members who we will call Beth. I asked her why does she want me to call and why me instead of the someone who still works there. I don't work there any more and I am sure someone at the school would be better suited for it, like a counselor. Then she told me why she wanted me to call.

So the new principal and TOA have made many several changes to the school in their short time there. According to the Office Goddess, they have:

  • Eliminated the House System. (The old principal and I created 4 Houses to have the kids compete year round for points with prizes for the top house each year.)

  • Moved 8 teachers to different grade levels at the last minute. Including moving a teacher who has spent her career (15ish years) only teaching Kinder to teach the 6th grade.

  • Cancelled several staff activities including the monthly breakfast bash and the Welcome Back competition (usually laser tag or bowling).

  • Ordered special office desks for themselves that can be raised and lowered depending on if they want to sit or stand. (She said that the ones ordered run something like $500 a pop)

  • But worst of all, the moved the librarian, Beth, to teach Middle School ELA.

Now Beth is a very kind and well like staff member. She is hard working and also adaptable. She is also certified in Early Childhood Ed., Elem. Ed, and Secondary ELA.

She also has cancer. She has been fighting it for a few years now. I've watched her struggle and keep fighting it. I've also watched a healthy athletic woman of about 130 lbs drop to a pale shadow of that which couldn't weight more than 90 lbs soaking wet.

Beth was a teacher for years at my old school, but a while back, when she found it hard to teach while going through chemo, I made her the librarian and fought to keep her at her teacher salary. The district fought me saying an aid was cheaper and could do the job. I wrote a post on here about it a while back. Officially, Beth is the school's media specialist, library arts teacher, and an ELA support specialist. Unofficially, her job is to basically reads to the younger students, encourage them to read, helps older students with their research, and helps older students learn how to cite their work.

The position also gave her plenty of time to rest, let her go to medical appointments easily, and gave her a bathroom next to her desk since she needed to go more often now. Plus it kept her pay the same and kept her health insurance going. It was a rare example of a true win win. I had an amazing librarian and she got paid, benefits, and a lighter work load so she could heal.

Well, the new principal, in all her Jar Jar Binks wisdom, has decided that Beth would be better off in a classroom again and that parent volunteers should run the library. Its saves money and puts Beth where she is useful according to the admin's twisted sense of logic. And yes, they know of Beth's condition and why she is in that post.

Beth found out Friday about the reassignment. (Yes, it is legal as her contract doesn't specify librarian. Just teacher and her pay scale level.). Beth tried to explain the situation to the idiotic woman who, if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. But she doesn't seem to care. She says that Beth will be just fine in the classroom and will really help the kids academically.

So I called Beth yesterday and we talked for about half an hour. She told me that she may have to resign because she can't keep up with the rigors of teaching middle school ELA in her condition (which is not improving unfortunately). She is supposed to go through another cycle of chemo treatments soon. I told her I wish I could help her. She said she may just become a substitute and work when she can. She said she is covered under the husband insurance already, but ours was better.

I feel really bad for her. I suggested that she go to HR and let them know that if she is moved back into a full-time classroom that it would have a negative effect on her health and put her at risk. I also told her to get notes from her medical providers stating her case to stay in her less stressful position. I then gave her the name and phone number of a lawyer that specializes in educational law.

I also let her know that I would help her find work if she wanted me to. I have already reached out to a few people I know. I contacted my ex-wife's sister-in-law who works for a non-profit that provides digital literacy and citizenship programs for people who come to the U.S.. She said she might be able to hire her on to give remote lessons via Zoom. So lets keep our fingers crossed.

This is a perfect example of what happens when people with the compassion of Ted Bundy and the ego Donald Trump are put in-charge of others. The new admin team cares more about the budget and losing like they do something rather than whats best for the staff and students. I don't know what day in history it was when educators stopped leading schools and the politicians and the parent pleasers looking for a pay increase took over, but it was a dark day for us all.

I wish I had a happier story to share, but my old school is going to Hell in a handcart according to the Office Goddess. I wish all of you a great coming school year.


Reminder that I am not OP, this is a repost. I’ve made some minor formatting changes for readability. Let me know what you guys think about using the r/ProRevenge post, I can edit it to have the individual posts instead if that’s what’s preferred, I just wanted to include the extra details. I wasn’t sure how to flair this, but I’ve marked this as ongoing since OP has been kind enough to continue to update on the situation at his old school.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Jul 10 '22 Silver I'll Drink to That Gold Ally Helpful

ONGOING My fiancé almost died in a car accident, my MIL told me he cheated on me

19.3k Upvotes

I AM NOT THE OP, this is my first BORU so it might be a bit wonky. Originally posted in r/trueoffmychest

FIRST POST

My fiancé almost died in a car accident, that’s when my mother in law told me he cheated on me with an ex. Now he’s recovering well I feel so guilty for wanting to end it.

I feel like a horrible person.

We are supposed to get married on August 20 in a small ceremony. I’ve (f33) been with my fiancé (m34) for 6 years, engaged for 1. The best years of my life. He’s brilliant in every way, or so I thought.

The accident happened 6 weeks ago. A drunk driver hit my fiancé’s car. I spent the worst night in my life in the hospital waiting for answers from the doctors and he went through hours and hours of surgery. His parents and brothers were also there waiting. I’ve always loved his family and they me. His mum is(was) one of my favorite people and we got along very well. She was happy to have me as her first daughter (in law). She’s religious and when my fiancé was hovering between life and death she was worried about his sins so she told me that he cheated on me about 2 months ago with an ex he bumped into.

She explained that it was because of the wedding and the stress of planning it. Apparently I’ve been both stressed out and stressing him out. He had a weak moment, it was a one time thing and he regretted it so much. He asked his parents for advice on what to do and they told him not to say anything. As long as he’s remorseful and as long as it was me he wanted, he should forget about what he did and move on. His whole family knew.

After the hospital he moved back to his parents house because we live in a flat without lifts. I visit him every day. I haven’t told him that I know and his family is acting like nothing has changed. They’re very happy he’s doing better and understandably so and my presence by his side is very helpful according to him and his family.

Now both fiancé and his parents are talking about us being able to get married on the day we set after all. I feel awful because I don’t want that. Our relationship was over the moment I found out about the cheating. I stayed because I loved (still do) him and I wanted him to feel better. I couldn’t break his heart while he’s recovering. I also thought the wedding was postponed and that I (we) would have more time for him to recover fully and be strong and independent again so I could leave with clear conscious.

I tried to speak to his mum today but she just started hyperventilating and kept telling me not to do this. She made a mistake by telling me and that I shouldn’t take advantage of what she said in desperation to punish him and kill his spirit. He’s still recovering and he needs me.

I have been thinking since my talk with his mum about everything and I’m so angry at him. I’m ashamed that even when I was worried about his life I was very angry and resentful. We were supposed to have our wedding in this beautiful manor house that he found thats all inclusive. With our most important people. My best friend is a DJ and my parents paid for the whole thing even though they’re much poorer so i don’t know where the “stress” has come from. We fixed everything in a week! I’m so angry and I’ve kept bottling it up since the accident. I’m afraid I’m going to explode soon!

SECOND POST

I told my fiancé that I know about his infidelity and canceled the wedding. He still wants a second chance

I have written here 3 days ago before I talked to my fiancé. This is after I told him I know about his cheating.

I started by telling my parents, who are paying for the wedding, about what happened and that I’m canceling the wedding. Hopefully they can get back some of what they paid via their home insurance. I have told them that I’m going to pay the rest of the damages. My dad refused. I insisted. It’s not up to them☺️.

Since my fiancé still lives with his parents I felt that I would be outnumbered if I went alone to end it. text or a call wasn’t an option since he meant a lot more to me than that and I really wanted to see his face and ask wtf! I also wanted him to see my hurt. I don’t want it to be comfortable for him. Cheaters must see the hurt they cause and hopefully learn from it. I took my mum with me. When I told him that the wedding was off and the reason why he started crying. He told me all things they say in desperation. He was foolish. He didn’t think. He was stressed out. He was scared. It meant nothing. He regretted it. He didn’t want to tell me because it meant nothing and he didn’t want to hurt me. I should give him a chance to prove himself and his loyalty. He can ask his parents to pay for the wedding. We can postpone the wedding indefinitely. I can take the apartment and he will live with his parents. As long as it takes for me to forgive him.

I haven’t cried so much as I did when I was listening to his bullshit and afterwards on my way home. How could he do this to me? He didn’t give me a satisfying answer to why he did this to me. To us! I have cried myself to sleep every night since the accident and yet I cried like I’ve just found out.

I’m going to stay in the apartment that we bought together and he will stay with his parents. Prices has gone down these last couple of months and we both agreed that we don’t want to sell for less than what we paid. But the moment it goes up again we’re selling. I have started packing his things now and tomorrow I’m renting a van to move his things to his parents house. Sorting out his stuff and packing his clothes made it real for me. I didn’t expect it to be so emotional. Why do I still love him so much?

He has been texting me and he has called me twice and we talked mostly about mundane stuff but also about us and our relationship.

His mum has called me to say that she felt guilty for first not advising him to come clean but even for later divulging his secret to me without his permission. She was disappointed that I took advantage of her moment of panic but that she understands that I’m hurt. She said he will do his best to win me back. I’m a bit irritated about the fact that none of them (including my parents) believe that it’s really over and I don’t have the energy to prove my point either. I just need some alone time now and some peace and quiet.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 9d ago Silver

ONGOING OOP struggles with a family death and when to respect a coworker's religion

2.2k Upvotes

THIS IS A REPOST SUB. THIS IS NOT MY STORY.I am NOT OP. Original post by u/vcottonpicker in r/AmItheAsshole

TW: death of a family member

------------------------------------------------

AITA for asking a coworker to switch days with me, even though it goes against her religious beliefs? - posted 4 hours before this post, Aug 5th 2022

So, my sister just passed away during childbirth, and her funeral is on Saturday. I was very close to her, and I don’t want to miss it. It can’t be rescheduled, because there’s friends and family coming from out of town and it would mess up their schedule.

Our family was heartbroken, it happened so abruptly, my dad’s even coming from out of state for this, and he rarely comes here. We have an entire nursery we can’t even use. I asked for Saturday off at work to go to the funeral, but I would have to swap out with my coworker, who never works Saturdays because of her religion. I asked her, and she said that while she understood, she can’t come on that day.

I pleaded again and again, but she wouldn’t budge and told me to stop asking. She won’t even work on this one day, even though my sister literally died. I got a heads up from my manager that if I harassed her any more, I would get written up. I talked with my mom and step dad about this, and my stepdad is on my side, while my mom said I shouldn’t insult someone’s religion, and I was wrong for even asking.

I need this closure and I’m super frustrated and depressed, and my coworker isn’t even talking to me now, and some of my other coworkers said I shouldn’t have asked in the first place. AITA?

Edit: for those asking, my place only has two people who work freezer, that’s me and my religious coworker. If I could ask someone else to take over, I would.

------------------------------------------------

Update - added to original post as an edit.

Hello everyone. I am so thankful for all the feedback I’ve received, positive and negative, and though everyone’s answers have been all over the place, I just wanted to let y’all know that I have apologized to my coworker. She understood and said it’s okay, though my other coworkers are salty that I disrespected her religion, as most of them follow the same religious beliefs, it’s a predominantly Jewish community where I work. As I’m a minor, I’m really thankful for those of you who gave me good advice on the employment laws, how I can leave in the case of a family emergency like this, and I will be contacting her about them.

If she fires me, whatever, she’s severely understaffed anyways, it’s her loss. For those of you saying that this is fake, I can assure you, it’s not, it’s just a weird coincidence, and I hope that some of you didn’t go to the other poster and harass them the same way you did me. I haven’t even seen the fucking post, and this is on a new account because my boss uses Reddit and I don’t want her to trace this back to me, if she finds it. This has blown up very quickly, and I’d like to say thanks, it’s given me lots of good comments.

And lastly, those harassing me about a few typos I made earlier and fixed, y’all need to chill. I messed up on a post I didn’t bother to go back and edit at the time, no need to crucify me. Anyhow, thanks for all the feedback and support, and I will work on reading through all of your comments, though it may take a while, because I am still at work. Have a good day/night y’all, and thank you.

------------------------------------------------

Update #2 - also added as an edit to the original post

Those of you saying I’m the asshole for asking more than once, imagine if the person you love most in your life died. Wouldn’t you plead to get to go to their funeral? Wouldn’t you ask more than once?

------------------------------------------------

My thoughts:

A rough situation, especially for someone so young. Losing a sibling is terrible, and having to maneuver through getting coverage at work when it's so limited (AND against the only other person's beliefs, oof) can't have been easy while dealing with the grief.

Marked as "ongoing" for now because OOP's not yet actually gotten leave from work and plans to answer comments on the original post, which I may add here later.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 27d ago

ONGOING AITA for “ruining” my sister in law’s honeymoon by exposing her racism? + UPDATE

9.2k Upvotes

ORIGINAL by u/Throwwaaway22

Throw away account although my sister in law will probably recognize the story anyway so I don’t know why I even bother. I don’t think what I did was an AH move at all but maybe the timing was a bit off but No, I don’t think I’m an AH full stop

My (f27) sister in law (f30) got married last weekend. She’s my long term boyfriend’s (m32) sister. They’re white and I’m Middle Eastern. And a dark one with raven black hair. She was looking for a photographer that didn’t bankrupt her so I suggested a friend of mine who’s new in business and charged less than half because these things cost over € 5k these days. She was excited and I set a group chat with her and my photographer friend. We talked a little and later they met and they started messaging directly to each other.

The wedding was amazing and everything went smoothly. I was one of the guests and she seemed happy. The next day they went off to their honeymoon. I don’t know if it was by mistake but instead of texting the photographer directly like she’s done for the past few months she texted him to our old iMessage chat. She thanked him but had a favor to ask him and wondered wether he could retouch some asymmetry in the (flowers archway? I’m sorry I don’t know the right terms in English) but also if he could take me off some photos because I’m too dark and ruined the color palette. Not all pictures. Just the ones she’s in.

I texted back are you kidding me?

She didn’t answer. I took a screenshot and posted it on my insta story tagging her in it. She called my bf crying her eyes out calling me an ah for embarrassing her and ruining her honeymoon. Bf thought it was a low blow. I was blinded with rage when I did it but even now I’m calm I still don’t feel that I was an AH. But people have been contacting her apparently asking if she really wrote this. She’s so beautiful and successful so please don’t blame it on jealousy or scare of being outshined.

UPDATE

1) Sister in law is still on her honeymoon so I haven’t talked to her yet but she’s bombarding my bf demanding that I apologize and make a new insta story with my apology. More people got involved including my Bf’s mother that thought I was way out of line ruining her daughters wedding. I have also got contacted by my sister in law’s friends, some of them told me stories about what she’s been talking about me behind my back. Yeah she got what she deserved. The amount of her friends that weren’t surprised at all with her text made it clear for me that I wasn’t wrong. My sister in law is self employed with some foreign customers thats why she’s taking it so hard because she’s scared that would affect her career. I don’t feel like I need to save her career should something bad happen to it.

2) My photographer friend did what he was told. Thats the only right way imo. Being professional and not confuse work with his own values. He asked me if I wanted him to say something and I said no. I also asked him not to tell me what they’re texting since she’s his client so he shouldn’t break confidentiality. He’s just starting his career and he will meet worse brides. She was at least nice to him throughout their interaction.

3) now to my bf. As I said he thought this whole thing was uncomfortable. I told him if he wanted to be with me he needed to discuss uncomfortable topics. He opened up and it was actually deeper than this. This has happened before. His uncle is very rich and for his 60th birthday he had a very big party. As a thank you we received thank you cards with our pictures on it professionally taken. I remember this picture because his uncle had a “red carpet” moment when guests were photographed upon their arrival. Later we went to my bf’s mother to see the rest of the photos and I wasn’t in any of them. I thought it was funny how I literally evaded being caught on camera. I never mentioned this or even reflected on it and while my bf and his family were looking at the pictures and discussing the evening it was just so normal and no one mentioned something out of the ordinary. Today he told me that I was photoshopped off the pictures. Everyone in his family knew it but me. At the time they just thought the uncle could choose whoever he wanted to have in his pictures and they moved on

-but you all kept it from me

-yes

-so you must’ve thought it was hurtful

-i did, I asked my family not to tell you

-and we continued going to that uncle. Celebrated some Christmases, Easters and vacations with him?

Silence

-you didn’t feel offended on my behalf?

Silence

-and now you think it’s okay that your sister is doing the same?

-I didn’t think of it that way I know my sister

-if it wasn’t racist why is she feeling “embarrassed” now?

Silence

-you think what she did was alright?

-of course not!

-will you just stand and watch when this happens to our children

-OF COURSE NOT.

I know my bf very well. He’s very kind and I never felt he was racist in anyway. I know he’s not stupid and is aware of these things which makes it worse because it just means he doesn’t care enough. I asked him why he didn’t care enough and he said he was so sorry but he knows me to be a strong girl that never let these petty things affect her. He’s right, I normally ignore 99% of the racism and micro aggressions I face in life and even laugh at the ignorance. We even discussed this before. But does being strong mean that people are entitled to try to hurt me? Because I usually don’t let them? He couldn’t answer this.

I told him that I never want his sister in my life again or his uncle and probably not his mother either if she still wants me to apologize. I don’t want to surround myself with people like them and especially when I have children and I asked him if he’s willing to live like that. I asked him not to answer me now and think about it. It kinda felt like an ultimatum and thats bad but I didn’t know how to handle the situation better.

I never thought of myself as someone who’s petty or that makes ultimatums. This experience taught me that I’m both🤷🏽‍♀️

And thank you for the NTA judgment <3

UPDATE from OOP's Boyfriend

This is the rightfully very much hated boyfriend speaking…..

I have read both posts and all your comments on the update. I’m overwhelmed with the amount of support my girlfriend has received. Overwhelmed and ashamed that total strangers on the internet, have shown my girlfriend more support and love than I ever have. The person who’s supposed to be the closest to her. I have failed to support my girlfriend and be her rock but my only excuse is that I never done it out of malice. I thought I was protecting her from being hurt. I was wrong and I’m so sorry about that, but if there’s any consolation, I did it out of love for her.

There’s no excuse for my passivity, there’s only an explanation and it’s thus: because of my privilege I made the wrong assessment of the incidents and deemed them albeit hurtful, not really serious or harmful. I deemed them to be pathetic, ridiculous and petty. I was wrong and I will not pretend that I need to be “educated” on racial inequality because I should have known all of these things already. I can only promise that I will have her back and be more active and alert moving forward. I choose her any day of the week and I will have a talk with my family and make them apologize to her. And it’s her decision to forgive them or not but I choose her. It was never really a choice to begin with. She’s my future wife and the mother of my future children. I have known this for years.

I’m so sorry.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 13d ago Wholesome Helpful

ONGOING My (24F) Mom (49F) is cheating on my Dad (50M) and I don't know how to tell him

4.6k Upvotes

Hi everyone! This is my first post here, please let me know if there’s any formatting issues etc!

TW: infidelity

Mood Spoiler: Overall sad, but a positive ending

I AM NOT OP, OOP IS u/throwRAMOMCHDAD, I’m marking this as ongoing as OOP is going to see their mom next week and there may be a further update.

First post originally posted on r/relationship_advice on 10th May, 2022

The post was removed but the text is in the comments

ORIGINAL POST

TL,DR: I borrowed my mom's laptop to send some work emails and saw a message from a "Chris" thanking her for "draining" him last night. I looked into their message history and found out she is having a full blown affair with this guy and has been doing so for atleast a year. I don't know how to tell my Dad. Please any advice is appreciated.

My Mom (47f) and Dad (50M) have been together for 25 years and I could've honestly said that they were the ideal relationship in my mind. They rarely ever argued, always talked to each other and, I thought, were always loving and faithful to each other. I can even remember in school a few of my teachers telling me that my Dad and Mom were a great couple and that I should be thankful that I had a great example of what a healthy relationship looks like.

They've rarely argued, I can count on both of my hands the times they've yelled at each other. They've always been happy together, as far as I know. I needed to use my mom's laptop to send off some work emails as mine was not connecting to our Wi-Fi. I started sending off emails and my mom's messages popped up on her laptop. It was from a guy named "Chris" and he thanked her for "draining" him last night. I, not knowing what the hell was going on, decided to open up her messages and I saw that she has been cheating on my Dad for the past year atleast.

The messages they sent each other were extremely explicit and they sent pictures and videos. I started to hyperventilate and realised what was happening. I started to dry heave. I was able to screenshot the messages and send the pictures to my email. After that I told my parents I was going out for a bit. My Dad told me to stay safe and kissed my forehead and I nearly broke down in the house. I was able to drive away for a few minutes and get to a private location and cry.

Why would she do this? Does she not love my Dad? He's done so much for her, waited on her hand and foot when she broke her legs ski-ing, moved so she could be closer to her family when she went through PPD with me. He's done so much for all of us and she does this? Why? Dad was always there for her when she needed him, worked overtime to allow us to experience things together.

I don't know what I'm going to tell my sister (18) she's coming back from university next week and she adores our Dad. It's also the last thing I want to tell my brother (22) because he's doing his masters and I don't want anything to distract him from his final exams in a few months. It's like I can't tell anyone about this, all of my friends parents are divorced or were never married to begin with and they also looked at my parents as what a good marriage looked like.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling I just don't know what to do. Whenever I think about it I feel hurt. I remember when I was 16 and my mom showed me the love letters and poems my Dad wrote for her and they were all so beautiful he's loved her with all of his heart for 25 years and she's been doing this to him? The last person I want to tell is my Dad, i feel as if me telling him will break everything and the Dad I knew who was so loving and caring will be gone. I've been told by my friends that it happened to their parents too, that for years they were never the same, my best friends Dad took his own life when he found out about his wife's infidelity.

I'm sorry if this is rambling I'm just so hurt and confused, why would she do this? How do I tell my Dad that the person he's loved for the last 25 years has betrayed him? Please any advice is appreciated.

UPDATE: Posted today in r/relationship_advice.

Sorry for this post being so long. A lot has happened since the last time I posted.

Tl,dr: Asked my Mom if they had an open relationship/ any agreement to see outside parties, they do not, so my mom was cheating on him. I told my dad what I knew, he ended up searching my mom's laptop and saved a majority of the emails. He then confronted my mom she denied having an affair my dad has now filed for divorce, has kicked my mom out of the house and is going NC aside from through lawyer.

Sorry for the post being so long it has been a while since I last updates and a lot has happened. Thank you for everyone who responded and everyone who dm’ed me with advice and support!

So after I got back home I headed straight to bed. When I was having breakfast the next morning I was on twitter and my mom saw a thread on the Chris Rock situation at the Oscars and we got to talking about it. I ended up asking about if she would have or ever had an open relationship/ agreement with my Dad. She shut it down straight away and said she could never do such a thing and that she loved my Dad too much to ever let him sleep with someone else. She then went on for about 10 minutes on how much she loved him and how they were each others one and only. I wanted to scream at her that I knew what she was doing but I held my tongue and knew that I had to tell my Dad about what I had found out.

At the end of the week I got everything together and asked my Dad if he wanted to spend the day with me and go get food and do whatever he wanted to do. He said sure and that he hasn’t really spent anytime with me since I started my new job and it’d be nice to spend the day together. I tried to keep everything together but he could tell something was off. We went to his self storage lot as he needed to pick up some stuff to bring back to the house. Before we left he stopped me and asked if I was alright. He said ‘Hey, are you ok? You’ve been really quiet and clingy today, did something happen with your boyfriend?’. I ended up bursting into tears and told him what happened. He asked if I was 100% sure and I said that I had my laptop with me and I could show him some of the emails I had saved. When he saw them I could see the pain in his eyes it was like someone had stabbed him. For a few minutes he was silence and there were tears just streaming down his face. He wasn’t sobbing there were just tears. He hugged me and said ‘Thank you for telling me about this, no matter what happens from here please remember I love you and your brother and sister. You lot are my pride and joy don’t ever forget that. He dried his face and we ended up driving home.

When we got back he told me to not mention anything to Mom and he wanted to check some things before he talked to her about this. We all ended up going to sleep earl that night but I couldn’t rest I kept on having nightmares where the worst happened to my Dad. I ended up going downstairs at around 2am and saw my Dad on Moms laptop looking through her emails. I asked what he was doing and this was the first time I’ve ever seen my Dad so angry. He turned his head around to me and just said ‘That fucking bitch’ and left the house. I checked the emails and saw that he had 4 days open. Seeing this has truly killed any part of me that had any feelings to my Mom. The days in question were the day my aunt (Dads younger sister) died, the day after, the day of her funeral and the day her ashes were scattered. In those emails were my Mom asking to meet up with Chris and asking Chris what he was going to do with her when she got to his place. I vomited again and realised that Dad had just left the house and I had no idea where he was going. I got outside and saw he was sitting in the car and he was bawling. He couldn’t stop crying. I felt as if this had broken him, after about a hour I convinced him to come back inside and try to get some rest. I closed the laptop and put it back so my Mom wouldn’t find out about my Dad going through her history.

On the following Tuesday is when my Dad decided to confront Mom about her affair. I was not a home when it happened but he sat down with her and asked if she was having an affair. She of course denied this and said that she could never do such a thing and that she loved him with all her heart. My Dad lost it and showed her the emails and yelled at her, phoned her brother to pick her up and that he was filing for divorce immediately. Mom tried to say it was a mistake and that they could work through this but Dad isn’t having any of it. Since that day he has not contacted her unless it is through a lawyer. My uncle has come over the house a few times to get clothes and other things for my Mom and he tries to give updates on her wellbeing to my Dad but he just shuts it down and says he doesn’t care and says that she needs to speed up on getting paperwork signed.

As for my Brother and Sister. I contacted my Brother on the Wednesday and told him what had happened. I apologised because it was so close to his exams and this is the last thing that he should be worried about. He said that he’d be coming back once exams were over and that I should keep an eye on Dad just incase anything happened. My sister on the other hand came back home the day after I told her and hasn’t really left Dads side since. She basically waiting on him hand and foot, cleaning the house, making dinner for all of us. I think she’s taking this the worse and my Dad thought so too, so he asked her to see a counsellor and that he’d be ok. My Mom has tried to contact all of us and none of us have responded aside from making sure she had started on the paperwork and was in contact with a lawyer etc.

Dad has said that I should probably meet with Mom soon as despite all that’s happened between the two of them she was never a bad Mom and loved us just as much as he did. So I will be meeting with her next week and I am dreading every minute of it. So now we’re all in a weird place where we don’t know what’s going to happen next. Dad is a lot less like himself and is a lot more quiet and reserved which scares me but thankfully a lot of his friends and family have been over offering him support.

The one funny thing I can say is when I told my close friends about their divorce a lot of them made the joke that they’d be snapping up my Dad once he’s back on the dating market. Which I can see as being a bit weird but is pretty funny because they admitted to having crushes on him when they were 16. Stupid stuff like that, even if they are jokes, gives me some hope that once this all ends he’ll hopefully find someone who values and loves him like we all do.

OP thoughts: I’m very proud of OOP and their siblings for being so loving and kind to their dad and ensuring he’s okay in the aftermath!

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates 11d ago

ONGOING OOP finds a questionable text exchange on her boyfriend's phone between him and his girl best friend.

3.4k Upvotes

I am not OP. This is a repost sub.

Original post by u/Aliceinchains_______ in r/niceguys.

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ORIGINAL POST - Nice little text exchange I found on my boyfriend’s phone today to his girl best friend. 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼😃😃💕💕what a sweet man🫠 (12 days ago)

Pictured: Text messages between OOP's boyfriend and his girl best friend:

OOP's Boyfriend:

In both good and bad ways. But I think that's what makes me fun, you just get a good mix. Find a guy like me with a good mix of everything, but good luck finding him. 😂😂

Girl Best Friend:

Hahahaha thanks for the good luck 😅

OOP's Boyfriend:

Lmk what he says I'm curious

Girl Best Friend:

Oh I willing I'm curious lmao

He's probably napping bc he didn't get any sleep last night 🙄

OOP's Boyfriend:

What a pussy

If you fucked me and I lost some sleep I definitely would not be bitching about it

Idk that's just how I feel

Girl Best Friend:

Righttt

RELEVANT COMMENTS

u/Rathirian replied:

Kick his ass to the curb

OOP's reply to u/Rathirian:

If only I wasn’t stuck in an Airbnb in another state on vacation with him for 4 days with no way to get home but his car 🤠🤠🤠gonna run up his credit card for now on some overpriced cocktails then say sayonara when I’m back in my state.

u/Good_Comparison7402 replied:

You mean.... Ex boyfriend?

OOP's reply to u/Good_Comparison7402:

Very soon. just need to figure out how I’m gonna get home. so for tonight I’m just gonna hold all of this crap in my head. it’s killing me because these texts are literally replaying in my head and I just feel disgusted with myself and how I could let someone like this into my life, and disgusted with this situation and how he treats his friend.

UPDATE (12 days ago)

Everyone wants to see an update—- I just woke up and I still don’t know when to confront him, or if I should confront him right now (or if I should at all and leave him confused as is he now until I break up with him when we’re back). I made him sleep downstairs last night on the couch being all confused on why I’m distant and passive and angry (threw a pillow against the wall lol) and I currently have myself locked in our bedroom blasting some good metal music that he hates. I really just wanna get sloshed these next days and see my favorite rappers because that’s why we came here and then leave him right when we touch foot in my state. I just don’t know if I can hold this in any much longer. On another note, Sour Monkeys are delicious.

UPDATE (10 days ago)

Okay update: I confronted him about seeing these texts and surprisingly he didn’t get really angry Or defensive (at first) and just apologized to me and said “I know it sounds like that’s what it would mean, but I didn’t mean it that way, I meant to say it like putting myself in his position and not that I actually want to fuck her”. I also messaged his friend saying that I saw the messages and what he said made me very uncomfortable, and if it made her feel that way too to let me know. She responded by saying that she totally understands but that they have just been close friends since middle school and he didn’t mean anything by it and she would never let something like that happen.

A restaurant server complimented my eyes when we went out to eat and I was like aw thank you so much! Basically just eating that compliment up to make him more upset and that I could basically get any other man I want if I wanted. He got mad at me for that when we went back in our rental car then honestly I just lost it for a second and told him that I’m gonna post this text exchange all over my social media and send it to his friends when I get back from the vacation and that’s when he got really really reallly really angry and tried to put this whole situation back onto me (like saying well you treated me wrong in the past too, okay buddy but I never cheated on you). At one point he got really close to my face like he was gonna hit me, and then covered up my mouth with his hand to muffle me crying I guess. Then I cried for like an hour and a half just about everything and feeling defeated. He cried too, (for god knows what. I’m not the one who sent these text messages)

Then we went to the festival yesterday and the day before and I’m going again today. He sleeps on the couch and I sleep upstairs and I’m honestly just kind of doing my own thing at this point until I get back home and in a place where I can safely leave. Probably not the update everyone wanted to see but honestly I have not regretted seeing some of my favorite rappers and going to a festival I’ve always wanted to see I however do regret ever letting a man put his hands on me like that, though.

I appreciate people saying that they will help me pay for any transportation I need to get home but I don’t feel comfortable taking anyones money and I’ve just decided to leave when I get home as all of my clothes and stuff are at his house and my apartment keys and I don’t have the keys to his house so I’m kind of in a stuck position.

UPDATE (5 days ago)

Great!! Update (don’t even think anyone is even viewing this anymore but I might as well add it): period was late, took a leftover pregnancy test I had left and it turns out I’m pregnant with his child (I literally cannot make this shit up, bad luck and decisions follow me). Booked an abortion appointment tomorrow morning, hopefully I’m not too far along or else I have to go to another clinic in another state. How’s my mental health you may ask? Horrible lol

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REMINDER: I am not OP. This is a repost sub.