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Several lovely subs that posters get a fair bit of material from are considering no longer allowing cross-posting because of brigading. Because of this, we are going to be changing our policies on brigading. Previously, if someone commented on one of the original posts, we banned them until they removed their comments, then unbanned them.
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Editing to add u/amireallyreal's excellent further explanation of why this is important. Bolded emphasis is mine:
One issue when 80 people comment on a post that is 7 days old or more, is that it does look a lot like a coordinated effort, especially if the majority of those comments are rude, critical, aggressive, or demanding. There doesn't really need to be one unifying post/comment on our sub saying "yeah, let's target THIS post" for it to set off all the red flags that indicate brigading.
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CONCLUDED AITA for refusing to get rid of my pet snake even though my stepsiblings-to-be are scared of him?
Trigger Warning: emotional neglect
Mood Spoiler: OOP gets to keep Frederick the snake
Original Post: November 17, 2022
I am 15, and I have a ball python. His name is Frederick. My grandparents got him for me a year ago and paid for everything I needed to get started, but since then I have paid for everything he needs with my own money. I am not exaggerating when I say that I love my snake and consider him part of my family. My mom recently got engaged, and my stepdad-to-be has kids. They are all nice, and we normally get along very well, but we have started to have an issue.
They are scared of/just don't like Frederick. He is really nice and would never hurt anyone and even looks cute, they just don't like him since he's a snake. When they started coming over a lot, I was just told to move his enclosure into my room. However, now that our parents got engaged, they are going to be moving in with us. My stepbrother is going to be sharing a room with me. He is 11. However, he doesn't want to be in the room if Frederick is in there.
Our house isn't big enough for him to get his own room, his sisters are going to be sharing a room with my sister, my parents have their room, and then we have an office. I offered to move Frederick out of my room again, but that won't work for the other kids. My mom has told me I might just have to let go so that everyone can be happy, but I have refused.
I do not, under any circumstances, want to lose him. My mom said I could get a new snake once I'm old enough to move out and it would only be a few years, Both my stepdad and my mom have offered me money and other stuff to get rid of him or that we could get a different pet, but I have refused to accept that. I don't want to sound spoiled or anything, but I want Frederick and only Frederick.
I feel that if my stepsiblings just gave it a chance and actually tried to get to know him even a little bit, they would be able to live with him, but they just won't. They have decided to not like him and won't let me try to change their minds. I know that they will have to live with us somehow, and this will have to be resolved. I asked other family and my friends, and people are split. So please, am I in the wrong for refusing to budge on this?
Edit: I can't sleep so I will talk to my parents in the morning. It's only been an hour, but you guys already have me seriously considering asking about moving in with my grandparents for the time being, probably just until they can get a bigger house.
I will also ask them about just moving someone into the office or keeping Frederick in there, however since his even being in the house is an issue this might not work.
If I do move him to my grandparents' house, I would rather be with him. Thanks for all the support you guys have given me, I really appreciate it.
Someone points out that not EVERYONE is ok with it since OOP isn't, and also sis has to share a room with 2:
"From what I have been able to tell. the only people who mind are me and my sister. I really only care because of the situation with Frederick. and my sister cares because her room is going to have 2 new people, it's a tight fit. The other kids haven't complained at least, except my stepbrother because of Frederick being there."
Someone asks if OOP can live with their grandparents:
"I'm not sure if this is a joke or not, but I'm super close with them. Since I'm older they wouldn't have to do a ton of work, but it still might be a lot. I can ask them if I can stay for a bit, but I don't think I could move in with them full-time or even if that's legal. It's also kind of like how I said I didn't know if I could do it with Frederick because it would be rude to spring that kind of responsibility on them, but like x50. idk, maybe tho"
"It could work. And since I do school online, it really wouldn't even be that inconvenient. If I want to hang out with my friends, they can just drive me, but we mostly play video games with each other and I can just do that from their house. I'll talk to my mom and my grandparents. Thanks"
As to if the science teacher can take Frederick:
"I do online school. but it was my science teacher who actually got me into snakes in the first place. (She teaches 7-12, so I've had her the whole time) I told her that they were my favorite animal and she told me she kept snakes and when I got them, she gave me advice on how to do everything. Shout-out to Mrs. Harris if you're reading this"
Commenter asks if OOP's sister minds Frederick now:
"Not at all. She was nervous at first, but now she loves him almost as much as I do."
Update Post: November 22, 2022
Hey everyone. I'm back on this account to give you guys an update. I really appreciate the support you guys gave me.
I talked to my parents about options with Frederick the morning after I posted, since I posted late at night since I couldn't sleep. In the end, after some convincing, I am now staying with my grandparents, along with Frederick (my snake for those of you who didn't read the original post)
My parents jumped on the idea, and since I do online school and they live so close by I was able to switch pretty quickly. As a family, we have decided that this is the best for everyone. My parents agreed that the house was overcrowded, and my step-siblings-to-be couldn't live with Frederick, and I refused to part with him.
In the end, my two step-sisters moved into the office, my parents moved that stuff into their room, and I moved to my grandparents' house. Today I came home and got more of my things, and this will be our arrangement until my parents can get a new, bigger house.
So in the end, Frederick is safe and everyone is happy! Everything has been going well so far, but it's only been a few days. Hopefully, everything stays good!
About the mom:
"She didn't want me to leave at first, but she didn't want to figure something else out, so I convinced her. And even if she did just throw me away as other people have said, I don't really care. All I care about is that I'm still with Frederick."
About the sister:
"She's good. She came to visit today and she says that now she is much happier now that there aren't 3 people to her room."
About the grandparents:
"Yeah. They're really awesome, not just as in being cool, but they literally inspire awe for me."
OOP, I truly wish you and Frederick the best. I'm glad you have Frederick and your grandparents. Give Frederick a hug (not sure if snakes like being hugged...) or some treats from all of us- he sounds like a good boy!
As a reminder, as per the rules of BORU, please do not comment on OOP's posts.
A bartender wrote themselves a 100 extra dollars on a tip. Credit card company is telling me to pound sand. What are my options?
A few weeks ago I went to a bar in NYC while on a trip. My bill came out to around 60 dollars. I left a 20 dollar tip that would have brought the total to around 84 dollars. A few days later I see a charge for 184 on my credit card. The bar does not have a phone number. The only way to contact them is through sending them a message on their website. I did and received no response. I attempted calling the hotel next door but they refused to get my in touch with the bar. It's too far for me to go in person. I filed a dispute with my credit card company who has now told me to pound sand because I dont have a receipt. Even though my copy of the receipt would only have the original bill amount of around 60 dollars anyway. Doesnt matter. They need a receipt. Also the bar legally has to hold on to receipts for several years for this reason. Doesnt matter, credit card company wont budge. What are my options?
Edit. Am I allowed to name and shame the bar and cc company here?
2nd edit. Wow this got alot of attention. For now I'm going to file a police report and call my CC company again. I will demand a manager and have the CFPB website open on a laptop and tell them if they dont help me I will file a complaint while in the phone with them and be sure to include the managers name in it. If that doesnt get me anywhere I will get the NYC liquor board involved. Thanks everyone for the advice. I will do another update once the dust has settled. Also I will be switching to another credit card.
This is what occurred over the next several days. I called the credit card company again who insisted I needed a receipt. Eventually I escalated it to a manager who said they could claim it as fraud. That would involve my current card being canceled and a new one sent to me. They money was returned to my account. The next day I got an e-mail stating the claim was denied, and the money was taken from my account again. I once again called the cc company, and was told I needed a receipt again and that the person who ran the fraud claim shouldn't have because it wasn't technically fraud. I escalated to a manager again. They eventually agreed to just give me a credit of 100 dollars to my account courtesy of the company. Likely just so I would stop yelling at them. It has been a week and the case is considered closed. The bar/ bartender got to keep the money they took, but I also was refunded by the CC company. I asked the manager about this policy of needing the receipt and they refused to budge or say otherwise. Every single person I talked to (about 10) all said that a receipt is needed for ANY dispute. They do not protect their customers. I put a streaming service subscription on the card to keep it active. But will never use it again. I have switched to a different cc company for my daily use card. Thanks for all the attention this got.
CONCLUDED OOP -When people ask why I’m not in our family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.
Original (14 Nov 22)
When people ask why I’m not in our family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.
A couple of weeks ago, my wife asked if we could have professional family photos taken. I said that money was too tight between our daughter's birthday, a trip to her parents' for Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I asked her if we could wait until after Christmas; she said no. She never brought it back up. I didn’t think anything of it because I assumed she was planning on taking them herself.
The other day, one of my tires blew out, and I went to our emergency fund to cover it. That’s when I discovered that she took three hundred dollars out of it to pay for photos. THREE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS.
I know it sounds pathetic, but when I saw that shit, I broke down. The last couple of years have been horrible for us. I got laid off and she got sick in the same year. We eventually both found new jobs, but we never fully recovered financially. It took months and months of hard work just to get our emergency fund to that point. Now half of it is gone right before Christmas for fucking photos.
When I confronted her about it, she didn’t even try to deny it. She just said that she deserves to have nice photos. I begged her to try and get that money back, but she said no.
The photo session she booked is next Saturday, but I won’t go. She keeps threatening me, saying that people are going to ask why I’m not in them and that I’m going to look bad. I’m sure she’s right, but I’m counting on it. When people ask why I’m not there, I’ll tell them exactly what happened. I don’t care if it’s in person or on her Facebook page. I’m going to let everyone know what she did.
Since having pictures to show off is more important to her than our family’s safety, it seems only right that her family and friends should know that.
I feel like I’m married to a stranger. The woman I married would have never betrayed me like that.
Update (22 Nov 22)
Update: When people ask why I’m not in my family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.
I contacted the photographer directly. I didn’t think it would work, but I decided to try it after so many people suggested it. I told my wife that I changed my mind about the photos and asked to see the photographer's other work. She gave me the website. Then I sent the photographer an email explaining the entire situation. I was shocked by how understanding she was. She refunded us right away. The only catch is that my wife is banned from using her services.
I had planned on sitting my wife down to talk. However, the photographer sent her an email before I could. She was pissed. She wouldn’t stop yelling at me until I told her I was considering leaving her.
She calmed down after that. I told her how angry and disgusted I was that she would act so irresponsibly. I asked her why she would do something like this. She said she deserved nice photos after the last couple of shitty years. I pointed out that we both had hundreds, if not thousands, of family photos saved on our phones. She said they weren’t high quality enough, and that we didn’t look nice enough in them.
I responded back that we could have gone to JCPenney, or just fucking waited and budgeted for them. She said that she didn’t want JCPenney style portraits, and that she wanted Christmas pictures. I told her that it doesn’t matter, and that financial safety was more important than fucking photos. I said if she didn’t agree, it meant that we were incompatible as a couple.
She apologized but didn’t agree. She still wants to stay together and try to work through our issues. I agreed to try on two conditions: 1) we separate our finances, and 2) we do a trial separation. She agreed. We’re splitting the bills 60/40, which is proportionate to our incomes, and splitting the emergency fund 50/50. We’re also taking turns sleeping on the couch.
I know a lot of you wanted me to leave her, but I can’t do that. I want to see my daughter every day, not fifty percent of the time. I owe it to her to at least try and make this marriage work. As angry as I am at my wife, we have gone through hell together. I can’t throw that away without trying to make it better.
The trip to her parents isn’t happening anymore. We evenly split the hundred dollars we saved for gas. My wife can’t afford the trip without my half. She’s angry that I won’t give it up. I told her that when I said separate finances, I meant separate finances. Besides, after paying for the tire and the tow, my half of the emergency fund is depleted. I need every dollar to build it back up again. I also want to stay in town with my parents.
I suggested she dip into her half of the emergency fund, but she told me she already used it to book a different photographer for her and my daughter.
Last Saturday, I borrowed a couple of sleds from a buddy of mine and took my kid sledding. I want us to build real memories together, not photos posted for likes. I think that twenty years from now, she’ll remember that more fondly than the photoshoot her mother has planned.
Reminder - I'm not the OOP
REPOST AITA for spending a large amount of money in a trip with my dad instead of paying the debt on my boyfriends house?
I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted] in r/amitheasshole
I (29F) recently got in a fight with my boyfriend (30M) and his family because I refused to spend my savings in a house payment that could result in him getting kicked out of the house.
So, context: I've deal with mental health problems all my life, but when I turned 20 I was at my worst. Due to that, I couldn't mantain a stable job while studying in college. My parents have always been suportive with me. They let me live with them and my dad paid for my psychologist, medicines, all my college education and maintained me until I was 24 while also taking care of my mom and my 3 younger sibilings. He's a super hardwork man and I've seen him quit to thinks he enjoys and loves to give me and my sibilings the best he can. Top tier parenting and I love him to death.
Fast foward to this year, I've stable job that pays really well and I've been saving money for the past 5 years cuz I wanted to do something for my dad as a thank you for all the sacrifices he has done for me. His dream has always been to go to Disneyworld (we are not from the USA) and stay in one of those fancy hotels, but he was never able to do it and now that he is retired, he though he would never be able to. So I have been saving money in secret to make it happend, the only one that knew about my savings was my mom and she loved the idea.
I've been with my bf for 1 and a half years now, he has a good job but he is not the best at taking care of his economy. He bought his house before we meet and he is still paying for it. Due to his poor management of money, he start to accumulating a debt in the house payments and a few weeks ago he told me that there is a chance of him losing his house if he doesn't pay the debt.
Last week I finally reached my goal and had enough money to take my dad to his dream trip, just the 2 of us. I told my bf and I was really excited but he was livid and told me that how could I be so selfish and go on a "stupid vacation trip" when he is about to get kicked out of his house. He also told me that if we were in for the long run, I should help him to get out of his debt because that could eventually be my house too (we don't live together, I live in a small apartment). He also told me that his trust was betrayed cuz I've been hidding the money savings from him and "a good partner does not do that".
I told him that it was not my responsibility to pay for his debt, but he keep yelling and me so I left. He told his mom and sister about it and now both of them have been harassing me, going to my apartnent and to my work telling me how horrible I am for not helping him and trying to convince me to pay his debt.
I get that my bf is going though a hard time but this is something I've been working really hard to achive and since my dad is starting to have difficulties to walk, with his eyesight and his health in general is getting worst, I don't want to wait anylonger to take him in this trip. Am I the asshole?
Ok, first thank yall so much for the advice and knocking some sense into me. I read all the comments and tried to watch my situation from all the perspectives you gave me, so thank you!
So, here is what happened. After things calmed down a little, my bf and I talked. He actually apologized and told me that he never intended to come that aggressive, he was just very stressed with his situation and took it on me. He also talked to her mother and sister to stop harassing me. He told me he didn't knew they went to see me, that he only vented with them cuz he was angry but never told them to do anything (which I kinda belive, his family has always been a bit too much). He recognized that it was not ok from him to expect money from me but he did wanted to be with me and he even started talking about living together.
I told him I understood that he was stressed and I also apologized for beeing insensitive and talk about spending all that money on a trip when I knew he was struggling, that was totally on me and I did feel bad for that. But I told him that he had no right at beeing mad at me for "keeping my savings a secret" when he hasn't been transparent with his finances either, I didn't even knew how much his debt was until that day cuz he never wanted to talk about it with me. Basically, I told him I didn't wanted to be in a relationship with someone that reacts that way about something I care so much about and acuse me of being selfish.
So I broke up with him, saying maybe we needed some time apart, and he was NOT happy about that. Long story short, it was a very dramatic and nasty breakup but I got out of there and I am safe for now, thankfully. Yall were right, I dodged a bullet there. I also managed to keep it all from my dad, so the trip is still a surprise for him (gotta thank my mom for that).
I have already started to book things for the trip. I'm planning it to be in october, since I've seen Halloween is a really huge thing there, also hoping the wave in Florida passes (I'll re-schedule for next year if necesary) I saw all the tips in the comments and I took notes, so thank you guys for those too! I'll give my dad the news on his birthday mid september once I've everything booked and ready 💖 Again, thank yall so much!
TL;DR: I broke up with him and I'm taking my dad to Disney in october!
Ps.: sorry for format, grammar or spelling errors, I'm not a native english speaker and it's my first time using reddit lol.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
CONCLUDED My girlfriend[F27] shot herself after I[30M] left her house and is in recovery, causing everyone to ghost me. I left her.
trigger warnings: self harm, attempted suicide
Hello everyone, this is the original poster with a new username. I had made the other account specifically to talk about stuff related to my work but never actually posted with it. I made this one to comply with the sub's rules which I previously did not know about.
I will comment go out with the original to verify but I just wanted to give an update and thank everyone who chimed in from the bottom of my heart. You guys literally have kept me sane and show me that I wasn't crazy. I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
This is a sensitive topic and I'm not going to go into detail for obvious reasons. I am actively being kept in the dark by her family and honestly these days have blended together.
We have been together for almost 3 years off and on. This is by far my longest relationship. We've had a lot of Trials and most of it pertains to our mental struggles. Sometimes it was her, sometimes it was me but we made it work. I know this is going to sound cheesy but I really feel like she is my soulmate.
There has been an ongoing issue with her lashing out and me enduring it. Twice, I canceled gigs for my job so I could stay up late at night to talk her out of hurting herself. That has been a constant clash between us. She feels I think she's ugly because of scars on her wrists and legs and thinks it is not my place to try to get her help.
The past year has been rough on both of us and I've not been able to be there mentally for her as much as I was in the past. I am in a place in my career where I have been busy for the first time in my life and I'm fortunate enough to have a full-time job during these times.
The thing is we haven't really been fighting leading up to this. The last time I saw her was peaceful and I honestly thought we were better than we ever had been. We had just talked about finally getting to go see the ocean once everything had settled down.
She just asked if I could call off tomorrow to spend the day with her so we could smoke and hang out. I just said I was busy and she took it okay if I thought. Nothing changed. And I left after an hour or so because I really needed to get some sleep.
I got a call at about 6 the next morning, she'd shot herself with her friend's gun. Her mom told me she would rather not see me there. I didn't go to work so I just sat at my home in shock. Nobody would tell me anything. It's really broken a lot of trust with a lot of people that I would call life long friends. I don't want to know every detail I just wanted to make sure she was okay.
A few days later, her dad called and said I could go visit her. He didn't say much, just that something else had happened too. She's had other medical problems. She was asleep when I saw her. They think she's going to recover pretty confidently. I was there 10 minutes before her dad ushered me out. I tried to talk to a doctor but he kept nudging me to leave.
About three more days later, her sister called me and said that she may be coming home soon. And that's when she told me I would have a chance to make things right. I asked what she meant and apparently my girlfriend blamed me for everything. She sent a text accusing me of abandoning her and saying things I never would dream of saying. She also states that I had borrowed the gun for my friend and gave it to her. That doesn't make sense.
She ended the call with "once she comes home, you can focus on helping her and saving your relationship". That was a week ago and I haven't heard anything since. Social media has been quiet, no calls or texts. The only people I've been around is when I'm at the bar and people are just as surprised as I am to learn that I don't know nothing.
It just doesn't add up to me. If they think I did these awful things,why would anyone want me back with her? Is she awake right now? I've searched a bit but I can't really find anything out. I have called my friend who owns the firearm multiple times and I am pretty close to just driving up to his house to figure out what is going on or at least get him to tell her family the truth.
I sent her sister a text telling her the truth in every detail how about what happened when I was there. I even sent her screenshots of us wishing each other a good night and talking about how we could hang out that weekend when I'm off work.
Anyhow, the main thing of this post as I need advice because I'm planning on breaking up with her at the moment. This was just too far for me and I can't handle it. I feel awful just typing this, I am bawling my eyes out right now but I can't help someone who doesn't want help and would say those things about me.
I am being treated so horribly for something I didn't do and I need peace. I really love her and I would honestly be in that hospital bed instead of her if I could. But this has crossed a line. Normally we would fight and one of us would cave. I would be mad and within a day be wanting to talk to her again.
I don't. I don't think I could ever look someone in the eyes after they've done something like that to me. I feel like a piece of shit. Have they even deleted every picture of us off my phone and if it wouldn't stir anything up, I would remove everything related to her from social media.
I know this is out of everyone's pay grade. I just need to know him wrong thinking this way?Is there something I'm missing?I am just dumbfounded and I don't tell who what is real anymore.
A couple days after the post, I met with the mother in person. I asked her to meet with me through text. She has always loved me since I started dating her daughter years ago. I can confidently say that they are not going to come after me legally or there is any malicious intent. Unfortunately the person I loved did indeed say awful things about me and lie. She will recover from the shooting.
I showed her the messages, I showed her a text where my girlfriend was joking about wanting to keep the pistol grips clarifying it was my friend's gun. I also showed her texts during some of the rougher times, me staying up all night to talk her out of self-harm, etc. She also agreed to me recording us talking with my phone. This time has gotten everyone paranoid and I needed to know that there was no twist or ambush coming.
We both cried a few times talking. I also dropped the bomb that I would be leaving her daughter. She is officially my ex and I feel torn about that but I have to get away. Her mom agrees that it was unfair and horrible for her to lie about me. And that feels so validating and painful, hearing it out loud that her daughter lied. She promised to get her help and apologized to me.She even said that she would still consider me a son.
I have no ill-will towards her family and I hope they have none for me. I understand they were just trying to protect their daughter and based on her story, I was this manipulative monster who tried rob them of her. I also want to clarify that I was unofficially barred from seeing her at the hospital. I could have gone but I didn't want to make a grieving families time harder and I am thankful for the time they did let me see her.
Her sister texted me and apologized as well. A day later, yesterday, I met with my friend who owned the gun. I showed up at his house after he continuously ignored me. It was basically a huge misunderstanding. He was afraid that I was angry at him for letting her borrow the gun and I took his silence on the issue as validating her lie. We're good. I have a friend now.
I have also signed up for counseling and will be going to my first online appointment Saturday. As for my job, I am taking a week leave using my vacation days, the time I was going to use to go to the beach with her, because while I did continue to work throughout all this. I need a break.
As for my ex, I believe she's home. I have blocked her on everything and I have no intention of talking to her again. Some of her eyes were very personal and there is no other way to take what she said. It fucking hurts. I have loved this person more than I have loved anyone in this world.
But this is something I have to do completely or not at all.I have texted our mutual friends, my entire friend group, stating that I would gladly talk to any of them and set the record straight and I've even received a couple replies showing support for me. Which kinda seems hollow honestly.
At the end of the day, I think I will be okay now. I do love my ex, her family has always treated me right and accepted me in when mine would not. I will always be thankful for them. I'm pretty sure my friend group will continue on without me or her though I may end up breaking down sooner or later because of it.
I feel like I've lost out on a chapter of my life. Years wasted.I feel irrationally angry sometimes. I know we didn't have the best relationship but I didn't deserve that. It helps me to keep repeating that to myself. In some ways I might have saved her life. I did make a point to mention to both the mother and sister that I could have posted every bit of our dirty laundry on Facebook, but I'm not going to do that unless provoked.
That is not a threat. They both understood that I mean that in case my ex tries to come after me in anyway. It still hurts like right now typing this. But I hope it will with time.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
AITA for refusing to wear a wig to my friend’s wedding? - 15 June 2019
Just as a little background, I grew up in a very strict Christian family where I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair, ever, because “hair is a woman’s crown”. It was down to my knees by the time I escaped at 18. Ever since then I’ve either had a pixie, a buzz cut or have been totally bald, because I cannot stand the heavy feeling of long hair or all the brushing/washing/detangling after dealing with it for so many years. So that’s a big reason I’m so stubborn about this issue. Also, all of my friends involved in this story have always known me as the girl with no hair. Right now I’m bald because I always shave my head completely for the summer.
One of my good friends is getting married in August and she chose me to be one of her bridesmaids. Everything had been cool, she’s always been the sweetest person and she showed no signs of going Bridezilla before this, until she called me up about three weeks ago and asked me if I could do her a favor and wear a wig to her wedding. She explained that she wanted all of her bridesmaids to match and that she wanted us all to look good in the pictures. I told her I really didn’t want to get a wig, and we’ve been on bad terms ever since.
All of our friends are on her side because “it’s just a wig” and “it’s not like she’s asking you to grow out your hair for the wedding, so she’s not the one being unreasonable.” And I know I can be very stubborn sometimes, which I guess is the reason I’m posting here.
The thing is, I don’t know how many of you will be aware of this but a wig that will actually look good/realistic is expensive. I’ve already paid for a bridesmaid’s dress, new shoes, and plane tickets, as well as a small deposit for the person who’s going to do our makeup. This wedding has already cost me a fortune. I could afford a wig if I wanted to, but do I really want to spend the money on something I’ll never wear again when I’ve already spent a ton? Not really.
Also, this is going to be on a plantation in Louisiana. In August. I’m already going to be hot and uncomfortable, and a wig will make things a thousand times worse.
My biggest reason-and this is why my friends are saying I’m the asshole-is the principle of the thing. I feel like it implies I look bad because I don’t have hair, which I personally don’t think is true. Is being bald so hideous I’ll ruin her pictures? Is she going to make her balding father wear a toupee? And I think the “I want us to match” thing is stupid. We’re already wearing matching dresses, why isn’t that enough? I know it’s “her day” and we’re supposed to make her happy, but isn’t there a line?
I’ve offered to wear a cute headscarf as a compromise if my bald head is that offensive, but she’s not having it. I’m still in the bridal party and invited but I don’t know for how much longer, honestly. AITA for not wanting to wear a wig?
EDIT: Just to add two things: 1. She’s not willing to pay or reimburse me for the wig, in part or in full 2. Along with the headscarf I’d also be willing to grow my hair out into a pixie cut, the wedding is at the beginning of August so it’d still be really short though.
So first of all, thank you so much for your replies and advice! I’m writing an update post because things ended up working out well, and because I want people to see my friend isn’t actually a horrible person like people were saying she was.
I texted her asking if we could work things out over a phone call (we don’t live in the same state, so our relationship is over phone and text). It turns out a lot of you were right and my friend was being pressured to ask me to wear a wig. Her future mother in law found out about my shaved head and pitched a fit. Like I said in a comment, my friend can be a huge pushover, and this woman is apparently a nightmare. She’s also paying for vast majority of the wedding, so my friend felt even more beholden to what she wanted.
That’s why she told me she couldn’t pay for the wig: mother in law refused to. Neither of them knew how expensive a good wig can be, my friend only found out when I told her over the phone. That’s also why our dresses, shoes and makeup weren’t covered. It turns out my friend is mortified by what she sees as her mother in law making her look cheap and greedy, but she didn’t want to tell us that because she’s already embarrassed to be relying on her mother in law’s money. (Apparently it’s her fiancé’s family insisting on a huge extravagant wedding.)
That’s why her reasons didn’t ring true to me as well. She didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me that her mother in law was being so judgmental of me, so she basically blurted out the first things that came into her head. She assured me she thinks I look great with short hair and apologized for making me think she thought I look bad.
I know people will question how I can believe her, but I’ve been friends with her for nearly ten years and I give her the benefit of the doubt. We’ve been there for each other through a lot and really care about one another.
I’m still side eyeing the plantation wedding but I didn’t tell her that because she seemed so stressed out by essentially being bullied by her fiancé’s family I didn’t want to pile on. I do know for a fact that she only wanted that venue for the big oak trees all over the property, which are admittedly beautiful. I went to the plantation’s website and they do acknowledge slavery’s evils and even have a memorial to everyone who was enslaved there, so that makes me feel slightly better.
I did tell her that asking me as a mixed girl to wear a blonde wig could be seen as racially insensitive and I explained why. She was horrified and apologized over and over sincerely. She wants to stand out from her bridesmaids in pictures, and she didn’t even consider the racial implications of asking me because most of her bridesmaids are blonde. She’s kind of oblivious to things like that (so are a lot of people!) but the few times I’ve had to point out something she said could be hurtful she’s always been understanding instead of defensive.
I decided I’m going to grow out my hair as much as possible for the wedding just to help her not get grief from her monster in law. It’ll still be pretty short, so that’s okay. She’s fine with that too except she was worried I’ll still have to deal with snide remarks from her fiancé’s family. I reassured her that after nearly a decade with short hair I’ve pretty much heard it all. By the time we hung up I felt way better not only about the wedding, but about our friendship.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
To the person who watched my partner's stream last night, thank you.
You have no idea how much your one view meant to my husband. After he ended the stream, he woke me up just to tell me that someone tuned in for almost the whole stream. I haven't seen him smile like that in so long.
You don't know the stress he's been under. Having a kid and losing his job, all at the start of a pandemic has taken it's toll. But I finally convinced him to start streaming like he's been talking about doing for years, telling him he was stuck at home anyway so why not. He was so afraid that if anyone tuned in, they would just make fun of him. But you spent almost 3 hours watching and talking to him. You made him feel a little more confident. He's been smiling all morning.
I can't even begin to express the gratitude I feel for you at the moment. Thank you, thank you so much.
Several people in the comments start asking for his user name
Right off the bat, because so many people are still asking for it. He streams on twitch and his user name is [removed for privacy].
I don't even know what to say. This blew up like crazy. So many of you went over to follow him and a lot of you tuned into his stream- there was over 100 concurrent viewers at one point. He might get to be an affiliate soon and some people already have donated, it's absolutely crazy. And I have so many messages and notification on here, I'm gonna try to get to everything as soon as I can.
Adam's working on getting a bunch of this set up for his next stream. He's gonna get a camera since a lot of viewers asked for it, and he's getting a bunch of other things set up to make it look nice. He's been non-stop smiles and can't wait to stream more later. Thank you to everyone who gave him a chance, both those who are sticking around and those who aren't. You made his night, and likely his entire day/week/month and possibly year. You have no idea how much this meant to him. You guys are so amazing.
And an extra big thank you to everyone who has been offering to help him get everything set up. You guys are so wonderful and generous. I know a bunch of you were helping him get this figured out and I really appreciate it.
He'll be streaming again tonight, and likely a lot more now. So if you enjoy his stream or want to come check him out, stop by and say hi. Again, thank you all so very much. I wish their was a way to show just how much it's meant to us.
Please remember I am not the Original Poster. Please do not comment on the Original Posts as it's against the rulles
The wife and I have been married for 3 beautiful years. Problem is she doesn’t enjoy my hobbies as much as I do. The mrs used to happily join me on adventures such as camping, or fishing. Now she won’t so much as go on a simple hike with me. We have a 7 year old and since the kiddo, these “adventures” have been a little tough to plan and follow through with, which I understand, but it can be hard on me. I like to get out at least once a week to clear the mind but now that’s been reduced to around once a month. She is upset every time I leave on a quick trip to the Rockies etc. because I’m not helping enough with the kid. I’ve told her numerous times they should both come along but she never agrees to this as she “no longer enjoys those type of things”. Should I give up on the sites I love to see, and adventures I can’t help but indulge in? I do want to be there for my family but I can’t cut these things out of my life forever, but that’s what she expects of me. Advice is greatly appreciated.
OP is asked how often his wife gets to leave without the kid:
She has girls weekends/nights out around once a week to every other week. She just doesn’t like camping anymore and she definitely doesn’t like me camping either. She for sure does most of the hard work with our child as I have a job and I greatly appreciate her for it. When she goes out with the ladies I’m there for the kiddo and if she need a break there I am. It’s no problem I just want to camp more is all.
My wife cheated on me and says it’s not her fault.
This past weekend the kiddo and I went on a two day camping trip for some father-son bonding time. My wife doesn’t like camping herself at all anymore and doesn’t even appreciate our kid and I going. This is a big hobby for me and I want to share with my son. Usually we argue a lot about my trips especially if I request to bring our child, but this time she was oddly cooperative about the whole thing, but still insisted she wouldn’t join us. I was surprised but didn’t question anything because I was so excited that she was finally allowing us to go and I didn’t want her to change her mind. I thought we had finally found a common ground and the arguments were ending!
I was wrong.
We had a great trip and returned back on Monday. We expected to come home to an empty house as my wife should have been at her office for a few more hours. I walked the kid up to his room as he was exhausted and ready for a nap. After, I walked into our bedroom to find a naked man in my bed. I recognized him as my wife’s coworker whom I have met numerous times at her work functions.
At first I was in disbelief and even wondered if I was in the right house. Then my wife walked out of our bathroom, also naked, and I had no more doubts. She looked petrified when she saw me. I have never been so angry. I yelled at the dude to get out of my house so I could speak to my wife. He grabbed his clothes and left. Then we started arguing. I never yell at my wife, we always want to keep things civil for our son but I was so hurt I was screaming. Then my wife decides to get defensive saying it’s not her fault that I am barely around and camp so much, even though I hardly go on trips anymore because she doesn’t like it. She says “that’s what drove me to do this, your neglect to this family.” I was in tears at that point. I just don’t understand how her cheating could be my fault.
When I turned around to leave my son was standing in the doorway and I felt terrible for yelling. I quickly consoled him but my wife snapped at me again telling me to get my hands off him. Now she won’t speak to me and says I can’t see MY child until I apologize. Apologize for what? She said we could go on this trip. She planned to cheat and that kills me. It makes me wonder if she has done this before.
I’m stuck staying with my parents right now. I don’t know what to do, I want to see my son. I’m worried I really scared my child and of course I would apologize to him, just not my wife but maybe it is my fault.
TL;DR - My wife cheated on me while my son and I were on a camping trip, she says it’s my fault for camping “too much.”
Update: I’m back home now, decided it was best to get here ASAP. Things are quiet but I’m relieved to be back in the same space as my son. Thank you all for the advice and kind words, it means so much. I’ll keep you all updated if you’d like.
Edit: Thank you all again for the support, I appreciate it :) sorry I can’t reply to everyone there’s a lot of you and things are tough right now. But thank you so much.
Edit: In case of any confusion, I am Canadian.
This is a follow up to my last post about my cheating wife.
For the past week, I have been working with a lawyer to initiate the process of divorce and gaining full custody of my son, with the exception of visitation for now until more is resolved.
Things were awkward and tense for the first few days of me being back home, so my wife, using “wife” to keep things simple and identities private, decided to leave to stay with the guy I found naked with her. I’m disappointed at the example she’s setting for our son, but this makes my decision to divorce even more concrete.
I will continue to share as much as I can if that’s what people would like, but of course, court has its confidentialities that I must keep within boundaries of.
I want to thank everyone for the continued support you all have shown me throughout this tough time in my life, I really do appreciate it.
Edit: I just want to note, please don’t just blame women/use this situation to be misogynistic.
My (now) ex wife revealed she is pregnant with a man she cheated with and no longer wants to see our child.
This is another (and most likely final) update about my ex. See my past posts for more information if you’d like.
I expected my last update to be the final post regarding my marriage, but this felt like a necessary thing to share.
Last week I received several texts from my ex saying she was pregnant with an unknown man’s child. Obviously meaning she cheated with multiple other people before the one I found out about. She said she plans to keep the baby and start a family with her coworker (other posts have context). She also mentioned that she wouldn’t be fighting me for custody of our son. I told her I would be willing to split the custody or at least keep visitation rights for the sake of the kiddo, but she insisted she didn’t care about that anymore.
I am honestly in awe. I’m shocked she has given up on everything about the family we had, but I am most hurt for my son.
At the end of the day she isn’t worth wasting any more of my energy on. I have been spending every moment I can with my kid and will continue to do so. I’m starting to feel more like myself again and I can’t wait to get back into adventures and nature :)
I’d like to say a final thanks to everyone for the support and encouragement I will always be grateful for that.
Tobias out ✌️(for now)
I am flairing this concluded as OPs wife has completely checked out of both the marriage and her relationship with her son
I'm adding in a post from Nov 17 to add some background:
10 weeks along and in an anti abortion state. Not sure what else to do
I’m 20 and I already have two kids. I ended pregnant even after taking a morning after pill and my birth control arrived a month too late. I live in a state where abortion is illegal and that father is very against me doing so. I’m living with my parents and my job isn’t stable enough to afford an apartment. I can’t have this baby or I’ll be on the streets. The closest clinic is 4 hours away in another state but I won’t have the money to travel there. Any help is appreciated
Ex refuses to let me get an abortion and I just can’t have this baby
I 20f am about 10 weeks pregnant with my ex’s 20m baby. For context, we dated for a year and broke up in august. It was long distance but he ended up moving back to my town in September, and we hung out a bit.
We started hooking up and it was made clear that we were not together. He still acted as if we were, doing all of the things we used to do, tell me he loved me, etc. I told him not to do that if we were only fwb. He told me he didn’t think of me that way and it wasn’t like that at all. Always insinuating that he had feelings for me and even told me that once.
About a week before I found out I was pregnant, I began to feel a bit nauseous all day long, but it was subtle enough that I could still function throughout the day. I told him this and expressed my worry of being a single mom, as I still live with my parents and I don’t make enough to move out and raise a baby. He told me he wouldn’t leave me alone and would be there for me.
A week later I took two tests that came out positive and I told him. From here on, he starts to tell me it’ll be okay and we can get a place together. I’m still worried but feel a little better knowing he wants to do this with me. Or so I thought.
He then starts to act incredibly distant and stops calling me everyday, doesn’t really want to see me anymore. I figure it’s just him trying to cope with the news. He told me that’s all it was. I feel a little relieved and we end up doing things like normal.
I guess he changed his mind later on and told me he didn’t want to move in with me anymore and would rather he get the baby full time and I can visit. I’m obviously not okay with this because it makes me feel like I’m being pushed to the side. I’m devastated and I have to come up with a way to be able to get my own place, a new job that’s more steady, all before I get kicked out and forced on the streets. He also made it clear I’m pretty much on my own.
At this point I want an abortion but he told me he was very against that. I did take a morning after pill every time and was gonna start birth control but it was too late. I want to buy pills online but I also feel guilty doing it behind his back. I can’t do this alone and I might just cave to what he wanted. I just didn’t want to be all alone. Any advice is helpful.
TLDR; got pregnant by my ex but I can’t afford raising the baby alone. Doesn’t want me to abort.
Adding some comments from OP for more info:
Before I found out I was pregnant, If there was a baby around, he would tell me he had baby fever and that I was going to help him out with that. I thought it was just jokes or something. But he’s always told me that.
I told him there’s no way that if I had this baby, that I could just give it away like nothing. I told him that if he wanted to be a single dad, then fine. He got mad at me either way saying I was threatening to leave, even though he said he would get the baby full time and I would just visit.
We had come to this agreement and then he kept on changing his mind, which frustrates me. I don’t want to make a broken home for an innocent baby. We both struggle with mental health and it feels wrong to bring a baby into that, but I also feel terrible for considering abortion. I talked about adoption but he doesn’t want that either. I just feel that I will get attached and he’s okay with me being to the side. I’m not. I don’t know that to do, every decision makes me feel like a terrible person. I had someone call me selfish for wanting an abortion, but I’d also be called that for having a kid I can’t afford or just giving the baby up
I want to start this update off by saying a huge thank you to everyone who gave me advice, resources, and just words of encouragement. Thank you so much!
So yesterday after I read all of the replies, I had a really long heart to heart with my ex about this situation. I expressed that his distance and the whole idea of me essentially being a human incubator, really put me off. I told him to just be straight up and tell me what he wanted, because he kept changing his mind on everything we agreed on.
He apologized to me and said he really didn’t mean for things to be this way and that he was so sorry for putting me through this. He then told me he didn’t actually know what he wanted and that the whole situation was freaking him out. He continued by asking me if I really thought abortion was a good option, that he had been thinking about it deep down too.
I said that while I was hesitant and scared to, it is the best decision. Neither of us are mentally ready for this child. We spoke on it for a bit and ultimately decided to get an abortion. We’ll be traveling together for it soon.
I’m scared and I’m not sure how I’ll feel going in, but I know that this is the best decision all around. I’m hopeful that I’m making a good choice. Again, thank you so much for all of the advice. It really helped.
TLDR; me and ex had a heart to heart and ultimately agreed to get an abortion
TIFU by telling a dude we've been watching him for years. - 10 July 2019
Obligatory "this didn't happen today blah blah" and also I'm on mobile. Strap in suckas, come and revel in my awkwardness.
So, for literally YEARS now this dude has been running around about a 3 square mile in my area. The only reason I've ever noticed him was because of his flowing hair that gracefully blows behind him as he runs and the frequency that we saw him out.
When he started, he was a little overweight but dude is so committed that he literally runs in rainstorms wearing trashbags and is very fit now. So my fam and I are watching this guys transformation happen, which is kind of exciting to me because I'm into fitness.
Over the years I would cheer him on (privately) while inside my car. I would be like "Yaasss! You got this my dude!!" in an attempt to make my kids laugh. It became a THING. It was "There's 'My Dude!" Or "Man, I haven't seen 'My Dude' in awhile. I hope he's okay!" Or my sister would say "I saw 'My Dude' today!" Kind of just an inside joke. But again, this is for years and years.
Even after seeing him all the time while driving, I never actually ran into him in person on my walks...that brings me to the TIFU portion of the post.
I decided to go a different route recently, I look up and through the sunlight in the trees I see a glorious golden mane of hair. I think "Holyshitholyshit. Today's the day I meet MY DUDE!"
He's getting closer now, I feel incredibly stupid. Why the fuck did this 'My Dude' thing even start again?? He's closer now. He's much taller than I thought and that throws me off and I let him jog past.
I think "Fuck. I can't just NOT say anything right?" And guys, I really wish I didn't say shit. I really wish I went home and called my sister and fake 'fan-girled' over walking within inches of this mythical man with the hair. But I'm an idiot.
So I turn and yell "Excuse me?" And he swishes his marvelous hair around, still jogging in place and just looks at me. I say "We've been watching you for years!"
And he's like "huh?" And I say "WeVe BeEn WaTcHiNg YoU." (Like he couldn't hear me or something. Instead of what he really meant which was probably "what the fuck?")
And he's still jogging like "...what?" I stammer "We've been watching you run I mean...Me and my family. Watching you run for years! You look great! Way to go dude!" And you guys... I gave him a FUCKING THUMBS UP like a weird xanaxed up soccer mom.
He says "Oh, cool. Thanks." And just kinda runs away. At this point I feel kind of... betrayed? Like, he's basically a celebrity in my house and he just says 'cool'?!? How dare he?!?
Then it hit me how fucking awkward and creepy and fucked up what I said and how I said what I said. I tell my husband and he's like "Wish ya weren't so awkward bud." I tell my kids and they are like "Uh...wow mom." I tell my sister and she cries laughing because of how typical this is of me. To be so awkward I mean. Like, I literally told a grandma "don't eat the baby!" the other day at the store while she was nibbling on her grandkids toes playfully. Like, what is my problem??
Anyway, the main reason I'm even typing this besides so you freaks that like to cringe at others idiocy can read it, is that since I appeared to be some weird version of CIA/FBI/Illuminati/soccer mom to my dude, he has been nowhere to be found! I have not seen him running around at all and I feel so bad that I MAY have maybe possibly kinda weirded him out enough for him to change the entire area he has been running for years, which is awful.
So, My dude, if you see this, I am soooooo not "watching you" in any way other than to admire your hair and admire your dedication to fitness. I apologize profusely and if I ever see you again I promise I won't say shit.
(And to that grandma, if you're on Reddit ... seriously you shouldn't eat babies. I'm not apologizing for that shit.)
Tl;Dr I told a dude that we've been watching him for years, when I really meant we had been watching him run/get fit and he was doing a great job. Haven't seen him on his route since.
Today I told my mom about my previous post, made her read it, made her almost cease to exist from laughing so hard and then she says "Yeah, but that guy is pretty weird." And I say "Uhh why do you say that?" and APPARENTLY I am from a family of freakishly awkward individuals.
You guys, my dad DID THE SAME SHIT AS ME and he just... forgot to tell me or my sister about it? (Thanks Dad, you're great.)
So he runs into My Dude at the store and he was like "oh hey, I see you running all the time! You're looking great! Keep it up!" My dad was a coach, so he's got the weird proud dad thing going on. My Dude just kind of looks at him...says "th-ankssss." And slowly backs away.
JUST KIDDING. Then my mom proceeds to tell me she just saw My Dude running. Please read the following in stereotypical mom voice: "Oh my gosh, I saw him running the other day. His shoes look so bad! I almost stopped. I wish I knew his shoe size so I could get him new shoes! Should I stop and ask him?"
(Don't worry, I said don't fucking do that mom Jesus Christ fuckin' figure it out.) So now that I know I wasn't the first person to tell him that I've been watching him I feel REALLY bad. My family ladies and gentlemen.
Tl;Dr My whole family is awkward AF and told a guy we've been watching him run on separate occasions.
First, I want to tell you all that I've truly had fun reading all of your stories, having you desperately want to be my friend, hearing 'what yous appreciates about me', having my possible Canadian heritage questioned and most of all, having my phone ping every 10 seconds for 24 hours straight. Great execution, yer doin' terrific.
As for the update, I've been paying more attention than normal to the sidewalk while I'm driving in hopes of seeing that I hadn't completely obliterated My Dude's ability to feel comfortable running on his route. I'm daydreaming about what I will do when I see him. Will I wave? Will I honk? Will I yell "How are ya now?!?" into the wind as I drive gently blowing his hair as I pass?
And holy shit, what if I am walking when I see him next? Will my common sense just leak out if my ears completely and holy shit...will I PULL OUT MY GOD DAMN PHONE, OPEN REDDIT AND GRIN AT HIM? Will I then awkwardly offer to give him half of my internet gold? Will I make a joke about karma? Fucking probably. I hope not, but Fucking.Probably.
So tonight my mom read my post out loud to my dad while I was on the phone with them. In case you were wondering, he also wishes I wasn't so fucking awkward, bud, but it's kind of his fault if you think about it.
Guys, I know what you're thinking and don't worry, she successfully censored my curse words... until about halfway through when she was having trouble breathing through laughter, even then she swore quietly (bless her heart.) Basically, she thinks I'm famous now and that I'm going to be on 'Good Morning America' (but like, on a slow news day, not like a good news day. Her words.) She's a total mom.
After she's done, I'm telling them some of your comments about making shirts and all your ideas about how to get My Dude's shoe size so that my mom, (again, bless her heart) can buy him shoes. Anything from using light sprinklings of salt on the pavement to forcing him to run through Plaster of Paris were thrown out there. Y'all are a bunch of snipers.
Suddenly, my dad says "Oh, by the way, I have seen him running recently. He's okay."
And guys, in this moment I'm so relieved that I didn't fuck this dude's entire world up.
I say, "Oh good, where was he when you saw him? Same route?"
"OUTSIDE OF HIS HOUSE."
"...Wait...you fucking know where he lives?!??"
"Yeah, [that one house on that one street that is not in our neighborhood but on a crossroad.] I see him leave to run and I see him get back home sometimes when I'm driving."
(LoOk aT mE, I'm Ashley's dad and this totally isn't a big deal at all. Shut up dad, it totally fucking is!)
"HOLY FUCK." I say.
"You...you just made it worse." My sister says.
My mom is basically dead at this moment.
"Mom, you cannot buy him shoes and drop them at his house!!"
She says: "Yeah, that would be awkward."
So, good news. He's still running. Bad news, we might actually be stalkers now.
UPDATE: My dad just called to tell me he saw My Dude... He was walking...wearing a HAT. We've never seen him in a hat so my dad thinks it's my fault for posting about his "luscious locks" (his words, not mine) I hope he's wrong. Jesus Christ.
Tl;Dr EDIT there's a dude in town we've seen running for years, we gave him a nickname and everything. Ran into him in person, told him this in the creepiest way possible. Find out my dad did the same a year before. Later found out My dad knew where he lived this whole time. Also, my mom wants to buy him shoes.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
Suspected Fake WIBTA for bringing a few of my own dishes to my fiance's family's Christmas gathering?
I am not the OP. This is a repost sub.
TW: Eating disorder (including disordered eating behaviors described)
WIBTA for bringing a few of my own dishes to my fiance's family's Christmas gathering? posted in r/AmItheAsshole by u/witchyfreunde on November 18, 2022
This year, my fiance (26M) and I (27 human) got engaged, and I agreed to join him and his extended family for Christmas.
Only problem is the food. I used to have a very serious eating disorder, and was hospitalized (Anorexia w binge/purge). I've gotten over the worst, w/a few small slipups, and I still struggle with food, and count calories, BUT have not purged in 6 months (a big record for me!)
Going low-carb a few years ago REALLY helped me start to eat more normally, and not get triggered. I love food and cooking, and this diet, along with being more health conscious has allowed me to enjoy food/eating again, even if I still struggle, and I'm grateful for it.
I avoid too much sugar, & processed food & High Fructose Corn Syrup. I read food labels and try to avoid ANYTHING with unnecessary added sugar that isn't a dessert. I don't eat fast food, and don't eat bread, rice, or pasta, though since dating my fiance, I've loosened up a little, and occasionally will eat healthier carbs, (buckwheat, chickpeas, lentils). I do enjoy some treats and sweets, but it's important that they're made of good, real ingredients, and not processed, or generic storebought prepackaged treats. (I love baking, and am more comfortable eating my own homemade treats, because I know what's in them & the flavor is way better than storebought)
My fiance's family is more Standard American Diet, and Im worried there wont be much I can eat. His family eats pasta on XMas Eve, and most of the sides they have Xmas day are carby, or have sugar or processed ingredients, & storebought pie for dessert.
I don't want to be difficult, I never ask anyone to make anything special for me, but I'm NOT willing to give up my diet, even for one day. I don't want to be triggered. I also don't feel good if I eat too many carbs or processed food. (Get bloated, heavy, and gassy), and get really anxious & can't enjoy myself because I feel guilty, even if I resist purging. I also am very conscious of my health. My eating disorder damaged my health, and trying to be as healthy as possible going forward is very important to me.
I'm sure there will at least be a salad or some side dish there I can eat, & the main is meat, which is fine, but most sides, snacks, and desserts (storebought/processed) are things I wouldnt eat, and I want to enjoy my holiday meal, (and be able to have a dessert I'd like)
WIBTA if I brought a side dish and a homemade dessert that I know I could feel okay eating and enjoy? I would make enough for everyone, and bring them as a contribution to the meal.
I don't want to seem weird or rude, or offend his family, but I worry it would be rude to show up and not be willing to eat most of the food, and I don't want them to think they have to make anything special for me, or feel bad if there's nothing I can eat. I don't know if theyd think it rude if I brought some food, but it would be extra dishes for everyone, and would allow me to enjoy a special holiday meal and treat as well.
EDIT: MORE INFO
My SO is very understanding and supportive of my diet, and usually loves the low carb meals I cook, (low carb definitely doesn't mean not tasty or flavorful!) and is willing to order less/no carbs if we're eating out and splitting something. I do most of the cooking, because I enjoy it, (he cooks sometimes, but isn't a super confident or experienced cook, so oftentimes he'll ask me for a recipe, or he'll be willing to cook as long as I can instruct him how) so he basically follows my diet unless we're eating out or going to an event or something. I'm fine with him eating what he wants if he's cooking for himself or we're going out, just I'm not really willing to cook food that might be triggering for me, and I'm a pretty good cook and love finding new recipes and coming up with my own, so he rarely has any complaints, beyond jokes about missing pasta every now and then.
He's told me that his family is pretty attached to their traditions, and there's some 'traditional' family recipes that they always make. I get the impression that they may be sensitive or think I'm rude because of some of the stories he's told me (for example... His grandpa has a 'traditional' green bean casserole recipe that he always makes and is extremely proud of. There's another family member who makes a green bean casserole as well, that's BETTER than grandpa's, but people will go out of their way to make sure that both get eaten, in order to avoid offending grandpa, who's so attached to his recipe.)
Relevant comment from OOP:
I haven't explicitly asked him yet (I should...trying to figure out how to bring it up or ask the hosts). He's very understanding of my issues for the most part, but he's told me how attached his family is to their traditions, and that there may be a few people who might be a little put off if I won't at least try the food when we've discussed holidays in the past.When discussing holidays in the past, he's suggested that I could just take a little, or just try some, and maybe I'm in the wrong here, but I'd really prefer not to do that. I would feel bad taking some food, only to waste it and just throw it away later.
Eating-Disorder wise, sometimes it's easier for me to just NOT eat something than to eat a tiny bit. In the past, when I was REALLY sick, I had tried just having a bite of certain things, or eating a small portion, but often that ended up with me feeling out of control, or eating more than I wanted to and being unable to keep track of the calories, which would lead to me purging afterwards.
I personally don't think it's rude to politely decline food that is offered to you, and I've gotten really good at standing up to food pushers and just saying no, even when people clearly thought I was being weird, but from the sounds of it, his family may be sensitive about that, and there's definitely some items that I wouldn't feel comfortable even trying a bite of or having on my plate for a while.
AITA for uninviting my girlfriend to Christmas because she wanted to bring her own food? posted in r/AmItheAsshole by u/WrongdoerDelicious81 on November 20, 2022
(throwaway acct, my GF is on here)
I (27M) invited my gf (27F) of 3 years to my family Christmas. We've never spent holidays together, she likes to visit her family out of state, and I really wanted her to finally spend a holiday with us.
My GF is keto and in recovery from a serious eating disorder (she starved herself and would make herself throw up) and does most of the cooking and I'm ok with that because she's a great cook and always makes tasty dishes and Im happy to make food she'll eat when I cook. Keto helps her stay on track with her recovery and I understand that, but don't see why she can't have the occasional cheat day. She tries to be "healthy" and tries to avoid preservatives and sugar but sometimes has a dessert with me, but will only eat stuff she's cooked herself because she has to know what the ingredients are.
However my family is very traditional and she definitely isn't. My dad, sister and I (mom is dead) have a tradition of eating lasagna on Christmas Eve and on Christmas day, my family is very traditional with the side dishes and desserts, but like to switch it up and do something interesting every year for the main. This year it's going to be pizza.
We love our traditions (ex. Grandma always brings the same sweet potato casserole with marshmallows) and usually use traditional recipes, and buy pies from the store for dessert.
I have told my GF a lot about our traditions, and she asked if she could bring a few dishes and a dessert, since she can't eat most of the food, but I think she's just being picky (like she says she couldn't eat a green bean casserole from a traditional recipe because it has canned soup in it and she doesn't want to eat anything with too many preservatives).
I said no, she shouldn't bring dishes because my family really likes our meal as is and I feel like it would be rude to bring your own food to someone else's event. She doesn't like store bought pies because they don't taste as good as homemade says they aren't worth the calories which seems nitpicky. I said she should just let go a little and enjoy one special meal that's not part of her diet it's not that big a deal.
Then she asked if instead she could just bring her own separate meal and I said no because that seems even more rude.
I told her she should come and eat what she could, and just take some of the dishes she won't eat to not offend my family, but she said she couldn't do that because it might be "triggering" for her to even have that food on her plate.
At that point I just straight up uninvited her, because everything she suggested seemed rude, and like she was being difficult, and this would be the first time she's meeting my extended family and it would make a bad impression.
She got upset and really hurt, and I think she's just overreacting, but her BFF, "Joe" who is also a friend of mine, said I was being harsh and didn't understand how much she might be struggling from her ED.
AITA for uninviting her and telling her she would offend my family and make a bad impression?
(No, I did not ask my family about her bringing food, they usually don't ask anyone to bring extra stuff for the meal so I assumed they wouldn't like it if she did)
Relevant comment from OOP #2:
I let her cook what she wants most of the time, and don't complain even though I'd prefer it if she made rice or pasta every now and then.
I know she's dealing with some issues but she's been doing really well this year and I figured maybe just once she'd be willing to change it up a little for the sake of meeting my family...
(Verdict: trending very heavily YTA before being locked)
Comment on u/witchyfeunde 's post:
Commenter: I think your boyfriend posted his side of the story (I don’t know if it’s him because in his post he says he hasn’t proposed yet and calls you his girlfriend).
Reply from u/witchyfeunde
Holy S***... Thanks for sharing that! My SO DID uninvite me the other day. I didn't post an update because I was pretty upset and busy trying to rethink my holiday plans. I spent the night at a friend's house after that happened since I was really and we haven't spoken since, but he's texted and called a few times...
Enough of that post overlaps so I'm definitely going to have to ask him about it... (I changed some of the details in mine for anonymity's sake) I just have no idea how to deal with the situation, and now I'm worried I won't have anywhere to go on Christmas because plane tickets to my hometown have started getting more expensive...
UPDATE: I tried to discuss things with him, and brought up the idea of me bringing a few dishes to share.
He said no and that they like their meal the way it is and wouldn't want to change it, and we had an argument and he ended up saying that I just shouldn't come, and that we could just meet the families some other time.
I'm not really sure how to deal with things and it really throws a wrench in my holiday plans, since tickets for me to go back to my hometown have gotten a lot more expensive.
I'm wondering if it might be rude to reach out to his mom (I have a pretty good relationship with his mom) and ask her if it might be okay for me to bring some stuff? (She also knows about my ED). But at the same time, I wonder if that would be overstepping a boundary since he DID uninvite me...
Also THANK YOU to everyone who shared this post with me:
I changed a few details in mine for anonymity and the situation overlaps enough to make me question it and want to ask him about it. I don't want to ruin our relationship, but I wonder if trying to educate him more about eating disorders, or telling him more details about how sick I was (I've told him some but not all) might help? Or if that might just make the situation worse.
Various comments from u/WrongdoerDelicious81 on his post (There are a lot more than just these but I'm trying to just include the most relevant, because there's too many and several are repetitive.)
OP here... Ok I guess I should have asked the family first, I'm just shy and kind of anxious about asking for stuff, my uncle always hosts Christmas and Thanksgiving and can be a little intimidating. He is always the one who chooses what the main is going to be even if other people have different suggestions. A few years ago he REALLY wanted it to be Phad Thai even though my dad has a peanut allergy. My dad ended up not being able to eat the main but they're was enough sides so he got plenty of food.
I have also seen my grandma get kinda passive aggressive with my cousin when he didn't take any of her casserole. She didnt yell or tell him off directly but she kept offering it to him and even put some on his plate anyway when he said no a second time (he doesnt really like it but usually just took some for her sake but decided not to that time), and insisted he have just a little bit since it was an old family recipe and made a comment at one point in the vein of "your too full for my casserole but your eating all that pie?"
I suppose I should have asked but was just intimidated.
Thanks everyone for your honesty. I really didn't expect this much of a response and it's given me a lot to think about. A lot of people are saying i need to educate myself about eating disorders and i think that's fair. I don't really know that much about them and my girlfriend has gone into some detail about her experience with it, but I'm definitely no expert.
I'm going to reach out to her and i would like to understand a little better so I can try to be understanding, does anyone have any information or suggestions for good resources so that i can learn more about what her issues may be before I talk to her? This relationship is really important to me, i Love her so much and I guess I just never really understood her issues that much but i would really like to.
I was too anxious to rock the boat but I realize now i need to get over that as i shouldn't have let that be more important than my girlfriends feelings.
I didn't want to tell my family about her issues because I didn't want it to make her or then uncomfortable or have people asking her questions about it but maybe there's a middle ground somewhere
I am going to do some reading and hope i can make things right. I didn't really know how serious her issues might be and i guess it just didn't seem like a big deal to have one day to indulge, but obviously i don't fully understand yet but I'm trying to.
Damn I didn't realize cheating on keto was that bad. I thought she was just overly sensitive and not willing to have a cheat day. I wasn't that familiar with it but I liked the food she cooked so i just kinda went with it but obviously there's more to it than i thought
I haven't seen this other post people are mentioning yet but I changed some details in my post for anonymity.
[Post was locked & removed by AITA mods minutes after the above comment.]
I can't stand the goo myself, so i make my pecan pies from scratch... I just made one with almost no goo... I basically only made a quarter of the recipe for the filling, and mixed in a ton of pecans, barely enough goo to coat the pecans, and it's delicious!
trigger warning: sexual harassment
AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra? - 19 August 2021
I (25f) fucking hate wearing bras. They're uncomfortable, constricting, and expensive. With work from home, I spent the last year and a half basically never wearing a bra and got used to it. Quite frankly, my boobs are nonexistent anyways.
I recently started going to the gym again and started working out braless. I should note that up until now, no one has ever pointed out anything wrong with me not wearing a bra. However, in the middle of a set of squats (yes, MID SQUAT), a guy comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder to get my attention, and tells me that my nipples are poking through my shirt. I get really irritated because why tf is this guy staring at my nipples in the first place and then stopping me mid-set to inform me?
I get really annoyed, try to finish my set, but then this fucker literally grabs the bar, as I ascend and re-racks it for me. He claimed it looked like I was having trouble with the last rep, and that he had come over to make sure I could do it, then noticed my nipples. I'm really fucking pissed off at this point and told him I didn't need his help finishing my set and why the fuck was he looking at my chest in the first place?? He said he was going to spot me, but then noticed my chest and thought it'd be inappropriate.
I pointed out that the safety bar was set, so even if I did fail the set, he wasn't needed. But he just insisted people at gyms look out for each other, and that going forward, I should probably wear a bra so other people wouldn't get uncomfortable and that it may help me stay more balanced in my squats. I'm literally the only girl at the weights section of the gym at the moment, and other guys who were squatting and failed sets never have to worry about this shit. I've seen guys fail multiple sets in a row and no one ever rushes to their aid, but I have a very slight pause, and everyone thinks I need rescuing. So I'm now really annoyed and also kind of uncomfortable that this guy I've never spoken to in my life thinks he's helping me and then has the audacity to tell me how to dress.
So I tell him "You have bigger boobs and nipples than I do. Maybe YOU should wear a bra so people won't get uncomfortable and you won't fail your squats." He then got really defensive, saying he was just trying to help, then called me a bitch. Honestly I'm not sure if I overreacted, but I'm still kind of pissed off so maybe that's clouding my judgment. AITA?
Edit to add: I'm not sure if people think I'm walking around and it's extremely obvious my nipples are showing. I actually really hate constricting clothes. My t-shirt size is x-small but I wear size large to the gym (and pretty much everywhere lately), and you can't tell my stomach from my chest. My nipples might've been showing a little more while squatting because I was wearing a lifting belt
UPDATE: AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra? - 2 September 2021
Thanks so much for all the feedback on my OP. A couple people said it was just a validation post, but tbh after you go off on someone like that publicly, getting a lot of attention, you kind of do feel like an asshole, even when you feel it's justified, so yeah.
I finally did start wearing bras again, and not at all because of this incident, but because I'd been dealing with depression that made me not really try to get dressed in general (not just at the gym), and "dressing for success" has been a small way to try to get myself back into a better place mentally.
Anyways, the guy goes to the gym roughly the same time I do most days, so unfortunately, I did have to see him again. Even though I really wanted to grab his bar out of fake concern while he was squatting, I mostly ignored him. Until two days ago.
I was deadlifting, and recording myself to check my form. The guy comes over and says something like "You know sumo is cheating right?" I get this comment a lot, mostly from men half joking, and it's annoying, but I just completely ignore him. He repeats it a little louder, and I continue to ignore him. I guess he sees that I was recording myself because then he asks if I have an Instagram (I don't post my lifts on Insta) and if he could follow me. I keep ignoring him.
Finally, he says something like "see your form is so much better now that you're wearing a bra." And I fucking lost it again. I screamed at him that he's a disgusting, harassing piece of shit (honestly I don't remember exactly what I said but it was, admittedly, very vulgar and got a lot of attention). A worker came over and asked if something was wrong, and I said that the guy was sexually harassing me for two weeks and asked to speak to a manager.
The guy denied it and said he was just trying to help, and that I was being sensitive. But either way, the manager asked what was going on and got both our stories. Because I had been recording my lifts, I actually had a video of him where he commented on my bra, so the manager gave him a 30 day ban and told me that if he ever bothered me again to let her know, and she would permanently ban him.
So I feel kind of vindicated, but I also feel a little frustrated that just one man actually saw consequences for this kind of behavior towards women in the gym. It's nice to see someone have repercussions for their actions, but it's also exhausting dealing with this kind of thing constantly at the gym, even if it isn't quite as overt. But I guess I'll have to keep calm and lift on.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
CONCLUDED I defended my PhD yesterday and not one of my family/friends showed up. Not even my fiancé.
I defended my PhD yesterday and not one of my family/friends showed up. Not even my fiancé. I know I'm a horrible person for it, but I never want to see any of them again.
Original Post - 26th September 2015
I'll try to keep it brief.
Yesterday I defended my PhD in a STEM field at a highly prestigious program. Unlike many departments, my department's defenses are basically celebrations. You present for 1 hr to anyone who wants to come, your PhD committee asks you a few questions, and then you drink champagne and celebrate.
I created a FB event for it 3 weeks in advance. My immediate family and very closest of friends all said they could come. These included my best man as well as two people who were to give toasts at the wedding. My fiancé was going to take work off to come as well.
Then yesterday came. I knew two of my co-workers couldn't make it because they were out of the country, but I wasn't prepared for what happened.
I presented to a nearly completely empty auditorium. Only my advisor, two committee members, and a few members of nearby labs showed. It was so incredibly embarrassing that I almost couldn't make it through my defense.
After my defense, I looked at my phone. I only had one message from my mom, saying my family wasn't going to make it on time because they left too late. I called my fiancé twice with no answer. It wasn't until 10pm last night that she called me back. It turned out that her best friend from college (who've I known to be quite selfish from previous situations) had tried to kill herself because she found out that her boyfriend had cheated on her. She knew my defense was yesterday but begged my fiancé to visit her all day in the hospital.
My fiancé didn't even say congrats.
No one else has called or texted to congratulate me since I defended yesterday.
I barely held it together on my call with my fiancé but I'm now so upset that I'm considering calling off the wedding, taking a job, and never contacting any of these people again.
I know I'm a horrible person for this, but my big day was completely fucking ruined by their inconsiderate actions.
EDIT: Thank you all so much! This means a lot. In reading your responses and generally calming down, I think I'll call my fiancée and family
EDIT #2: I did not expect this to blow up as much as it did. Seriously, thank you all for your wonderful support. I'm taking today and maybe even tomorrow to just rest on this before I talk to my family and friends. You guys are giving great advice!
EDIT #3: (~4:30 p PST): I'm heading out to dinner now but I've decided I'm going to call tomorrow. I'll try to update you if anything gets resolved (or if it doesn't!)
EDIT #4: (5:46 a PST): Holy crap... This got a lot of replies. I'll update later today but I wanted to address a few responses suggesting that either a). this situation is reflective of me not going to their special events or b). that my family/friends aren't obligated to show.
a). Yes I have gone to and planned special functions for others. One of the friends who told me they would show up defended her PhD a few weeks ago (but from another group). I of course showed up to her defense. I also helped plan the happy hour afterwards. I also helped plan another invited friend's surprise birthday last year, which was huge because she turned 30. So while, I understand why people might think that I'm expecting something while giving nothing to others, I just don't believe that it is the case here.
b). Of course my family/friends aren't obligated to show. Had they said they couldn't come (due to work, etc.), I wouldn't be upset. Had they ignored me, I probably would have just interpreted that as a "can't come" and still would be ok. But my closest friends made it a point that they would be there, and then didn't show. That's what got me upset.
MAJOR UPDATE (~10:30a PST): This morning my fiancée called me after I was more or less incommunicado all of yesterday. Because I had calmed down, we were able to have a rational discussion. It turns out there is ALOT to the story that I was unaware of (because I'm a doofus) ;).
First things first. My fiancée and I are just fine!!
She began the conversation with an apology. She explained that while she was in shock on Friday about her friend, she realized immediately after our call that she had completely ignored me and my defense all day. She knows me well, and knew how upset and angry I was. She thought i had every right to be angry but gave me a day to chill out.
My fiancée is now extremely pissed at her friend. Previously I had implied that her friend was extremely selfish not only due to previous actions but also because she called my fiancée and begged her to visit all day, even though she knew my defense was that day. Many criticized my feelings about this and, as of early this morning, I thought that I was wrong to feel the way I did. I should have been a bit more sympathetic. But then my fiancée told me what happened yesterday. For about 2 hrs yesterday, my fiancée visited her friend in the hospital again. Her friend was feeling a bit better, so my fiancé began to ask about the cheating boyfriend in a bit more detail.
It turns out that her friend did not find out about her boyfriend cheating on Friday. She actually found out the Saturday before. And she had actually suspected that her bf was cheating MONTHS ago. That Saturday, he finally admitted it to her, after she saw him receive a snapchat of a naked girl, yet she did nothing about it because she didn't want to lose him. In other words, she lied to my fiancée about when she found out he was cheating. What pissed my fiancée off the most was that during this past week, my fiancée and her friend talked twice over the phone. Neither time the friend even mentioned it. While I understand that she may have been bottling up her feelings, or may have been embarrassed, her previous actions an things like engagement parties and dinner parties casts some doubt on this.
Regardless of my feelings, my fiancée is incredibly angry with her because she had all week to talk about this, to have her help her deal with this trauma. But she didn't. She waited until the exact most inconvenient time. In my fiancées words, "Trust me. This wasn't spontaneous. She chose to have that reaction on that day."
We are unsure as to what to do about my fiancées friend and the wedding. She is currently a bridesmaid, but maybe not anymore.
About my family: yesterday morning, my fiancée called my immediate family and asked what happened. Sorry but the answer is boring. It was just another case of my parents being incapable of getting anywhere on time. My fiancée advised them not to call me yesterday because I was very upset. My family all texted me this morning ad apologized profusely. They would have called me Friday night after my defense but they honestly weren't sure if I wanted to talk to them.
About my friends: also yesterday my fiancée called the closest of my friends that were invited. These friends, I know for sure, wouldn't lie to my fiancée. Half of them forgot and were deeply mortified that they missed it. I'm told that they will call me later today. It turns out that my best man blacked out Thursday night after originally only going out to grab a beer. And the rest were a combination of "something came up" or "I was sick." Although in one case the person was very clearly ill and anyone could tell from talking to him over the phone.
So that is basically it. My fiancée really pulled through in calling everyone. She didn't have to do that and I'm very lucky to have her. Before I start my job, we will have a real party that is sure to be fun.
Thank you all for your support, kind words, and even critical words. You guys rock!
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
Sorry if this is super long...
My sister wasn't around much when I was growing up because she was in college then medical school. She'd visit on holidays and the weekends if she wasn't busy. Whenever she'd visit she would spend a lot of time with me and she'd take me places, buy me things and give me advice when I needed it. I always felt like I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me for it. She never really got along with our parents and I never knew what it was about but they would argue often and there was always a lot of tension around them. My parents were very loving and we get along so no issues there.
When she started dating her now husband she spent less time with me and she would come over less often. 5 years ago she got married to the guy. I don't like him at all. He's like an overgrown frat guy and he's always teasing me or saying dumb shit, he can never read the room. I've spoken to my sister about it but she says that it's just his way of bonding with people and that he means well and is a nice guy. He's been a pain in the ass for 5 years and just when I was going to give him a chance he fucked it up.
My sister and her husband came over for dinner two nights ago and were going to sleep over because they live 2 hours away. He took that as an opportunity to drink as much as he wanted. He's already insufferable when sober so drunk him is even worse. My sister and I were catching up because it's been a while and I was telling her how I would like to go into the medical field like her. Jackass husband then comes in saying that it's great that I want to follow in my mom's footsteps.
My mom has never worked in the medical field so I was confused and thought he was just being dumb but my sister's face went so pale and my parents were very quiet. I just looked at my sister and could tell that it wasn't just a dumb comment. I locked myself in my room and didn't come out until the next day. There was a lot of yelling and I just learned something huge so I didn' want to deal with it.
When I finally decided to leave the room I saw that my sister was sitting right outside the door and that jerk was gone. I asked her wtf was going on and told her not to lie to me or I'll never speak to her again. She told me that she got pregnant in her senior year of high school and the guy cut all contact with her. She wanted to keep me and our parents were fully supportive of her.
She found out that she got into her dream school but she would have to either give up the school or give me up. She couldn't choose so she decided to keep both. She spoke to our parents about it and the plan was to have them take care of me while she's in school and when can she will take me back. I was supposed to grow up knowing that she is my mom but because she was so busy and stressed out she didn't think that she could handle motherhood.
Our parents noticed that she was pulling away so they adopted me and raised me as theirs. She said that she was young and dumb at the time so she agreed with the adoption. She said that she thought of dropping out and taking me back so many times but thought I was better off without her as a mom.
As the years went by she saw less reason to tell me since I was doing good and was being well taken care of. She started crying and telling me that she regrets her decision and wants to be my mom even though I'm almost an adult she wants us to start over as mother and son. I told her I'd think about it and then she left. I went to speak to my parents. They told me that they did everything for me because they love me and I'm not obligated to leave now that I know. They said that things don't have to change if I don't want them to. It seemed more like they didn't want things to change.
I feel like my whole life is a lie. I know that I was well taken care of and I don't want to seem ungrateful but I was lied to my whole life. I don't see myself calling my sister "mom" and living life as if everything is ok. My parents are the ones who raised me so how could I just leave them like that.
On the other hand if I don't decide to go with my sister she might feel like I'm rejecting her or that I hate her and after 17 years she might really give up on me. I'm so torn and feel betrayed. I can't believe that I found out from that asshole. That makes me even more mad. I feel like I have to pick a side I don't know how to do that. I kinda just wanna run away and forget about all of this. Everyone is kinda leaving it up to me and I don't even know what I want for breakfast on a good day.
How do I approach this without everyone getting hurt?
Sister = bio mom parents= grandparents
I first want to say thank you guys so much. I didn't think that I would get this much feedback.I started a family group chat and suggested that we should look into family therapy. Everyone is on board and is willing to do whatever it takes to make this situation work. I'm very lucky and I can see my privilege, many kids don't get what I got (a loving family) so maybe I was making this a bigger deal than it was.
My sister said that she is going to make more of an effort to be in my life. I think therapy might be good for us. As for douche husband, my sister really wants us to get along but I don't see that happening. Maybe he should come to therapy a few times but only if he's serious about it. She is very mad at him but she wants to work things out with him.
Also, it was really interesting reading stories from people who have experienced something similar or know someone who did. It's crazy how often and common these things are. I guess until you experience something for yourself it can seem unbelievable. It was inspiring to read and some of them were heartbreaking and made me realize that I shouldn't let my anger make the decisions because life is short.
My parents aren't getting any younger. I wouldn't want my last moments with them being something so negative. They still have to earn my trust but I don't see why we can't be on at least ok terms while they do. They've been extremely apologetic since but actions speak louder than words so we'll see.
Another issue that rose is the fact that I don't know where the other half of me came from. My biological father basically disappeared from my sister's life. I don't know if I should even bring it up because no one else has yet. That will be another topic of discussion for therapy I guess.
Thank you so much to those of you who were genuinely trying to be helpful and kind. I got a lot of support. Again thank you.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
Trigger warning: assault, mention of rape
Mood spoiler: happy ending
Original post posted on February 16, 2022
My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him.
English speaker, not on mobile, but still, please no roasts. If something is formatted wrongly, or is hard to read, please let me know!
Info on me: I am a 30F American, with several mental disorders, including Autism, Psychosis, Depression, the list goes on. However something to note, that these do not cause me to loose compassion, in fact. They do the opposite, I am very friendly, and worry to much about others, and that often gets me in trouble.
I live in a SIP housing, Supported Independent (Forgot what the P stands for.) But it is not an adult foster home. In fact most people here come from group homes, I am a rare case which I did not, however I did fall into a massive depressive lap which caused me to require some extra assistants.
Things you need to know about this is there is one washer and dryer (outside my apartment) and staff in house for 12 hours, and then on call for 12. When I moved in I was the only girl, and at first, things were fine. The neighbor in the apartment down from me seemed fine. We will from now on call him Entitled Asshole.
Me : OP
Linsey: Staff Manager
Sam: Secondary Staff
Owners: Owners of the building
Conservator: She handles my money and was once his guardian.
Downstairs Neighbor : Super sweet 65+ year old lady.
Entitled Asshole: Neighbor on top floor with me.
Annoying Neighbor: She is on the downstairs apartment.
Friendly Neighbor: She shares the wall with my apartment.
To the story.
When I first moved in, Entitled Asshole was friendly, sometimes, he'd ask to borrow a bowl or something, but he was good at returning it. However very quickly he noticed one thing. I drove a car. The model is important. I had a tiny prius. However, he was to large to fit into my tiny car, and thus when asking me super late at night for rides. I would always decline.
I didn't decline just due to his size however, yes it was a factor, but I am night blind. I cannot see at night and thus I refuse to drive late at night. This is where his entitlement starts. He went from nice to mean in the matter of seconds. Blaring loud music, locking me out if I walked out the downstairs door. (Luckily I carried a key.) and other petty things like that.
Soon Downstairs Neighbor moved in, and he did the same to her, but instead she used 420, so he'd ask for that instead of car rides, as I was still the only one with a car that wasn't staff. I got along great with Downstairs Neighbor and she often would cook meals with me, to which he would suddenly be there as soon as he noticed, begging for meals. Quite like the post I made recently. I refused to feed him too, as he never made any effort to help us with prep, cleaning, or even purchasing food.
The office cat he would dump water on, threaten to get rid of, and more until Lindsey (Who owned the cat) gave him to her daughter when she finally moved into a safe place that allowed pets. The reason the office cat was there...Lindsey's dogs kept trying to eat him, so it was safer at the office where he'd get attention then with dogs that could and would kill him.
Then Downstairs Neighbor's keys went missing, she thought it was odd, and a few days they reappeared, however she'd catch Entitled Asshole breaking into her apartment. Despite my suggestions to call the police, or asking if she needed help. She declined and simply started refusing him to come in and finally had her locks changed.
And then, I got the dreaded. Sign. So I had a sign on my door, that people could write on, when I started working from home. This only lasted a few months before my mental health deteriorated and I had to quit but it was simply to tell people when not to bug me. After I quit, it seemed okay but then the true sign appeared. At a craft show I found an adorable sign that said My cats and I talk shit about you. I thought it was so funny, I bought it on the spot and put it on my door. I have two cats and thus I thought that it would fit!
I'd notice sometimes my sign would be flipped around when I got home from shopping or woke up however. Odd, I'd just put it back. Then Entitled Asshole wrote on my door. "Cause issues for me, I'll cause issues for the town." I instantly went to Lindsey and told her about it. She came and sure enough, it was his writing. She sent images to the owner. And he told me to take down my sign. So I grudgingly did. I also removed the pen from my erase board sign so he couldn't write threatening messages to me anymore. However he was never told to remove his 'Blink security' sign on his door which was hand written and right under his peep hole.
Things only escalated from there. He started turning the only lights off in the hall way, he started swearing at me if I walked past him, glaring at me, creeping up on me. He'd stand outfront of my door and I'd see his shadow because of my tinted and distorted plastic/glass panel I had in my door. He then started messing with my laundry. And not because i left it in the dryer to long either.
I had just thrown my laundry into the dryer, and suddenly I hear someone messing with the machine. Odd, I had just put mine in 5 minutes before and I had a load in the washer. I go to open the door and he's blocking it. He had taken my laundry out and thrown it onto the floor, and then thrown his in. Caught in the act he quickly threw his out and grabbed it, putting most of mine back but missing a few pieces. I got out and sure enough, the dryer had been switched to a whole different mode, and my still wet laundry was partially on the ground. I went and complained and again Lindsey talked to the owner. He assigned us days to do our laundry instead of handling this person.
Friendly Neighbor had been coming out of her apartment at this time and had seen what had happened and told me afterword's. A few minutes later he did it again, and I caught him and told him to stop. He cussed me out and left. Please note, I called him out threw a closed and locked door. I was not going face to face with this huge male, when I am a tiny female.
Then the fire alarms started. Yes, the fire alarms. Please note I live in a super old building, the wires for the fire alarms on the top floor are connected, so if say....Entitled Neighbor decided to set off his fire alarm at 3am by pressing the button, it set them off for us ALL. Well, at least Friendly Neighbor, Entitled Asshole and myself. Again I complained, and again, Lindsey and Sam did what they could, but after a week of no sleep. It stopped. However my insomnia had been started due to being afraid to sleep as loud noises cause me to become paralyzed.
Entitled Asshole then would wait till right before noise violations could be called on, and would blare his music in bursts, and right as it hit time that I could call the police. He'd stop. This would be an on off routine, and sadly staff could do nothing as the owner simply said to call the police.
One day on a group shopping trip, I decided to buy us girls drinks, he was in the car, and being extremely rude, slamming doors, glaring at me, swearing at me when no one was around, etch. So I didn't get him one. He shoved Annoying Neighbor as she was trying to help me carry my food upstairs, we had gotten to the door headed up, I unlocked it, he stormed down the stairs and shoved her, then slammed the door behind him. This door auto locks so I had to unlock it again for her. Mind you a few days prior, he had shoved me. We didn't know what to do so we just went on with our day.
The lights continued to go on and off, and my door was nearly broken into at 2am. Again we called the owner, again no response.
Downstairs Neighbor had told me that Entitled Asshole had been talking about how he was a 'tester for god,' and a lot of other unhinged things. Nothing was done.
Finally, I had a panic attack. I had never had one before and I went to the ER. I came back and settled into my bed, slept a few hours and it was my laundry day. Going to put my laundry in, I noticed something. He had put his laundry in, on my day specifically and was doing it, intentionally to goad me. I finally broke. I had enough. I went to ask Sam what she could do and she said she was unable to do anything.
Before people yell about Sam, I questioned her further later. She wasn't afraid for herself. She was afraid because there isn't staff here 24/7. She was afraid for me. I just wanted clean sheets, and I couldn't even get that basic right. I called the owner sobbing, explained everything....nothing happened.
My insurance called me the next day asking about the ER trip. They are sending me an emergency button. I called my Conservator. His ex guardian, and expressed my fear for my own life as he has become increasingly unhinged. She told me to call the cops, I had Annoying Neighbor call them a few hours ago, still no one has dropped by but we will be filing a police report.
I told my doctor what's going on, and she wants my psych medical professional to see me to see about getting me something to help with my fear, as I am growing increasingly frightful and more dread is consuming me. Lindsey refuses to be around him as she is afraid of him, though she has not said it directly you can see her tense any time he comes around. Sam has tried to sooth me.
Every female in this 6 person residence (So four of us) are terrified of him. Finally, we called the owner and his brother, and they are trying to figure out what to do. My mental case worker is trying to find me a new place to live incase I cannot get him out of here.
TL:DR Scared for my life because my entitled neighbor has become unhinged.
Update 1 posted on April 9, 2022
My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him (Update)
You may have read my original post - My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him
So, its been a while since I last posted here, I’ve called the police on him a few times and nothing has been done. Tomorrow I am starting to fill out a restraining order against him. I have tried to cut all contact, and yah.. Today he went outside my door and started saying things about how I’m fat, ugly, and couldn’t get laid. How he was a catch (he’s not) and how he couldn’t pay anyone to fuck or rape me. How he couldn’t even get a dog to fuck me. He used my name and was on the phone, shouting so he’d make sure my noise canceling headphones didn’t ignore him.
I went down to my good neighbors house and called 911. I told them about everything, and they said there was nothing they could do. To file with the courts. So I am.
He’s been screaming at 11am-3am randomly, banging at my door, harassing me, they have had to put locks over the lights to stop him from flipping them on and off. He’s even popped both of one of the workers' front tires. Screwed in 2 screws so when she got it home, it had flat tires. Luckily her family helped her out.
We’re going to do what we can, but the landlord doesn’t seem to care and I can’t find new housing. I’m trying.
As for other notes. That neighbor who was trying to mooch off of my food and he also had pushed had decided to call animal control on me. I have done nothing to her and I take great care of my cats. The day before this event my cat had just been to the vets. She claimed to animal control I had been abusing them, then went to my good neighbor and bragged about lying to them.
I swear….my life is a soap opera.
Update 2 posted on June 17, 2022
My Entitled Neighbor and Why I'm afraid of him - Update 2
So, things were so so, but now...its gotten destructive. And I have a light at the end of the tunnel.
For people who have read the past posts, I am sorry to inform you, its worse.
The PPO was denied, but he left me alone, besides doing his laundry at times that were not allowed, and being allowed. He would nit pick, and harrass, chase me off the porch and try to bully me. However yesterday, he tried to attack me.
Please note, where I live, they dispense meds, and they give us 15 minutes with staff per person to catch them up. I came in and was going over some forms for rental assistance to help me get to a new place. Please note I've been constantly putting myself on waitlists, but I was denied due to not making 2400 a month. I make around 1400.
He came in right after me, and wanted me out, I hadn't even taken my meds. When I politely told him it was my time, he started to yell. So...I shut a door to put it between us. And then retreated back to my caretaker. He tried and nearly did, kick down the door, there is a huge mark on it, and he broke the molding around it.
The police were called, and then....nothing. They said they couldn't do anything.
I was in fear already, for he was screaming about how he wanted me to move, how he wanted me gone, how this was his place. And then, when my care taker and I were out, trying to get some stuff so I could settle, I got texts. He was planning on hurting me. He told everyone, he was 'going to get even' he was 'going to physically hurt me' he was 'going to make me pay'. The police came back and I was afraid. I was going to flee to PA where a friend offered to take me....but I had no one to get me there.
I spent a night in a hotel, alone, without my cat, as they wouldn't let me bring her. And then upon waking, my caretaker sent me a text. I was up in line for an apartment. I called them, and I wasn't up just yet. But there were 5 people ahead of me, and only 4 apartments. However from the sounds of it. Two people are not wanting it already, so I am almost guaranteed this place if they do not call by the 25th.
The police when hearing I planned on moving, said they would talk to the chief to try and help the best they could. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this lines up, and by the end of the month. I am free. Because honestly, I can't keep doing this. I will keep you updated.
Update 3 posted on June 25, 2022
(Update) My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him.
It has been a rough few days. I hope you're in for a roller coaster. Please remember, this is update Three for a very very toxic situation.
After I got out, I got a letter, as you know. It sounds like 2 people at least dropped out of the running, leaving the apartment most likely open to me. I filled out my paper work and sent it in yesterday.
Please note that after I spent the night in the hotel, he was taken shortly after for a psych eval. I had three days of peace, my caretaker on the other hand, did not. He called and threatened her, he demanded that the owner of the complex bail him out etc. However...on the fourth day, I got a frantic call from my caretaker.
"He's going to be here any moment, I just got a call warning me." Sure enough. Five minutes later, I got a text from her.
Instantly, I called, and the police were there shortly. However while we waited I called her. He had pinned her in the office and was screaming in her face, she only had her phone on her but couldn't call due to likely aggravating him more. So she texted me before calling the land lord like he was demanding. When he finally let her out, I had just called and checked on her. She was trembling, and her voice was shaking. She was running to her car, told me to lock my doors, they were. The police, couldn't take him in, since he hadn't touched us.
I stayed a night at my family's and then returned to my complex.
They got a court order to re-grab him for the psych eval. But....6 hours later, he was out again. And was released in the middle of the night. I thought I was hallucinating when I heard his voice last night....only for the male caretaker to tell me. "Hey, I just got a call, apparently he was released."
Instantly I called my care taker. "I will get ppo forms, and print them off, I'll have male caretaker take me to the courts."
When I did this, I returned and waited for her to come back, I had told her. I want her to quit. She helps me a ton and I have autistic and more. But...I care more about her safety. I called my sweet neighbor who is in the apartment next to me. I told her to stay at her family's. She was panicked but she agreed.
My elderly neighbor is visiting family. The neighbor that tried to get my cats taken away was evicted. And the other male neighbor never comes out of his room except for meds. And has two exits. He can get out safely. However...This leaves me and my one cat.
Yes, one cat. If you've been reading, I had forgotten to update. I had to put down my big girl on the 14th of last month. It was so painful, I've never put down a pet before and I hated myself, but cancer was killing her it turned out. So yah, ALOT has been going on.
On a good side, I am waiting to hear back to see if I get the apartment. Wish me luck. I will likely know next week! As their paperwork is being delivered Saturday.
Update 4 posted on July 1, 2022
(Update) My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him
Hopefully the final update.
Well, he did do some creepy things since the last update, invading my personal space, and of course creeping on me and my sweet neighbor as I was trying to give her a pair of shoes and staring at us through his door. He was closing the hallway door so he could hear if someone had to open it.
I had gone to a restaurant one day as well, my caretaker was coming shortly after. I saw him, harassing's the wait staff that had gotten him fired because apparently he had been sexually harassing all the women, and then threatening when he was told to stop. They told me they didn't want him there but he's been doing a show of force to try and scare people. The waitress was sweet and was ready to call 911 if he got anywhere near me or my caretaker. However, he didn't.
NOW, for the juicy part, you've been looking for!
He's arrested. Not just sent to the mental hospitals. Yesterday after he went to the ER and went to a city to go threaten the people from Jamaica that come here to work. The police had enough, they nabbed him. Hopefully for good.
I walked downstairs to see three police hiding slightly as they were waiting for my caretakers, please note, that the land lord has sent his son's here to protect my caretaker. They have been here a few days and hopefully they won't be needed again. Shortly after I hid in my neighbors place with one other friendly neighbor (the sweet one from upstairs) and we watched the police drive off, after one police car disappeared.
I got texted, I thought he was just dragged to the mental hospital. No, they booked him and are charging him. Assault, battery and more. And I hate to say this, but he will likely hurt someone in jail. If I am lucky he will be refused bail, and he won't get out for a while.
Yes, I am still moving. The landlord has proved he wasn't able to handle this situation. Hopefully, my saga is finished. I will update if it's not but for now....I can sleep in peace.
Update 5 posted on August 15, 2022
(Final Update) my entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him
So, good news.
He's in jail. He was let out on bond but broke it. He is in jail till his sentencing. He did alot of stuff between now and then that I meant to write down but honestly so much has cropped up into my life that I just wanted to give a quick final update.
My new apartment is locked down, I'm accepted, and will move as soon as its fixed up.
I mean, what more could I want? So I'm packing boxes, spending time with my cat and getting on with life!
Update 6 posted on November 20, 2022
My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him (Final Update - Conclusion)
So it's been a while. This is the for sure, final update.
He got arrested as you all know, during this I constantly looked to the scanner page for our area. We'd see posts of inmate starting fights, resisting going in his cell, getting out of his cell, having issues in the restraint chair.
My caretaker visited me the other day and let me know what happened finally. The verdict.
NOT GUILTY - Due to insanity. However this doesn't mean he got off scot free. As soon as a bed is open, in he goes to a mental intuition. And hopefully he either gets well, or stays there till I grow old.
I did end up moving. It's a great place here, and me and willow are happy. I've finally started to socialize and have fun, and have been playing alot of my games. Everyone says I sound much better and more relaxed.
Thank you to all who have stayed in for this story. I appreciate you all!
Reminder - I am not the OP
Mood Spoiler: Wholesome & Happy
My Girlfriend kicks me off my Spotify account every morning. I couldn't be happier.
My girlfriend (F22) and I (M23) live together. My day starts off much sooner than hers does. I'm usually in the office by 6:30am, which is about when she starts waking up. I'm one of the first people in the office, so I always put headphones on and listen to music as I start my day.
I get about 15 minutes of music before it stops and I get the notification that the output device has changed. This is because we have a Google home that's hooked to my Spotify account. When my girlfriend wakes up, she starts her day with "Hey Google, play ..." So she has music when she's getting ready.
I always just leave my phone open to see what she's listening to, and when she heads out around 7:30, I get my account back. I'm sure that she has no idea that she's participating in this little routine, and I have no intentions of telling her. Sure, it'd be easy to swap it to her account, but I love to know that she's awake and starting her day listening to her favorite songs.
Another benefit of this is that I know what her current favorite songs are, so when we get in the car together or we're just sitting around, I know what songs will spark joy. Some days I think she's onto me.
We're both very happy together, and I plan on proposing here in a few weeks. I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with her.
EDIT: More context for everyone!
Hey Everyone! Your support is wonderful!! I'm so happy that you all enjoyed seeing a snippet of my relationship with my girlfriend. She's my favorite person in the world. If you think I'm sweet, you should meet her.
We met about five years ago in college. We argued over a seat in calculus, then ultimately decided to team up academically because we were in the same major. We were best friends for about three years, and now have been dating for two years. We live together with two wonderful cats.
The engagement ring comes in two weeks, and we have a trip planned next month to have a romantic getaway. I love photography and we both love hiking. Due to this, we always go hiking with my camera and tripod. We always take photos together at the peaks, so I plan on doing that when I propose! I'll try to post an update when it happens!
Love isn't some grand gesture, I've learned it's just a lot of little things that add up.
An Update on the engagement!
For anyone still keeping tabs, I adore you. The ring is in. It's currently hidden in our home. Due to us finding a cute little townhouse to move into, we will sadly be moving during the timeframe that we hoped to go on our escapade, so it got cancelled. I hope to propose soon, but want it to be meaningful. For that reason, I'm unsure when it'll be. For those of you that have stuck around this long, I appreciate you. I hope to return here soon with some wonderful news. Until then, I wish the very best for you!
Closure, in case anyone is still paying attention to this!!
I PROPOSED TODAY! I apologize that this took so long, thank you to anyone that is still keeping tabs. There were a lot of moving parts in our lives that delayed the proposal, so I'm thankful that I finally could. In the end, it was wonderful. She cried, I cried, our parents cried, and our friends are all ecstatic. Now it's time to celebrate and begin wedding planning. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful woman.
I hope that you all find love, everyone deserves to feel loved.
Some light reading for you today!
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
First Post: July 8, 2021
My Grandma was a wonderful baker, and had a secret cake recipe that she had created herself. It used some very uncommon spice combinations in the cake and frosting that produced a very unique but delicious cake. She would always make it for our big family gatherings, and it was always the most popular dessert. When she got sick a couple years ago, she decided to share the recipe so that it wouldn't die with her, and offered to give it to any of her kids or grandkids who wanted it. I was the only one who asked for it before she died. I don't know why no one else did, as there were several other bakers in the family. After she passed, I took over bringing the cake to family gatherings, and everyone was happy to still be able to enjoy it.
I also started making cakes for friends & family, and then for others by word of mouth to make some extra cash on the side. My business was really starting to pick up around the time the pandemic hit, as people who'd had my cakes recommended me to their own friends and family. It soon became too much to keep up with in my tiny home kitchen, so I reached out to a friend who had a catering business with a professional kitchen. Since her business took a big hit with covid, I made a deal to use her kitchen to make my cakes and help supplement the takeout business she started to get by.
My cousin, 'Jane' recently found out that Grandma's recipe was one of my best sellers, and said that I had no right to sell out Grandma's recipe, especially after keeping it all to myself. She had asked for it late last year, but I said no. I told her that she had the chance to get it from Grandma before she died, and didn't seem to care enough to bother then.
Since Jane had lost her job she had decided to try selling cakes too, which I think is why she had asked for the recipe. Unfortunately for her, its not going well. The reviews on her cakes have not been good, and no one has been recommending her. Jane said that the only reason my business was doing well because of Grandma's cake (which she wanted to sell too?!?) and my access to a professional kitchen. The kitchen does help with being able to work on multiple orders at once, but my business is doing well because I actually make good cakes! Jane is a good cook, but NOT a good baker. She doesn't follow measurements properly, and instead does everything "to taste", which works for cooking, but not baking. Using too much or too little of any ingredients like flour, eggs or butter, or even their starting temperature will not give you the result you want.
Jane is demanding that I either stop selling Grandma's cake, or teach her the recipe so she can too. I refused, and said she was a hypocrite for wanting to sell the cake herself after getting angry at me for doing so. When she gave me the recipe, Grandma said that her biggest regret was never opening a bakery like she had dreamed (my ultimate dream now too!). I think she'd love so many people enjoying her cake!
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: November 20, 2022
Firstly, I opened my bakery! I found a great spot near my city's office park/main commuter route to the Big City of a caterer/takeout deli that closed. We've been open since June, and business has been great with all the morning/evening traffic, and the lunch crowd from the business park. We sell cakes, pastries, breads, buns, etc. Typical bakery stuff. I also have a cook who comes in for a few hours in the morning to do eggs & stuff for breakfast sandwiches/wraps for the office folks.
A few weeks after I opened Jane stopped by. She apologized and confirmed what I and others had suspected, she only cared about the cake recipe because she was jealous of my success with my custom cake business. She'd always wanted to work in food, but hated the idea of losing her evenings and working in a high pressure kitchen. So when I suddenly started doing so well, she thought she could do the same but didn't know how to start her own catering business. I apologized too for not wanting to share the recipe, but I was afraid that she would ruin my business by putting out bad cakes and no one would want to buy mine either.
I then offered to have her come in 3 days a week to offer a soup/stew of the day during the lunch rush. I had the extra kitchen space for it, and soups/stews really do suit her style of cooking to taste. She loved the idea and they were an instant hit. She had complete freedom to create whatever 2 kinds of soup she wanted each day, just adding things on a whim, and they were always delicious. They got very popular quickly with the office folks, since there aren't many other take out options nearby without driving about an extra 5-10 minutes out besides two fast food burger places.
We soon expanded to her coming in every weekday, and then making a cold soup option on Fridays for the Saturday lunch (closed Sundays). It's been a great arrangement, since she keeps her evenings/weekends and gets that creative control. In the last couple weeks we've also started doing take-home heat & serve dishes too like lasagna, chicken/steak taco or sub kits, etc. I'll do the pasta/bread, she does the other prep & sauces. So far they've been very popular.
She's tried her hand at baking a time or two again, and has declared she just doesn't have the patience for it, and hasn't asked for the recipe again (nor has any other family).
P.S. For those wondering, Grandma had a standing offer for over a year before she died when she wasn't yet sick enough to stop baking, for anyone to come over and she'd personally walk them through the recipe. She was very sad and disappointed that I was the only one who did so. The other bakers would always make excuses about time or say "later, later". Shortly before she died she said that since I was the only one who bothered, the recipe was mine now. It's still my best selling cake.
Congrats OOP! We all wish you the best with your business, and I'm glad you are able to keep your Grandma's legacy alive. 💜
Please, for the love of God, let him get this job
My husband has worked for his company for 4 years. It's absolutely destroyed his mental and physical health. Every vacation, he brings his laptop to get his work done. He regularly pulls all-nighters. It's non-stop. The pay isn't even good.
Over the years he goes through spurts where he applies for jobs, he'll land a couple interviews, get his hopes up, only to have to come back a no and he gets defeated and gives up.
Things have been particularly bad lately. He's applied for multiple jobs, interviewed, and gotten rejected. Except for one job. He's done 3 rounds of interviews and a technical evaluation. He's so close. In theory, we should hear back this week.
The waiting is horrible. It has the potential to do so much for him. He works so hard, he really deserves a win. I want it for him so badly. But if it comes back a no, it will be devastating. I don't know what we'll do.
Please let it be a yes.
EDIT: Wow. I absolutely can not believe the amount of love and kindness that has come from this post. I'm absolutely speechless. Thank you so much. I've shown my husband this post, and he also can't believe how many people he has rooting for him. I'll try to update when we hear back. Hopefully, it will be good news.
Thank you all so much for being a light
EDIT 2: Lots of people have asked what industry he works in - he works in marketing as a content marketer/copywriter. Got his Bachelors in journalism
I wasn't originally planning on updating, but after the massive outpouring of love and support we received, it didn't feel right not to.
Got the email today. He didn't get the job. He's honestly devastated and we'll be figuring out what our next moves are. Part of me wants to be encouraging and find jobs for him to apply for, but it's also so hard because he feels so defeated. I don't want to keep pushing him when he's feeling down and it's just hard.
It's hard to watch someone you love hurt and not be able to do anything about it
I wanted to thank everyone for the love and support we received. It was absolutely unreal. The kindness of so many strangers blew my mind. It definitely helps soften the blow a bit to know that there's so many people that gave a damn about some strangers on the internet.
If anyone has any leads on jobs for a brand-side copywriter/content marketer that's either fully remote or local to Utah, I'd love to hear them.
Thank you so much once again. Sorry to let you all down
I still get the occasional messages asking how things are going, so I wanted to post a formal update here.
Backstory: I posted 7 months ago about my husbands horrible job situation and how badly I wanted him to get a new job after so much trial and heartbreak job searching. Unfortunately, he didn't end up getting that job. However, a few months later, things did start to improve a bit. He changed departments in his company. The work was more mediocre and not the stuff he was as interested in, but it offered much better work/life balance so we called it a win even though it presented 0 options for career progressions.
Today I am happy to announce that he was offered and accepted a position at a new company! He'll get to do more of what he wants to do in this position and they want him to build a team under him so there's a lot of potential for growth. It also comes with a 60% pay increase which is fantastic.
After so long trying to get out of this bad situation, it almost doesn't feel real that he's finally getting the win he's been working so hard for. I'm absolutely over the moon.
Thank you so much people Reddit for your support and for just giving a shit about a couple strangers on the internet. It really meant so much to us and I'm so happy that I can update ya'll with good news.
u/don0tyoudare has left this update:
Hello everyone, OP here. I've been getting lots of messages related to this post so I figured I'd post an update here where people will hopefully see it.
Unfortunately he was laid off in July and has been searching since. Thankfully I got a new job around that time with a significant pay raise so things are definitely tight financially but we're surviving.
If anyone has any leads on copywriting or content marketing jobs or freelance opportunities, would love to hear them (for myself, or others who have asked me in relation to this post.)
The job market is rough right now
CONCLUDED My teen sons friend has been abandoned by his family and has been living with us for the last few weeks. What should I do?
First off, I totally love this kid. He has been an amazing friend to my entire family. However, his mother and step father recently split up due to his step father cheating and his mothers recent addiction to drugs. He has grown up in an abusive household and is underweight as they never fed him.
Three weeks ago she dropped him off at our house to stay the night and hasn't returned. At this point it's the best thing for him and he is in no way an inconvenience. He is totally welcome to stay. However, he has one set of clothes and I have been trying to reach his family to get him his stuff but nobody is responding. I really don't know where to start.
I want to call police to get his things, but I don't want him to get placed into a foster family. He is in a very fragile state and I wouldn't want to do that to him. Where do I start? What should I be looking to do? I have no way to get him any help because I am not his legal guardian. I really want to get him some counseling and help with school.
So, how do I help him? He is currently 15 if that helps and we live in WA state. Any help would be much appreciated.
Thank you so much for the outpouring of support. I drove him to his house today and spoke with his mother. His mother told him he had 10 minutes to get everything he needed and to get out. So I got to deal with a very hurt child this morning. I think the resounding answer here was to get a family lawyer.
So that's what I am going to do. I am going to sit down and document everything I saw. I am also gonna ask that he do the same.
He is a teenager and deserves a stable environment which I believe my family can provide. So the end game is that we at least get temporary custody of him until he is an adult. My son has been great through this entire thing and has really stepped up and showed how caring he is. Without him, I wouldn't know half the stuff going on.
So I guess we gained a new family member today. I'm happy that he's here, yet disappointed in the situation.
Comment from OP on this post:
OP here with another update. I'm just gonna call him Link, after his favorite video game character. Anyway, we have been through an emotional roller coaster. Shortly after this, I discovered that his mother was meeting him after school and supplying him alcohol, THC vapes, and red bulls. My son is a real straight arrow so he told me about this. I told him that I will treat him like any child in my house and grounded him and took his phone.
During this time he resented me. I did also make him appointments with the school councilor. Link went to several appointments. We also had to get his braces worked on because he got broken brackets, as well as needing to purchase retainers for his teeth. I gave him the money, would make an appointment, and send him in alone. Nobody even questioned it. Same with doctors appointments.
During this time he really wanted to go back to his previous situation, which his mother came back and was living in the house again without him. So I sat him down and told him that I cannot keep him at my house and I would not stop him from leaving, but if he did leave, I had a duty to report everything that happened. He ended up leaving and I reported everything to CPS. Gave texts, letters, social media, all to them as I had minimal contact with the mother.
As I have a couple police friends I started digging into who his dad was, and where he was located. We found him in Arkansas married, with two children. I contacted him and had a full length conversation with him. I asked him about hsi situation and what had happened that he left Link with the mother. Apparently he had been paying her $750 a month in child support and she told him not to contact her, but he had been trying to reach out for years. I explained the situation and he wanted me to write a letter in his favor to get custody of Link. Link was in a downward spiral in his current situation, and I felt that this could be a positive for him. So I wrote the letter and didn't hear back.
A few weeks later my son said that Link was taken by an officer in the middle of class. I tried contacting Link, but got nothing. Tried his mom, nothing. Finally, he called and told me that CPS had removed him and placed him with his dad. They flew him to Arkansas with absolutley no notice and gave custody to his father. The other boys were removed and placed with a family member and there was another boy that was his cousin that lived in the house and he was sent into foster care. The cousin was then adopted by the local school principal and is doing well. It's been almost a year now and Link turns 17 soon. We talk to each other daily and usually play call of duty together. His dad jumps on and plays with me and my son.
We have actually formed a good friendship and I trust his dad. His dad works out daily and is in really good shape. He found out about the drugs and alcohol and he was a recovering drug addict, but found peace in working out. So he taught that to Link who now is muscled up and in incredible shape. Link also got a job at subway and is still attending Highschool. He just purchased his first car for $500 from a friend and uses it to get back and forth. Overall, I am really proud of who he has become and still think of him as part of the family.
Him and his dad are planning a trip to my city so that he can see his other brothers, and will be staying with us for a few weeks this summer.
Also, thank you for all the positive comments and feedback. I don't believe I did anything that deserves this kind of notoriety, as I did what felt right. Plenty of mistakes were made and it was a big teachable moment for myself and my family. We didn't expect this, but all the signs were there. One thing we did right was the amount of effort we put into meeting and having relationships with our children's friends. Without it, we may have never known what he was really going through. Take the time to talk to quite kids, as they may have a story to tell.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
INCONCLUSIVE OOP: My (M27)'s wife (F30) doesn't want to take care of my deceased brother's son (M6) anymore
I am NOT OP. Original post in r/relationship_advice
mood spoilers: sort of hopeful inconclusive, account deleted
My brother died from COVID in May. He specially requested me to take care of his son after he went, because his wife also died from COVID in February. I agreed because I loved my brother dearly, I am financially stable and I am prepared. Of course, I asked my wife first. She, in fact was the one who agreed instantly. She have always wanted to be a mother and she was excited but serious to start.
So we took Aiden into our family. He is well-behaved and intelligent (mature for his age) but taking care of a kid is no joke. For me, I work from Monday to Friday (basically the whole day but I still make time to help out and spend time with Aiden). To be honest, it is extremely tiring. However, I won't give it up for anything, I love him with my whole heart and I want to carry out my brother's wish.
My wife stays home and watches over him while I work during the day. She initially had no problem but after 2 weeks, she was tired too. Now, nearly 6 months later she is exhausted and somehow completely done with Aiden. Two days ago, she told me that she wanted to stop taking care of Aiden. I was shocked - both me and my wife promised my brother that we would take care of him.
I asked why - I knew it was tiring, but I could try to help out more - I could try paying someone to help too. She said "No, I'm just tired. I don't want to do it anymore." I got a bit angry at this point. I told her she agreed, and what would we do with Aiden then? She said "Just give him up for adoption, please."
I said no. She got furious - she said that I didn't know how it was like to take care of him full-time. I agree about that but I promised I'll try dedicating more time to help her. I said that I would do 50% of the housework too. I said that I would get a helper, a babysitter, etc. but she wouldn't change her mind. She said she had this idea for a while. I told her I needed to think, and she said okay, I'll give you time to think.
Reddit, what do I do?
tl;dr - After both my brother and his wife's death, my wife and I are now taking care of his young son. My wife is tired and she doesn't want to take care of him anymore.
Update - A week later
I sat down and talked to my wife. I told her that I would not get rid of Aiden but I want to work things out between us. My wife admitted that she loves Aiden but it's hard to take care of him because he misses his parents terribly. She said that he clearly needed a loving family - but it'd be easier to give him up for adoption. I begged her to think more before confirming, and asked her if she really wanted to abandon him. She said no, but she was firm it was the right choice.
I told her I have gotten a babysitter and a helper. They would start in November which is in a couple of days. She was horrified at first but she eventually agreed to let them stay (however she said they would only stay for a month for trial, first). We are still carefully trying to fix things, but it's a huge relief that she accepted the sitter.
I told her that since we got the extra help, she would take the week off. On Saturday, she's going to a spa villa. She is still hesistant about everything, but she has seemed to calm down a little. I'm going to talk to her more about things after her break - I hope that she would soon realise that giving Aiden up is terribly wrong.
I'm going to tell her about the counselling during the weekend after her rest. I don't want to spring everything on her at once, and she's quite sensitive to the counselling topic.
Meanwhile, I am taking time away from work for at least two weeks. I was worried that my boss wouldn't like it, but surprisingly and thankfully after hearing my side, she agreed. I am so grateful that I have enough savings to pay for everything. However, I'll go back to work before December comes.
During my break from work it will be my turn to parent Aiden. After reading the comments, I realised that what I did for the family mostly centered around making money. Money is essential, of course, but I realised that I have not been around enough. I'm reflecting on myself as a husband and father and I'm going to get a coach to teach me how to be better to both Aiden and my wife. I also realie that I have a lot to work on myself and I'm trying to fix myself now.
Things are still complicated, but I can see that they will get better. Aiden will be our main priority. Yesterday, I told Aiden that I would be teaching him how to play the piano and he's excited. In return, he would teach me how to draw dolphins.
tl;dr - I got a nanny and helper. My wife is taking a break. Things hopefully are getting slowly in place.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
trigger warning: suicide
I’m sorry if this is annoying I can’t stop thinking about it and for some reason I feel more secure venting it to strangers rather than people who know me and can judge me more in-depth.
I won’t lie, I have been suspecting my fiancé was having an affair but I didn’t have any solid evidence to accuse him even then I had a feeling that I didn’t want to dig any deeper because I was scared incase what I was suspecting was true.
12 days ago I came home from visiting my moms and I headed upstairs to wake my fiancé as he had a habit of sleeping in way past 2pm and then complain that I didn’t wake him, I open the door and all I see is my practically naked sister rushing to try and get out of a lingerie body suit that belonged to me, I don’t know how to explain it but my mind just went blank like whatever I was thinking about beforehand suddenly disappeared you know when you stand up to fast and your head just gets a little dizzy? That’s what I felt alongside the feeling of sickness brewing in my stomach.
I stood there for a solid 30 seconds looking at the 2 people I trusted most look more shocked than I felt, my fiancé jumped out of bed and suddenly came up with excuses it went from “it was an accident.” To “I was lonely and needed sexual relief.” I probably should add my best friend killed herself 2 weeks ago the girl I knew for over 15 years was suddenly out of my life and even though I’m surrounded by people ive told my fiancé about how alone, devastated and guilty that I couldn’t have done anything to help her.
I just left, I didn’t take my car because at that point my eyes were about to just started flooding, I walked to my friends (10minutes) and confided in her about what happened.
The amount of grief I felt from not only loosing a BFF but loosing my relationships with my fiancé and sister within the same 2 week period, now that I’m sitting down to write this I don’t know if any of these relationships will ever be mended or could ever go back to the way they were, I don’t understand why my sister of all people would do this?
There was never any favouritism toward any of us for her to feel spite, I have never intentionally tried to hurt her , I gave her shelter when she had no place to go and despite her not paying a single penny I bought her food that she liked, made sacrifices in my own home for her, hell she kept ranting about how our living room walls gave her a headache (they were white.) so I took time out of my day to paint it a nice grey color.
My fiancé too, I gave that man everything I was willing to have kids with him despite the fact I always wanting to be child free, I was going to start a family so that he was happy.
I gave him comfort whenever something bad happened to him I spent hours watching unfunny movies that he seemed to find hilarious, I even gave him a fucking locket with our anniversary photo in that he decided to wear while sticking it in my sister.
These last days I’ve went from sadness, to being angry then disgusted and it’s a constant cycle Ive not been able to get out of, despite being smoking free for 2 years I’ve picked up a cigarette (I used to be heavily addicted to smoking from 16-21 I’m currently 23.) there’s the moments when I go to do something but automatically loose interest and even times over dinner, I don’t know how to explain it properly as I’ve never felt this way but Im bored(?) of eating I have to physically force myself to eat something and I have no idea what’s going on to my body at this very moment. for some reason it feels as if I’ve went into hibernation, I sleep almost 17 hours a day now and even for the rest of those hours I’m still tired and force myself to stay awake.
Both of them asked to meet up on Wednesday my sisters exact message was; “Hey I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now but can you meet me and fiancé we want to talk and we want you to properly hear us out. The situation you found us in was not the most ideal situation to put you in a good headspace to talk about it right there and then, please let us explain I love you and you’re my sister and I don’t want to loose you, please.”
I think it’s too late, it was too late from whenever this affair started or even when you started getting sexual desires for my fiancé I miss my sister but according to what I saw the sister I miss and whoever my sister is now are not the same person.
I haven’t talked to anyone yet except the 1 friend im currently staying with at the moment, I’m scared I’ll be seen as a failure of a future wife, but now I don’t even think I want to be a wife anymore but I guess I’d rather share to strangers than people who know me personally, I apologise again.
[UPDATE WITHIN POST]
Hi! Me again, I’m back and editing the post. At first I was just going to dump this vent to get it out of my mind but I want to say thank you for everyone’s advice, I guess this counts as a small update? I’m unsure.
So far nothing big has really happened, the friend I’m staying with has offered to come with me to talk to my parents about this also including my older brother, she honestly been my rock through this whole situation and I couldn’t ask for a better support system from one person though I don’t plan on putting that on her shoulders since it would be stressful to be the “designated support system friend.” I’m currently looking into therapy for both my grief and the affair. I’m not well versed legal wise so I’m currently in the process of looking for a lawyer just so legally I know I’m in the clear incase there would be a loophole somewhere.
I did contact my sister and another copy pasted message I replied; “I don’t plan on meeting with you on Wednesday, I’ll talk to you when I’m ready and wether it be tomorrow or years from now it doesn’t matter you both owe me my own time to heal after the 2 people I’ve trusted most went behind my back, betrayed my trust all under my roof that you both lived rent free under, Bye.”
I can’t lie, I was almost ready to tell her to meet me there and then when she sent that message but I’ve realised (and through help of people in the comments that I can’t thank enough) I need time to work on myself mentally rather than repair a long gone relationship with my sister. No I don’t plan on going back to my ex and never will, maybe one day I’ll hear him out but today is not that day.
As for now I’m getting ready to try and explain to my parents everything that happened, I don’t have any evidence between my ex and sister however I do have their messages they sent me which traps one another (I think that’s the right wording?)
But anyways thank you all for the advice and kind comments & messages have a good day or night!
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
I’m planning on abandoning my family as soon as I turn 18
My family sucks. I (17m) turn 18 in 2 weeks and I’m getting the fuck out of here as soon as the clock strikes midnight. My parents have extreme bias towards my younger brothers (16 and 15m). It’s been like this forever. I have no idea why. I’ve always been the one who had to do all the chores in the house. I also have always been forced to play every single sport I possibly could to the point where my schedule was packed 365 days a year. My father told me it would teach me to be a real man.
But my brothers never had to do any of that shit. They’re both fat lazy fucks who sit around and play video games all day and all night. They miss school at least 30% of the year and are constantly spoiled rotten by my parents. They already have thousands of dollars from birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. As soon as I turned 12, I was told I would no longer ever be receiving and gifts from my parents other than “bare essentials.” I was told I had to pay for my phone and any other expenses I wanted to own and to never ever ask for anything. I wasn’t able to own a phone or anything really special for myself until I was 16 because I couldn’t find any actual jobs that paid good money.
My parents also expect me to take care of my younger brothers when I’m an adult. My younger brothers have both decided they will not be going to college and do not plan on working a day in their lives. My father told me “we kept you alive, you owe it to us.” Fuck you. I’m leaving a nasty letter on the table when I leave and changing my phone number, emails, and everything. They will never be able to contact me no matter how hard they try. I know my younger brothers are gonna be screwed for life since they have zero experience on how to survive in the real world but I don’t care. That’s my parents burden now. I hope they go broke from having to fund my brothers lifestyles and I hope they lose everything. I have no sympathy for these people and I will never feel bad no matter what happens to them.
The only thing I owe to my parents is the fact that because of the shitty treatment over the years, I am well capable of surviving on my own in the world. I’ll be going to college to study finance in Virginia (they have no idea I’ve been accepted to any college, never even asked) and I’m also very physically fit due to playing 6 sports a year. However the trauma will never go away. They took away my entire childhood and i will never forgive them for it. They can all go fuck themselves.
I’m happy to report that I am officially gone.
So the last two weeks after I made this post have been crazy stressful, but I’ll sum them up here. I changed my number a few days ago by calling my SIM card provider. Then I went and got a copy of my birth certificate since I don’t know where my actual birth certificate was (I couldn’t just ask my parents) and I also made sure to check that my bank account was secure and not shared with my parents.
I purchased a plane ticket last week to fly in to Dulles International Airport in Virginia, just outside of where I’ll be attending college in Fairfax. Finally, I called one of my cousins, whom I am very close with, and asked him to please pick me up at around 12:30 AM last night. He agreed with my decision to leave and told me he was proud of me for taking action to improve my life. I packed my stuff up after everyone had gone to sleep and waited. I decided to keep my note to my family short and sweet; all I wrote down was that I was moving to go to college in California (lmao) and that I was never coming back.
So, last night my cousin picked me up, we went to the police station where I gave them my proper identification and informed them that I am not missing and am leaving on my own accord now that I am 18. They told me they’ll keep it in mind and will watch out for that potential call in the next few days. I got a few hours of sleep at my cousins and then flew out of New Orleans International at 6 AM.
I am now sitting in my college dorm 950 miles from home and I’ve never been happier in my life. I can’t wait to meet new people and finally enjoy my youth. Thank you to everyone who gave me great advice on here and commented their support. I didn’t expect this post to take off like it did but I’m happy my story has effected so many. I will update again in a few weeks.
Damn! This post took off again these past 2 days. My phone has been blowing up with demands for an update so I shall deliver.
Life has been good! I’ve been in contact with the cousin who helped me and also a few other family members from back home. He said that my mother came to their house the day after I left to talk to my aunt about me leaving. She cried and gave my aunt this whole sob story about how she can’t believe I would “abandon” them, and my aunt told her maybe she shouldn’t have treated me so wrongly throughout my whole life which caused a huge fight and ended with my mom being thrown out of their house. So it seems me leaving has caused pretty much the uproar I imagined.
I’ve been doing well, met plenty of new people and made friends via classes and dorm neighbors. I’m in a better mental state than I’ve been in a very long time. I feel so relieved and it just feels like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. It feels so good coming on here and reading all the support and positive comments I’m receiving. I’m really grateful for this community! I will continue posting updates in weeks to come. Thanks for everything everyone!
Just a reminder that this is a repost and I am not the OP
I am flairing this concluded as OP has escaped his abusive family and made it safely to his college.
Could this by any chance be a human bone?
OP wrote the following in the picture description: “so I basically found this in a beach here in Portugal, Algarve. It was swimming in the ocean near the sand. I want to bring it home but I don’t know if it could be human.”
Comment of note: u/Dr_PoopiePants “Osteoarchaeologist here: I believe this is a human humerus. I think you should probably contact the local authorities.”
So far this is what we know (or think we know): This is probably a Human Humerus. It's almost the same size as mine (I'm a 17 year old male - 176cm) and it's also broken. The edges are not sharp so it's probably been on water for a long time. Day 1 I tried to contact authorities but they said to contact other people and didn't even know exactly what to say. Police in Portugal rarely do any shit so I think they might not find anything out. Still I'll try to contact them again Day 2 (tomorrow) - (yes that means I went home with the bone). I'll try not to touch it and keep it safe. I want to have some closure :) Also a lot of people sometimes go missing on beaches because of the strong waves. (I still don't know if it is broken or cut, but it's probably broken). I didn't find any specific news that could help.
Small edit: I already contacted Polícia Judiciária, they were the ones I called yesterday (day 1).
Location: Praia Da Manta Rota, Algarve, Portugal
Day Found: August 2nd
(BTW is there any way I can update directly on the post? Or pin this comment?) - (I'll probably use this comment as a update I still don't know). I'm on mobile so it's kinda confusing.
And thanks to everyone helping :)
Hello everyone, I just woke up (I barely slept tbh) but I'll try to share my thoughts and things I think might be relevant.
First of fall I wrapped the bone with some paper towel as some people said for me to do it and I'm trying not to touch it.
Turning the bone to authorities might not give us an answer to this case ever, but it's probably the only solution I have. I only got until day 6 to do something (since I'm from another location in Portugal). I don't know if they are able to keep us updated but I'll try to ask for that. Maybe the news will, in case anyone notices it went on the news tell me please. I personally won't report it to news channels because it might be from some member of a family (and maybe the family doesn't want it to appear on the news).
Quick reminder that I know where the bone was found, it's easy to remember since I always stay in the same place in that beach since I was a kid. Anyways it was "swimming" on water for a long time probably, so location might not be that important.
I also don't feel like spending my personal money to have someone tell us about the bone hahaha. And I don't know if I can just give it to a university, maybe I have to talk to the police first (I'll try to ask that, but I doubt they say anything useful).
And thanks to everyone helping, everyone interested and thanks to the ones giving awards :)
I'll probably call them later and after that I'll try to keep you updated :)
(btw: I'm trying to keep me out of trouble or my parents since I'm only 17, I really don't want the authorities mad at me lmao).
Oh and I just received a message from an archeologist saying they know someone that could help (he is a biological anthropologist and works at "Universidade do Algarve"). I'll try to contact them first it may be helpful :)
Update 3 (Day 2 Night):
I gave it to the authorities. This is what happend. Before trying to call them again I sent an email to that guy I mentioned before. He answered me saying it does look a lot like a Human Humerus and thanked me for reaching out. He said that the bone looked recent, and bones from most recent years are considered a forensic case and not an archeological one. So he said that I should try to contact Policia Judiciária again. So that's what I did (and no I did not call 112 like they said before, they don't seem to know what to do in these cases or even how to properly proceed with it). When I called they said it probably wasn't human because that would be weird and because it was found in a weird spot, they asked some questions and said it was probably nothing to worry a lot about (and I could take some time to actually do anything). Still he told me I could give it to them in Faro's Polícia Judiciária Department (Wich is wierd because when I called yesterday they told me to do something completely different). So there I went with my bone. When I got there and they saw the bone they were like "ok it is probably human" (not those words exactly, but it's like they expressed it). So they asked me a bunch of questions (like the exact coordinates I found it, my phone number, my sister's phone number - since she was the one who actually saw it inside water - and they asked me to describe exactly what happened. To be completely honest it didn't seem very professional (there was a lot of noise and I could barely concentrate, they were like speeding it a little bit so I might not have given every detail they should get, and there was not a type of report that even matched what I wanted to report - supposedly I reported for a possible crime. They wrote it down, made me read it all the way through and said I didn't need to sign or anything like that. Authorities also said there are no missing people in that area. Now they will send it for inspection and verify if it's human or not (if not, the case is just archived), in case it is there are 2 outcomes. 1st one it's if it matches a DNA from someone (they'll probably investigate it more I think) and 2nd one is if it doesn't match any DNA (in that case they'll keep the bone in case something new appears). I guess this is basically it.... They don't know if I'll ever get feedback and, even if I do, it might take a long time (in case it does I may update here or do a new post). We might never know anything, and I guess that's life.
Thanks everyone who helped, everyone who shared and enjoyed the post, and again everyone who gave me awards <3
I really wish we still got some closure.
Anyways I hope the owner of the bone rests in peace :)
reminder I am not the original OP
REPOST My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage.
I had a child when I was 16 and I am not with her father and quite honestly don't know where he is. He wanted nothing to do with my daughter. When she was 6, I met my current husband. He promised me he loved her and would treat her like his own, and he seems like he has. We have more kids together. It was her 16th birthday last week and she told me that she wanted her stepdad to adopt her! I thought this was a great idea and he has always been her dad anyways. He said yes and there were a lot of happy tears, and my younger kids were happy. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
That night he told me we had to talk. He told me that he did love her, but not the same and he felt a bit weird adopting her because he felt like it would be a disservice to her to have a dad who didn't love her like his other kids. He told me that he wanted to talk to her about it and say that she could definitely take the last name if she wanted but that he couldn't adopt her and that he felt bad about it, but it wouldn't be fair to anyone. He said he knows we are a package deal and would always treat her well and like a part of the family but he couldn't be her dad. He told me he was sorry and he felt guilty and that he would take care of it and I didn't have to.
My heart never hurt more in that moment and I genuinely feel like I have failed my daughter. I told him I didn't want him to speak to her about it, and that if clearly doesn't think of her as his kid than it my job as a parent to take care of her. I don't know what to do. Do I ask for a divorce. I've felt sick, dizzy, and numb all week. How do I tell my daughter? I don't know what to do.
And please don't tell me that stepparents don't have to love their stepkids the same because my daughter doesn't have a father and considers my husband to be her dad. He has helped raise her and disciplined her, and shared her best and worst moments with her. I have never felt so terribly about something in my life. Please help. I think I want a divorce.
edit: my daughter said she wasn’t feeling well so she stayed home from school. She asked us if her “dad” actually wanted to adopt her or if he was pretending to because she said he’s been avoiding her ever since she asked. He hugged her and kissed her and told her he loves her so much but needed to talk to her. They are on a drive right now. I pray he doesn’t tell her the truth.
update: My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage. - 2 November 2021
Everyone was helpful. I know a lot of people told me divorce but I am going to try fix things first. I don't want my oldest to feel like its all her fault, younger kids to resent her, snd I am scared he wouldn't want to see her anymore. We are going to marriage counseling. I am looking for a therapist for my daughter. I let my husband talk to her because I felt like I should give them that and trusted that he wouldn't be stupid. They went on a drive. Don't know what was said exactly but they are both upset. I am going to use fake names to make it easier.
My daughter stopped calling my husband dad and calls him Mike now if she even speaks/looks at him. He seems upset by it but I don't know what to tell him. Isn't it what he wanted? My girl has been very quiet and tired and I told her to stay home from school for a few days but she didn't want to.
My other daughter asked us, "Why is Hannah calling daddy, Mike? Is he not her daddy anymore? Does that mean she isn't my sister?" I corrected her and my husband looked horrified but I once again didn't know what to say to him. I've been calling her "your sister" instead of Hannah when I talk about her and I hope it help.
Once again, thank you. I'm exhausted as a mom and a wife but I am the glue right now and I am doing my best to make the marriage work and to be a good mom.
edit: I see I made the wrong choice. I am telling my husband he better fix it. I will start getting my stuff in order and looking for lawyers
Reminder - I am not the original poster.